One recommendation I have is to avoid capitalizing all spoken text. It should be sufficient to simply describe how James hears voices once or twice (i.e., very loud to him). Perhaps he covers his ears on occasion.

As for Asra, not sure that James is going to get the girl of his dreams after invading her breasts. Then again, maybe Asra will be forgiving of his predicament.

I've avoided reading this story because of the tags. I cannot stand violent gts. However I'm glad I've read this far. You're an incredibly skilled writer. This chapter is amazing. I love Claire's outlook, she's a very deep thinker. Amazing chapter. Did I already say that?

Wow, how the heck did Kayla become so powerful? Good thing she appears to be benevolent. Interesting idea with the Compressor, seems feasible since Kayla has already made analogous devices for Omegas to use. As always, I find your prose to be top notch!

Not an easy chapter to read.

Somebody write something to cheer me up after that.

@Xkcd0088

This sentence: On the other hand these people are super duper bad and unforgivable because they killed ppl so we should kill them too

I won’t quote the rest of it. However, I’m not sure how you can compare something like murder to racism. The way you phrased it, the sarcasm you used (e.g., super duper bad), it seemed as if you were downplaying the abomination of homicide. You probably meant to focus on the flaws in the rehabilitation methods, but it didn’t come across that way.

Furthermore, did you even READ chapter 16? I don’t recall you commenting on it.

Sure Jenna has psychological problems and probably shouldn’t be in her position of authority. But how can you possibly read chapter 16 and write: “grrrr righteous anger sword of truth”. Your sarcasm projects indifference. I’m curious how the account given in chapter 16 made you feel when you read it. Not the slightest bit angry? I’d find that hard to believe.

Does that story mean we should condone Jenna or the system that put her in power? No. But it should certainly allow us to empathize a LITTLE, perhaps understanding that SOME of Jenna’s feelings are justified. It should at least allow us to treat manslaughter with the gravity and sadness it deserves, not sarcasm and insensitivity.

Amazing story. Pretty close to tears at the end there, even though I could see where things were going. Oddly, I think Claire's description of her immortality saddened me even more than Stephanie's anguish. Claire is extremely wise for her age. She'll likely just get wiser as the centuries pass making any stories in the far future extremely challenging, i.e., it would be difficult for the reader to relate at all to such omniscience.

Even now, the revelation of immortality makes past chapters difficult to swallow. I really enjoyed the growing relationship between Melody and Corey. But now, it just saddens me. I wonder what Melody's thinking. Obviously their size difference would be a huge obstacle to any inkling of a romantic relationship. However the immortality would be even greater. Imagine them both at 80 years old and she still looks in her 20's. She wouldn't be able to remain faithful for that long. And if she did, would it be out of pity, or knowing she'd just move onto another relationshiop after his death? Probably none of the above, I like Melody too much to believe that, but it's just distrubing. If they did marry, she'd likely love Corey faithfully and be deeply depressed upon his passing, but it just feels wrong. I feel like the Omegas are hiding something. Well I feel that Kayla is hiding something, that she is playing god and granting power/immortality as she see's fit. Surely with all her power she could extend a Beta's life. I don't know, I just feel like there's a deep imbalance here, a fertile ground for tragedy, and Kayla's to blame.

Hope that didn't sound like criticism because I love your work, just wanted to share what I was thinking.

Good luck Mark! It isn’t going to be easy to escape, but you certainly don’t want to end up like Tony.

Doh, Bobby!

That’ll teach you to accuse a giantess of being mean.

Good detail describing Bobby’s ride in the girl’s pocket.

One thing I’d recommend is to do a search for ‘ly’ in your stories and see where adverbs can be removed. For example ‘suddenly interrupted’ - the word ‘interrupted’ implies suddenly. ‘Suddenly engrossed’ would be stronger as just ‘engrossed’. ‘steadily stepped’ would be better as ‘stepped’ or a more descriptive verb like ‘strode’.

PS. I'm glad you went the waitress route.

Poor Bobby, things couldn't get much worse for him I'd imagine.

One recommendation I have is to avoid overusing the same word (if it is unusual) in the same chapter like sluiceway/sluice-way.