Married to Barbara

Daylight coming through half-drawn curtains had a hard time lighting up the living room. A rectangular wooden table with six wooden chairs occupied the center. Draped across it was a dark blue tablecloth, on top of that in the middle was a yellow vase with flowers. These were not real flowers but ridiculously oversized daisies. At the far end from the window, where the outside light barely reached and the shadow of the table dispersed, stood two orange couches, seeming dark red now. Among this mundane furniture also were a couple of dressers and closets placed against the walls. There was silence. It looked like the occupants of the house were not at home. Or so it seemed.

The top drawer of one dresser was out of the ordinary, but not by its looks. The content of it were not your regular nick-nacks, tools, papers or anything else you might store here.

Inside was a man. A man small enough to be in this drawer and even able to walk around. His name is Daniel, thirty-seven years old… and two and a half inches tall.

He paced the space he has slowly. Some light came through the top of the drawer so it wasn’t completely dark in here. Daniel stopped and leaned his back against the wood. He slid down to a sitting position. After fidgeting a bit with his crude t-shirt and pants, improvised from cutting them out of a handkerchief and stitched together, he dropped his arms to his sides and stared blankly forward. After inhaling deep he let out a sigh. You would have assumed that Daniel is bored out of his mind, especially considering his dreary quarters. Though it is not boredom that he coped with. If anything he would have wished that time is stretched out right now to put off the hours that were to come.

After twenty minutes he snapped out of what could remotely be called some meditation and stood up. Daniel walked over to a corner where a watch laid on its side. The Casio watch came up to his waist. He kneeled down and pushed a button. The display lit up so the time could be read: “18:10”. He sighed and felt the top of the watch and the band, thinking this used to fit around his wrist. Daniel swiftly walked to the opposite corner next to his makeshift bed of foam and pieces of cotton. He laid down and curled himself almost into a ball. More sighing from him gradually turned into fast breathing.

Three minutes later the front door slammed. Keys made a sound as they hit a hard surface in the kitchen next to the living room. Ten seconds later the door to the living room opened with a creak. Daniel shivered and whined. Suddenly a little horizontal ray of light shone over the top of the drawer when the lights were turned on in the room. The drawer slid outward and it was no longer dim inside.

“Sweetie, I’m home!” greeted his wife as her big brown eyes found Daniel in the corner.

Daniel curled up some more, almost in a fetal position. He whispered: “leave me be. Leave me be. Leave me be.”

Towering from the waist up her head was about two feet higher than the upper edge of the drawer. Though, to the tiny man, if he would have been looking up, it would appeared to be a good sixty-four feet. The woman reached her hand in and enclosed her fist around him. Daniel remained motionless as he felt her massive hand around him, accepting the inevitable. As he was lifted up he sighed and looked up to see a gentle smile on her tired middle-aged face. Several strands of espresso coloured hair that escaped her ponytail flanked her light pink skin. He was lifted up to her chest and stared awkwardly to the floor, a good hundred and twenty feet drop… for him.

“How was your day? Mine was very busy,” Barbara said.

“Around two-o-clock it was a sudden rush of customers. And you know how it goes, they all want to get helped immediately and sighed in line waiting for their turn.”

Daniel looked up to his wife, nodded and gave a little shrug. Barbara turned around and started to walk to the other end of the room with her husband pinned against the palm of her right hand with her thumb.

“Sammy also was rushing orders and prescriptions without a moment’s rest. And ow jeez, it seemed like every other time there was a confusion about the prescription or the dose.” Barbara proceeded through the door into the hallway.

“So we often had to go back and forth to confer with Jack to double check. And he got a bit frustrated and grumpy after a little while.”

She stopped in front of the bathroom door and grabbed the handle.

“It was until four that things quieted down.” She pushed the handle down.

“Or it was until four twenty?”

