Catherine was impatient. She had traveled to a deserted island west of her capital to try a new tactic her scientists had just developed. “Let’s begin,” ordered the Russian empress. And before she could say another word, she saw everything around her disappear. When she regained her bearings, she looked around and smiled with great satisfaction. She could recognize her beloved capital, not so distant from her, looking so tiny in the middle of the tundra. Her feet were firmly planted on either side of the island she used to be on, the water mass of the ocean so flimsy that it barely managed to wet her toes. She splashed some of it with her feet, sinking the mighty English fleet who was about to launch a surprise attack on her lands, and prepared for her first move. “I knew researching the size-changing technology would be worth it!” she thought triumphantly. “It’s freezing out here and my clothes didn’t grow with me… let’s head to Egypt then, I know it’s supposed to be warmer there.”
She took a series of steps in the ocean until she reached the land. The population of Egypt was surprised by a series of earthquakes. “I thought natural disasters weren’t in this game!” people cried everywhere. The mighty woman stepped on the farmland by the coast, feeling the crunchy ground adhere to her wet bare soles.
“This is great. Pillaging multiple hexagons a turn,” she thought as she took her next step over a wheat plantation. The capital was only several steps away. It was going to be a short trip from there, but she was stopped in her tracks as she had finished her movement points and had to wait for the other players to take their actions. "No, Nobunaga, I do not care for an embassy in your capital. It will end up under my foot anyway.”
Back when she was allowed to move, she was asked to choose a promotion. “Huh? I didn’t even fight,” she said. Her military advisor then explained that she had crushed a barbarian camp without noticing, so she had gained some experience. “Well then,” she said. “I’ll take the medic promotion.”
“Now that I can move again… let’s clean my feet over this desert… oops, did I step on one of their cities?”
Half of the city of Heliopolis was gone under her foot. The other half was mostly destroyed by the following earthquake, and the survivors were screaming in terror at the massive object that just came from the sky, obliterating the lands below with ease.
“Should I consider this city razed?” she wondered as she looked at what was left of Heliopolis. “Well, I guess it’d be best to make sure.” She used her toes to clean up what was left of the unlucky Egyptian city. “Nukes got nothing on me,” she whispered with satisfaction.
"Huh? An offer from Ramses?" she said then as she was presented with a peace treaty from the Egyptian leader. “Two horses and seven gold per turn in exchange for peace? That’s the best you can do, you flea?”
She brushed off the desperate offer and with her next two steps she was in front of Thebes, the capital and one of the largest cities in the world. To her, however, it was merely a small mosaic on the ground, that she could finish off in a few steps. Its size-32 population trembled in front of the gigantic woman, whose imposing figure obscured the sun on the whole city.
“It’d be a waste to just stomp on it,” she reasoned. “This city is choke full of wonders.” She recognized a few of them on the ground and bent over the city to try and pick some of them. “The Great Library,” she thought. “I wanted this but I was too busy building settlers then.” She could recognize the building despite its minuscule size. It was no larger than a grain of rice to her.
She tried to pick it up between her fingernails but she failed. The building was disintegrated by her thick nails, despite her best efforts to preserve it.
“Dang,” said the empress. She realized it would be a waste of time to try and snatch Petra, so she went with the Eiffel Tower instead, which she managed to pluck off the ground. She observed the little building in her palm and disappointedly thought it didn’t look that wonderful now.
“Hmpf,” she said. “I’ve got no use for these useless trinkets – I’m going to easily win the game anyway.” She threw the Tower on the ground and focused on destruction again.
It took no effort on her part to completely level Thebes. She elegantly walked all over the city, obliterating it under her regal feet. She felt satisfied with her acts until she noticed that a single neighborhood on some corner was still standing. She walked to it, ready to finish it off with her foot. She covered it under her right foot and didn’t think much of that. But, as soon as she raised the foot back from the ground, she realized the neighborhood was still standing, and seemed perfectly intact. Confused, she stepped on it again, certain that it would be gone this time. But once again, she hadn’t even managed to destroy a single building in there. She raised her foot some more. This time, she slammed it on the ground with utmost force. Millions of people all over the continent felt that impact. But the little neighborhood was still perfectly standing, as if nothing happened.
This made no sense to the empress. The rest of the city was a smoldering, unrecognizable ruin, but that little neighborhood saw no sign of destruction whatsoever.
Then one of her advisors spoke. "Your Highness," he said. "May I remind you that one can never completely destroy an enemy capital?”
“Oh, that’s true,” said Catherine. “My bad. Let’s just puppet it then.”
Turning away from the newly conquered city, she set her eyes on the next victim. But before she could walk to it, she was notified that the capital had finished building an airport and that it was ready to begin a new construction project. Catherine looked at the bottom of her feet, littered with the remains of the Egyptian civilization. They looked so dirty and messy, not appropriate for an empress such as herself. "I want the capital to build me a new pair of shoes," she ordered. "I guess you could call that a wonder.”
“It'll take thirty-two turns, Your Highness," the advisor said.
Catherine sighed. “Can’t we use a great engineer to rush it?”
"No, Your Highness. We used the last one to speed up the size-changing lab construction".
Realizing she would have probably won the game before she could get her new shoes, Catherine set foot in America. She instantly crushed Philadelphia with her first step there.
“This is for voting against my proposition on the world congress,” she announced.
With her next few steps, she had reached New York. “This is for building the Hanging Gardens two turns before I completed mine,” she proudly said as she watched the city disappear underfoot.
Boston was next on her path. “This is for building a city on the tile that I had set my eyes on, just as I was sending my settler there.”
Right next was the capital, Washington. She squatted in front of the city, not as large as beautiful as Thebes, but still larger than most other cities in the world.
