Reviewer: Tigernach Signed
Date: June 15 2015
Title: Chapter 1: Chapter 1
You have a great story here, but being a technical writer, certain things about your writing tend to be jarring to me. If you don't mind, perhaps a few helpful criticisms could relieve that problem. First: If you would replace the expression 'was made to' with a simple past tense of the associated verb (i.e. -ed, in most cases); next: you frequently use the word 'whenever' in place of the correct word, 'when'. Whenever should only be used when(ever) the event described is repetitive in nature.
Next, on a personal opinion, considering that 627 meters is equivalent to nearly 2,060 feet, a height that would make it virtually impossible that Ariel would have noticed Vincent (at 0.19" tall) lying on the ground where they found him. Moving the decimal one place to the left would have made the size difference so much more realistic, I feel. She is still over 200 feet tall (62.7 meters), which would make Vincent equivalent to almost 2" tall in proportion, and still very difficult for three young women to see on the ground as they passed by, but still very much more likely.
Author's Response: Thanks but there is no way Ariel is going to be shrinking in size if anything she's meant to grow. She was meant to be large enough that Vincent could comfortably sleep in her belly button. Besides you're assuming that these women are simply large humans. Their senses, fine control and strength to size ratio are well beyond what a human has. If they weren't their bodies would collapse under their own weight. Even for a giantess that stood 80 meters tall she would require a super human nervous system otherwise messages would never get from the limbs to the brain amongst many other things simply to survive. If you want to play the realism card please keep things down to five meters and even at that size there would be issues. Such a person likely wouldn't even feel it if their foot was injured.
