I enjoy almost every permutation of the size change fetish; the only two categories I really dislike are incest and underage characters. Otherwise, I can get into pretty much anything from SW to SM to GT to toilet to feet.
Overall, however, I'm primarily a foot guy, and I tend towards cruel/humiliating scenarios.
Please don't hesitate to contact me if you're interested in (free) commissions. I like to write, but I admittedly need that little bit of external incentive.
Team Flare returns after a new champion is crowned with a plan and leader more ruthless and diabolical than ever imagined before, and this time there may be no stopping her.
Kaneda, I'm so happy you're writing again! You continue to amaze with your exquisitely vivid prose, and I can't deny that I get extremely worked up reading the wonderfully sensual foot scenes that you create. I've never encountered a story that made feet seem so... magnificent. Like a rare flower or gem. Plus the characters (Lucy especially) spring larger than life from the... err... screen.
I don't need to belabor the point, so I'll just talk about the one thing that's been bugging me these last few chapters. While I'm going to come off as a hypocrite for saying this, I'll go ahead and shoot myself in the foot by complaining about all of the super sexy foot scenes. Yes, I undoubtedly enjoy them and yes I'd be perfectly content if you continued writing foot scene after foot scene in this fashion (your writing is that good). However, I have to say that I'm left wondering why the plot hasn't advanced. You had built up a decent amount of momentum in the first few chapters with some interesting reveals (pokeballs capturing humans, the Shauna Situation, etc.), however from there the story slows down considerably and has taken a more domestic turn (the day-to-day life of Chloe and her foot slaves -- not a bad story either!).
I guess my point is this: this story is great -- but it could be fantastic (or whatever superlative you prefer). All you need to do is figure out how to advance the plot while also feeding all the greedy foot-lovers like myself out there. That being said, I have to reiterate: I'd be perfectly happy to keep reading all of these wonderful foot scenes. Still, it just feels like a little bit of a shame that you haven't fulfilled the potential of the great setup you've created.
I felt the need to really let Lucy deal with the fact that she'd just crushed what could arguably be called her best friend beneath her boot. I didn't feel comfortable letting her move on too quickly from that and I wanted to sort of build the idea that Chloe was kind of training her into something special, and I wanted to explore Lucy's emotional situation a bit more before I moved on to the next big part of the narrative.
Her progression from the horrified girl the ball that watched Malva and Chloe from inside a shoe after returning home to the girl who nearly pulverized the grunt's face beneath her heel and made Malva kiss her foot, to the more grounded Lucy that you'll see in the next chapter I'm working on as well was something I wanted to be emotional and exciting yet still relatively believable. The next few chapters will move fairly quickly, and I'm almost sad to say we're somewhat nearing the end.
Thank you for the feedback as always. Insightful commentary on my writing is really the greatest reward I could ask for.
Celebrating your neighbor’s success at her job you go to surprise her, but she has a secret she never told you.
Cool concept, Kickyou. I'll come back later to write a more complete review, but for now I just wanted to say this: mouthplay with bugs? Ew! Haha.
A rivalry between co-workers produces a bet.
A bet begets a baseball game and stakes.
The game and stakes proclaims a winner and a loser.
Said stakes are honored, albeit forcibly.
Kilowatt, you're a fine writer with a quirky sort of style. I'm not quite sure how to describe it, but your diction and sentence structure and just everything else makes for an odd mix of humorous, formal, and maybe even a bit sarcastic. This certainly helps your first person narrative, because in first person stories every word that is written must build the protagonist's character, and of course it doesn't hurt to have a unique voice for your protagonist. Overall, I think that is the strongest part of this story.