The pressure on the handle was released and it came back up. The arm holding Daniel relaxed and was lowered down. Daniel exhaled deeply as her hand turned slightly into a fist which shifted the pressure from his chest to his sides a little.

“Well anyway, I’m sure it wasn’t until half past four that me and Sammy got a chance to talk.” Barbara’s left hand pushed the door handle down again.

“Sammy thinks it will keep like this for two weeks. Flu season of course.”

The door handle turned back up again. Daniel was lifted up at the height of Barbara’s chest again.

“What do you think?” She stared at Daniel. “Huh?” she exclaimed.

“Maybe,” he said silently.

“You haven’t felt yourself coming down with anything? … Huh?” Barbara’s right arm lowered down a little.

“I thought I felt something this morning,” the wife continued. “A bit feverish and a bit of aching in my bones.”

The door handle turned down.

“But after opening the pharmacy and getting a cup of coffee I felt fine. Actually on the drive over I already felt fine.”

The door of the bathroom finally opened.

“I guess I’ll have to see tomorrow morning if I’m good then,” Barbara went on while letting go of the door handle and flicking the light switch on.

“I hope we are not going to come down with something. … Huh?”

Barbara placed her fist on the surface next to the sink and released Daniel onto it.

“Pfffff, what a day.”

Daniel got on his feet and walked away from the sink until he reached the edge.

“I need to freshen up and I’m hungry. Are you hungry Daniel?” Barbara took off her shirt and adjusted her bra.

Not as firm as they used to be the C-cup breasts took on unnatural shapes while moving about during the workday, bundling up some flesh in some places and stretching out elsewhere within the bra.

“I see we are almost out of toothpaste.”

She turned the water on, cupped her hands under the stream and splashed it onto her face.

“I’ll bring some home from work tomorrow.” Barbara grabbed a nearby towel and dried her face.

“Unless you forget,” whispered Daniel, staring at the far end wall.

“Unless I forget,” she said while hanging back the towel.

“Do you need anything, poopie?” Barbara asked while slipping into a t-shirt.

“Enough razor blades? Huh?”

Daniel rolled his eyes and sighed.

“Obviously can’t handle any.” He responded annoyed.

“Okay, okay! Just let me know if you run out. … Huh?”

Barbara reached a hand out toward Daniel while he was giving her a frowning stare.

“Oh, at lunchtime Cindy called me!” She closed her fingers around Daniel and lifted him.

“She filled me in on little Aaron. He took his first steps yesterday!”

The woman walked out of the bathroom carrying her husband in her fist with a gentle grip.

“Don’t you think that is amazing? Huh? He’s only fifteen months.”

The couple made their way through the hallway toward the kitchen door.

“I told you last time I saw him I noticed he had a lot of dexterity for a baby. Remember I told you about that? … Huh?” …

“Yeah, you did tell,” Daniel responded quietly.

Barbara opened the kitchen door slightly.

“Oh, I forgot to turn off the light in the bathroom.” She spun around.

The rather abrupt movement made Daniel jerk his neck a bit.

“Cindy says he’s very energetic, too energetic though,” the story continued as the woman walked back through the hallway.

“He takes off too fast and doesn’t know when to stop. Cindy said he fell a lot. And lots of crying. And the frustrated Aaron did not want to give up.”

When Barbara was about to go into the bathroom she stopped.

“Oh, I’m going to take a shower later, so there is no need to turn the light off now.”

And then again the woman spun around and proceeded toward the kitchen door yet again.

“I can’t wait to see that little boy again. Come to think of it Danny, you haven’t seen him since the hospital the day he was born. Wow, I can’t remember how long ago that was.”

“About fifteen months apparently,” Daniel chimed in annoyed.

Barbara didn’t processed his response and continued while shoving the kitchen door open.

“So we should invite them over, I was thinking. … Huh?”

Daniel winced.

“Maybe Cindy can leave him here for a day if she wants to go out by herself maybe. Wouldn’t it be wonderful to have a child in the house for us to watch over?”

