Microjames, what you have here is the golden ratio between smut vs. story. You have solid character development with Derrick, a seemingly accomplished kid who still comes off as a bit uptight. He happens to have a foot fetish, and you've woven that in nicely such that you can take your time with characters and settings without rushing headlong into the shrinking parts of the story. Not an easy thing to do. Your use of the admittedly trite dream sequence was timely and well-executed, and I liked the foot massage deal with Karen -- the fact that she seemed on the verge of figuring out Derrick's sequence really heightened the tension. On top of that, your descriptions -- the smells, sensations, etc. -- are really evocative. Lastly, it doesn't hurt that you have a talent for excellent dialogue -- the conversations between your characters are extremely lifelike.

I usually try to give some criticism, but there's not a whole lot for me to complain about. I think you used "wreak" in place of "reek" one time, but that was one of just a few inconsequential grammatical errors. Another thing: I like how you play out the micro perspective by keeping the scene as purposefully vague and ambiguous as possible. You refer to things as "structures" and "arches" without really telling the reader what's going on, which in turn helps the reader truly feel the micro perspective. I guess my advice would be to caution you from going overboard with that, and instead have Derrick figure out where he is a little sooner rather than later, just so that the reader won't be left in the dark for too long. Then again, that's an area where you can just use your artistic license, as both styles are useful and there's certainly no right answer.

Overall, this is a very nice story you have going. I'm really hoping you continue it, especially because it has some of my favorite genres involved: heavy feet with a chance of toilet! Please post more chapters soon.

P.S. Not to advertise myself here, but I think you'd really like a story that I wrote a while back called "Flushed." It, too, involves a foot-fetishist who ends up in a pile of shit, so to speak, although the story definitely has a different personality from yours (much shorter, not unaware, not micro). Also "The Greatest Plans" by Tokubetsu has a lot of the same themes as well. Sorry about the random plug, I guess I'm just excited about the genres being put out recently.

This is a cool story you've put together. You've got a knack for descriptions -- I can visualize everything really well -- and in a genre like this, that's a huge part of the battle. I also have to commend you on the amount of emphasis you've put on the shrinking aspect of the story. That is to say, I really think that less is more in these situations. Getting into the mechanics and nitty gritty of how someone shrunk and how or why it works usually takes the reader out of the fantasy, and I think you've put in the appropriate amount of rationalizing into it here. Also, I'm intrigued by the dream sequences -- that part of the story seems to depart abruptly from the initial premise, and I'm interested to see how you tie it back together. From what I can gather, Steve has some sort of double life, but how they connect is obviously still a mystery. I'm excited to see how that resolves.

If I had to make a criticism, it would be just to echo what Jacksmith said in his review. As of the fifth chapter, both Kelsey and Steve are somewhat one-dimensional (although the shaving sequence with Kelsey revealed more about Steve -- in a weirdly oblique way that I'm not sure how to process). While you did start out with a fantastic bang, and the action has been pleasantly humming ever since, at 10,000+ words in I still don't know either character that well. Yes it's true that Steve has some sort of amnesia, and also with all that action it would be tough to have a lot of character exposition, but I'm still curious to know their backgrounds. Kelsey's interaction with her sister was a great start, however, and I hope to learn more about all three of them in the next chapter. 

Overall, thanks for the unique and enjoyable read.

Amazing work so far. I'm really impressed by the introduction especially. The tension was built masterfully throughout the first two chapters, and it has me wanting to try a similar structure in whatever I write next. I usually eschew from the long intro, both because I like to get to the action right away and also because I'm scared of messing up the pacing. Clearly, though, I'm missing out on an opportunity to make a truly resonant start, which is what you've crafted here very nicely.

I usually try to point out one area that could improve, but it's tough. I guess the only thing that bothered me was this: given that this story is a third person limited narrative, it fleetingly threw me off when Mivera recognized the air conditioner as well as the Converse shoes. Obviously her life had been extremely cloistered up to this point, so I feel like she wouldn't be able to recognize those things for what they were. There might be a few other instances, but those were the big ones. On the other hand, it obviously helps the reader to visualize Caitlin better when you say "Converse" as opposed to "rubber foot sleeve" or something to that effect, so in that regard it's clearly a give and take.

All in all, truly excellent work. I look forward to the next installment!

Author's Response: Thanks much for the thorough review. I'm glad you thought the lengthy intro was worth it. As far as the terminology, I did my best to avoid specificity so as to portray Mivera's foreign perceptions better, but ultimately it came down to picking which details it was most important to emphasize this on, so none of the descriptions started to feel bloated. I admit it's a bit of a trade-off, as you pointed out, so I've got my fingers crossed that I made the right call.

