So, I heard this on a Planet Money episode once…

“Hey Kat – what’s the wifi password?” Sofie asked. The two women were on their beds with their heads bent over their phones. It was a standard Friday afternoon.

“Your phone finally arrived? You’ve been here for more than a month and it just came?”

“Yea, kind of annoying.”

“Wait until you get your first bill. Data is crazy expensive in Canada.” Katya said. She reached her arm over her bed to produce a slip of paper. “The password “BIGst3ppy” with big in all caps and a 3 instead of an e.”

“Thanks.” Sofie said. “Wait, how much is your phone bill here?”

“Like $95 a month. It fucking blows. I never realized how much paying for stuff sucks. Life was so much easier when we control all the money.”

Sofie didn’t pay much attention to Katya and continued to scroll through her various feeds. John wandered over to Katya’s bed. He announced his presence loudly, hoping that it would dissuade the young giantess from landing her feet near him.

“Your tea is ready!” John announced. He took a second breath. Heating the tea was done electrically but filling the cup was a manual process of pumping. A giant could simply pour the hot water from the kettle to her cup but what’s the point of a butler if you have to pour your own tea?

“Thank ya, John. Would you like to join us for tea. You certainly earned it, you’re going to be the strongest tiny in the country if you keep working with us.”

John climbed up the coffee table on a series of staples that Sofie had been kind enough to install for him.

“Can I ask you question?” John always tested the waters before speaking. Sometimes the two giantesses were happy for his company. Sometimes they would want nothing to do with tinies. John always tested their mood.

“Certainly.” Katya said.

“How does money work back in Europe? Is it like here? How do you have control over it?”

“Oh! I actually just listened to a podcast about this.”

“Good thing. I actually have no idea how Lotteriegeld works.” Sofie said.

“In Russia, we have the rublya. John, do you know what the gold standard was?”

“Kinda.”

“A couple decades ago all of your money used to be redeemable in gold. Well, actually, it was American dollars which you could get gold for. So, paper money was a stand in for something with intrinsic value. We have a similar thing in Europe called the lottery system. Every week there is national lottery, if your name gets picked then you have three months before you are given over the giantess order. Your chances of getting picked depend on your age and gender but you can lower your odds with essentially a reverse lottery ticket that decreases your odds of getting picked.”

“Okay, so it’s like a tax.”

“Sort of. The Central Giant Bank gets this money but it also does central banky things like printing more money. Your banks can change the rate the money is created. But our banks control how much money there is overall. They dial in inflation by picking how many tributes there are.”

“My sister just sent me an article about that.” Sofie said holding up her phone. “She says that it’s good that I’m in Canada since they had to decrease the lottery pool anyways. Apparently, the flu season is really bad this year. The lower house asked that the lottery shrink in size so that people could have more money to spend.”

“That’s what my podcast was saying. Form our perspective, it’s deflation because we get less tribute and money. But for the tinies, it’s inflationary because they have more money.” Katya said.

“Okay, so if I were living in Russia – I would have to pay a weekly tax to avoid being made into tribute. What does tribute do?”

“It’s similar to what you’re doing. Some people become servants, others get assigned to positions in administration, some are used for giantess services, and about half get eaten. Depends on where you get assigned in the screening process.”

“Do most people spend themselves poor avoiding this fate? Like are their homeless people who have jobs but dump all their money into the lottery?”

“Homeless people? We’re not absolute monsters – no! Every giant and tiny alike has access to a home, food, and medicine. We want people to be mostly free and happy, if they aren’t chosen by the lottery. If someone spends every rublya on the lottery, they’re still okay.”

“But most don’t. It’s a risk in life but if you spent every penny trying to eliminate every risk, you’d be paralyzed in fear every day.”

John sat with this idea for a moment. Sofie continued scrolling through her phone. Katya sat-up in her bed and kicked her feet onto the table just in front of John.

“John – have you heard anything about this protest?” Sofie was holding her screen up to the table. It was the size of billboard. John took a few seconds getting oriented to the massive facebook page in front of him, then he saw it,

Enough is Enough – Tell the Government to Send These Giants Home

400 Attending; 1,132 Interested

These random attacks have to stop. There is no reason for us to tolerate these two giantesses in our country. Tell Justin Trudeau to use the army and force these monsters out of our city…

“Can’t say that I have. I haven’t really had time to go much else besides this shelter.”

“My mother sent it to me in a text, ‘I see that you’re not causing any trouble. :P’” Sofie said.