Barbara placed her little husband on the kitchen table.

“Huh?”

The small man shook his head a little, disbelieving the suggestion.

“I think that won’t be a good idea. With me being…“

“Oh, why not? You were always great with children.” She took a few steps toward the counter.

“Poopie, I’m tired from work. I don’t feel much like cooking. Is just a grilled cheese sandwich okay?”

This time Barbara didn’t need to follow up her question with her archetypal huh-slash-question mark. She got a non-verbal answer with Daniel nodding his head. With enthusiasm, an emotion that was rare to this man ever since he got down to his current size. Daniel always loved a simple grilled cheese, as a snack or full meal.

“Fine. Coming up.” Barbara took out the grill from an underneath cupboard and plugged the device in to warm up. Then she opened the fridge and took out a package of cheese and a package of ham. From another cupboard she retrieved a bag of bread and began to prepare the sandwiches.

“Oh, I just heard today, guess who bought the building across the pharmacy?”

Daniel shrugged.

“Huh? No idea?”

“No. Who?” asked Daniel.

“Well, Ben Weller. The brother of your old colleague Jason.”

“That would be Robert,” Daniel responded.

“No. It was Jason, right?”

“No honey. Robert Weller, remember? The Jason you are thinking of used to be my floor manager.”

Barbara finished the sandwiches by putting the top slices of bread on.

“Huh? I thought that was Jason.” She grabbed the sandwiches and placed them inside the grill.

“Euhm… oh right. Yeah, Robert.”

The plates of the grill started to make a ticking sound as they were on their way reaching full heat. Barbara stepped away from the grill and leaned her backside against the counter.

“And guess what store he is going to start up.”

The little man on the kitchen table shrugged again.

“Huh?” Barbara pressed on.

A sigh escaped his mouth.

“We heard he was going to start a bicycle store and workshop. I think that is nice.”

Daniel’s gaze wandered toward the grill.

“I don’t think we already have a bicycle shop near here. Do you know of any? … Huh?”

Again her husband only responded with a shrug.

“Well, I can’t think of any. There wouldn’t be any competition for him out there.” Barbara glanced over to the grill. The red light was still on.

“I bet he is gonna be successful. Sammy thinks Ben is still single. She would be all over him, especially if he is a successful businessman.” Barbara glanced toward the grill again.

“Argh, it always takes this long. It takes forever to grill something. Our former grill was faster. Right? … Huh?”

“Yeah, it was a lot faster.” Daniel timidly responded.

“Why would that be? Would something be wrong with this grill? Huh?”

“You should just pick up another one, from a known brand.”

“I paid twenty-five dollars for this one. It’ll have to do as long as it gets the job done.”

Each time! Each time she complains about this. And each time she just comes to this resolve. Daniel sighed while thinking this.

“Sammy also thinks there is going to be sports equipment.”

“Huh?” Daniel now used as a reaction to figure out what Barbara was on about.

“Well, the store is going to offer a wide variety. Sammy heard they plan to sell stuff like skateboards and snowboards and such. You know, all for adventure sports and so.” Barbara sighed dreamily.

“That Ben is quite the entrepreneur it appears. … Huh?”

Daniel slumped down on the kitchen table, trying to find a relaxed sitting position. His legs felt a bit sore. He didn’t get much exercise tucked away in “his” drawer all day.

And when he did got out, his wife’s hand as big as himself was his mode of transport from room to room, tabletop to tabletop.

“Let me get the plates out.”

A few moments later a plate three times larger in diameter than Daniel’s height slammed down next to him. Each time this startled him.

“Well, they are as done as they are going to get,” stated Barbara while opening the grill.

With two forks she lifted one grilled cheese sandwich and in one flowing motion she swung it over to the table onto Daniel’s plate.

