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Thursday, October 22

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Thursday was shaping up to be a potentially big day for Marcus, because Jessie had asked if he wanted to come to one of her games today. Honestly, the idea of being around so many people was incredibly nerve-wracking; there would be more people in that gymnasium than he’d ever been around since shrinking. And many of those people would be running around, balls would be flying, call-outs and yelling would fill the air. But if he’d never shrunk in the first place and didn’t have to worry about things like that, then he would’ve loved to go, because he almost always attended anyways. With his prior job having given him empty afternoons and with Jessie being the only person in his life he cared about, there was practically never a good excuse for why he couldn’t come to her games, so he always did. 

He didn’t know if he’d be able to return to that lifestyle of ever-present support for her, but she’d convinced him to at least give today a shot. Visiting her classroom earlier that week had definitely been an eye-opening experience, maybe even therapeutic. So many years of watching overly dramatized movies and seeing horrible news stories about people with his condition had subconsciously planted the idea in his head that having DSD would be horrific, or dangerous, or lonely, or all of the above. And while he’d definitely had a few unique experiences already over the last week—and some incredibly off-putting dreams—visiting his daughter’s school had made him realize that actually, most people saw him as a fellow person and treated him normally. Even teenagers who were progressing into their rebellious phase had treated him with respect… for the most part.

That’s why Marcus had answered with a yes to his daughter’s request. He didn’t even think about it for more than a second before answering; his gut told him to just say OK instead of stressing over what he should do. And now that he’d said he’d be in attendance, there wasn’t any way he’d let himself back down from his commitment now.

“Hey, you ready to go?” he called out to her down the hallway, just in time for her to waltz out of her room. 

Jessie was wearing a pair of black tights underneath some black jean shorts, with a plain white v-neck up top and her hair styled into pigtails. “Whaddya think of my outfit?” she asked, strutting past Marcus on her way to put her shoes on. “And also, before you answer… do you know why they’re called pigtails? Like, they’re a lot more similar to horse’s tails I think.”

“Honestly I have no idea,” her dad answered, “although I don’t think ‘horsetail’ rolls off the tongue as well as ‘pigtail.’ And I think your outfit looks really cute.”

“You know, one of these days I’m gonna come up with something to wear that’s like, a liiiittle ugly,” she said, tying her sneakers on. “Not super ugly, but just like, something where the colors don’t match, or a shirt with a really weird pattern, I dunno. But I just wanna see if you’d still say it was cute, or if you’d be honest.”

Marcus snorted at the idea, “Well, at least you have plenty of clothes to choose from. I’ve only got a few shirts and a few pants. A couple of my clothes aren’t even meant to be worn by humans at all!” Once he realized the final size he’d end up with, he’d been able to buy a few things to wear, but during the shrinking process Marcus had only worn doll clothing that was cheap and simple, since he knew he’d shrink out of them in a few days. And until he knew what he’d do for work, he didn’t exactly feel like spending hundreds of dollars to restock his wardrobe. 

“Yeah, I guess that’s true,” she said, mulling his point over. Maybe I can surprise him with some new clothes, she thought. Although she didn’t have a lot of money in her bank account, and didn’t expect to keep getting an allowance from her dad. Still, it was worth keeping in the back of her mind. For now though, she just kept quiet, and once she’d finished putting her shoes on, they headed out to the car together so he could take her to school.

*       *       *

Sitting outside of Jessie’s school gym, Marcus stared at the entrance, watching as people slowly filtered in for the game. He was trying to work up the nerve to just get out of the car and head inside, but he remained frozen. Every year, scores of kids who were new to the school would feel just as anxious as he was, but Marcus was the first adult to feel anxious, the first to feel anxious cuz of his size. He didn’t even feel like he was really watching the people entering the gym; he was just watching his modified car’s giant screen that was relaying what the outer cameras were seeing.

He got an idea, so he pulled out his phone and scrolled through his contacts til he found Paris’ number, calling her and holding the phone up to his ear.

She picked up fairly quick. “Hello?”