“Do you think we should go? When is it?”

“It’s tomorrow at 3pm. I think we should go. Maybe we could protest signs.”

“I’ve got it ‘If you can read this sign, you should start running!’” Katya said, her hands mimicking the place of the sign.

“Here’s one, ‘I will listen to your protests – in my stomach.’” Sofie said while trying to stifle a laugh.

“I think you should just go for a power move. A poster that just says ‘RUN’” John said.

‘That’s the best one. I like it.” Katya said. She took a sip of her tea and tapped the table beside John with her foot as a sign of approval.

“Are you going to the carnival tonight?” Sofie asked.

“Yea, I was going to pick up Joe. Are you?”

“Yep, Lizzy asked me to help her with a fundraiser for her concrete canoe club. Apparently, I’m going to be a climbing wall.”

“That’s amazing. I can’t wait to see how they have you rigged up.” Katya finished her tea. She half stood up with her head crouched below the low ceiling. “I should probably go pick him up now.”

An unwelcome visitor…

“Did you hear that, Cindy?” Marco said. He grabbed a potted plant that had fallen from a windowsill.

“Why would she be coming over here? Don’t they just stay near the university?” Cindy replied.

The footfalls came slower than normal walking speed. There was enough time to catch whatever had fallen from the previous before the next. But each new footfall was noticeable closer and more violent.

Stomp. A short pause followed. CRUNCH. A hedge row collapses.

Stomp. A door slams on the next block.

Stomp. A car alarm whines. CRUNCH. A car alarm stops.

She was right in front of their house. From the living room window they could see the heel of her foot, which had just made their neighbour’s smart car disappear beneath it. She wasn’t moving at all though. Her calf pulled in slightly and then relaxed. The couple had new clues about what her intentions were over than her foot and ankle.

“Why is she right here!” Cindy exclaimed.

“Shhh shhh. We should get to the basement.” Marco said trying to sound confident.

“No, we should go out the backdoor.”

“What if she sees us? It’s better to treat this like a potential earthquake.” Marco’s words were cut off by the earthquake. The floor rumbled beneath them. Marco grabbed onto a railing, while Cindy was thrown onto floor. She instinctively threw her hands over her head. The shaking was followed by a creaking the emanated from their outer walls. Then nothing.

“Basement.” Marco said while getting up. He reached his hand out for Cindy whose hands were shaking over her head. The creaking started again. Everything shook from one side and then the other. Marco was thrown onto the ground with Cindy. Their chandelier fell in another room. Was the giantess sitting on their house, Marco wondered? Why would she do that?

All was quiet for a moment. Marco kicked large glass shards out of the way. Cindy grabbed his arm and followed behind him. The next round of shaking was less violent. Marco abandoned trying to kick out the glass. He picked Cindy up and walked over the glass. There was no time to waste.

PFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFT.

The giantess farted. Shards of glass blasted inwards on the second floor of the house. She was definitely sitting on their house. The rhythmic shaking began again. Marco lost his grip on this wife. He tried to give her a push so that she wouldn’t land on the glass. She landed hard none the less. Breathing hard Cindy began to gag on the smell.

“We need to go to the basement. She’s going to crush- ack ak ha.” Marco tried to stammer out the rest of his sentence. But his lungs were filled with the giantess’ gas. He looked at his wife. She was hyperventilating. Her breathing now punctuated with an attempt to gag, a cough, and then a hard, deep breath. Marco grabbed her hands. As soon as she was up, he began pulling her to the basement. His lungs were burning. The air was heavy and humid. Each breath was dense, resisting being breathed. Each inspiration was punished with the tinge of her gas. The musty air draped around them.

The door to the basement was swinging wildly with the movement of the giantesses’ butt. Her butt had full control over the fate of their house. Marco was able to hold the door open and his girlfriend made it down the stairs by herself. The door slammed behind them. The walls let out a long groan.

The giantess had stood up. The fart was not part of her original plan but sometimes nature can’t be held off. She wondered how the house occupants were faring against her little toot.

Meet the parents…

I heard Katya coming towards my parent’s house. I had agreed to hang out with them and my sister for Thanksgiving before arranging my date with Katya. Katya insisted on coming to pick up and seemed eager to meet my parents. I was not keen on this. Having your girlfriend meet your parents is awkward enough. Having your parents meet your giant girlfriend with a reputation for mischief was a terrifying prospect, but here we are.

