[Report This]Date: February 10 2023 11:53 AM Title: Born To Be A Pred
"Mayby I am experimenting too much?"
"She let her lips form a curl around it,[...]"
I am surprised that Alyssa can preprepare Sandwiches of any kind. That requires that she doesn't eat them right away after all.
"She wrote a couple of emails to her professors explaining her absence, ironically giving indigestion problems as a reason." - Technically that isn't even a lie.
"[...]the water spilled onto the floor."Shit!" cursed Alyssa, seeing the puddle expand quickly."
"I am really sorry, Mister Smith,[...]"
“Oh, and Miss Charlotte, I remember you."
"I will be back on Monday!", she put on a forced smile.
“We just want to have a picnic in nature.", Alyssa said.
" “I-I am sorry, Miss, b-but could you move your feet away? I-I am finding it hard to concentrate.", he managed to say[...]"
"[...], but I can give you something better.", said the girl,[...]"
"[...], and having fun."
High-level criticism: I think Alyssa eating mercilessly eating Jena though knowing her would've been more impactful if we had seen them being friends at the beginning.
"She gave the man within her pussy a squeeze."
The Story isn't massively creative but very well written. I even liked the same size vore at the beginning, though that's usually not my cup of tea, which proves you write in an engaging way.
I don't quite understand the end though. If Charlotte wanted to 'protect Alyssa from this' then she really shouldn't have done what she did with the Taxi and the Forest. That just made Alyssa crave the hunt even more, didn't it? Especially the remark about 'not seeing humans as equals anymore' clearly wasn't helpful.
The only part about the narrative I didn't like was Charles being the Main Character for what felt like three seconds in Retrospective. Was that even necessary?
I marked spelling mistakes I noticed while reading. (And don't ask me why the formatting of this comment is so weird, the writing tools of this site are weird and fairly unresponsive as far as formatting goes.
[Report This]Date: February 09 2023 12:57 AM Title: Born To Be A Pred
When I started reading that story, it seemed like a gentle story on which the girl accidentally eats her friend and has to deal somehow with her hunger among her other friends (and with the fact that she just ate her friend, omg!), but it turned out to be a short adventure-like story not exactly on the cruel side, just a kind of predatory girl discovering herself with the unexpected help of her sister.
Seeing her sister being the same was an interesting surprise (and sorry for you that didn’t read this story and ended up getting a spoiler by reading this review, but please don’t go away, read that story, this is good!)
What a pity her older sister didn’t properly helped the younger woman in being a pred perfectly inserted in a normal society as a normal woman... but she tried.
Author's Response:
Thank you very much for your comment, Milla! It really made my day, especially that this review was the first once since some time without getting any. I am glad you liked this somewhat experimental story so much and that it was entertaining :)