Notes for writers: This story came about curiously. It emerged from a game of AI dungeon, the machine-learning-based text adventure sandbox. I then completely rewrote the transcript of the story into the first person present tense by hand, adding specificity and resolving contradictions. Finally, I used Grammarly to find and fix typos and grammar mistakes. Did I write this or has the internet gained sentience and authored it for me? I don't know. At any rate, this is the first story I've completed to my satisfaction, and I hope you enjoy it.