Deciding to try and get over the stupid scientific fact that his clothes shrunk perfectly and proportionately along with his body when he had drunk a liquid rather than being hit with a shrink beam, the newly reduced Jimmy Reynolds pondered his situation as he stood alone in an empty classroom.
“Damn, it sure was convenient that I managed to enter an empty classroom right before I shrunk for reasons unknown!” Jimmy said to himself. “I wonder if this had anything to do with the fact that Hannah White, my insanely hot best friend who might like me somehow, gave me a mysterious drink not one minute ago and told me it was medicine.”
Since survival apparently wasn’t a huge priority for him, the four-inch-tall Jimmy began leisurely looking around the gigantic classroom and comparing ordinary objects to huge things that were probably not at all accurate comparisons of size, because Jimmy was shit at math.
The cabinets were like skyscrapers. The desks were like elephants. The teacher’s desk was like a bigger elephant.
The door was like a really big door.
“I wonder why I’m not freaking the hell out?” Jimmy said aloud to himself. “I mean, a ridiculous anomaly of chemistry and physics has just taken place in my body without killing me, and I’m suddenly the size of a small action figure, leaving me at the mercy of a hostile world. Any normal person should be flipping their shit,” Jimmy concluded. “It’s almost as if I was expecting this.”
Indeed, it was as if he was expecting this.
“I should try to find a person I know so they can help me by taking me to a scientist. Yeah, a scientist! A scientist will know precisely what to do in this situation. I’ll find one of those guys, instead of contacting the police or a hospital or my parents. Perfect!” Jimmy said as he set off toward the door again in the empty classroom. “I’m a fucking genius.”
Jimmy observed the multicolored tile floor, which was very large. Like everything else. Jimmy even considered referring to it as really freaking large, but he didn’t want to overdo it.
“I just hope I don’t run into any men out there,” Jimmy considered suddenly. “Now that I’m tiny, even if absolutely nothing even remotely close to sexual was happening, like maybe a giant guy picked me up in his hand and nothing else, it would be the WORST THING!”
And indeed, it would be the worst thing.
“Luckily, there are never, ever any guys around school. Like, ever. I’ll probably just find girls. And good-looking ones, at that!” Jimmy reassured himself. “Of course, I’ll have to be careful. If I find someone that I don’t actually know, she could turn out to be a raging psychopath and use me for terrible sexual favors, even though we’re all just average suburban teenagers at this school, and the odds of one of us being twisted enough to do that is reasonably low!”
Keep telling yourself that, Jimmy.
Suddenly, the door swung open, and a freshman girl walked in.
“Oh, great. I don’t know her. She’s probably a psychopath,” Jimmy thought accurately to himself. “I’ll just hide until she goes away.”
And hide he did, but since Jimmy was so middle ground intellectually, he hid behind the leg of a desk chair, which offered very little cover.
Natural selection at work, ladies and gents.
“I GUESS NO ONE IS IN CLASS YET,” the girl said in a completely normal speaking voice, but because she was gigantic to Jimmy, it sounded like all caps because of reasons.
“Oh, goddamn it, it’s one of those dialogue styles,” Jimmy said, rolling his eyes. “By the way, since I’m trying to hide, it would be inconvenient as all get-out if I had to sneeze or cough or fart like this instant.”
“MAYBE I’LL JUST LEAVE MY STUFF HERE AND COME BACK WHEN THE CLASS GETS HERE,” the girl said normally again.
“Seriously, it would suck so hard if I had to do one of those things, rather than being able to control my simplest body functions in a dire moment such as this,” Jimmy repeated to himself, peeking out from behind the desk.
“NOW I’M WALKING BACK TOWARD THE DOOR REALLY SLOWLY AND DRAMATICALLY TO BUILD TENSION,” the girl whispered softly to herself as she did just that.
“Oh shit, I’ve got to sneeze. Hold it in, Jimmy. Hold it in…” Jimmy gasped, having difficulty believing his misfortunes. “I think I can do it… I think I can do it…”
Suddenly, Jimmy vomited violently without warning and with enough volume for everything in the room to hear very clearly.
“Oh, goddamn my inability to control any minute part of my body!” Jimmy said, wiping his mouth and snapping his fingers in irritation as Jenna came running back toward the desk to check out the commotion.
The rumbling of her huge shoes stomping powerfully on the ground was like earthquakes.
Sexy earthquakes.
“OH MY GOD, IT’S A LITTLE MAN!” the freshman girl gasped, bending down and scooping up Jimmy into her massive palm without even thinking about it.