I had texted Katya to tell her the approximate shape and colour of my house. I figured street address wouldn’t really work for her. Still, I ran to the front door to go try to wave her down. There was a crash after her last step. I paused at door to look out the front window. She had sat down on our neighbour’s house. I probably shouldn’t have told her about the dispute my parents had been having with them. Next thing I know I heard shattering glass. My heart was racing. Katya was still fine, right? She hadn’t decided to give up the friendly act and go on a rampage. I wasn’t dating Queen Kong. Right?

“Katya!” I shouted as I stepped out. She gave me a smile. Her hands came down on my front lawn as she readjusted her position.

“I don’t think the Jones family will be bothering you anytime soon.”

I wanted to tell her that this was out of order but I got distracted. I felt horrified at what she had just done but she seemed to pay no mind. She was sporting a broad smile like she had just given me a bouquet of flowers. Crushing houses seemed to be a similar level of gesture to her. Her bubbly appearance put me off balance.

“Yea, I suppose not. I hope they’re okay.”

“I don’t think I roughed them up too much, should be fine.” She looked over her shoulder and gave a small shrug. “Are those your parents?”

I looked behind me. My dad was standing in the door with both hands braced on its frame. Mom was behind him with her hands on his shoulder. I made eye contact with my mom and gave them a subtle ‘come on’ sign with my hand.

“This is dad, Glenn, and my mother, Karen. Mom, Dad, this is Katya.” I said as I saw them tentatively step out of the door. My mom waved and Katya gave a small smile back.

“Can she hear us?” My mom asked.

“I definitely can. How are you Mrs. Gustafson?” Katya asked.

“I’m well. Glad to have Joe back for Thanksgiving.” My mom said. Her voice still sounded tense nut she forced through the small talk.

“I’ve always wanted to try American, sorry Canadian Thanksgiving. I’ve learned you folks don’t like being confused for each other.”

“Yes, you should be careful about that one, eh?”

Okay, Dad was being Dad. This situation was salvageable. Small talk is being executed and no one is thinking too much about Cindy and Marco cowering under my girlfriend’s ass.

“Do you have a holiday like Thanksgiving in Russia?” My mom asked.

“Yes, we do. It’s called Obzhynky, which translates to something like harvest festival. We celebrate it in late September, early fall. It has a similar vibe, but I think your thanksgiving would be improved with more colourful wreaths and flowers like we have back home.”

“Do you do anything special for ob-zj-hi-nike?”

“It’s less about family and more about community. Us, giantesses, go out to the small towns and there are parades to celebrate the harvest. Since the soviet times, we spend a couple of days working with the villagers before the main feast. At the feast, there are a lot of games. My mother told me that in soviet days most of these games were banned but I grew up with them.”

“That’s nice. We play a lot of games here. Card games are big in our family. What kind of games do you play at home?” My mom was being sweet. She had wandered closer to Katya but my Dad stayed in place. It was hard to find a natural position around her. One arm lined the edge of the driveway, her cleavage was at then end, and most of the driveway was taken up by her other arm that was supporting her face. It felt normal to approach closer to her face, but if I went too close, I couldn’t even see her eyes anymore.

“We play a lot of games with the village children. Mostly those games are about getting them use to us. We bounce them on our stomachs, let them climb over us, and play a version of tag where they try to avoid being blocked by our hands.

“At then end of the feast, the last bushels of grain are given to us along with a tribute. In old times, these were beautiful young, men. The Soviets banned this but now we do this with volunteers from the village who tend to be older men now. We take the volunteers back to our families and play games with them. Usually it’s a betting game between my sisters and I. We will make teams and two will compete at cards or wrestling or some game of skill. The other sisters take a volunteer who belongs to the other team. Whichever sister wins, her teammate swallows.”

“Swallows?” My mom asked. She had been approaching Katya but stopped to look back at Dad.

“Yea, eating them’s part of the game. Otherwise, it wouldn’t be a betting game. It’s good fun and they’re volunteers so they must be okay with it.”

My mom looked over at the Jones’ house. The pause was going on for a long time.

“I think Katya and I should head out. I’ll be home late.”

“Okay, bye Joe.” My mom said. Her and Dad marched back into the house. The blinds were dropped as I stepped into Katya’s hands. I still hadn’t gotten use to the feeling of helplessness of being clasped in someone’s hands. But eventually, I made it back to the familiar perch of her shoulder.

“Sorry, if that was awkward. I thought I was doing well but then your mother really shut down.” Katya said.