My main bit of criticism would be that perhaps the baseball portion of the story is a bit too long. While I do appreciate the flashes of character we see in the protagonist (generally well-respected, seemingly honorable for the most part), I worry that perhaps too much time is spent with in depth descriptions of the game that might not be crucial, and instead slow the pacing of the story. That being said, I think that it's very nicely done how you've developed this odd dichotomy for Clark, where, as far as I can tell, he's a somewhat honorable guy that you'd expect to uphold his side of the bet. However, he keeps making boneheaded decisions, and these decisions wouldn't necessarily appear as boneheaded if we hadn't seen how Clark interacted with his teammates throughout the two baseball chapters. So it's a bit of give and take, obviously, but my humble opinion is that you may have hit the "too much baseball" end of the spectrum -- especially in light of the initial chapter, where we see Clark is shrunk (a mysteriously shrunken man -- one is grievously injured, no less -- is far more interesting than baseball, even for non-macrophiliacs).
Ultimately though, you've managed to make Clark interesting and likable enough (although he should've just worn the damn hat) such that I'm sure many people will continue to read just to see what becomes of him. I definitely look forward to future installments.
A Hispanic California college student named Maria acquires an entire shrunken prison complete with all the inmates and guards.
This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, businesses, places, events and incidents are either the products of the author’s imagination or used in a fictitious manner. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, or actual events is purely coincidental.
Amateur Wordsmith, this is one of the coolest premises for a story that I've ever read. I think what works especially well in your story is the way you've taken the time to develop characters throughout. From Maria's initial trepidation and fear to Cynthia's hatred of prisoners to everyone in between, all the characters are fleshed out and interesting. As everyone knows, characters are the most important part of any story, and yours are top-notch!
My only piece of criticism is subjective and therefore should be taken with a boulder of salt, but I personally have gotten a bit annoyed with Maria's character. I feel like she should either stick to her convictions or just become an evil psycho like the others, because in my mind it's tough to believe that someone could occupy some sort of middle ground. On the other hand, this sort of character dissonance is what people love about stories, and I have to admit that Maria is the most multi-faceted of the bunch, so the fact that she's annoying me is probably a good thing. I just can't fathom someone with the heart that Maria seemingly has allowing these atrocities to go on. One possible solution would be to have a few lines through in here and there painting her as a shade more negligent or maybe having a flashback of her being a bit more... evil... in the past. Revealing some of those inner demons might make her actions more palatable.
In any case, this will continue to be one of the best stories on the site even if I have slight, unimportant misgivings about the title character. Honestly, I bet other readers love the back and forth with her, so really feel free to ignore my thoughts. Looking forward to more. Would love it if you included more foot scenes!
Oh my, it's taken me quite a while to respond to this review, and I apologize for that. I hope that my response is satisfactory.
First off, thank you for what you said about my characters; I try my hardest to make them as realistic as possible, while at the same time giving them room to play the role. For me, it isn't an easy thing to do, I often find myself considering and reconsidering what a character should do or say, only to scrap the idea and start all over. I really appreciate that you've noticed that.
Also I love your distain for Maria's character, she can be so shallow sometimes, but that's what I love about her. She's just an ordinary girl, placed under extraordinary circumstances. And yes, she does have a dark side, but I haven't started to explore that yet.
Lastly, foot scenes incoming. I'm trying to get more action in per chapter, so you'll probably get to see more feet in the future.
Three girls must face the consequences of their actions after they assault a member of a smaller race.
Ackbar, such a cool story you have going on here. As you yourself mentioned earlier, you clearly have a talent for world-building. The Omega/Alpha/Beta planet that these characters reside in seems very well fleshed out, thanks to the great details and hints that you drop here and there. The little details you include, such as the mention of Dr. Everett, have me thinking that you've got this story plotted out far in advance of where we are, and I'm excited to see where it all leads.
The only part of the story that seemed a little weak to me was Claire's age and relative maturity. Given the enormous size difference between her and her brother, I find that my suspension of disbelief is severely tested when I imagine the implications of their living together for so many years without any mishaps. It would be so mind-bogglingly easy for her to do some real damage in a fight or an argument or whatever, especially at a younger age, when she had to have been more impulsive. Not to mention that she's also apparently in charge of rehabilitating violent criminals (even if they are a fraction of her size) at such a young age. While the story doesn't specify exactly how old she is, if her brother is graduating medical school, and going by the national average age of a medical school graduate, she'd have to be ~24. I guess my point is, it's tough for me to believe that such a pretty young thing would also be so poised, mature, etc. and for such an extended period time, while also having such huge responsibilities heaped upon her. On the other hand, I think that this can be easily fixed by dropping more hints like you did earlier in the story: "Junior Grade Enforcer with Aegis," etc. If you could somehow emphasize how rigid self-control had been drilled into her from a young age (Jedi knight style or whatever), I think it would improve your story quite a bit.