Would it be ridiculous to ask for more feet...? =D

Author's Response:

Haha well, that's a given! I'm glad that you're still following the story Casanova, thank you.

I'm a big fan of your previous stories, especially "A Fine Day for Chelsea," so I was really excited to see you posted a new one. I have to say your characterization is as strong as ever: both Drew and Jessica are people any of us could know in real life, and there's never a question about motivations or attitudes as the story progresses. Your writing is really evocative, but it also is very appropriate, if you get my meaning. The diction and descriptions match extremely well with the limited third-person narrative -- not an easy thing to do.

My only misgiving is that the pacing might be a little slow; but on the other hand, if the story ends up being anywhere near the length of "A Fine Day for Chelsea," then it's not a problem at all. In fact, it's a bonus because I love reading your stories and the more the merrier as far as I'm concerned. I very much hope that this one turns into another epic.

Overall, this is another fantastic start, which I'm sure many of us have come to expect from you. Thanks for your contribution, and I can't wait until the next chapter!

P.S. I think "Unforseen" in your title is misspelled. Isn't it "Unforeseen?" =D

I'm really liking this story, SizeScribe. You're a talented writer, and I am particularly impressed by your characters. Holly is the prototypical spoiled brat who we love to hate, and I'm sure I'm not the only one excited about her imminent comeuppance. With your great descriptions and pacing, this story is humming along quite nicely. Still, I must confess that I personally predicted that Holly would receive a shrunken plaything as yet another extravangant toy: swing-and-a-miss!

Your grammar/diction are nearly perfect, but I have to point out one thing that's been bothering me. Your usage of the word "quipped" I think is a bit off. First, a number of times you spelled the word "qiped." Likely a totally understandable typo, but I also wonder about the context. My understanding is that "quip" is usually used in a light-hearted situation, as in a witty/sarcastic joke. I saw that in most cases Julia seemed pretty angry when she "quipped," and the word choice sort of brought me out of the narrative. I'm actually quite uncertain of my interpretation, so I would love to hear your thoughts on the matter.

Anyway, this is quickly becoming the story I look forward to the most. Keep up the great work, and I hope you include more feet!

Thornton, this is an amazing start. I clicked on the link for the tags, but I'm gonna stay for the story. The situation you've set up is creative and captivating, as many have already noted. There's a lot of different directions to go with this, and it certainly helps that the main character, Melanie, seems pretty interesting in her own right. If you're able to keep the other girlfriends similarly unique and fleshed-out, you'll have quite the interesting dynamic going on -- I guess a sort of temporal hierarchy based on who was the most recent girlfriend. Another twist I envision would be having Melanie desperate for James and her to remain dating later on in the story, and for her to have her comeuppance in the box when the other girls get at her. Really, there's so many places to go with this, and I'm excited to see where you take it. It doesn't hurt that you're a very strong writer from a technical standpoint, either.

However, one issue that I have with the story also happens to be exactly what I really like about the story: the premise of the box. The idea that ex-girlfriends of James would end up the box is really cool for all of the reasons I mentioned above and more, but it's also problematic logistically. For instance, if the ex-girlfriends disappear into the box, wouldn't that mean that James is a prime suspect for a series of murders? He can't just go around having every woman he dates disappear for no reason, even if he is completely innocent. And let's say he decides to backslide (breaks up with the girl, but it's not clean so he decides to call her up and rekindle the fire). What happens then? There are other issues that can arise, but I won't belabor the point. All I'll say is that if you're going to make the premise believable even within its own fantastical framework, you'll have to at least be consistent, otherwise it'll be tougher and tougher for us to suspend our disbelief. But I'm betting you'll be able to pull it off just fine.

Again, great start with the story. I'm definitely hoping for some violence, retribution, cruelty, etc., especially with feet! Keep up the good work.

Gtswburg: great story, as usual. You may not actually live in New York, but the way you described the place seemed very authentic, at least to this infrequent visitor. Your descriptions in general are top notch as well; I love how your writing conjures such vivid images. I'm definitely repeating myself from previous reviews, but I really admire how lifelike your characters are. It's almost like you modeled the characters after people you know, thought about how they would interact given this crazy situation, and just wrote it down. While some of Dan's behavior really aggravated me because I would never make the same decisions, that was part of the fun of the story. He's like a real person -- and with that comes unpredictability and stupid decisions.

