Date: November 04 2022 12:59 AM Title: Dirty Laundry
You have a good sense of details, but as of writing this review this chapter is in serious need of paragraphing. Try to limit your paragraphs to the same person, place, time, or topic.
[Report This]Date: October 28 2022 3:21 AM Title: Sweaty Imprint
Wonderful start
[Report This]Date: October 27 2022 11:39 PM Title: Sweaty Imprint
I appreciate the prose-driven style, which used to be the norm on this website a decade ago, but has become scarce due to the meta pushing authors towards multi-chapter epics instead of concentrated porn pieces. This is the reason why you're getting a meaty review. Your descriptions hit the right notes. Your opening paragraph begins with motion, hits us with smell, and then assaults us with visuals. I think you have a good sense of what order the senses should hit the MC. I think your paragraphing needs improvement. With super descriptive stories it makes the story more readable.
Date: October 27 2022 5:59 PM Title: Sweaty Imprint
i'm loving it so far! Hard to believe that it's your first writing experience
Author's Response:
sok06,
Haha! Don't flatter me! It is my first narrative writing experience :). I have absolutely no idea how to develop themes, characters, plots, and emotions and all that jazz. I have been looking up tips and tricks online, and hope I will figure it out as I go. For now, I think it will be a little rocky and uneven, so bear with me for now and I promise I will deliver my best with each and every chapter! Thank you for your kind words, and feel free to continue giving feedback as I post more chapters.
Thank you!!! <3
-hyopper
Date: October 27 2022 12:31 PM Title: Sweaty Imprint
What a terrific start to a story! I’m a sucker for a cruel giantess so I’m excited to see where it goes.
Author's Response:
Omanahan88,
Thank you for your feedback! I hope your excitement only increases from here on out, we are only at the tip of the iceberg. The battle between Layla and the protagonist has begun! (Not really a battle :P just an endless?? gauntlet of pain) ;) Stay tuned for more wicked cruelty that Layla subjects the protagonist to. Please feel free to give feedback on my later chapters as well, it means the world to me!
Thank you!!!! :D
-hyopper
Date: October 27 2022 9:14 AM Title: Sweaty Imprint
Agreed with the other reviewer. I enjoyed being inserted into this dominance scene. Overwhelming control and power vs. resignation and subjugation. There is only one possible outcome. I'm excited to see where Layla takes it. Also cool to see a shrunken size in the 20in range - that opens up a lot of ideas.
Author's Response:
BabyZoe,
Thank you for your feedback. I looked up some writing tips, and one of them was to insert the viewers into a scene, rather than explain context beforehand. I have several ideas for torture methods, both physical and psychological, that Layla can subject the protagonist to, especially at such a large size of 20 inches. I hope you continue reading and give feedback on my next chapters as well!
Thank you!!!
-hyopper
[Report This]Date: October 27 2022 7:08 AM Title: Sweaty Imprint
Hi. You asked for feedback so you get some.
I shouldn't have to say that I like being dropped into a story instead of some terrible "CHARACTERS: MOM 40 BIG TITS, SIS 19 BIG TITS"... but yeah. I enjoyed not knowing who Layla is, or where, or how, but only that she RULES. "She could effortlessly stomp me into a steaming pancake" ... :O
Immediately interested.
And I love the (implied) enmity -- your shred of pride, against her smugness.
Great :) MORE :)
(Grammar nerd: past tense of "grind" is "ground" [not "grinded"], and you wrote "bare" for "bear".)
Author's Response:
Kinkajou,
Thank you so much for giving me feedback. You have no idea how much your kind words mean. Thank you for your grammar corrections as well. I was really scared to post this chapter because I was afraid it would be a failure. You sound very intelligent, like you know what you are talking about, and your feedback means the world to me. You've given me more motivation to keep writing, and I hope my next chapters get even better. I really want to develop these characters, and not have the story just be static games of cat and mouse. Please feel free to give feedback on my next chapter as well, I would really look forward to it.
Thanks! :D
-hyopper