Reviewer: Russellp Signed
March 19 2020
Chapter 1: Chapter 1
I realy like this story (thank you and congratulations), but somethings dont make sense, Because i like this story i try dont look to much about this. I care about the story and i think you are a good writer with a good imagination, because this i fell sad when i see things without sense.
His mon didnt protect him from Amanda. She know Amanda torture Desmond and she let Amanda alone with him? Why Amanda know everything after
“I know. I’ll explain everything. To you,” I gestured at my mom. “I don’t trust Amanda to not tell the whole world.”
My mother took no issue with that. “Wait in the hallway, Amanda.”
Desmont Mom is stupidy and crazy? She didnt nothing with amanda for her make Desmont runaway form home and she will not do nothing after she try sabotage his chances to grow?
How i told, i like your story, i think you are doing a realy nice thing here, but dont let your nice character sound crazy, stupdy and non sense.
PS - sorry my bad english lolAuthor's Response:
Hey Russell, I made some edits to the chapter after reading your comment. I agree that letting Amanda in on everything after expressly leaving her out in the chapter before didn't make much sense. So I added in some scenes to address those issues. Thanks for pointing this out because you've made the story better for it.
And about Desmond's mom not doing anything, I don't think that is necessarily true. I have Desmond's mom tell her to leave the doll store. Desmond's mom also has a lot swirling in her head right now, and Amanda has gotten good at manipulating people over the years. With those two factors combined, I think it makes sense that Desmond's mom is necessarily as protective as she could be.
Desmond's mom doesn't seem to be a fan favorite, and I've noticed that quite a bit.
Anyway, I'm glad you like my story enough to heap valid criticisim onto it. Thank you!