“Hey Paris, it’s Mr. Tilden,” he said, silently thanking how reliable he knew she would be to answer.

“Oh hi! How are you?”

“I guess I’m doing fine, hopefully you are too. Listen, I was calling to—actually, are you at Jessie’s game today?”

“Of course, why, what’s up?”

“Well, I’m actually sitting in my car outside the gym right now, and uh…” Marcus trailed off. His initial thought was that Paris could escort him inside, but wouldn’t that just seem even more embarrassing than if he went in on his own? He was a completely mature adult, yet he didn’t have the courage to head inside without the watchful eye of a 13-year-old. His imagined interaction was the opposite of how it seemed the world should work. But this world was still new to him.

“Oh, did you have to park pretty far from the entrance?” she asked. “Is it a bit of a walk, did you need me to come out and get you? It might be dangerous if you had to dodge cars and stuff too.” Marcus wasn’t sure if she hadn’t caught on to what he’d wanted to ask, or if she was just being polite and feigning ignorance. “Wait, I think you’d be able to park in the handicap spots! They’re always closest to the entrance in any parking lot, I think.”

“In the future I’ll be able to, but usually people need a handicap tag to hang from their rearview window, which I don’t have yet.”

“Ohhhh, OK. Well I’ll just come out and get you then,” she offered cheerfully, not at all bothered by the proposition.

He squeezed his eyes shut, cringing and inwardly berating himself for making this girl come out to fetch him. But his mouth said a different story. “That’d be so nice of you, thanks. My car should be on the left side of the lot, same one as usual.”

“Awesome, I’ll be right out—see ya!”

“Bye,” he replied, hanging up the phone and exhaling. Whatever, if it really ends up feeling that embarrassing, it’ll just motivate me to actually walk in myself next time.

As Marcus stepped off the end of the car’s ramp, Paris came around the corner in time to see the installment fold back into the door again. “Whoah, that’s pretty cool, Jessie told me about that.” Dressed in a supportive school hoodie, his daughter’s friend squatted down on the sidewalk and held out her hand. “I’m not sure how you’d prefer to travel; do you want me to carry you, or you could sit on my shoulder or something?” A few days ago, half out of curiosity and half out of preparation for the day she knew would eventually come, Paris had googled the best way to carry shrunken people (in someone’s hand, or sitting on their hand or their shoulder, or tucked in a pocket, or held against their chest, etc) and learned that there were actually several popular options. Everyone with DSD had a preference for which way they liked best. Marcus didn’t really care how Jessie held him though. To him, the who mattered a lot more than the how. For since it’d be Paris’ first time handling him, he figured the safest option would be best.

“You can just grab me around my chest,” he said, lifting up his arms so she could wrap her fingers around his torso, “and then just make sure to hold me steady. Facing outwards, preferably.”

“Got it!” With thoughtful delicateness, she took hold of Marcus and slowly stood back up. Clutching him at chest level, she pivoted on the sidewalk and started heading back to the gym. “So far so good? Too tight, too lose?”

“You’re a natural,” he replied encouragingly.

As they approached the doors to the gym, Paris stopped in her tracks, a sly smile growing on her face. “Wait, I dunno if you brought money for your ticket, but I could probably sneak you in without the women at the front table noticing. I think you’re small enough to fit in my pouch.”

“Well I didn’t bring money since carrying cash would be kind of annoying for someone my size, so I was hoping they’d just let me in for free. But… I mean, I’m willing to try out your idea if you want.”

As he was lowered down to her front pocket, Paris tilted her hand so that Marcus’ body was horizontal, and then she stuck her hand into her pouch, dropping him in. Sure enough, he was the perfect size to fit inside, and there was an inch of depth to the pocket, so he was able to fit comfortably in the bottom without worrying about his head or feet poking out the sides. Marcus even felt a bit snug laying in Paris’ pocket; he wasn’t sure whether that was fine or not, but he at least made a mental note to remember this for whenever Jessie wore a sweatshirt in the future and took him somewhere. Since he weighed a few pounds, there was a visible droopiness to her hoodie’s pocket, but who was gonna suspect she was smuggling in a person? If the PTA ladies even noticed, they’d probably just think it was a water bottle or some food.

