Boom
A girl finds herself under her mother and friend's feet constantly, in a world where people wear other people in their shoes.
If feedback is what gets you to continue, then I'm happy to ablige.
I honestly feel you are the strongest "mental" writer in this genre, you're able to make the world feel so cruel and unfair, so wonderfully rich.
Anyways, you need to establish some ages here, for Wendy, for Anna, for her mother, for that stuff.
Other then that: Background, you need more background. How about an anectode about her sister which she killed? How about the transformation of Wendy/Anna towards accepting she's 'meant' to be small?
See, the thing is that while your situations are mentally realistic for the main character, you NEED to establish why her mother and father have become so cruel. Is it just power? Do other families work like this?
I dunno, you answer :D
Thanks for the thoughtful reply and the encouragement.
Concerning the background, or lack thereof... hopefully some of that will be filled in for you in the next chapter or two.
Every so often an incredible story comes along.
Well, this is it.
I love how you phrase these things, truly a masterwork of humiliation... And all that good (bad?) stuff.
You should elaborate a little bit more about the world, you know? What shrinkers are exactly, you're not so clear.
Good stuff, though, really good stuff.
You are honest to god the BENCHMARK for cruelty stories. This is really my favorite shrink/feet story, period. It just puts me in such rage, you know?
Now what I would like to see is Anna and her Mom talking straight once, I want to know WHY she thinks the way she does - why she would do this to her own daughter. I can see that she's doing it, and she doesn't think much of shrinkers, but really, what's wrong with her?
Does Ann get ANY legal rights at all? You've now established that this has been going on for a while, so it's kind of like gun control and such around here. Where exactly does Anna live, the South? She mentioned her psychollogist is from the East, are they just more liberal there? When was this condition first found out?
Thanks. Glad I'm able to inspire rage. :)
I think what it comes down to is that I believe more people than you'd like to think are capable of acts of dominance, cruelty, and sadism, if given the opportunity to easily get away with it... and especially if given the go-ahead by a higher authority. Not everyone, of course... but more than you'd think. You can look at the the real-life scenarios such as the Stanford Prison Experiement and the Milgram Obediance Experiment for evidence of that. As for why Alisa's mom thinks/acts the way she does... well, I'll just say that I believe there are various factors at play with her, including but not limited to her having a sadistic and possibly borderline personality. Also, while the world in which these people live is similar to our own, they have different geography. So no, they don't live in the "south," as you might think of it in our world, but yes, I have drawn parallels to it. And no, Alisa doesn't really have any legal rights as an individual. She's basically her mother's property.
I'm sorry if me being vague with background details bugs you, but part of me feels it would be a mistake to try to over-explain some things. Any fictional story, especially ones about size-changing is going to have plotholes, and sometimes its best not to draw attention to them. Also, I feel we should have an equivalent level of information as our protagonist. In my mind, even Alisa herself doesn't know *for sure* why her mother would do this to her... or the true history of how/when all of this "shrinker" stuff started. She just knows that she is one, and that she's caught up in the midst of it.
You have to know, that every time I read this story I just get... Angry.
This is by far the cruelest story I've read in a long while, but it NEEDS to be. It's such a well crafted psychological mess.
Somehow, I know how Alisa feels, the whole situation is just so human yet unreal.
I'm very impressed, keep going, really, this is by far my favorite story around.
Thanks a lot! I'm glad you like the story.
Kimberley is a petite 20 year old who is deeply religious. A long forgotten artifact buried under the family home awakens, affecting various members of her family in bizzare and extreme ways.
Well, quite frankly, that was incredible.
I know it's not your fancy, but I would love to see you handle foot interaction.
I like insertion too, and this takes the cake for some of the best I've ever read.
Diminutive nations occupy an uninhabited house. But what happens when said house is about to be sold to a family?
This is a great story, but there's one negative that stands out.
For a world crafted so wonderfully, the characters are not.
