The ongoing saga of a tiny little office drone and his horny, goofy coworker.
Kinda dissapointed that the ending turned an interesting playful, but gentle character into a power driven giantess who doesn't really have a lot of emotional connection. I understand that she likes to toy with him, but it would also be interesting if she had a big concern for his safety in mind, meaning that she has to balance her desires with his wellbeing. So far, it's a good story.
That's a good point. I want her to be a little unbalanced but not outright malicious. I'll try to clarify that in future chapters.
A young woman's home is invaded by a tribe of miniature religious fanatics. Individually they seem rather fragile and harmless, but as she will soon learn, they have a far more neferious purpose for her than she might've imagined...
I have to say, I think I'm the only one who dislikes the sudden violent and cold turn the virgin took; you previously established her as a caring 'soft' person (with her waiting for marriage) how she behaved, and my favourite moment was when she felt resentment for crushing a lot of those people. I feel as though she's morphing into the stereotypical destructive character, when there are more layers to her character.
For example, I would have found it interesting if she tried to communicate with them as she said before, rather than decide to go the genocide route after seeing them rape a girl. It doesn't make sense to me that she sees one being attacked and decides that they all should die (I know, they were doing voo-doo rape stuff on her).
All in all, she doesn't seem like a killer; it would be awesome and chilling if she crushed a couple with her tenderiser and then became heavily conflicted with playing an angry goddess among the little people. Nice descriptions though;I can imagine your running out of adjectives to describe this gore fest.
Great review and criticism!
While I too love me some gentle/kind gts, i would defend the Virgin as a violent character in this instance- shes beend traumatized, had a second chance she willingly gave thrown in her face by the actions of the kitchen rapists, and probably cant forget what happened to her, the girl who had her throat cut, and the woman who was raped and killed. Do I agree that the Virgin killing 100+ to take revenge is an extreme example of flying off the handle? Yes, I do agree. I would submit, however, that people do in fact change- given enough trauma, anyone can change personalities- I feel like the virgin just sort of dipped her toes into the dark side. Well, more like went waist deep. However, like you said, there were layers. Yes, on some level, the virgin is still a soft girl. But throughout her rampage, she discovers more about herself, her power, etc. I would argue that this story is ultimately about transformation (i lie, it's a fucking gts story): the Virgin transforms into the goddess that te little cult worships.
I wouldn't change the way I wrote the virgin this time. I would, however, love to revive her, possibly for a new adventure.
You've given me a great deal to think about, and i feel like I've learned from this. THank you so much for reading and making comments! I rate your review 10/10.
Kevin is an inventor and has always dreamed of seeing the world from a different scale. Lucy is his beautiful loving wife who would do anything to see Kevin happy. When Kevin invents his shrink pad, his dream can become a reality, but in reality, dreams don't always follow the script.
So far, you have a very good narrative and the story flows quite well, and I am exited for the next chapter of the story. However, I feel that althought your descriptions of character emotions and what drives their decisions is on point, I feel as though your lacking in emotional character interactions, particulatly after lucy injured kevin during sex. She borderline raped him and although they may love each other, I still feel that it would be important for her to have made a straightforward apology for that, or to show how kevin felt about her losing her self control. Maybe he would feel some resentment towards her? Possibly, he would be even more afraid of her or get mad at her. I'm keeping in mind that you wanted some kinky-giantess-unaware-sex-scenes, but wouldn't they also be useful for furthering the plot and/or character development? All in all, great story.
An original story based in Akira Toriyama's Dragon Ball Universe. I'm a Saiyan, living on Earth, when an unfortunate accident one evening at Capsule Corp renders me one inch tall. Follow my adventures as I adjust to my new life of being a Shrunken Saiyan!
Starts between Dragon Ball and Z.
DISCLAIMER: Dragon Ball, Dragon Ball Z, Dragon Ball GT, and Dragon Ball Super are all owned by Funimation, Toei Animtation, Fuji TV and of course, Akira Toriyama. Please support the offical release.
How would powerlevels and ki ability play into this?
I'm still working on that but I think I've got my basics down in my head.
Originally titled 'The Demise of Daryl Dobbs', the story is about a man who is stringing three girls along at the same time. When they find out, all hell breaks loose.
Very good three chapters of the story; you have really focused on showing daryl as a true scumbag and eliminating any sympathy we as the readers would have for him. This is really important since he is the one who will be tortured or harmed and there will be a good deal of justice and cathartic reactions. What a lot of destruction stories do that put's me off is that the wrong characters tend to suffer the most and it ends up being a torture porn for someone who does not deserve it. However, here, I find myself rooting against Daryl, which is good.
On that note, please make sure you also develop the girl's chracters as well; they don't seem like mindless eating machines of destruction, so make sure you don't reduce them to that. We know what motivates them to attack Daryl, but why terrorize that town? Why eat that one guy and then piss in the building? Those questions should be answered through character development. Additionally, I hope that the girl's personallities are different and having a variaty of personas and beliefs and motifs will really hook in and engage your audience more. Maybe one of them doesn't like harming the townsfolk? Maybe one of them will end up not wanting to be the steriotypical 'Vengful destroyer'? Or, what if they all just disagreed on what to do with Daryl? Considering any of these would make this story seriously stand out amongst the cliche ones on this site.