As it is now, it's still a fantastic story, that I'm very much looking forward to following it.
Thanks for the comments.
I do have more planned. Once I get through the upcoming interludes I'm probably going to start branching out into some other stuff in the universe, in particular an origin story of sorts and I have a pretty good idea of a story I want to do afterward that takes place after this one.
I understand your problems with Claire's age, and I honestly put a large amount of thought into the issue when I was going over the details. She's actually younger than you estimated, and is 20 (Corey is 24, going into his last year of medschool due to an accelerated curriculum in this universe for Betas). My ultimate decision stemmed from my own personal writing preferences: I enjoy writing about powerful, exceptional people who are capable of extraordinary amounts of self-control and empathy. It's a concept I find myself fascinated with, both in this and my own personal writing.
That said, expect a glimpse at what went into her raising next chapter. I'll just say that Omega schooling is not a place of sunshine and happiness when it comes to the curriculum taught.
Ranavalona pays a visit to two young sweethearts.
I won't lie, Kaneda, this story sent my stomach turning. You did such a great job with Ranavalona: she's heart-wrenchingly evil, and I couldn't help but be afraid of her. I think the choice to have Ranavalona attack a pair of lovers, as opposed to just one person, made her all the more malicious. Anyone would hate for something like that to happen to them, but for it to also happen to a loved one, simultaneously? That's something else entirely, and while certainly this isn't a new idea by any means, your execution was well done.
I can't find a whole lot to criticize, so I'll just nitpick a bit. 1.) I thought that mentioning Kumiko's name was pointless in the greater scheme of the story. 2.) It's not obvious (or especially important, really, but that's why I qualified these remarks as nitpicking) what the Fumie's room looks like.
Overall, it's a very sexy one-shot. Hope to see more!
I really have no idea what I was going for with Kumiko, and the name was totally made up on the spot. It really does make more sense for Rana to have completely forgotten the girl and is even more likely that she never cared what her name was in the first place. I feel a little silly that I never considered that in the edits and revisions I made.
I think it shows that having lovers and families as my victims is one of my favorite fantasies. I definitely get a little more inspired when the subject comes up, and I was even more glad that someone requested this from me. Your words are incredibly kind and delight me quite a bit, this is definitely the best feedback I've gotten so far for this story. I've been feeling that ever since "Sisters and Servants" I've been getting a little soft with Ranavalona, so it felt good to get back to the beautiful black core of her sadistic spirit once more.
Joining the varsity soccer team at a new school provides great opportunities to meet new people.
Another fantastic story, Kaneda. As you said above, I think you're spot on about the dynamic between the girls. They each have their own distinct personality, and their interactions enliven the standard shrinking scenario. Additionally, I found the scenario you created to be so lifelike; the main character's shifting emotions -- mild trepidation to outright terror -- felt so real and immediate to me. I found myself wondering how I, personally, would react given the same situation, and even though I love to read about shrunken people being abused by female feet, I actually found myself rooting for the protagonist.
My above thought brings me to my next point, which isn't so much a criticism as an extension of your scenario. I recall early on in the story that the protagonist had tried to call out to others for help, but they ignored her, presumably out of fear. This part of the story seemed a bit implausible to me, only because I thought surely someone would do something. There was no indication that the three girls had god-like powers aside from the ability to shrink someone, and even that was based on the necklace. Essentially, they were normal people with a shrinking trinket. Anyway, I assume that each of the other teammates had been shrunk and abused, but I feel that any reasonable person would rally all of the other victims in some way. Alerting authorities may not work because of the fantastical nature of their accusations, so I feel like the victims would simply overpower them with sheer numbers, seeing as how they aren't shrunk at the time. As for our protagonist, after her experience, perhaps she would move to another state or something. I suppose my misgiving boils down to this: based on their total lack of subterfuge, it seemed like they must have cowed the entire school -- a feeling that the final scene reinforced. Assuming that the three girls lacked any other powers, I feel like someone, anyone, would've brought a gun to school or something and taken them out.
