CHAPTER 3: ALONE

     That evening, I finally manage to be alone with Beta. We sit on her bed and chat for a while. I feel awkward, anxious. I can feel myself trying a little too hard to sound normal. Just shut up. Put your hand on her hand.

    She smiles warmly at my touch. I lean in to kiss her, and for a second our lips touch.

    "Alpha," she says, breaking off. "You know, when you... died again? And we all ran, I thought... I thought I'd probably never see you again. And when Miranda picked us up... and we finally found a safe place to settle... Alpha, it's been a long time."

    Then I  notice some clothes on the floor. Men's clothes. They must be Zero's.     Beta smiles a sad smile at me, eyes watering. "I'm sorry Alpha."

    What the hell did I expect anyway? Of course they were together. They had been together even before I left. I knew it then, and I knew it coming here. "No," I say. "Nope. You had every right," and I know its true even as I say it. It feels like shit acknowledging it, but, at the same time, accepting the truth always feels a bit liberating. I'll just have to work on the lingering sense of unfairness at the world that sets my jaw clenching.

       No, it's not the world. It's me. I saw what was happening. I did nothing to prevent it. I didn't fight for her then. They're obviously happy. I could have fought it, but I chose not to. That's the choice I'll have to live with.

    "Alpha," she says, wrapping her arms around me. Her lip trembles, and her eyes are shut tight. "And after all you did for us... I'm so sorry," she says, breaking into sobs.

    "No, no, no," I say, rubbing her back and cradling her head. All feelings of bitterness wash away. "Don't be sorry. It's okay. It's fine." I take a deep breath, and feel my chest shudder. "I... I thought you were gone forever too. We even searched for you..."

    She looks up at me, her tears leaving a little wet spot on my shirt. "You did?" she says, sniffing. "You and Naomi?"

    "At the pet store. We looked, but didn't see you. I didn't think I'd ever see you again..."

    Beta rests her head on my shoulder. "That's so sweet of her, to help you look for us." She sniffles.

    "I... me and Naomi... we..."

    She looks up at me with curiosity. "You and Naomi what?"

    I show my teeth in a helpless, lopsided grin. I don't know why that's my first reaction. It's easier than trying to explain, and this is really awkward.

    "You... oh..." she says. She wipes her nose on the back of her hand. "how did you... uh... huh..."

    "Yeah," I say rubbing my neck. "I'll tell you some other time."

    "Yeah sure. Okay." Beta says. She rests her head on my shoulder again and smiles softly, rubbing her face. After a few moments she chuckles.