Overall, great start to the story; I can see a LOT of potential with this and am looking forward to how you will write this :)
Thanks for taking the time to read the story and share an insightful review. I concur about establishing a character deserving of his fate. This story is about to take shift. I will try and develop distinct personalities for some of the females that appear. There will also be additional males to enhance tension and an attempt to broaden the reader's impression of Daryl. Hopefully you will continue to provide feedback on what you feel is working and what isn't. Thanks again.
Nobody ever expected her to win, but now that she has the new President is gonna live up to her word and Make America Big Again
So far enjoying this political satire very much and enjoying the small parralels and references (like Dianne having yuge feet). I also found the therapy session chapter effective at introducing our protagonist(?) and by extention us to the new order of America and how most relationships are. Excellent story so far, and very enjoyable/memorable.
I have a suggestion for a chapter or so that you may find interesting to explore; Dianne is an idiot, we understand that, and as we saw from the protestors, there are people who want to oppose her and her goals. But so far, we've only seen resistance from men. I'd be interested in seeing a chapter about a woman who wholeheartedly ohates Dianne and the misandry she is pushing into America, since realistically, there would be people like this. What would be interesting would be if she has a husband on his first strike or two and to passively resist Dianne's rule by treating her husband as a human she loves and not a disposable toy, and how diffucult it is to do so with every order Dianne makes.
But anyway, that is just my own take on the story and what I would find interesting to see. So far, the writing is good, and each chapter has not yet had a dull moment. Easy to grasp, even as someone who doesn't live in the USA.
Can't comment too much on the idea but certainly something we'll keep in mind. Will say though that the closest thing this story has to a protagonist is Dianne herself so don't fret too much over that one. Happy you're enjoying the story though
Born with a genetic defect that's caused him to shrink throughout his life, we follow the story of 3 1/2 inch tall Tanner and his adoptive family consisting of his high achieving step-sister Ingrid and widowed step-mother Ivory as they try have functional lives.
Considering how she felt about Tanner being outside on a table with ingrid, I'd hate (enjoy) to see Ivory's reaction to the psychological/hinted physical abuse Marcelle is and has placed Tanner under. I'm sure Ingrid wouldn't be pleased as well, but it appears you've set up Tanner's tormentor as quite the manipulative mallicious character to be able to keep him quiet about it.
I'm curious though; will Ivory's date be meeting Marcelle as well? Also, the date aspect is interesting in that the possibilites of haven't really been explored through other stories on this website; if her date treats Tanner as anything less than Ivory's son, I'm sure she would be firm in defending Tanner and droping the guy considering how caring she is of her children. Additionally, if he is somewhat weirded out, but also somewhat accepting of the shrunken step-son, that would create for interesting relationship dynamics and how everyone would interact with each other.
I'm guessing from Tanner's vocabulary/dialect that he does a lot of reading in his likely spare time.
Also, props to you for not making this an overloadingly fetish based story that shoves feet/vore/other common fetish in every chapter. Read 'Homunculus' by Cayce as an example of this. But credit where due, you forshadowed it. Show not tell is well incorporated in this story.
Oh yes, I'm sure Ivory would be none too happy. Unfortunately Marcelle is a bit too crafty to be caught carelessly abusing/tormenting Tanner.
Yes, Marcelle will be present as well. Since she'll be in the household for the time being she's along for the ride too. I'm glad you find the impending occurrence of Ivory's date to be a point of interest. I intend for that be quite a landmark for the story when it's revealed what sort of man he is.
Yeeah, not like he has much else to do in his spare time.
Thanks for the last compliment, I know it's pretty tempting to jump right into the thick of the eroticism, but I really want there to be a strong sense of characterization and knowing what makes everyone tick, and in doing that will bring more context to any fetish based things that may happen (which is what I aimed for in chapter 5).
Appreciate the thouht you put into the review, stay tuned.
That was quite unexpected. I've seriously enjoyed the dorection of the story so far and how characters have been established, but this chapter deviates from the first a lot.
Leah seemed built up as a quite caring and kind and acted motherly when she bonded with James and wasn't fully aware of the extent of his affection to her. Now she's a dominating character and the jump to that was sudden imo, and now she also has a magic laso? Honestly didn't expect these to feature in this type of story, since so far she's only shown concern for James and some flirt, but now she's pretty much assaulting and torturing him a bit. Where did the magic laso come from? Also, isn't Lee still naked? Jacob is somewhere on some slides, so now theres no one to buy her a Bikini.
It's just my one opinion but this chapter didn't really seem fitting with how the story was fleshed out. Its been quite erotic and I thought that James would be eager to get a Bikini so he can put it on her or purposefully get a skimpy small one that barely hides her genitals. Seems like a thing the kid would have done, and Lee would have gone with it for the time being before you include other shenanigans.
Nonetheless, I still enjoyed the chapter, but it didn't feel that much like the others, which felt more like they built on each other. I don't mind shrinking or the foot stuff, I just didn't expect it to be shown this way. I still look forward to more chapters that you have of the story and see how you explore James & Lee's relationship. I'm guessing he ages more as the story progresses, since it does begin with 'when I was 10'.
Still really wanting to read more of this story. The slow build up of the first chapters with the descriptions of Lee, how you describe their kisses, him grabbing her butt as they danced, her pulling him to her breasts in bed and especially the breast milk shower are well written unique parts.
P.S; Lee said to James maybe theres something else he can do for her, but she only pleasured him? Also, she's quite rough for someone who wouldn't hurt him hahah.