Reviewer: Javert Signed
Date: December 10 2020
Title: Chapter 1: The End
Really like what you've done here, and we should all be doing such writing exercizes.
I dunno if you're looking for constructive feedback, but here's a small suggestion that might clean up some of the prose (not that my prose is worth a damn, haha). You've got some duplicative phrasing, such as "Alexis was the first one to speak, between the two of us." The second clause isn't necessary since it's already implied that there are two participants in the conversation and only one of them can speak first.
A little more obvious is a sentence like "Her forehead was beginning to perspire. She was starting to sweat." It's the same concept, just restated. Sometimes this is good for stylistic purposes, but usually it's better just to convey an idea clearly and singly.
Anyway! I don't want that to sound discouraging! Just wanted to offer a little editing tip. Happy writing!
Best,
J
Author's Response: Naw it's not discouraging. I mean it might have been discouraging in the past but not now. I'm just happy when someone leaves a review. I agree, I think I was trying to be stylistic but it just kind of makes me sound like a rambling preacher at a church or something lol.
I can't decide whether I want to lean with first person or third person perspectives. But anyway I'm happy you left a review and some advice. Thank you