Daniel felt the sudden heat radiating from his meal. As enthusiastic as his nose welcomed the smell of cheese and ham, he couldn’t exactly dig in. He stepped onto the plate and carefully placed his hands on the edge of the crust. Very slowly so his hands could adjust to the heat. It didn’t burn him, but the sandwich was very hot, especially at his size and the sandwich being larger than a king-sized bed to him. He tried to tear away a piece of the crust… to no avail. Plan B, he thought and he took a bite out of the crust. It was very difficult to bite off a piece of the crust, aching his jaws. However he succeeded but then chewing the hard charred piece of crust also proved hard. After three more bites like this, or rather nibbles, his teeth clenched around the crust for another. Suddenly an ear deafening cracking sound took him by surprise followed by a jerk that took his head away from the crust. He looked to his left and saw his own reflection in a long teethed blade that came up to his knees. The giant knife that came down right next to him is retreated into the crispy sandwich, sprinkling specks of blackened crust on his legs.

“I thought I might help you, making it into some smaller pieces.”

A violent ninety degree twist of the plate sent Daniel smacking onto his front, his side against the cut in half crust.

“Tack! … Crunch!” Barbara’s fork plunged through the food an hit the plate, her knife cut a perpendicular line to the first divide.

“My horoscope for today said that I might not be feeling comfortable with my body.”

Parts of the sandwich were moved aside as Barbara kept manipulating them.

“It suggests that maybe I should try a new form of exercise.”

The bits of food shoved against Daniel. He barrel-rolled off the plate and landed on the table.

“Or maybe try out a new diet.”

Several ticking and crunching sounds could be heard as the sandwich got cut into smaller pieces.

“What do you think? Huh?”

“I dunno… maybe?” Daniel responded and steped back onto the plate after the utensils were whisked away.

“Well, I’m already playing badminton with Carina on Tuesdays. I can make some time in the weekend I guess.”

Daniel shrugged. He lifted up a tiny piece of sandwich with much difficulty and let it rest partly on another. It was hard to have a firm grip on the piece while his hands were just a bit smaller than the sandwich is thick, and the middle bit was slick and greasy because of the cheese.

“What would be fun to do? … Huh?”

Daniel’s jaw couldn’t fit around the piece of food, so he first sucked in some melted cheese, then took some bites out of the bread and ham separately. The tastes mixed in his mouth, and he couldn’t complain, his excessive meal was delicious.

“Maybe I could go biking.”

Barbara shoved her fork with a piece of her own grilled cheese sandwich in her mouth and chewed.

“Huh?” she hummed with her mouth full.

Daniel continued eating, alternating biting off chunks of bread, cheese and ham. By now he wass covered by the greasy secretion of the warm cheese. His makeshift hanky clothing was soaked almost completely on the front.

“Just going for a walk is boring. You think my bicycle is still good to go? Air in the tires and such?”

“I don’t think so. It’s been so long since you used it.” Daniel said and then took the piece of sandwich closer again to continue eating.

“Oh?” Barbara had some disappointment in her voice.

“I can’t help you out there.” Daniel grinned between bites.

“Hmmm, yeah… I could find someone to help me out with it.”

Barbara picked up the last piece of her grilled cheese sandwich and ate it. Then she folded her arms and stared at her little man between the little square pieces of food.

“You’re getting your clothes all filthy honey.”

By now Daniel’s clothes were stained almost completely, the backside too.

“Hmmm… yeah.” Daniel responded nearly finishing his piece of food.

“Do you have any more spare clothes? … Huh?”

“One pair I think.”

Daniel held the last lump of bread on the palm of his right hand, and the last piece of ham on top of it, balancing the morsel stuck together by the grease of cheese.

“I’ll go get it from your bedroom then. Hmmm?” Barbara stood up and walked out the kitchen and into the living room.

Daniel brought the food in his hand into his mouth and started chewing the mouthful of substance. While he was chewing the abundance of bread and ham Barbara returned from the living room. She dropped a set of tiny clothes, a shirt and pants, on the table. After half a minute Daniel swallowed the last of the food in his mouth.