Ultimately, I think the scenario works perfectly fine as is because the inexplicable fact that no one will help adds to the horror of the situation. One could easily rationalize that perhaps the critical mass of victims or abuse had not been reached, and soon the devilish trio in question would receive their comeuppance. In any case, I was too caught up in the outstanding pace and action of the story to think about this tiny detail for more than a second. I really look forward to all of your pieces, not only for the great foot content (totally-selfish-aside-that-should-be-ignored: I wish the foot licking part was a bit longerrrrr), but also for great writing as well.
Once again, I have to thank you earnestly for your detailed feedback and praise. I tried a lot of new things with this story and I'm very delighted to hear that you enjoyed it so much. It's still not easy for me to write for victims, especially from the first-person point of view, as I'm much more accustomed to focusing on the dominant girls. As for the dynamic with the school, the way I imagined it is that the three girls are intensely dominant, but their methods for manipulating and controlling the other students vary as needed. Sometimes they bully them, sometimes they intimidate or shame or pressure them socially. Every once in a while, they shrink someone and really show her where she belongs. The girls aren't always as cruel as they were with the narrator, but their experience has given them keen instincts as for what they can get away with.
I also appreciate your point about the foot licking, even though you do suggest that it's a selfishly-made point. I find the scenarios and building towards them to be the most exciting part of my work, but that does tend to leave me lacking a bit when it comes to describing the details of some of the more climactic moments. I definitely could have added more to that particular moment and I think many people would have enjoyed more action there. I'll try to keep your (adorably selfish) desires in mind as I work on my next project.
In a vastly over populated world where food and space are in short supply and a global corperation is pushing shrinking technology as a solution to the problems. A homeless man volenteers to be shrunk in exchange for a place to live and regular meals.
Crylog, I'm very much enjoying your story so far. While I've never seen the movie this is based off, I feel like that's hardly a problem because the story stands well on its own. The world you've built is very detailed and fleshed-out, and it seems like everything has a reason. I actually think the best part of your story is the dialogue -- it's very lifelike and natural.
My only criticism would be this: while the meat of your story is very enjoyable, there are a few areas of weak writing that could be polished up a bit. You have a few misspellings here and there that could be fixed (not a big deal, really), but a bigger issue is some of the run-ons/choppy sentences that occassionally crop up. One trick that I've always found helps is reading your stories out loud: that helps for identifying areas that don't flow well.
Either way, I've loved reading your story so far, and I look forward to more chapters. Definitely got my fingers crossed for more foot action! Thanks again for the fun read.
In a world where shrunken clones called YouPets are sold as servants and toys, a young woman takes the phrase “identity crisis” to the extreme by purchasing a copy of the one person whose desires and fears she knows more deeply than anyone else: herself.
This is a mind-bending idea, one that I encountered in a different story that I read years ago ("The Little Clone" -- I think I might have it somewhere on my computer), but I gotta say that your execution is much better. I very much liked the twist, and I think it was smart to start the story from the YouPet's perspective (not sure if you're gonna stay with that, either way could work). I'm very much looking forward to reading more of this story (so my vote is continue this one at the expensive of others!), and I hope to read more of your top-notch foot scenes.
[Random aside: if you're making a completely identical iteration of yourself and then you have sexual relations with yourself, is it homosexual or masturbatory?]
Don't have much criticism as of yet, but I will point out that towards the end there you had a little gaffe: "Had something gone wrong with the procedure and sent her on a trip more potent than a bucket of LCD?" I think "LSD" is the hallucinogenic drunk you were looking for. =P Although with the technology these days, maybe a bucket of Liquid-Crystal Display would send you on a potent trip!
