Reviewer: Frizzle Signed [Report This]
Date: October 28 2018 7:18 PM Title: Chapter 1

Are you going to write more? This feels open ended. As your first story here on giantessworld.net the idea is certainly fresh! You have a solid idea going and you do a decent job of describing the action.

 

Some critiques I would offer would be to proof read your story a bit more thoroughly. I noticed several grammar errors, and incorrect use of vocab. It was overly excessive, just a minor detail that should be fleshed out in the future.

Otherwise all I'd say is add a bit more detail! The shrinking and arrival of Cassandra went by very quick, almost too fast for me to really understand what was going on initially. Take your time, draw things out a bit. Pad a little extra detail on the story :)

 

Also you typed "*MASH* Abbie bit down, *MASH* her teeth repeatedly battered Adam’s body"

I'm assuming you meant Cassandra?

Anyways I love this idea you got going and I'm looking forward to more :D

 

Also you say your coworker ate a fly in her sandwich? That is incredibly hot... Was she even aware of it?