“Heh, all full.” He said while wiping his greasy hands on his already grease saturated shirt.

“You’re done already? There’s still so much left.” Barbara said looming over the plate.

Daniel glared at her for a second and rolled his eyes. He sighed as he felt his belly aching a little from eating the amount of four grilled cheese sandwiches to him. Barbara reached out and picked up a piece of the remaining squares between her index finger and thumb. Her wrist bumped into Daniel’s head as she did so. She brought it to her mouth, chewed and swallowed.

“Okay then.” She said smacking her lips.

Then she lowered a downturned palm down toward the plate just above the remaining food. The side of her hand was level with her husband’s abdomen. Her other hand grabbed the plate from aside and pulled swiftly. The little man on the plate collided with her hovering hand and tumbled off and onto the table. It wasn’t a painful impact and Daniel landed flat on his back. He outstretched his arm, resting them on the surface as he sighed while he felt his body starting to digest the food.

Barbara turned on her heel and took a step toward the kitchen counter. She opened a door below the sink where a trash bin was, and shoved the remaining pieces of Daniel’s sandwich off the plate into it.

“Such a waste of food really.” She muttered and sighed. “Huh?”

“Yeah, whatever…” Daniel said silently out of earshot. Somewhere in his mind lingered some profanity that didn’t vocalize.

Barbara closed the door, collected her own plate and utensils from the table and put them all in the sink. After she rinsed them all she took her seat back at the table. Without warning she grabbed the spread-eagled Daniel and hoisted him. She pinched the bottom of his pants legs and tugged at them until they slid off. Then she shifted her hold on her doll-sized spouse a bit and did the same with the shirt, forcing the arms over his head. Naked, Daniel was placed next to the fresh clothing that was deposited on the kitchen table earlier. He felt very queasy being jostled like that plus having a full stomach.

Barbara bunched up the greasy clothes and slid them in a pocket of her shirt.

“Are your other clothes still in the laundry? Huh? I guess I should check.” Barbara took a blue bottle cap from behind the sink and rinsed it.

“Weird that most of them are in the laundry at the same time.” She pondered on while taking a drinking glass out of an overhead cupboard.

“I have no clue, I’m not the one doing laundry... and maybe check the pockets of your own clothing,” thought Daniel.

Barbara took a plastic bottle of cola out of the fridge.

“I should check in my closet and drawers, to see if they wound up somewhere there.”

She unscrewed the top and filled the glass. Then she poured a little amount of cola in the bottle cap.

“I could make more shirts and pants. Huh?” Barbara took the bottle cap and placed it on the table next to Daniel.

“Get dressed Danny.”

He complied, but as soon as he tried to grab the pants Barbara snatched him up again. She brought him to her lips and shoved Daniel head first into her mouth up to his waist. Her tongue twirled around his head and torso and then she sucked a little bit, making Daniel’s ears pop by the sudden drop of pressure. With a pull on his legs he slid out of her wet mouth. Daniel took deep breaths, shocked by his sudden wash.

“You had some greasy breadcrumbs sticking on your shoulders honey.” Barbara explained while grabbing a napkin.

Enclosed in a fist up to his waist she began to roughly wipe off the saliva. Shrouded with the paper towel around his upper half Daniel twisted left to right between Barbara’s thumb and first two fingers while she rubbed. She finished with his head, twisting it around.

“There you go. All cleaned up.” She placed Daniel again next to the fresh clothes.

The dazed Daniel dressed himself, not pleased with his treatment. Careful not to wet his new clothing he brought his head over the bottle cap and sucked some cola in from the surface.

“Pfff, it’s flat.” He whined.

Barbara paid his comment no heed and drank a few gulps from her glass.

Thirstily Daniel also drank a decent amount from his bottle cap.

“I could go for some J&B really.” Daniel said out loud, not intended.

