Interesting beginning...though I wonder what is causing Cheryl's hunger ;)

You spelt cheeks like checks.

This has a very interesting beginning to the story. Keep it up! =)

After reading chapter 8, I looked this over again to see Lorek's character again. 

I can see how Lorek may interest Belena now (parental issues/lack of parents hint), or his little show of bravery (how he actually spoke to her) and now his apparent interest in seeing her again by sneaking through the giant castle. 

Though I'm curious in how your going to make Lorek that dream man Belena's always dreamed of.

But, nevertheless, I will wait patiently for your next chapter showcasing how Vandan and Slyvie can possibly reunite. Or grow as characters.

Fantastic description of Graham's fear and plight. Great writing.

Very curious to see what may happen to Graham in the future.

Good start to the story! Just try to edit some of the little grammical mistakes in the future.

Can't wait for where you go with this story!

Great job so far. Can't wait for more. 

Though, I'd suggest that you just read over what you write before posting because might find some little errors that you can fix.

Can't wait to see how Ashley reacts to see Randall knocked out (over protective and beast out at Jason maybe, or frantic and gets him aid quickly) 

I was hoping for you to continue Steven's story, a little disappointed since this doesn't actually bring anything to the story.

Great chapter, though with those things around, how are the two other human passengers going to survive. 

Can't wait for more :)

Hey, more of a lurker on the site. Usually never log on but want to share my thoughts. 

I really liked the other story you've recently posted with MAJOR/minor, especially with its abstract concepts with 'bonding'. Very creative story device. 

At the beginning of this story I wasn't sure where this would be going with the opening and then the 'wake up in a fantasy world' element that is highly popular in anime. But I trusted it would be going somewhere, especially when there was clearly a lot of creativity in the story. I trusted that it would need more exposition and character work. 

This last chapter really brings it altogether, in fact, it being so long really ties it together. The characters start to bond and get more level with each other after encountering beings clearly above them in power. Mortals in the presence of gods that could kill them without a second thought. 

With Vivian acting so high and mighty in the beginning towards Thomas in the beginning to then have a higher being do the same is a good way to have her maybe reflect, whether she admits it or not. You also have Thomas the clear moral and empathetic character who helps the person who abused him physically and emotional before in front of a god. Shows what type of character he has. 

I do like you make Thomas' kindness a weakness instead of just a positive for him and maybe Vivian's abrasiveness could make him a stronger willed character that could worry a bit about his well being. While Thomas could get Vivian to be more empathetic. 

Curious about who or where Luna is (like how she planned to have Thomas sent to this reality at his death) but I'm sure the adventure will be cool and creative like your past work. I eagerly await for more from this story, because the set up right now has a ton of fun potential, especially with no villain introduced yet (Rayna I think is a red herring and could easily have someone else introduced)

Wonderful story so far. All I'd say that could be done to jmprove it is bridge the different perspectives without repeating the story beats. 

Can't wait to see where this story goes.