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Reviewer: Asterisk Signed starstarstarstar [Report This]
Date: April 15 2014 11:03 AM Title: Bottom of the 10th

Alrighty, did a quick read through of the story so here's some feedback.

 

First off you have a decent thing going here. I wouldn't call this story bad at all and it's actuall a little impressive considering it's your first story. I'm interested to see where this goes.

Now for some negative things. Grammar and sentence structure is off in a decent number of places. Some lines read like their overly complicated and there's a couple typos and at least one space issue. That's not too bad though. I think what could really help your story out is more detail. I know what happened but what runs through his head at the time? How do other people react? How about some world building? What lead to this game? Who agreed to the bet? They aren't fully needed but details like that can really sell the world and immerse the reader.

 

But like I said, it isn't bad at all. I'm looking forward to seeing what you do with this!

Reviewer: vgiv Signed starstarstarstarstar [Report This]
Date: April 07 2014 9:42 PM Title: Bottom of the 10th

The vocabulary differences and use of different words show a more experienced writer, hope to see more.

Reviewer: realRS Signed [Report This]
Date: March 25 2014 10:28 AM Title: Bottom of the 10th

Well you write a strong baseball game, I'm looking forward to the main show.

Reviewer: aaron Signed starstarstarstarstar [Report This]
Date: March 25 2014 2:19 AM Title: Bottom of the 10th

This is an excellent idea for a story. I love the way it written. I cannot wait to see what happens next.

aaron

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