Thanks for reading. I'm glad you thought the intro worked- it seemed important to me to begin in the perspective of the clone as Jennifer to emphasize that she literally has the same identity. There will be some more-or-less fluid perspective shifts throughout, though, as I'm eager to explore the concept itself from both parties, rather than focusing solely on the action (though there will be some, albeit in a lesser amount than my normal stuff). Definitely a funny and twisted thought on the sexual relations- it's not something I was planning on bringing up in this story, though it's certainly relevant. Thanks for the typo catch as well.
It's A Sorority Thing: Homecoming
Homecoming weekend is a joyous time for the Gammi Phi sorority. However, it can be harrowing for their shrunken slaves.
Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.
Warning: This material is intended for mature audiences only.
Another fantastic entry, gtswburg. While you continue to have great characters, descriptions, etc., my favorite part of this story is actually a combination of the settings and action sequences. All of your scenes have such a visceral feel to them, and as someone mentioned before me, your foot scenes are some of the best on the site, even when they're just remembered (vs. action-oriented scenes like in the shower). I also really enjoyed how the tiny wanted to drink some coffee -- a unique perspective on the typical humiliating situation.
I honestly have very little to offer in terms of constructive criticism. Maybe my only thought is that perhaps you won't be able to sustain this story for too long if an actual plot doesn't begin to form. For instance, in A Fine Day for Chelsea, the plot was driven by her desire to get revenge on that popular cheerleader. In My Favorite Ex, the plot revolved around his ex-wife finding him not only living with a young lady, but also tiny. In any case, I won't continue to belabor the obvious, and I have the utmost faith in your ability to deliver a compelling story, as you have on numerous occasions. Obviously the story is just getting started and already there has been some nice foreshadowing.
I'll continue to follow this story and if something comes up I'll be sure to let you know. Thanks for another great story and I hope you'll add more foot content!
A woman seeks revenge against those who have wronged her
Tinyone234, I have to say that I like this story, but not for the right reasons. Honestly, the premise is too real for me, and it makes me sad more than it turns me on. Maybe it's because I've recently read a slew of articles here and there about sexual assault or whatever, and how it seems to me that gender relations have become so polarized recently, but I just feel kind of hollow when I read about people who speak and act like they are in your story, even if they are fictional. The part that depresses me is that I have personally encountered radical feminists of the type that you depict that say things like you've written about ("You got into an elevator with me, which is oppressive"), and what really saddens me is that there has to be a reason for such a person to be the way she is -- and that reason has at least some portion of it embedded in reality. Ultimately, your story is very powerful and I will definitely keep reading. Hopefully I'll be able to provide some constructive feedback with subsequent chapters.
WELL AS A MATTER OF FACT Rebecca is based on Rebecca Watson, a blogger who started "Elevatorgate" after just such an incident occurred, a matter of such infamy that Richard Dawkins himself weighed in on it. All my GTSes are named after various prominent SJWs (Chapter 3 is going to introduce, like, 3-5 more) so MAYBE YOU'LL RECOGNIZE SOME NAMES. Anyway I really really appreciate your review and I hope you continue to enjoy the story :D
Author's Response:
Hi. Before you start masturbating, you should know there is eroticized death in the paragraphs ahead. Enjoy.
binary_prophet, this story is amazing. You have strong diction, style, etc., but this piece's strongest attribute is the way you've managed to pack in so much content into so few words. My old writing professor always told me that every sentence must accomplish one of two things: build character or convey action. This is obviously not as easy as at seems, and economy of words is the central goal of every serious writer. In this story, you've accomplished quite a bit in terms of character development as well as action, and I have to say that what you've left unsaid is equally well done. No time is wasted on the hows and whys of Keith's shrinking. Plenty of stories get caught in this problem, and I personally find it's oftentimes much better to just completely gloss over that bit of fantastic impossibility because it can never be explained.
If I had to pick on something, I guess it would be that Keith almost seems to be too aggressive in his pining. He oscillates multiple times between stuttering fearfulness to demanding rudeness, and I wonder if it's overdone. That being said, I only am critical about it at all because there's very little to be critical of in this piece for two reasons: a.) because it's short and b.) because it's really well done. I felt bad not leaving anything in the way of constructive criticism, though, so there you are.