As Paris started walking again, Marcus’ position within her hoodie assumed a rhythmic motion, barely tapping against her stomach in stride with her walking. “Hey again Mrs. Stevens,” he heard the girl say above him, and then a middle-aged woman somewhere outside reciprocated the greeting, letting her back into the gym.

When Paris arrived at the bleachers, she walked up to Jessie and reached in to pull her friend’s dad out of her pocket. “Surprise?”

“Daddy, you actually came!” Jessie happily exclaimed, taking her dad and hugging him against her chest.

“I said I was gonna, didn’t I?” he smiled, hugging her back.

“Yeah I know, but like… I wouldn’t have blamed you if you stayed home, you know? But I’m glad you decided to actually come! It’s good that you’re starting to venture out more and get used to the world again.”

“Well, it’s nice to be able to come to one of your games again.” Since their season had already started a few weeks ago, it had been almost a year since he’d seen her play.

“Hey, you wanna meet my teammates?” she asked. “I think you already know most of them already.” It had been a rhetorical question though, and she turned to the other girls sitting down in the first row, letting her dad sit on the edge of her hands as she held them out, showing him off to everyone. “Jaqueline, Sierra, Brooke, Willow, Alisha…” She named all her teammates as she walked down the line, and then pointed out the ones on the court that were warming up. His daughter had been right: a couple girls were totally new to him, but he recognized most of them, some from being Jessie’s friends and some that he remembered from last year’s games. But even those familiar faces felt somewhat new to him, since he was seeing them all from the perspective of being a fraction of their size. As a handful of the curious teenagers crowded around to meet Marcus, he was reminded of that day in Jessie’s homeroom, except at least there everyone had been confined to their seat and he was only meeting one person at a time. But now he was surrounded by half a dozen girls all dissecting him with their eyes.

Luckily though, Jessie decided not to let everyone dwell too long around her dad. “Alright, I think we should give him some space now.” The others disbursed, and Jessie headed over to where Paris was sitting, setting her dad down on the seat next to her, and then she headed back out onto the court to warm up with her teammates.

“Mr. Tilden?”

Marcus turned his head and saw another familiar face had walked up. Standing in her cheer uniform, with hair that seemed impossibly straight and well-kept (considering how much moving around was involved with cheerleading), was another one of Jessie’s friends, Kacey. Having moved here at the beginning of last year, Jessie didn’t know Kacey as well as Paris or some of her other friends, but they’d hung out enough last school year that Marcus knew who she was and had gotten to know her decently well from the times she’d come over to their house. If he was being honest, he was actually a bit surprised that they were friends though. Kacey usually seemed a bit moody whenever she and Jessie hung out, and she had a tendency to act a bit conceited and self-important—all of which were characteristics that Marcus would never ascribe to his daughter, or figure she’d associate with. But she certainly wasn’t bad enough that Marcus didn’t want them hanging out together.

“Oh, Kacey, it’s nice to see you,” he politely greeted. Already though, just from the look in her eyes, Marcus felt as if she was quietly judging him, like it was his fault that he had shrunken as small as he had. “I didn’t know you did cheer.”

“Yeah,” she replied flatly, her gaze remaining constant, until she took a deep breath and sighed. “Sorry… for staring. Um… how have you and Jessie been doing ever since you shrunk?” It was polite to ask, but it didn’t seem like she really cared how he answered.

“We’re doing fine. I think I was a little surprised with how much of an impact it’s had on her though. Like I’m the one who shrunk and obviously getting used to that has taken a lot of work, but in a lot of ways she’s had to step up herself too. She’s been handling it pretty well though.”

“Nice.”

Marcus grimaced, “Well, I won’t keep you from your friends. Nice seeing you though.”

“You too,” she said, and turned to head off towards the other girls.

While Paris would drift in and out of conversations with some of her surrounding classmates, Marcus kept to himself by her side. He felt a bit awkward about the glances or stares he felt himself getting from around the gym, but at least it wasn’t as crowded as basketball or football games. Soon enough, the match started, and before long he was cheering for Jessie, back to rooting for her like he always had.

