Reviewer: iHategiants666 Signed
Date: May 14 2015
Title: Chapter 1: Chapter 1. Amber
Listen, I don't mean to be a hater here, but there are so many inconsistencies in this story that I do not really like it.
Firsth there's the super strength issue:
Not only are these woman giants, but they also are much stronger than they should be. I know that was intentional and I think it was ridiculous. The original formula didn't have any effect like that in Side Effects 1 right? This seems like an excuse to make them feel invincible.
Then there's Kelly's new size:
As far as I am concerned, that came to you in the middle of Side Effects 2, because your story focused on 100-500 ft. It was another excuse to keep this story going on so you could make Volume 3. And I think that's a bad idea? What else would there be to show aside from Kelly squashing more people and buildings?
Megalomania:
Kelly is by no means, a goddess. Neither is Casey. Both of them are just naïve sadistic bitches that have lost all regard for human life. Kelly might think she's being 'fair' but she's only fooling herself. As or Casey, we all know she was insane from the start.
My point is, she didn't get chosen by divine selection. Ron made it happen, and he also made the antidote.
And now Kelly has declare undeserved sovereignty and tryanny not just over the City of Hollner, but the World? That just shows how stupid she is.A nd I don't like that.
On the other hand, people value their freedom more than their lives. Kelly expects them to be obedient but so far, no go, even after her latest transformation. In my opinion, this should make Kelly realize that she will never be accepted as a Goddess... unless the writer decides to do something silly.
Then there's the illogicity of the army's behaviour:
Who in their right mind would send FOOOTSOLDIERS to take on a skyscraper? Even using tanks are ridiculous. The airforce would be the only chance of confronting her head on without being caught (cause they fly at speeds of 700km) and you decide to make them stupid enough to fly too CLOSE?? Raptor jets would not need to get closer than 25 km at the closest. That's 82021 feet away from her where she could even hope to hit them with her super breath.
Then there's Operation Goliath:
We first heard about it in Chapter 6 and since then we have learned nothing about it!!! What the hell is it already?? You can't continue to leave us in the dark or say that you forgot, because that is BAD STORYWRITING. Please mention it at some point in Volume 3.
Then there's the untimely and impractical demise of Sykes and Archer:
Let me ask you a question: If there was a zombie outbreak and you were trying to stop... the first you'd do is STAY THE HELL AWAY FROM GROUND ZERO. In this case, Ground Zero is Hollner. So the two bumbling officers decide to go to a building located THERE! Stupid. From what I know about Sykes and Archer, they may be fools, but even they have common sense to stay away from danger.
Then there's the matter of the outside world:
By this point, the whole world has seen the devastation caused by K, C and L. What are the reactions of world leaders? The United Nations? The fucking AREA 51 Development and Research against unknown threats?
I gotta say, it's ludicrous that a foreign country has not tried to nuke Kelly by now. After she did just effectivley demand everyone to fall in line behind her. I heard someone say 'no even a nuke can stop her' and I disagree whole-heartedly. The fact is she can still feel missiles even they don't actually hurt her. And these missiles seem to be so far no more than the ones capable of destroying tanks.
I'd like to see her laugh off Tsar Bomba, the most destructive bomb in existence. Unless there is Plot-Induced-Stupidity (PIS), she won't survive the explosion let alone the exposure to radiation
The logical explanation that I'd accept is that people are afraid of causing more deaths and possible starting nuclear war.
And finally let's talk about the ending:
You said about Ron that he has a chance to redeem himself and fix the mess he created in the first place. I do hope you intend to explore that. There will be no closure if Kelly is allowed to roam free. In fact I'm thinking of a twist where Kelly and Casey are both reduced and only Lisa stays giant. That would be dramatice irony: the one person who hates being a giant, remains one.
Speaking of irony, it would be nice if Kelly got a taste of her own medicine. Like say the reducer worked 'a little too well' and she got stepped by Ron or something. 'Cause I gotta say, she has become even more hateful than Casey. At least Casey knows doesn't care about being accepted. But Kelly actually thinks she can teach the 'littles a lesson'.
I hope you take your time to read my notes. As I said before, I don't mean to be hater, but I think you should do more research and be more logical if you want to have a decent storyline?
One last thing: what's the link for the epilogue?
Author's Response: Well, first of all I think I should thank you. From your comments it is quite clear that you did not like the stories at all. And yet, you took the time the read the 130,000+ words in both of them, together with the comments from other readers and my answers to those comments (since some of your references are to them and not the story), then you took the time to create an account and finally, you took the time to write two pages of feedback about different elements in almost every chapter of the story.
I need to say that while I may agree with some of your comments, I generally disagree with most. I guess that you'll interpret that as me not wanting to accept criticism and, well, it may be that, but the truth is that my feeling after reading your extense review is that you mostly don't like some (or a lot) of the things that happened in the story, that you don't like the type of characters I wrote about and that you are considering that anything you don't like is illogical or bad writing or lack of research or whatever...
I intend to respond to the comments you made (it may sound sarcastic, but after the considerable effort you put on this, I think that you deserve an answer). I have three questions for you first, though (of course, feel free not to answer them):
- The nick "IHategiants666" is truly meant to say that you have the concept of giant people (men and women)? In case that's true (maybe you prefer shrinking), I would be even more surprised that you read the entire two stories
- The story description for Volume 2 clearly specifies that it is mostly a giantess in the city scenario. I'm curious about what were your expectations about that...