“I don’t think we have any.”

“I’m sure we do. There’s got to be still an unopened bottle in liquor cabinet.” Daniel hopefully responded.

“Could be. I don’t know, I never go in there. Just drink your soda dear.”

Daniel sighed angrily.

“All done?” Asked Barbara.

“Yup.”

Barbara stood up and took the still half full bottle cap. She poured it out into the sink and deposited it again behind the edge of the sink. Turning back to the table she took her drinking glass in her left hand and Daniel into the other.

“So I better go and get my sewing machine from the attic later.” She started while walking toward the door to the living room.

“I’m not sure if I have enough thread on the spool.”

Daniel saw the scenery rush by as they moved into the living room. Barbara raised the fist holding him to another light switch, the one for the other half of the living room. She placed her curled up fingers underneath it. Daniel’s was only an inch from the wall. The fist moved upward pushing the switch and Daniel’s ears received a loud *CLICK*. Over the couches, coffee table and TV set the light went on.

“I must pick up some thread tomorrow at the crafts shop.” Barbara walked over to one of the couches. She sat her glass and Daniel down on the black coffee table.

“Also I could check out the new Singer 6180 I’ve been seeing ads about.”

Barbara dropped down on the cough letting out a tired sigh. Daniel also sat down, still feeling his stomach aching from his large meal. He placed his hands behind him on the table surface and leaned back. Barbara bent over and untied her sneakers, then leaning back she kicked them off.

“Hmmm, argh… feels good to get these shoes finally off. Didn’t had a chance to sit much all day.”

She raised her feet onto the couch, slipped a thumb into a sock and pulled it off. Then she did same with the other.

“The Singer 6180 can do a lot of different patterns. And it’s fully adjustable for the stitches’ length and width.”

Her right leg stretched and her foot landed on the table about three inches from where Daniel was sitting, half of it towered above him.

“My old Blue 300 really can’t handle finer seams. Plus I think it had its best time. It doesn’t even run at constant speed anymore.”

Daniel got a good whiff of putrid foot smell.

“Do you think the electric motor is worn? Or the electronics? … Huh?”

The man on the coffee table shuffled away from his wife’s foot. He reached the edge.

“Do you think I can trade in my old sewing machine for a new one? … Huh?”

“I don’t know.” He replied, dangling his legs over the edge of the coffee table. “Just toss that old piece of junk in the trash,” was silently added.

Still Daniel could smell the smell of foot sweat around him. He look down and considered jumping. At his size and weight he would most likely survive the fall, although the drop looked like a good fifty foot to him. Not a risk taker Danny was.

“Maybe some people like these old sewing machines, and fix them up.” Barbara said while reaching forward for her drink. By doing so her leg shifted to the side, in Daniel’s direction.

“Or maybe collect them.”

Barbara took a gulp and then leaned back.

“Yeah, maybe.” Daniel muttered. He twisted his torso and head to see the foot again only a few inches behind him, towering above.

“I’ll go to the shop Saturday then. Heh, I’m looking forward to using that new Singer.”

“Also, go buy a new grill,” whispered Daniel.

“What was that?” Barbara asked while leaning forward and putting her glass on the table.

Daniel turned around, pulling his legs back onto the table. He patted the sole of her foot.

“Can you move your foot away, please?”

“Oh!” Barbara leaned back. “Does it smell that bad?”

She lifted her foot off the coffee table and placed it on the ground.

“Yeah, I guess I’m a little sweaty. I’m going to take my shower now.”

“Great.” Daniel rose to his feet.

Barbara also stood up. She reached down and grabbed her husband. Walking around the couch she headed to the dresser. Daniel got lowered into his drawer.

“See you in a bit honey. Then we would get a chance to talk and catch up again. … Huh?”

Without waiting for a response she closed the drawer. Daniel stood in the dimly lit up space.

“Please consider taking a nice long bath.”

THE END