By the end of the night, Jessie’s team ended up victorious, and Marcus grinned as he watched her circle up with all her teammates for a group cheer. When she came back over to where he was sitting, she was panting and sweating but visibly thrilled by how the night had gone. She shook her head in disbelief as she looked at her dad on the sidelines, grinning in amazement. “I still just can’t believe you actually came,” she said. “Like the last few weeks were so weird cuz I’m so used to you coming to watch, so I just kept feeling so worried that I’d just be like, alone at every match for the rest of the season. And then maybe even the rest of my life, you know? Or that you’d come but you’d feel pressured and on edge the whole time cuz there’s so many people and everything’s so big.”

“Well I’m definitely glad I came out,” he replied. “Watching you play isn’t made any better or worse depending on my size, so it was easy to forget about that stuff and get back to how things used to be a little bit.”

As they bonded over how the evening had gone, a fit-looking man in his late 20s walked up to Jessie. “Hey, you must be Jessie’s dad?” he asked, standing with his hands on his hips.

Jessie piped in to introduce the leader of their team. “Oh, Daddy! This is Coach Kyle, he just joined this year since Ms. Johnson retired.”

“Hey nice to meet you, I’m Marcus,” her dad nodded.

“You as well,” the man replied. “Listen, can the three of us find someplace to talk? I promise, it’s nothing bad.”

“We could go over by the boys locker room?” Jessie offered, letting her dad climb onto her hand.

“That’s perfect,” the coach responded, and followed Jessie to an empty corner of the gym where they could have some privacy. There was a window with a ledge that was a few inches deep, so Jessie set her dad down so the three of them could form a triangle without him standing on the floor.

“First off, I just wanna say that your daughter’s terrific,” he started off, and Jessie blushed while her dad smiled at the good news. “The school only lets me choose one of the 8th graders to be team captain since it’s varsity, but if I could’ve, I would’ve picked your daughter to lead the team even though she’s one of the only 7th graders.”

Marcus raised his eyebrows; now he was really impressed, and Jessie’s eyes lit up at the praise. “Oh my God, I didn’t even know that,” she remarked.

“She’s a great team member,” the coach continued, “she’s confident and decisive on the court, and she doesn’t treat any of the players worse than her just cuz of how they play—including the JV and C teams. And especially at their age, it’s pretty common for some of the kids to let their pride get in the way of how they behave with their teammates, as I’m sure you can imagine.” He crossed his arms, “But I didn’t wanna pull you guys aside just for that.”

“Besides her attitude towards the game, I also think Jessie’s one of the best players I’ve coached for her age. And I don’t just coach for the school as a hobby or side job, I’ve been helping lead girls to national competitions for a few years now, so I’ve seen a lot.” By this point, Jessie was so entranced with what her coach was saying that she wasn’t even smiling anymore. Her heart was racing; she really had had no idea how good he thought she was. 

“For most of the off season, my main job is as an assistant coach for a club team with other girls Jessie’s age. Sometimes we get new players who want to join just from word of mouth, but a lot of the girls on the team are ones that me or the other coaches have recruited by working at schools and scouting for talent. On top of that, I work as a personal trainer for boys and girls of all ages, but for the most part, my main focus is on our club. In the seven years that I’ve helped lead the team—and for many of the years before that, the head coach is really great at what he does—our club has been a finalist at the State Championship every year, and for four of those years we’ve even advanced to Nationals. Coaching obviously plays a large part in that, but we wouldn’t have been able to make it that far if it weren’t for how talented our players already were before they joined the team. That’s what Jessie has, raw talent, and a natural gift for playing the sport. I can give you guys my card, but our tryouts are a week after the school’s season ends, and I’d really love it if Jessie signed up to join us.”

Jessie was speechless, already imagining what it could be like to play the game on a national level. Marcus was excited by the news too, but there were some obvious barriers he could see coming up for them. “How much does it cost?”