- The important one: the fact that you have waited to the last chapter to make this comment is because you had liked the story so far and then suddenly Chapter 23 (and my comments about the story ending here) disappointed you completely (sort of like Lost's ending) or did you not like it all the way through and you just kept on reading in case it got better or more logical?
My comments to your points:
- Superstrength: It was not obvious in Volume 1. Still, for the girls to be able to even walk at their new sizes, they would need to be much stronger than at regular size. Otherwise, following the common theory that weight increases with the cube of the growth factor but strength only with the square, the girls would die crushed by their weights. In Volume 2, since they have got bigger, the increase in strength should have been even higher. And, having said that... I guess that you are not happy with some of the time and words I invested into trying to explain the theory behind their original and second growth, but in the conversations between Ron and Dr. Mendel I think it was clear that they had messed quite a lot with the girls' genes while trying to make them big again, and that once everything was unlocked, they were not completely sure about how many other things they had unlocked, besides the size. Well, in my mind, one of these things was super-strenght. You may like superstrength in a story or not... but at least I tried to explain where it is coming from. By the way, once I started writing a story about girls growing to 250 feet tall, I was under the impression that adding superstrength in the mix was not really going to make the story any less believable. I tried (as many authors do) to add some sort of bullshit scientific component to the story, since I think it makes it more interesting, but in the end this is fantasy, not science-fiction, and in fantasy there are no limits as long as you follow the rules you have set to yourself on how the universe works (which I tried to do, with partial success, according to your comment)
- Kelly's new size: believe it or not, I had it in mind since the beginning of Volume 2. I never post a story until I have the entire outline done. Volume 1 was about the girls growing, getting used to it, making differnet use of their size based on their very different characters and finally having things out of control. Volume 2 was intended to be a giantess in the city scenario with my favourite size of giantess involved and again witht three different girls with different characters, but with a much longer evolution, so that Casey's psycho attitude and Kelly's new approach to being big can have some background justification (which you may or may not like). I could have ended Volume 2 like Volume 1, with the girls being reduced. For many chapters I guess it felt like that. It was intentional on my side. But the truth is that I did not want the story to become groundhog day. And the only logical option if the girls were not reduced was to change the status quo (things were a little at a stalemate). And, call illogical... but a way I found to change the status quo in a giantess's story was to make one of the giants grow. Which, by the way, taking into account all the explanations about why the girls grew after they tried to kill them in the first place, was perfectly possible. As a matter of fact, Kelly, who had been the only girl to be awake when they tried to kill her and grew, had all the information she needed to make herself bigger.
- Megalomania: I never said that Kelly or Casey were goddesses. They said that of themselves. And I think that throughout the story it should have been clear that Casey is a pshycho-bitch and that Kelly is gradually falling into a dellusional state (let's call it megalomania). I agree with you that both of them are pretty bad and that Kelly is just trying to fool herself (she still is a little better than Casey, but the results are almost that bad, no matter what she thinks). But I think you should not confuse what a character does with what the author thinks... (otherwise one should start getting worried about Frank Miller's or Cristopher Nolan's mental health after writing the Joker). I understand you think Kelly is stupid to think she is a goddess... well, I never said she was right to think so :)
- The army's behavior: true, Kelly would not be able to fight back against fighter jets. And fighter jets can fire missiles from beyond visual distance. A problem with missiles, though, is that they are either heat seeking or guided by radar. As far as I know, Kelly is not made of metal... and as for heat, she has a regular 98ºF body temperature (not what heat seeking missiles are used to target). So, at some point, someone in the fictional military in my fictional story decided that a closer range attack was needed. One where they could guide weapons manually. Foot soldiers, of course, were not sent to try to kill her. But if the army had any expectations to kill her, then foot soldiers would have been needed in any case to secure the area and deal witht he body (and remember, she was 250 feet when they sent them).
- Operation Goliath: explained in Chapter 6 (fast reponse force in case a giant appears); brought back later when General Archer orders his troops to attack following operation Goliath (Chapter 22), after the reducer fails. I guess you were expecting a more sophisticated method to deal with a giant woman, but I believe that the army had underestimated the threat... (after all, their previous exposure to the risk the woman represented had been very minimal). You consider it's bad story writing... It may be, but I think you might have missed a chapter or two before writing your comment.
- Demise of Sykes and Archer: no one would go to ground zero to deal with a zombie epidemic. This is mostly due to the fact that zombies are contagious... as far as I know, giant women are not contagious. Archer is treating them more like terrorists than anything else, and you typically deal with a terrorist threat by commanding in the field. Beisdes, Archer is ambitious and he was under the impression that they would easily defeat the women and then he would be on the field to take the credit for it. It was implied a few times along the story (this was the purpose of Sykes point of view the entire time)
- Who in their right mind would shot a nuclear missile to the USA while the USA military is still trying to deal with the problem? That would be a declaration of war and would definitely be stupid! Besides, the girls have been in Hollner for about half a day. I'm afraid world leaders do not react that fast to things. The fact that the military has been able to assemble a force and strike the women is already impressive enough... As for which other methods will the military try to employ against them, I guess you will need to wait until Volume 3. Of course, they will not sit idle...
- I'm not closing the story. There will be a Volume 3. No one will want Kelly to roam free. The story will deal about what they will try and what she will do. It will also deal with the new situation Casey and Lisa have to face.
I got, by this time, that you hate Kelly and would like to see her pay for what she has done. WHo knows what will happen... It's almost as hard to tell as whether you will continue reading Volume 3 when it's done, despite how little you seem to like it.
Anyway, thanks for reading again.
Cheers!
