Reviewer: Chozo Signed
Date: December 15 2013
Title: Chapter 1: introducing the characters
Yeah, I know what you mean about the "stereotypically large breasted women". I would not suggest that every woman in a story be described that way, but I don't see anything wrong with using them sparingly because large breasted women do exist in real life, so to have just one such woman in an entire story shouldn't be a problem, but I would agree it shouldn't be over done. I just think having the agent have big breasts would work well with the whole breastfeeding thing because it would really underscore that, and maybe its another thing that could add to Kate's humiliation.
Personality wise, it would be cool if the agent was kinda like Jessica in that she loves to help people and that's why she choose this occupation, and if she has huge breasts that could be another reason why she got into this because they would be an asset to help with the shrinkers...
Maybe since this agent has met with and helped other shrinkers maybe she's met Jessica before and maybe suckled her? You said Jessica doesn't have sisters, so maybe Jessica can't get the breastfeeding she needs from her own family so maybe this agent visits with Jessica regularly and suckles her?
This brings up possibilities because then the agent becomes another link with Jessica and there's alot of potential you can do with that... but to start off with maybe have the agent ask Kate about school and stuff, and then Kate would mention she has a friend there and describes her and then the agent's eyes might light up and she says "I know her too! she's that cool shrinker girl I breastfeed" and that could get an intersting conversation going and maybe you could have Stacy eavedropping behind the corner and hearing the whole thing and plotting and scheming with whatever she's hearing.
Have the agent anyway you like though... even if you want to go with your original idea of using a man that's fine too. Doesn't really matter too much because he/she is just a minor character anyway so its no big deal either way... I just think that a woman would be better personally because of the breastfeeding potential and then you could have that link with Jessica because Jessica could be a regular client so they know each other very intimately.
But no matter what you do I think one thing you need to think about is the agent is probably going to look at Kate and how small she is and then look at how long she has had the disease and make the connection that something isn't right, and this will have to be explained.
Also, Jane still knows something isn't right about how fast Kate had shrunk and that was never fully explained to her either. The way you described her is that she seems like an uncaring mother, but really she does care though, so if that's the case she needs to get to the bottom of this one way or the other.
Whether Kate and Emma tell the truth to Jane and the agent or come up with some sort of lie to explain it is up to you, but I think for realism sake they have to say something, because realistically a mother and a welfare agent isn't just going to ignore something serious like that.
Author's Response: 1- I didn't mean "big dreasted women" as in women with normal big breasts. I was referring to the fetish in which women have unrealistically big breasts. Just normally big breasts are fine by me, I guess I thought you meant the fetishy big breast. My bad =)
2- I was thinking of Making the agent be nice and kind but for some reason she is coming out as strict, professional and uncaring. A person of business. A guess i wrote her like that because I have been writing a lot of characters who are nice so my mind wanted a change. also, I didn't want a character people would like as she isn't really a minor character. I could make her have a nice side, like a warm caring personality under her hard exterior.
3- I wouldn't be able to connect the agent (Erika jones, BTW) with jessica because of a very important reason. As jessica is part of a rich family they have enclosed themselves off from the world officially. Therefore no-one comes to their house unless they have to specifically be there. Jessica would have been diagnosed by the family doctor and any treatments she recieved would be from a trusted doctor. They wouldn't use a random government agent. That's at least how I see it.
4- I never had the Agent originally as a male, that was just my default character. I knew I needed an agent character but I hadn't thought about them at all so I just made them male. I was most likely always going to go with a female character as I wouldn't know what to do with a male character in that circumstance.
5-The truth to the agent and the mother are my biggest concern. I knew that the agent was going to notice the sudden shrinkage and ask about it but I had actually forgotten about the mother (Thankyou for reminding me=)) They'll probably be fed some BS story about kate being overstressed but The agent will most likely not buy it all.
thankyou once again for your helpful input. I've written half of the next chapter and might be able to get it out in a few hours (My brain is fried right now). =) Hope you continue and enjoy reading.