“Well the fees for joining are around $800, but there’s a lot of traveling involved, so it generally costs families a couple thousand dollars a year.”

Jessie realized money would be an issue, and she looked at her dad to gauge his reaction. “I’m assuming there aren’t any scholarships to help pay for that stuff, right?”

Coach Kyle looked uneasy, and shook his head. “Unfortunately not, since it’s a private organization. At least, none that I’m aware of anyways.” He paused, “That being said… I have seen players every once in awhile who actually get sponsored, which can be pretty useful financially. But middle school volleyball clubs aren’t exactly something that gets much attention from the public,” he chuckled, “so the sponsorships aren’t based on how famous the teams are, since none of them are. They’re for the players.”

Marcus cocked his head to the side, not quite following along. “What do you mean, what’s the difference?”

“For the most part, sponsorships for the players come in the form of ad deals on social media—I’m sure you know what an ‘influencer’ is, right? To give an example, one of the girls I’m a personal trainer for is someone I used to coach a couple years ago; she’s in high school now. But she has almost a million followers on Instagram, so she does everything from modeling for certain brands to giving shout-outs to companies on her story or trying their products in livestreams. Her family’s pretty well-off so she doesn’t actually need the money to support her athletic ambitions, and I don’t think people need quite that many followers to start making money off social media, but there’s a lot of other girls out there like that. It’s definitely not something most people are able to do, but social media is everywhere nowadays, so I have no idea how many followers your daughter might have, I just figured it’s at least worth mentioning.”

He gave them both a moment to soak in what he’d said, and then took a deep breath before continuing. “I know this is a lot to spring on you guys, but coaching kids like Jessie is what I do for a living, and I don’t think I’d be doing my job to its full potential if I didn’t bring this up with you guys and stress how big of a deal it could be. Another one of the girls I’m a trainer for is actually headed to the Youth Olympics next year, and honestly I think Jessie could be capable of achieving the same thing for the next one—but volleyball can’t just be something she plays casually, it’d have to be a lot more of a commitment.”

“Oh my God, the Olympics?” Jessie stuttered. She was on the verge of crying (happy tears, of course). She hadn’t even gone to the Olympics in her dreams, much less thought about playing in them in real life.

Her coach held a hand up, “Not the Olympics, it’s the Youth Olympics. But they’re both ran by the IOC so it is pretty huge. I’m super proud of her and can’t wait to see how she does.” He hesitated making his next point, but then added, “And of course, the people who play in the actual Olympics had to start somewhere, they don’t just show up out of the blue and qualify without having played in tons of tournaments beforehand.”

“Wow,” Marcus finally spoke up. “That’s incredible. I could tell she was good, but I never would’ve guessed she was that good.”

“I don’t want you guys to get carried away, I’m not saying your daughter’s a future Olympic athlete. But she could be, and that’s not something I’m able to say about the vast majority of the players I coach.”

The man checked his watch and took a step back. “Anyways, that’s all I wanted to tell you guys. Don’t stress if you can’t afford to hire me as a personal trainer, that’s totally understandable. It’s a big cost, I don’t want to pressure people for money. But I hope you guys will at least think about her future, and I’d love to see Jessie try out for the club when the season’s over. I hope I’m not out of line in saying it would be a really great investment.” Then he turned to address Jessie directly. “By the way, I’d prefer it if you don’t mention the Olympic stuff to anyone. I wouldn’t even mention your invite to try out for the club to anyone other than your close friends. Most of the girls here just like playing for fun or for the community aspect of it, which is great. But it might not be good for team morale if they all feel like I’m showing you favoritism, I remember that happening a lot when I played basketball in high school.”

She nodded, “Yeah, no problem, I won’t tell anyone.” But she had such a huge smile on her face that she’d need a minute to cool off her excitement first.

“It was nice meeting you Marcus,” her coach said as he turned to her dad and nodded.

“Yeah, definitely,” the little man responded. “Thanks for telling us.” Coach Kyle turned to leave and get back to helping clean up, leaving Jessie and her dad to stare at each other and envision just how much their worlds might change.