Link sprinted across the vast and rugged landscape, his grip held tight on his Master Sword as he leaped between the intricate trenches carved into the ground beneath him. He weaved his way between massive boulders that decorated the desolate wasteland, along with thick golden vines that stretched for hundreds of feet across the landscape like tree roots that knew no end. The musty, earthy scent of old wood and stale air permeated the environment as each footfall sent small clouds of dust swirling around him, the particles catching in his throat and stinging his eyes. Yet he continued to run nonetheless, desperate to escape the monster pursuing him. He could hear the beast approaching as its long legs carried it over the ground and easily closed the distance between it and its prey. When it felt like the sounds of the creature’s scuttling were right in his ear, Link spun around and slashed his sword, desperate to land the first strike on his foe before facing it head on.
The giant spider reared back as Link’s sword caught it in the face, its front legs flailing in recoil before it regained its balance. Its eyes gleamed malevolently as it advanced toward him. Each of its legs was as tall as Link himself, and its fangs dripped with venom that glistened in the morning light shining from high above. The spider lunged at Link, who quickly dodged the strike by rolling to the side and slashing off one of the creature’s legs. The monster stumbled and hissed in pain, but quickly regained its composure and continued with its attacks, now intensified with rage as it lashed out at the hero of Hyrule.
Darting between the spider’s towering legs, Link’s heart pounded in his chest as he landed blow after blow on them, while narrowly avoiding its venomous fangs in his mission to immobilize the beast. He let out a mighty battle cry and he charged towards the giant spider, slid underneath its belly, and sliced off a fifth leg. The spider shrieked in pain and collapsed, while Link flipped himself onto its thorax and rode the beast bareback like a Lynel. He hacked and slashed at the monster’s exoskeleton in order to bring it down for good, when the spider shakily rose back up on its three remaining legs and began frantically scuttling across the wasteland in a desperate bid to throw off its rider. Equally desperate to hold on, Link tightened his grip on the spider’s back while his body was dragged along the sides of its body, and he began to hear the sounds of distant booming thunder approaching in the distance. He began to pull himself back up on the spider’s back to finish the job, when the spider aggressively slammed the side of its body into a boulder, crushing Link and sending his limp body flying over the boulder and onto the rough wooden floor.
The earth-shaking thunder was now accompanied by a constant ringing in his ear, and Link forced himself to stand back up. Coughing up blood, he braced his body against a golden vine and took desperate deep breaths as he struggled for air, only to inhale gulps of the dusty air that burned his lungs and caused him to cough even more. Through his blurred vision, he could barely make out the dark form of the spider climbing on top of the boulder he slammed into. The earth shook and trembled as its venomous fangs glistened with hunger in preparation to drain the life from Link’s body.
But before the spider could lunge at its prey, an ominous shadow eclipsed the battle from far above. In an instant, a massive blur shot down from the heavens, slamming into the ground like a meteor with an earth-shattering force. The spider was obliterated in a mere instant, its body disappearing beneath the immense mass. The impact of the collision sent gusts of wind rippling outward that once again sent Link flying through the air. He tumbled head over heels, skidding to a halt against the rough wooden floor, the impact of the collision still reverberating through his bones as he struggled to stand back up. As the dust settled and his vision cleared, Link’s sights settled on a pale mountain looming before him. The surface of the mountain was marked with fine lines and imperfections, while the slightly darker underside was coated with a layer of dust and debris. It was a sight Link was all too familiar with; the massive foot of Princess Zelda.
Far above, Zelda paused with discomfort as she walked across her bedroom when she felt a sudden uncomfortable pressure beneath the ball of her foot. She let out a sigh of annoyance and lifted her foot to inspect it, revealing her dirty sole, the crushed remains of the spider, and the embedded pebble that had caused her irritation. She frowned at the amount of filth that accumulated on her foot and brushed the pebble off with an almost indifferent grace, sending it falling back to the floor.
The piece of rock landed dangerously close to Link with a resounding thud, though it paled in comparison to Zelda’s foot. Startled, he stumbled back to take in the immense form of the princess he was sworn to protect. His gaze traveled up along the length of her body, taking in her smooth towering legs cloaked by the loose flowing fabric of her royal dress. She was a divine beast in her own right, an overwhelming colossus of unstoppable power, completely oblivious to the battle she’d effortlessly obliterated. As Link continued to take in her imposing stature, he settled on her face hundreds of feet above. Her eyes followed the pebble’s movements as it rolled around on the floor, then took notice of the little bug standing by her foot.
“Oh, there you are, little one,” she said, her voice echoing like a goddess from the sky. Having removed the irritation, she let go of her foot and let it land back on the wooden floor. “What in the name of Hylia are you doing down there?”
Her foot slammed even closer to Link than it had before, just narrowly missing him as it once again caused his world to tremble and quake. He miraculously managed to remain standing, and craned his neck back to look his princess in the eyes. Her golden hair cascading around her face, perfectly framing her irritated expression. Despite the distance that separated them, Link could feel the weight of Zelda's gaze bearing down on him. Her piercing blue eyes bore into his soul with an intensity that matched her towering presence and turned his legs to jelly, not indicating any concern for the hero’s life she’d almost snuffed out twice beneath her feet.
"You know, you shouldn't be on the ground like this," she continued apathetically. "It's absolutely filthy, and heaven forbid something happen to you. I’d never hear the end of it from my father.”
Zelda’s toes idly flexed and scraped against the wooden floor as she addressed the bug at her feet, ignorant to his flinching each time they drummed on the ground. Still paralyzed from the shock of almost being obliterated by her foot, Link barely managed a weak nod, though the gesture was too insignificant for Zelda to notice.
Her eyes narrowed slightly. “If you can’t be more careful, perhaps I’ll have to arrange to keep you someplace safer, Perhaps my boot will do the trick,” she mused. “You may find it boring, but at least you’d stay out of my way, since you clearly can’t even manage to do that on your own.”
With that thought, she straightened back up to her full height, not even waiting for a response as her attention already shifted back to her own concerns. Despite her towering height, Zelda moved with a grace and poise that contradicted her immense size, imbued with a sense of purpose and importance far greater than the bug at her feet. Link flinched once again as the enormous foot before him lifted off with seemingly effortless, yet immeasurable strength. He stared at her foot with a sense of apprehension and relief, fixated on the remains of the once monstrous spider smeared across the underside of her dirty sole being carried off, then crushed anew with each earth-shaking step hundreds of feet away. It was only when Zelda departed and the room stopped quaking that Link’s legs finally ceased their trembling, leaving him once amongst the debris and filth, abandoned by the uncaring goddess he’d sworn to protect.