Reviewer: TheJackdaw_v2 Signed 
Date: October 27 2017
Title: Chapter 1: The Big Dance
Let me start off by saying you are indeed a talented writer. I really enjoyed the story. Throughout the entire work, you had proper sentence structure, correct spelling and grammar (a huge factor when it comes to reading and actually enjoying a story!) I can't stand it people don't take the time to at least write properly. It's much more enjoyable to read something like "The red fox leaped into the air to clear the fence and land on the other side, where the grass is greener, to burrow into it's hole that it calls home" as opposed to something like some of the other stories on this site that are like "the red fox rapidly rans next to fences with posts then ranned rapidly into said post only have to trip and get face full of dirt"..... It's a much more enjoyable story to experience and get lost in (that's WHY we read, it's it not? Lol) when its at least grammatically correct!! So props to you for that! You definitely have a very capable hand when it comes to writing (and typing lol). With that said, I've got some constructive criticism for you now. The story didn't end HORRIBLY, but it still feels a bit "botched", if you will. It's definitely not as bad as some other reviewers are implying. I get it that Fulda, is in fact, not the most mentally stable human being in the world. I knew, from the moment Anni had her encounter with Fulda's tiny boyfriend, that she knew that he cheated on her with Anni. I knew that she was cooking up some revenge in some form or another. But when the "cheating" scene do occur, I felt as if the protagonist was already walking on the razors edge of "wits end" so I don't think it's fair what Fulda did in the end. I mean the bombshell that she drops on her boyfriend, out of seemingly nowhere, thats straight up "ouch!" Kick the poor fella while he is already down, why don't you? Lol. It feels a little rushed, like another reviewer said, it seems like you became bored with it. I was expecting something similar in terms of "out of nowhere revenge, served cold" just not THAT cold.. Lol anyway, I just felt very empty and unfulfilled when I finished reading this story. It ended very abruptly, with no real build up. That's a set up for disappointment when it comes to creating a good fictional piece. Anyway, enough about that! You definitely have molten lead (or just ink... Lol) flowing through your veins because you know how to write, which is unfortunately an increasingly rare and prized trait (especially in WRITING!! Duh!) these days. So, again, good job on that. The story was good, the build up was anti-climactic, and the ending was unfulfilling and too abrupt. The main points I want you to take from my review are the fact that you're an individual who actually takes the time to WRITE and not scribble random words to form sentences(?) at the 2nd grade level. You have the ability to grab the readers' attention through character dialogue, story events, and descriptive writing. Sorry I'm done ranting now... Haha. Looking forward to more of your writing style! Also, hopefully there is more to these characters sometime down the line, perhaps when Fulda comes home from college, or visits! Seriously, I'm shutting up now. Like for real.
