Reviewer: Pdawg2431 Signed 
Date: October 09 2017
Title: Chapter 1: Chapter 1
I've been critical of certain chapters in this story as I'm sure you're aware, but on the whole you've managed to prove me wrong and produce superb stuff.
I'm afraid with one chapter to go that you've left an impossible task this time. The whole lesbian thing came out of nowhere, but it's the use of Twerp as a sexual object which is what's wrong with the chapter.
At no point has it ever seemed like Peyton viewed doing this kind of thing as a possibility. She has talked to much about how Nancy is now her pet and that she will treàt her as she treats her other pets. I'm gonna take a guess and say that she doesn't fuck the animals.
Plus I think you sometimes forget just how small you have Twerp in this story. At 1inch tall, she would be no use in this scenario.
Ultimately, I just think that this kind of chapter is beneath you and your genuine talent for storytelling.
What could've been ,for me, one of the best stories on this site, looks like it's gone on too long.
As before tho, I'm hoping you will prove me wrong, I just can't see you pulling it off.
No offense meant with any of these criticisms btw. I happily admit I couldn't write a story of this standard.
Author's Response: I appreciate your constructive criticism. I think Peyton’s motivations are different then what your viewing them to be. As she didnt use twerp for any form of gratification. It’s not something i intended to be a secret so i don’t mind sharing. It’s discussed a bit in the next chapter but the intent was revenge. She never intended to use twerp to derive any kind of sexual pleasure. In her mind in order to move on she needed to hurt her. Peyton feels twerp took something in a her family from her so by forcing the sexual act on twerp she is forcing the pain her mother and her felt upon her.
It’s supposed to be a unreasonable immature response to something. An adult would probably view and handle things differently however they have more expiernce. Which is something she doesn’t have. Shes not 40 with a mortgage.
However rereading I get where your coming from. Ithe scene is addressed in the next chapter.
As for the relationship there were signs but they aren’t obvious. Like Sabrina’s jealousy with Peyton dating Bradley. The moment they shared on the sofa after Peyton got back from dealing with pig to name a few. But I purposely made it not really obvious so it would be somewhat of a surprise to most readers.
I do use twerps size liberally in this story. I purposefully never say specifically so I can work her into different situations.
Hopefully I can prove you wrong but I appreciate your thoughts and opinions. It had made me look at the chapter differently. I would probably use more foreshadowing if I had to do it all over again or posted it with the last chapter. I will be curious what your final thoughts are after the next chapter. Thanks for keeping me thinking.