You don't give the giants a description, it'd help to know WHAT the face that was staring at them looked like. Was she blonde? Brunette? Did she have blue eyes? Was she wearing a dress? Professional attire? Details like that are kind of important if you're essentially describing a colossal figure.
I do like your imagination, though I wish you could describe its contents a little more fully.
Scott Stevens once again finds himself shrunken and in the hands of his sister Maggie, who brings her tiny sibling along for a week of soccer camp. When her teammates discover the miniature teen, he'll find himself in problems even deeper than giant shoes.
So this issue is coming more and more frequently as I get older. When I first started writing, I was 14, and when I first started reading, I was 12 or 13. Gradually, I realized that my characters, who were aged according to my current age, were not getting any older as I aged. Soon, the question of approrpiatness started coming to mind.
What I decided was that there is a limit. As long as this is a sibling relationship, and the siblings are of a certain distance, and that neither side is getting any real sexual enjoyment out of it - then it's okay. If Carly, for example, was 13 and doing the things she did in A Little Blackmail 3, then there would be a problem.
Currently, I find this cute in a playful type of way, and though this IS fetish material (mostly stuff I don't have to worry about as I just turned 18) then it's okay as long as there is a threshhold.
I know the reason you chose this age is that there are certain immaturities that allow for scenarios that just won't fly when the character is 20-something. By that point, a girl wouldn't TEASE under her feet, there would be something... Else, in there.
However, in the interests of the masses (no pun intended,) perhaps you should increase the future ages of your characters. You don't HAVE to, but just realize that you're alienating a few people who might feel uncomfortable as they get older.
I understand exactly what you're getting at. My situation of reading/writing stories over time mirrors yours pretty closely. I wanted the immaturity of the character that simply wouldn't work in a character in their twenties without making it overtly sexual. You are correct in that this story is going much less for sexualization despite the obvious fetish overtones, and instead is meant to come off in that playful almost-but-not-quite-provocative way, but there are still people who prefer not to have to mentally separate it. In my future stuff, the characters are definitely going to be older, or at least in a range more acceptable to everyone. Thanks for your thoughts.
You gotta put some more into your descriptions, you never even established how Stacy looks.
When doing crush, you should describe texture, impulse, and emotions as often as possible. Take your time, don't rush situations. Give people their chance at dialogue, especially the giant in the situation.
Good start, though.
Emy, and adopted girl, is mysteriously shrunk to half an inch tall and is kept in an aquarium in her mother's closet, behind a shoe rack. She lives with her mother and sister, but there will be a sudden change in the giantesses's minds as they find out Tiny Emy to be a nice lillte foot toy to play with. For people who enjoy inshoe stuff.
This is gonna go south so quickly. Though I object to the inclusion of a 10 year old as the person being tortured, I'm also curious.
I love to hate the world these stories exist in. I liked it more when it was a universal deal as with the Insole Girl, but it's also interesting when it isn't such as A Little Blackmail.
I'm really curious, and am looking forward to this. Especially with Lisa.
Michael Parker and his wife Amy have recently purchased their first home that they can truly call their own. They're about to throw a housewarming party and their friends will be attending. What will happen when Michael decides to entertain their guests by showing off to them the latest invention he's been toiling away on for the past few months?
I honestly could draw something but... I really don't like older women. At all. Sorry :c
Haha, what? If you mean Amanda, she's not THAT old. And this is literally the ONLY chapter out of 19 in which she interacts with shrunken characters. There are plenty of scenarios with Claire that you could draw something from if you wanted to, I didn't mean I was hoping to see something exclusively from this chapter.Thanks for reading and reviewing though!
A fairy is captured by a deranged girl and shown the crueler side of humanity.
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Curses, I was hoping for a happier ending then this...
And then everything goes south.
Nicely written, I wonder if she has a reasoning behind this.
Also, foot crush pl0x? Pretty please :?
