[Report This]Date: November 17 2021 12:34 PM Title: Chapter 1
So, both Alphas and Betas have red eyes? It's not genetically specific to the shrunken?
Author's Response:
All Betas have red eyes or to be more clear eyes that follow that spectrum of colors. Entirely possible that a Beta can develop pink eyes rather then full on red. Alphas on the other hand don't have to worry about shrinking and as such won't really develop red eyes. Only reason Vivian has them is because she was born with them.
Date: November 17 2021 2:31 AM Title: Chapter 1
I happen to have a figurine of a white haired, dark skinned woman on a shelf on display by my computer. Can't help but figure Vivian looks like her. Check out the "Brown Skin Ver.":
https://www.ebay.com/p/1522007197?iid=264266054137
Well without the pointed ears. LOL
Author's Response:
While I had a different woman in mind when thinking of Vivian i found your depiction also fitting XD.
It is a very nice figurine.
[Report This]Date: November 17 2021 1:58 AM Title: Chapter 1
Cute, very cute. I like the history, the names of the Betas, Alphas etc. all very creative. The drug was also a cool addition. Honestly this was set up for more like a series, so a bit disappointing, but otherwise I enjoyed what was written. Kinda hot with that blonde and her sexy foot, however with no prior mentioning of her being barefoot (that I can seem to find) it was a bit confusing, don't imagine gym goers usually walking around barefoot lol.
I won't knock the rating for it, but I'd proof this again if I were you I saw a lot of grammatical errors, repeat words etc. and some of the sentence structuring was questionable, just think it needs another go through. Otherwise, in terms of the dialogue especially, pretty good job!
Very much enjoyed. 10/10
Author's Response:
Still got a ways to go in improving my writing. That said I do believe it used to be muuuch worse lol.
Also this is a break away from the series I am actually writing currently, with characters separate of the overall plot. The series is Alpha-Beta and can be found in my profile. This story was a brief break from the main, though I'm certain I'll be visiting Vivian and Emil again in the future at some point. They may have only been introduced here but I already love them as a couple XD.
Lastly...you prob right on the barefoot powerlifting. Saw an example of lifting awhile back where the woman was barefoot and that kinds just popped into my head when i wrote that part.
I am very glad that you enjoyed the story! And the feedback is greatly appreciated as well!