Reviewer: free Signed
April 13 2020
Chapter 17: Chapter 19 - Exploring the Sea
I just finished your excellent story. It holds a special place in my library. The style is correct. Fluid writing. The explanations are reasonable and logical. The reader can easily identify with the heroes (the shrunken characters)
But there are still many points to clarify:
- Characters wearing orange coveralls deserve more than one chapter (two or three) to tell the story of each one
- The story of Mark and Samantha and his family members
- The rest of the story about Roberta and Lisa and their friends (rebels?) Is important
There are many characters and each one has its own story.
But above all, we must explain the origin of this technology (It cannot be human). Giants cannot live forever and in large numbers on a small island. On this island there is a portal that leads to a parallel world or another planet more adequate to accommodate the giants? I think presenting it like that will be easier. But that's your story and it's up to you to see…. I just encourage you to continue on the same style. To develop the intrigue and the mystery. Imagine more interactions between the giants and the shrunken ones. And with fewer links between the real world and the world of giants. Let us escape our sad reality. The idea of r03;r03;illustrating your story with pictures is great. I encourage you to do it again for the other characters. Otherwise put links or indications of resemblance to celebrities….
If you need any other suggestions I will be happy to help. Even though English is not my language. (My language is French) But above all keep writing. I am waiting for your answer. Thank you and good luck
Thanks for the tips and liking this story. I have more chapters/parts written about the orange suits, the Parker family, Mark, Roy.
Roberta and Lisa will also get more development.
The origins are indeed important and how the growth work is complex and very interesting(And it is really plausible, I'm really proud/excited about). The logistics about a lot of things will be explained along the way.
Plausible logistics for the readers, development, transitions, relatable/understandable choices etc is what I strive for.
It is always good to ask the questions, who, how, why, what, when, if, etc.
I have multiple interesting chapters already written and have the ending/goals already written. My greatest struggle to overcome is the sequence of the events that will take place and what written chapters to drop. This is really hard for me, because the exact timing when things need to happen is very important or when to give subtle clues. The devil is in the details.
Thanks for this review. It encourages me to write further. English is also not my first language.