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Masterfully written. I like your style, hell, you could go writing actual fancy books if you fancied.
When every member of her family is shrunk to doll size 16 year old Erica becomes head of the house.
Will the Rockwell family adapt to the once shy Erica being in charge? Will Erica let the power go to her head?
This story could go one of two ways. I'm kind of dissapointed you decided to go allll the way back, I would've rather you had the point where they were all shrunk and Erica began to break them, emotionally.
Anyhow, does Erica have any longstanding grudges with anyone? If she can be particularly cruel, but not enough to raise too many alarms, it'd be interesting to see the family be worried as they realize that she'll be completely in control - and how bad that might be, and how they have absolutely no means to stop it.
Anyhow, nice idea, of course I love some feets so if you can include that I'll love ya. Good start!
Thanks for the comment, hope you enjoy where it goes.
See what happens when a giantess bully sets her sights on the one student who isn't afraid of her.
Ooo boy you're ending it with the name of a Walter Dean Meyers book, they're either going to Vietnam or hell.
I'm afraid I've never read that book. I actually chose to end it with a sort of Biblical reference. Though I wanted to leave it vague and open for interpretation for those of different beliefs.
You're forgetting to describe your characters appearence. Also, you've escalated things really, really, quickly - people don't just switch from night and day, ya know? Sometimes it's best to ease into it, but hey - this is really well written otherwise, the scenes are great and you can really describe it.
Cool
I think you forgot to describe how they look ._.
Anyways, I gotta say this was well written and stupidly disturbing. You make me hate this fetish >:(
Johan attends a party hosted by his eccentric brother, Greg. He has no interest in seeing his brother, whom he despises, but goes to see his 13 year old niece Emi, but things take a turn for the crazy. Everybody in the house is shrunken down to near microscopic size and the only one left at normal size is Emi, who is completely unaware that her simple actions such as walking, sitting and eating is exterminating the lives of many defenceless party guest. Can anyone survive the unaware Emi and potentially a late party guest that Johan and Greg know all too well and how will Johan handle his evil brother Greg who is the root of all of these problems?
Okay, look, we get she's big.
Don't capatalize her words.
Making her words in caps is a technique that i have seen done in many successful stories. It is not done simply because she is big, but to place an emphasis on the loudness of her voice to the people who are tiny. Sorry if it's not too your liking, but I will use the caps.
Yea, bud, look. I know it's a technique used by writers, but it's also a technique that's very, very, outdated. When I see all caps I think of an immature internet argument run by 12 year olds smashing at a keyboard. I don't think ginormous.
Descriptions speak louder then word formatting. Mentioning how her voice echoed, boomed, etc. is a lot less grating then writing in capitols.
I am sorry that is the way you depict the all caps use, but I will use it until I receive more complaints, so far I have gotten none concerning this subject and it doesn't take away from the story in any way. I do appreciate your stand on the subject and will take it into account when using the all caps becomes a nuisance to the other readers and decide to reconsider the use of all caps for the effect I am trying to produce, but so far I had no other complaints and I wouldn't want to change something based on an individual's pet peeve. Yet I am glad you told me about the technique being outdated and I appreciate your advice, but I will stick to what has been working for me til this point until I find the technique serves no purpose or is annoying.
if you for any reason continue this convo, plz message me, I get excited when I get reviews and will be disappointed to see the review is only in reply to this convo.
Sarah and Annie have always been best friends. They make their usual trip to the beach on a sunny summer day but their trip cause literal earthquakes.
You have an interesting idea, but I really wish you took your time. You're just throwing action after action, and not really describing anything. It seems like an entire development takes one sentence, and before that's over we're on the next.
You need a build up, some thicker descriptions, and to tone it down a notch on the speed writing.
Thank's for the suggestion. To be honest I write most chapters in a rush to get them up so thats why the development seems rushed. I'll make sure to go back and add detail to the story as I want to finish this story as perfect as it can be to get an example for how I should write.