If I had to make a criticism, it would be this: I feel like most SM stories are predicated on some kind of intention by the GTS to willfully entrap or capture the SM due to some kind of vengeful motivation. I get that Kat would freak out and pass Dan off to his ex-wife. I also get that her friend might be the ditzy hippie type that we're all familiar with, and wouldn't necessarily want to rush Dan to the hospital. Where it gets tough for me is how Leslie and Julia interact with Dan; he has a real, serious, impossibly ludicrous problem. In many stories on this site (like the Chelsea Dewinter story you wrote) that problem is brought on intentionally and the GTSs torment the SMs gleefully. However, in this story Leslie and Julia move swiftly from trying to help Dan to callously dismissing him. Maybe I'm suffering from cognitive dissonance due to a purposeful decision on your part -- it's creepy how quickly they start mistreating Dan. Maybe your characters seem so lifelike that it's actually a disadvantage -- I can't believe that a doctor and an ex-wife wouldn't do more for someone they at one point cared about -- someone who is suddenly hit by this unbelievable affliction. Or what if I'm so unsettled by this because I'm afraid it could happen to me? I'm not sure, but I felt kind of weird about the situation and how it unfolded, but I also kind of enjoyed how you twisted around real-world expectations. So maybe this isn't a criticism at all: just an observation.

Anyway, thanks for the great read. Can't wait for your next piece!

Really sexy story, EmmaGear! I have to say, you're clearly one of the most talented writers on this site. Your diction, grammar, etc. are fantastic, and I have nothing to add in that regard. One thing that struck me about your stories is that you oftentimes include a supplementary reason for the cruelty/torture. In this case, it's the whole "Americans are inferior to the Japanese" xenophobia: I think it adds a lot to the eroticism of the piece. I can't quite put my finger on it exactly, but something about that unjustified disdain transforms the story from good to great, whether it be undertones of racism, classism, depotism (religious or otherwise), or whatever else you happen to take a liking to. One last thing: I really liked the dimensions of the story. I felt like it went just the right amount in terms of length.

If you care to write to your audience a bit more, one thing I would suggest is including more from the tinies' perspectives. Since you're a female, you'll probably take more pleasure from writing mostly from the GTS's perspective... but I have to believe most of your readership are men, so perhaps a bit more from that angle would really make the story pop for them (ok, me haha). I don't want to be presumptive at all -- you should definitely write what you want to write -- but since I can think of literally nothing else to give you in terms of constructive criticism, I'm just selfishly bringing up what I would like to see more of.

Anyway, thanks for the amazingly sexy story. I can't wait for the next one.

Kaneda, I wasn't planning on reading your story because it's a Pokemon fanfic, and I didn't want my childhood obsession for raising the very strongest Pokemon to clash with my adulthood fetish for feet/unrealistically-sized women; that being said, I liked the tags and eventually gave it a shot -- and boy am I glad I did! This is such a cool story, I don't even really know where to start. From a writer's standpoint, I admire your technical prowess: your descriptions of Lucy's conflicted feelings in particular put us right in her shoes. However, what's really special is the plot: you have so many cool ideas, and all of them fit seamlessly within the Pokemon world. The story is compelling without being derivative, and the nature of the plot also makes it easy to blend in fetish-type scenarios without having their presence jar the reader out of the storyline. It's extremely difficult to pull off a great plot yet still have the fetish aspect featured so heavily, and I think you've done an incredible job with this.

My only criticism would have to do with Malva and Lucy. While I understand how the Flare Ball sort of hypnotizes its prisoners into being obedient, I felt the turnaround was a bit too quick. I fully expected Lucy to have to leave Malva shrunk and to show her who's boss before Malva would ever obey anything. Also, I'm a bit surprised that Lucy, despite being probably one of the greatest trainers in the world (she apparently would beat the Elite Four for practice), is also so malleable. I'm rooting for her, and I hope that you'll have her rediscover her mojo at some point. (On a sidenote, I also love the little callbacks you drop to the game here and there -- the part where Chloe makes fun of how Lucy blacks out every time she loses a fight is gold.)

One last thing: while the part where Chloe murders Lucy's Butterfree is actually amazingly well done and emotionally striking, my hope is that you keep the actual Pokemon in the background. That would just be my preference, because I wouldn't want animals, fictionalized or not, to feature in a fetish story that I read. However, since I know there are a lot of tastes out there, and since I'm part of a deviant minority as it is, I want to diplomatically emphasize that this would just be my preference, and that I definitely don't want to offend anyone. (Also -- moar feet! lol.)

Anyway, thanks for the fantastic story. I can't wait for future installments.