“Yea, I think you kind of freaked her out when you said that you swallow people.”

“Surely, she knows that giantesses do that? I know it’s not pleasant for tinies, so that’s why I only told her about the volunteers.”

“I think that still makes people uncomfortable. Any eating of anyone will make most people upset.”

“Does it make you uncomfortable?” She turned her head over to me and stopped walking. I watched the words leave her lips. I tried to look her in the eye but from my vantage, she tilted her head to vetter look at me.

Did it make me uncomfortable? Yes, of course. But it wasn’t a dealbreaker for me. Does that make me a bad person? If I can overlook evil, am I not at least complicit? But I could and I liked Katya. If I could make her stop, I would try. But this wasn’t the time to do it. The question was more about validation that I felt comfortable around her. And I did. I felt warm and protected by her.

“It kinda does.” I said. There was a pause and I knew that I had to continue, “But I’m trying not to be judgemental. You come from a different place, with different customs. They might be strange to me but I feel safe with you. And I try to look past those differences to the beautiful girl in front of me. And below and above me, I guess.”

She laughed. I was relieved. She continued walking. There was the sudden sound of cars moving again that had been stopped by Katya’s pause.

“I want you to feel safe with me, Joe. I think you’re pretty cute and I hate for you to think I was a monster.” She reached out her arm and pointed into the distance at a Ferris wheel, “Is that where we are going?”

“Yep. I guess you don’t really have to learn directions, when you can just see everything from up here.”

“Yea.” She laughed, “It’s too easy for me.”

At the pace Katya was going it looked like we would be there in no time. As I saw the carnival grounds get a closer, I was struck with a thought – how can she move this fast? I looked down and leaned to the side to see the ground under her breasts. I reflexively grabbed her shirt with both hands for security. She was cruising expertly through the streets. Planting the ball of one foot onto a side street, and then stepped wide to take advantage of a traffic light that had just changed. She was reading the streets like it was her second nature.

Then I saw her misjudge. Well, actually, it wasn’t her fault. Someone had made Pittsburgh Left. Katya couldn’t react in time and her pinky toe crashed through the cars engine. She paused only briefly to nudge the car off the road, then continued at pace. The casualness caught me off guard. I wanted to point out to Katya that she needed to exchange information with the car driver. But this was routine for her. Would I stop if kicking a car out of the way was no more effort than a lego brick? Should I really be with someone who seems to respect other people as much as lego men?

Let’s play a game…

The Thanksgiving carnival was a lot bigger than in previous years. They had set-up a Ferris wheel and rides that had never really been part of it before. I wondered why but then I saw Sofie. She was sitting cross-legged in an empty parking lot with ropes hanging down from both of her shoulders. There were two people scurrying around on her shoulders. I guess the travelling shows figured that with two giantesses they could make a killing.

Katya carried me over to Sofie’s station. It became obvious that there was no way for her to get into the fare without squashing lots of people. Instead, she slowly made her way around the outskirts of the fare grounds. When we finally made it over to Sofie, she placed me on the ground.

“They’re really putting you to work, Sof.” Katya said. Sofie responded by slowly moving her arm and giving us the ‘wait a minute’ sign. I turned on my microphone, which connected to Katya’s earpiece.

“Why can’t she talk?” I asked Lizzy, who was manning the ticket booth for the Titaness Climbing Adventure.

“Her chest shakes too much when she talks. She was talking during the beginning of the show but a bunch of climbers lost their balance and gripped onto the ropes for dear life.”

“Wait, so you’ve really conscripted Sofie as a living climbing wall?” Katya asked.

“Yes.”

“That’s hilarious. Hopefully, she is making you good money.” Katya laughed and slapped Sofie on the back. The people on ropes went swinging but Sofie reached her hand under them to stop the swinging.

Sofie was somehow more imposing sitting down. Her crossed legs were an imposing valley, her body was wide enough for two people to be crawling up it on ropes, her face was still obscured by the distance from the ground. Robyn and another fellow were on her shoulders controlling the lines. The two people climbing up her, were on the most difficult part of the ascent – scaling the under side of her boobs.

“So, the Sofie ride isn’t that doable for me. I’m already taller than her, so this seems like a snooze fest. What else can be do at the carnival?” Katya looked around.

“Hey! You know that I’m taller.” Sofie chimed in then immediately grabbed to the two climbers who were now spinning on their ropes. She whispered down to them “Sorry.”

“What’s with the guy sitting over the water?”