Awesome story overall; hope for more!
Thanks so much, Cas. And thank you for sharing your thoughts on craft with me. It's truly my pleasure to recieve such a thoughtful review.
You're right about Keith. It's a fair nitpick. Marcie is really the only character in this story, to my mind. Keith I wrote pretty loose; he's a part of the world, something to lose power while she awakens. He's an arrow pointing downward. A prop. I wanted him to be something of a comedic presence, too, to cut all the blood and guts.
Again, humbling feedback. Thanks so much.
Oldie from '07. A relationship ends.
Not very violent, I'm sorry to say. :(
Binary_Prophet, you've used quite an interesting style here. I have to say I usually dislike the no quotation marks bent that some authors use, but in this case I think it adds to the ethereal quality that you're clearly going for, and overall it works really well. In a lot of ways, this piece reads more like poetry than prose, and it's sort of crazy that the content is ultimately supposed to be porn. In fact, you've really blurred the line here, so kudos for that.
I usually try to write some sort of constructive criticism, but in this case there's hardly anything to harp on. I guess in a way your story is almost too good in that a lot of what we write and read on this site is meant to stimulate our more carnal senses, and what you've written sort of strays away from that. It's weird, I personally find myself favoring some of the more direct, yet objectively more poorly written stories, which puts me in a weird sort of space. On the one hand, I frankly love writing, and if I thought I was viably good at it, I would do it for a living. I strive to be better and to take it seriously, and I try to be that way when I write reviews for others. On the other hand, this is a site that doesn't exactly foster that same mentality, and I always find myself striking a balance in what I write between "The Good Parts" (a story written by someone who knows exactly what I'm talking about) and also just trying to improve my writing in general.
I don't know exactly what the point that I'm trying to make is, but needless to say I enjoyed reading what you wrote, and I definitely look forward to more of the same.
Thank you so much, Casanova. I'm glad you enjoyed this one and how it was written. I do hope you found it to be erotic still, because it is supposed to be porn -- that's true. My aim is always to be erotic.
I know that space you're speaking of, talking about more to-the-point smut. I feel that for sure. That's typically what I'm after, as a reader. And it's true, this has no carnal scenes. This was rather emotionally written, I'll say, after the rough end of a long relationship (years ago). I had a different objective in what I aimed to capture here than I do most of the time when I sit down and crank out some porn. Perhaps this gives it a different quality.
It sounds like you're hedging between a style you want to write in and one you don't because you're concerned about the audience here at World. If it helps to hear, consider yourself your audience. If you write what you like, you'll find readers who like it, too. In this way, you please your audience by pleasing yourself. Or do what I do and get off as you write this stuff. If it doesn't turn you on, you know it's no good.
EmmaGear, you've penned another fantastic addition to your catalogue of sexy giantess stories. Obnoxiously, you've set the bar quite high for ETZ's contest, but that's expected. It's a given that your writing is dynamic and vivid, etc. What I liked in particular is how downright snooty the antagonist of the story is. She just oozes that terrible bitchiness that, for many of us, is somehow attractive. You did a fantastic job of capturing that, and it makes the story so much sexier than your typical rampaging giantess.
My only gripe is that I felt the big reveal might have been a bit too obvious. This is obviously just an opinion, so take it all with a cup of salt or whatever, but perhaps you could've built up the tension a bit more towards the end of Anatta's torture session. Maybe the other tenants of that slum could have plucked up the courage to try to save the boy. They could've ganged up on her in such a way that even her size wasn't enough. For a brief flicker, it could appear as though the evil giantess would be overcome, but of course you could dash those hopes to the ground by having her enlarge yet further and with a maliciously amused smirk, this all-powerful woman could expose just how pathetic the little urchins were to her. As it is now, I worry that Anatta's domination of the little boy is perhaps a little too inevitable and makes for a less captivating story (although of course still very sexy).
