Hrmmm....Maybe Maggie's a little insane too. There's something slightly off with the woman in this family. That's the only way to explain not earning a shred of sympathy. NAY! Actually reaffirming her abuse of Scott by experincing his torment first hand. Judy should've given her a notebook. I'm sure they're are certain insights worth remembering to better optimise Scott's suffering.....All in the name of love of course! 

These what if's are actually pretty revealing....at least that is if the characterization is canon even if the events aren't. Like the two women of the house bonding over Scott's suffering. That's something I believe is probably true. Of course who knows right? This is a what if. It makes me wonder if Judy would actually shrink Maggie under the same circumstance. I don't believe for a second she'd ever actually eat Scott but this one feels a Mythbusters plausible. Anyway good story. I actually feel bad for Maggie which is weird. Well I feel bad for all those kids, Judy's insane.

Ungrateful. That's my quick analysis of Uri based on one chapter of her masturbating. Yes it is!! Hardworking, pocket sized cat thing gives you your first orgasm and you're gonna get all paranoid because he's hungry!

"Falcon, Hungry." Is his first sentence. "Get over your insecurities, I'm like four inches tall!" is his second. 

Nice chapter. I wouldn't mind reading more of it...or really any of your unfinished stories. I cast my vote. Looking forward to whatever comes up!

I'd say this makes a good outline for what could be an amazing and emotional revenge story. The backstory itself inherently sympathizes you with the girl. I'd say what you need first is proper characterization. Show us the woman's emotions and beliefs. Who she was before meeting this abusive jackass and how his assault on her devastated her life. 

Same goes for the man. It's already easy to hate him but he should showcase the absolute worst humanity has to offer. It should more than justify the woman taking such drastic steps to get her revenge and maybe even justify the death of any innocents involved. If this is a destruction story? It feels like it is. 

That's my suggestion. Figure out the two main characters first and then let their actions carry the story. If that's what you want to do. The best thing about writing is you can do whatever you want. Even if it's just getting out ideas. Good luck.  I hope this helped. 

This story is actually leaps and bounds better than your last one. It has more structure to it and i understand the characters better. Very clever woman to recognize a man's true motivations. 

Are you writing this on a cellphone? I just ask because the format is strange to me. Good on you if that's the case. I've tried cellphone writing before and it's a pain in the ass. 

Oh! His name was Joseph! Well I feel silly. I'm bad with common names. Not that he's a person worth remembering.

Overall a very touching and detailed perspective on the dangers a minor can face. It would be rare for it to go that badly but yeah it's not all fun and games. I liked all the subtle nods to minor culture. Being slightly chunky little piggies for MAJORS to cuddle, some MAJORS seeing them as glorified pets, not being able to read and write (although that's been slowly changing. Alejandro is a prime example) Just good stuff. Alejandro is a layered character I just want to know more about! How does he handle different situations? How is he around MAJORS now? What would he do at a school like Winton where he'd be around them all the time? So many questions!

I laughed when Izzy was featured in a news article but honestly that is something Winton would brag about to encourage new minors. Good detail there. Also love the website.

I truly hope any fan of MAJOR/minor (Which is like ten people, sorry) read this gem. And yeah. I think Alejandro might have a cameo if I can figure out a believable reason for him to be at Winton.

Geez! I come back from holiday and youhave like three chapters done!!! I am so far behind!

This was a tough outing for Alejandro and the night's not even over for him. Out of his comfort zone, surrounded by MAJORS, insulted multiple times! I don't blame him for snapping or taking a break. I'm actually pretty angry at Shannon for grilling him! I know it might have worked out but he also deserves his space, and has a right to his anger! None of them understand! 

That all being said I like how their relationship is developing. Aejandro will have much to consider before pursuing something more with Shannon. Little displays of casual domination will be commonplace around her especially. Don't be naive Jandro. You are swimming with a shark an a@ex predator. Can you handle that? What happens if you have another argument and she can so easily submit you? Think about it man.

Well I can see why you said it might be too dark. It's very intense.

That being said it's totally in line with Shannon's brutal character. In my opinion Shannon Matthewson is the most extreme example of the MAJORS survival of the fittest mentality taken to it's logical conclusion. Ironically it's probably her mom who encouraged these beliefs most likely not expecting Shannon to achieve such size and strength. To Shannon, Alexis is just a minor too. Sad. But hey this is called "Dance with Fire" and it's clearly not just because of the passionate nature of Shannon and Alejandro's budding romance. Shannon is the fire and fire burns. Rando might be in serious danger with her. 

I also believe Shannon probably needs a minor in her life to keep her more even headed and healthy. Not that MAJORS truly NEED a minor but Shannon would definitely be less violent with Alejandro influencing her. If that's what she wants. She honestly seems to enjoy her violent tendencies.

Harsh but intriguing chapter. Great development for Shannon and even Alejandro overall and well.....just the entire Matthewson family. I will totally understand if you change it for whatever reason. Maybe make Shannon more sympathetic to her mother? I honestly don't know how the Matthewsons come back from this. Especially Andrew, he was completely emasculated by his daughter. He IS a MAJOR right? I though he would fight fo protect his wife a little. I just feel bad for him. His wife was blatantly cheating on him and now his daughter takes control of the family. Rough.

Wow! Good for Alaric! No joke. I've become really attached to your characters! I really want to know what Lindsey's up to now, or Shannon and her family? Have they reconciled?! What's old Rando up to?! Ahhh!!! Why would you do this to me?!?!

Also just so you know. Since Ariel's a female minor....she has a significantly larger than normal chance of birthing a full minor or halfsie. I mean...That IS how Izzellah exists in the MAJOR/minor world! I hope Alaric's prepared for that! Geez I could just read a story about that! Ariel's really cute too. Her circumstances are probably fairly common for a minor. Lots of potential for abuse there by nature. She's really strong for surviving that. 

Good add on! Why are people writing so much?!

Okay so probably through habit I didn't realize you had uploaded two chapters and skipped a chapter. So now that I've read it in order and have added context and perspective I xan give an insightful comment.

Cherry Overrock! Best character!

Seriously though. Alejandro has some guts! Holy shit I would not walk into that room. I can see what you said about that dark moment being the key to the ending. It's almost perfect. Shannon in a bid to romance Alejandro doesn't realize she's just as bad as the MAJOR who damaged him. Wow! 

Can't wait to see the end of this one!