“That’s a dunk tank. You pay for a chance to throw a ball at a target and make him fall in.” Lizzy answered.

“Sounds fun. Can you buy a ball for me, Joe?”

I went over to buy a ball for myself and Katya. The guy at the stand seemed uncomfortable. First, he offered me a free game. I told him it was fine, I’m happy to pay. Then he insisted on me having a free game if she, he pointed a large circle sweeping around Katya, stayed back.

“No, no, this ball is for her.” I answered. I put the ball in the air and jumped so that she could see. The fellow at the game, put my money in the register and then just left.

People get weird around Katya. I had been somewhat insulated from this fear because the whole university was more or less used to her. But outside of that environment it was turbulent. Still, I carried on. I took my shot and missed.

“How could you miss? You’re like 15cm away from the target.” Katya teased.

“Yea, but by your measurements I’m like 3cm tall. If you think it’s easy, you try. I bet you can’t even see the target.”

Katya was admittedly having trouble. She was kneeling beside Sofie’s both and was bent over to reach the dunk tank. She reached her arms out and her forearm was roughly in line with the dunk tank. Her forearm was longer than the whole set-up. She turned her palm upwards expectantly and I tossed the tiny ball into her waiting hands.

“Hmmm…” She evaluated the situation. With her other hand she plucked the ball up between two of her fingers. She raced her hand back and forth until her hand went down the path. At the last second, maybe 2’ in front on the target, she parted her fingers and the ball hit the target. She was rewarded with a satisfying splash.

 “That feels like cheating.” I said.

“I don’t see a ref. I used a ball to make the guy fall in, I won.” She stuck her tongue out at me.

I looked over and saw the two climbers were being lowered back down. Robyn was gathering up the extra rope. Katya asked if she needed a hand and Robyn placed the ropes into Katya’s hand before stepping onto it herself.

“Are there any games we can all do together?” Katya asked.

“I’ve been watching the Ferris wheel all day. Honestly, it looks super fun. Too bad that it’s the size of a bicycle tire.” Sofie said.

“I want to go do karaoke.” Lizzy said.

Karaoke was on the other side of the compound. Robyn, Lizzy, and I climbed into Sofie’s hand. Sofie and Robyn skirted around the carnival grounds until they reached the stage. A woman belting out Sweet Caroline stopped when we approached. She put the mic on the ground and left. The wordless song continued on without her. Lizzy, somehow indifferent to the situation, went up and continued with the song.

Watching Lizzy sing, I realized that she took the giantess’ presence a lot differently than the rest of us. I found Katya fascinating. It was exciting to get to know a giantess and be close with one. Katya was fun to be with and I felt the excitement of new relationship energy around her. But I wish she were less bashful. I feel bad every time someone is scared by her (or eaten by her). Lizzy, on the other hand, seems to revel in it. She loves the vicarious power that being Sofie’s favourite gives her. She finished her set to the applause of the four of us, only. But Sofie’s clapping was louder than a whole crowd’s.

“Who is next?” Lizzy asked.

“You should go Katya. I’ve heard your singing voice. It’s lovely” Sofie said.

“But I don’t know any of the songs. When I sing in English, I stumble over myself.”

“Why don’t you sing something in Russian?” Robyn said. I told her that she should do it as well. Eventually Katya relented and sang.

Her voice stopped everything in the fare grounds. The song started low and all of the rumbles of the mechanical equipment were drowned out. Everyone stopped to watch this giant, beautiful lady sing. No one could hear anything else, anyways. Then she did something I had never heard before. Her singing became polyphonic, holding two harmonies at once. Her voice went up and down with an ethereal whistle happening with every change of tone.

I fell into a trance. I watched her lips move with the words and could see nothing else. Each whistle and hum rattled my body. I felt her voice tense and then release my muscles in a cascade down my back. I could think of nothing but her. My posture straightened; the words of her song caused my spine to tingle. My ears felt warm as though they had just been blessed.

She finished her song and sat back. Her cheeks were red as she realized everyone was watching her. She covered her mouth and looked away. The entire carnival ground erupted in cheers.

“That was AMAZING.” Sofie said over the cheers.

Later when Katya took me home, I told her that I understood better why people volunteered as tribute even with the risks. Listening to her sing was a quasi-religious experience. My perception of her had changed as the indelible feeling of hope glistened her singing voice. It was like a drug.

“Maybe that’s why I’m not as used to the afraid reaction here. Where I am from, everyone has grown up with these songs and the feeling that you describe.” Katya said.