“Unbelievable. No apprehension. Not even a little bit,” Jimmy complained as he was hoisted up in the air by the girl’s arm. “Seriously, who the hell wouldn’t be even slightly nervous about seeing a tiny person on the ground, let alone shocked?”
“YOU’D THINK I’D BE MORE SHOCKED ABOUT FINDING A TINY PERSON, AND BE FREAKING OUT ABOUT IT. BUT I’M NOT,” the girl observed independently as she sat back down in the desk Jimmy was hiding behind, holding him in her palm.
“I know, right? I wondered the same thing.”
“OH WELL, WHO CARES ABOUT NORMAL HUMAN REACTIONS TO THINGS, ANYWAY?” the girl said truthfully.
“What’s your name?” Jimmy asked politely even though this girl was already squeezing him against her clammy palm and prodding under his legs and arms with curious fingertips.
“MY NAME IS JENNA.”
“Well, um, nice to meet you Jenna. I was wondering if you could possibly help me get to a…” Jimmy began.
“I’VE ALWAYS WANTED A SHRUNKEN PERSON,” Jenna interrupted, smiling like a serial killer. “AND NOW I’VE GOT ONE.”
“For Christ sakes, couldn’t you have even pretended for like two minutes to not be fifteen-year-old a psychopathic rapist of tiny people?”
“NO,” Jenna answered with a cruel grin.
“And can you please talk like a normal person? The volume is starting to get to me, and plus it’s really hard to tell when you’re inflecting,” Jimmy requested as Jenna continued playing with him between her thumbs, pressing on his stomach like the Pillsbury doughboy.
“NO,” Jenna repeated. “HOW WILL YOU KNOW I’M BIGGER THAN YOU IF I DON’T DO THIS?”
“Trust me, I can tell,” Jimmy insisted.
“FINE! You MEAN like THIS?” Jenna tried, clearing her throat. “Is THIS any BETTER?’
“That’s probably worse, actually. Look, just because you’re bigger, doesn’t mean you sound so dramatically louder to me that I have to feel like you’re shouting. Proportionally, you’re louder, yes, but not that much!” Jimmy informed her.
“How’s this?” Jenna said at last, smiling.
“Perfect!”
“Anyway,” she continued, sliding her finger up Jimmy’s shirt and touching his stomach and chest gently. “What’s under these clothes?”
“A goddamned Kentucky derby is under them. What do you think?” Jimmy demanded. “I’m an eighteen-year-old dude who is the middlest of middle ground middle grounders. Odds are, I’ve got a dick under there of average but not really impressive size, especially at this height.”
“It was just a question. God. Don’t you like it when I’m playful like this?” Jenna asked indignantly, slowly sliding the shirt up Jimmy’s torso to take it off.
“No! And stop taking my clothes! This is sexual assault. This is basically office rape you’re doing to me right now!”
“But it’s okay because I’m only fifteen, and plus I’m cute,” Jenna insisted as she tossed his tiny shirt aside and began work on his jeans.
“Oh shit, we forgot to describe you in one block of exposition!” Jimmy said in a panic. “Great. Just great. How is anyone supposed to know what you look like, unless we deliver it all at once right when you show up?”
“Just do it while I finish stripping you against your will,” Jenna suggested with a giggle.
Jenna was indeed cute. And by cute, I mean voluptuous, because that’s all cute ever means in these things. She had strawberry blonde hair tied up in pigtails, which creepily enough, made her look even younger than she was. She was wearing a bright red tank top and skirt, and as already stated, she was weirdly curvy, so she was pronounced in her ass and breasts but not in her gut.
She’s basically perfect, okay? She’s perfect. Jimmy runs into a perfect 10 for the second time today. She’s not quite at Hannah’s level, though, because we need to save something for later.
“As I was saying before we stopped to inorganically provide information about your appearance,” Jimmy continued. “This is rape. Or it’s about to be, probably, judging by the way you’ve already taken my pants off.”
“Don’t be silly. Boys can’t be raped,” Jenna announced proudly as she slid her finger into the waistband of Jimmy’s underwear.
“That is a really untrue stereotype,” Jimmy said with annoyance. “You know, contrary to popular belief, guys don’t want to have sex 24 hours a day.”
“Oh yeah? Well, how many hours do they want to, then?”
“I don’t know, more like 19 or so…”
“Great! This is probably one of those hours, then,” Jenna said, pulling his underwear off and leaving him nude in her hand. “Hey. You lied about the Kentucky derby being under here!”
“God, only at the end of Chapter 2, and we’re already at this part. What a racket,” Jimmy said, rolling his eyes, as the gigantic adorable jailbait began caressing his body in very suggestive ways.