Either way, I greatly enjoyed the story. You were even teetering ever so slightly into the "Odor" tag for a couple lines there, which of course I can't get enough of. (You did it for me, right?) If it gets you to put out more GTS stories, here's hoping people have more contests.
Emma Gear and a fellow author have been engaged in a long, on-and-off debate over which is the superior fetishistic body-part; butts or feet. During their first face-to-face meeting, the debate finally comes to an end.
Rythmear, this story was deliciously meta, and as far as I know it's the first of its kind written on this site. I must say that not only is the premise creatively captivating, but it also is executed very well. Your writing mechanics are top notch throughout, and you are able to convey both characters' personalities well, particularly EmmaGear's progression from subtly imposing to outright aggression. I also appreciate how you didn't waste a lot of time on the set-up: just a few lines in you set the stage for a chatroom gathering, and the throwaway clauses about various members' trepidation really sells it. Going back to the premise, the idea that all of us would get together in real life, and having that get together lead to a real life shrinking strikes so close to home that everything that happens next has an edge of immediacy that makes the story that much better. Lastly, that final line is just perfect -- really well done!
There's hardly anything to criticize here, but one thing that did stick out for me was James's unwillingness to say "feet are better than butts." Of all things, that seemed the easiest to go with, whereas the physical acts of worship would seem to be worse. For instance, I would say "dicks are better than pussies" long, long, long before I would actually give a blowjob. It just didn't seem to make sense that that would be the sticking point. I think a more sensible sticking point would be the licking portion of the punishment; however, you do have a nice transition set up where James recites all things Emma is superior to him in, at which point he finds himself shrunk, and it would be a shame to give that up.
Regardless of that minor point, the story was extremely sexy overall, and I enjoyed reading it so much that I want to write a story with a similar premise (with your permission, obviously). Thanks for the great story, and I look forward to more!
P.S. Feet > Butts
Butts 4 eva :P
It's funny, I was going to have the entire debate begin when he chose 'Buttsdabest' as his username in the game :P - but it didn't quite fit as smoothly.
As for the unwillingness to say rather than do, as I'm sure you've guessed, James is based on myself - and I often find myself in situations where I have to do something I don't enjoy, but I flatly refuse to say I enjoy it unless I do. The pride thing is extremely reflective of my real-life self; I'll shovel shit if I have to, but I'll never -ever- say I enjoy it, 'cause I don't :P
Your cock-sucking example is a good comparison, though were that a situation that actually occurred in one of these stories, I would never have agreed to it - it would've required an absolutely absurdly high offer from them, and if they were willing to go that high, then I'd suspect something was up. It was after all more of a personal victory for Emma more than anything else :3
To help with farm work, Kenji purchases a Fyth, a giantess slave.
SpookyTaco, this story is an absolute joy to read. You're clearly a very talented, perhaps pro-level writer. I think both the setting and the narrator are presented amazingly well; you say so much in so few words. I have to echo everybody else and say that Alani is an extremely cool character: her innocence and earnestness in the face of her tormentors draws the reader in immediately, and her goodness of spirit is infectious. While you maintain the story won't have any X-rated material, I believe this is one of the few stories on the site that will be eagerly followed in spite of that.
If I had to contribute one piece of criticism, it would be that Alani's intelligence is certainly a big question mark. As you are definitely aware, first-person narratives can be tricky because every single word reveals something about the character. Thus far, Alani's inner monologue leads us to believe that she's not mentally diminished by any means and instead very innocent, as another reviewer mentioned. (A fine first-person narrative of a cognitively impaired character is Benji in "The Sound and the Fury" by Faulkner.") So if she is simply innocent, it's tough to reconcile some of her insightful observations with her blind loyalty to villains like Carl. That being said, I think that this isn't a minor structural flaw so much as me having not read the whole story; I imagine that you have a clever plot device waiting in the wings that will not only sweep all of this initial speculation away, but make the story that much richer.
Great story so far. I'll be following closely as this story progresses, smut or no!
Thanks a lot for such a lengthy and informative review! I like your comments about her intelligence. I'll have to read The Sound and Fury as I'm curious about Benji's portrayal, now that you've mentioned it. However, I agree with you that Alani's inner monologue shows her as being more intelligent than she herself (and some others) think. Is it possible for someone to be intelligent yet incredibly naive in some areas? What if the person isn't human (reminds me a little of some android and robot books, though Alani is neither)? How is it possible for a giantess to be a slave her entire life, yet never turn on her owners who are so much smaller and who mistreat her? Why does she struggle so much with obvious lies from Carl, doubting herself instead?
Those are some of the questions I'd have. We'll have to see. Thanks again!
In a world where only giantesses may wield magic and humans are nothing more than fuel for magic, John, a travelling merchant, finds friendship with an unlikely companion; Thayna, the weakest mage ever. Together, they cross the land in search of fun and profit, uncovering truths about the world as they go.
SoleEmbrace, this is a very cool story that you've got going here, and I'm enjoying it very much. The world you've built is quite captivating, and it's clear to see that you enjoy that sort of thing. More importantly, the characters are likable and multi-faceted. I can tell I really like a character when I think about him/her during the day when I'm just out and about, and that definitely holds true for your characters.
There's not much to criticize, but one minor thing I noticed was a bit of minor inconsistency with the dialogue. I think a character even mentioned it in an earlier chapter: basically, the dialogue seems to go back and forth between the medieval, stilted style and more modern, easy-going language. It's not a big deal, but it is something that sort of took me out of the story at times.
Either way, the story is still excellent. The premise is very cool, and it just so happens to line up well with the things I like (fantasy stories and hot foot action). Looking forward to more!
Author's Response:
Thank you, Casanova! I have to admit, the change in tone went right over my head when I did my proofreading. Just goes to show you should never just read through sentence by sentence while editing! Thanks for pointing it out! And glad you enjoyed my story!
Sometimes opting to stiff the pizza girl that's had a long day can be the last mistake you'll ever make.
Suggested as somewhat of a joke topic, and whipped up as a short one-shot. Thanks to the people that encouraged me to post this~
Jessica, nice little story you've got here. I loved all the hot, sweaty foot action. I also like how you did so much in so little space; I feel like the reader really got to know Jessica in a very short amount of time. On top of that, you left out a lot as well, leaving the reader wanting to know more about our mysterious protagonist. She seemed very comfortable with her shrinking abilities -- how did she come by these and what other adventures has she been on?
I only have one minor bit of criticism, and that deals with the narrative perspective. The story is clearly from Jessica's limited perspective since we can hear her thoughts to an extent ("yet stiff upper lip girl -- service with a smile!"). That being said, when the man is dropped into her shoe (loved that part obviously) the perspective switches to his. This interrupts the reader's experience by proxy of Jessica a little; I think a better way would be for Jessica to imagine how hot it's in there for the little man, and how sweaty and uncomfortable her Converse is. You're obviously a pro at these descriptions, so it would just be a subtle shift more than anything.
In any case, I really enjoyed your excellent story. Please, please write more sexy foot action!
Author's Response:
Aha, it looks like you caught me - basically the paragraph of smut was written separately and the framework of the story was added on after. Wonderful advice, and I really appreciate this - though it's quite unknown if I'll ever sit down and write more.
Twentythirty, I really enjoyed this story, and I have to echo what Takomaru said: I at times forgot that I was reading a story and not actually in it. The first-person style that you employed is very cool and I think you executed brilliantly. I particularly enjoyed all the starts and stops of the protagonist's thoughts. I also really enjoyed the ending line, as well as the parallelism you set up between the beginning and the end.
As for constructive criticism, honestly I don't have much. I think some of the descriptions and language could be better, but on the other hand this story is written from the perspective of a kid, and the diction you used was likely intentional given the narrator. Perhaps you could engage our other senses a bit more. You did mention that the smell inside of the flat was "rancid," but perhaps there could be more of such descriptions, including how hot and humid it was in there and how the narrator speculated that the flat had been worn for quite some time or whatever.
Either way, the story was fantastic overall. It was extremely immersive, and I had a great time reading it. Looking forward to more!