“And this... is for refusing to trade your marble. Oh, but I’m not as stingy as you are. I’ll give you all my stock of an exclusive luxury resource, free of charge. And you’re free to trade it with anyone you want.”
Soon enough, a stream of urine started flowing from the empress’s pussy, landing on the streets of Washington and washing (no pun intended) its buildings away. Catherine looked down with satisfaction as she saw the city collapse and drown in her piss. Whatever defenses the Americans were counting on were helpless to withstand the mighty force of the yellow liquid. Most of the city was turned into a muddy flatland by the time the woman was done urinating; some of it was completely flooded under the warm liquid, and some peripheral parts remained somehow undamaged. It was more than enough to consider the city won.
"Puppet it," she said as she rose back to her feet. She looked around to look for her next victim when she spotted a nearby city-state. It took her only a couple steps to stand before it, dwarfing it with her titanic feet. She had planted them on either side of the city-state, shadowing it completely with her beautiful figure. One drop of piss parted from her pubic hair and landed in the middle of the city-state, destroying a few buildings within it.
"Hello, people of Florence," she said, "I guess… You would consider my force threatening enough to accept my request for a little tribute, right?”
The city-state couldn't ever think of fighting back. They had seen what had happened to America, and they certainly didn’t want to meet the same fate. They submitted to the gigantic woman and paid all that they could afford to stay on her good side.
"You may live," said Catherine, removing her feet from the city's sides and heading to an unconquered flatland in the middle of the continent. Despite her declaration, her movements still caused a great deal of destruction to the poor city-state, as debris from the American and Egyptian lands that were stuck to her foot, parted from it and started raining all over the city when she stepped over it.
Now that she had dealt with the city-state, she stood idly for a few seconds, wondering who she should make her next target. In the meantime, she checked her gold balance: thanks to the cities she had captured, the tribute she had requested from Florence, and the money she was saving by not having to maintain a large-scale army, she had amassed a considerable amount of gold. Her satisfaction was interrupted by a sting that she felt on her big toe.
"Huh?”
One moment later, another sting. "What's this?" she said as she bent down, scratching her toe with her fingernails. That's when she heard from the military advisors. "It looks like Gandhi has launched a series of nuclear bombs on you, Your Highness,” they said.
Catherine burned with rage at the audacity the Indian leader had displayed. She set foot over an Indian farmland next to the border and gazed at the capital in the distance. She had chosen her next target.
Her steps raged through the Indian lands. “You thought building the Great Wall would save you? Well, you need to think again,” she mocked them. Mumbai and Lahsa quickly turned into dust under the mighty woman’s feet. “You were the first to found a religion,” she taunted them. “Where is your god now? You must get on your knees and worship ME instead!”
Catherine had a point. The great Indian empire had turned into a series of footprints in a matter of a few turns. Only the capital, Delhi, was still standing. Gandhi, the leader, was hiding in a bunker, and gloomily asked the military advisors how many nukes they had left. “Just three, sir,” they said. “Launch them all”.
The gigantic woman once again felt a familiar series of stings on her toes. “Is this how you receive a lady?” she said, smiling with confidence. “You know I have to fight back now, right?”
Her foot slammed on the outskirts of the city. Catherine felt the buildings crumble against her skin and delighted in the power trip once again. She got her next foot right in the middle of the city, crushing it, as well as wonders such as the Leaning Tower and Stonehenge, to paste. It only took her a few more steps to be satisfied with her destruction. She ordered to puppet the city and started thinking about her next destination when she felt an eerie sensation. She had heard something she couldn't believe was possible. She had heard footsteps that were not hers.
“Behind you!” said the military advisor.
"This can’t be,” she murmured. She turned to see another giant leader. She was standing in the middle of the ruins of India, a defiant smile on her face. It was Wu Zetian, empress of China, standing about as tall as she was.
"I knew I was right to place a spy in Moscow,” bragged the Chinese woman.
“You thief!” cried Catherine. “You have no right to steal my hard-earned technology!”
“I only did what was necessary to defend my empire,” said Wu. “I won’t let you destroy China!”
The two giantesses looked at each other for a while. What was going to happen now? Were they going to fight each other right there, in the middle of (what used to be) India, in the definitive fight for world supremacy?
“I’ll let you know that I can count on a great general bonus,” said Wu. “He is here in the middle of my hand… or so I suppose.”
Catherine looked at her with nervousness. Although she had just destroyed three countries by herself, she had used the advantage of her size to do so. She had no actual fighting knowledge to take on the woman she was facing. Although Wu looked like a petite and slender woman, Catherine possessed no robust complexion herself. She was never trained on hand-to-hand fighting either, or anything else of the sort. What would have happened had she lost the fight to Wu? Imagining the giant Asian empress trampling on her beloved motherland made her sick to her stomach.
“Wu Zetian,” she finally said with a little bow, “There is no need to fight each other.”
The Chinese empress looked at her with skepticism. Was this a bluff? “I thought you were going for a domination victory,” she said. “Are you not interested in taking my capital then?”
Catherine looked around. “Perhaps, we should fall back on another strategy. Maybe we can see who gets to a science victory first, or even go for diplomacy.”
Wu, who was prepared to fight, felt a little disappointed. However, her rational side suggested that diplomacy might have been the best way to prevent any damage to her and her nation from the destruction-starved woman standing in front of her. “Fine for now,” she conceded. “But that doesn’t mean I trust you. Try and set foot near my empire again, and you’ll have to face me.”
“There’s no need to be so hostile,” said Catherine. “How about we start a little war together to get to know each other a little better? There are still a few other empires left on the map, and we'd be better off without them around, don't you think? No place on this planet could withstand our combined forces."
Wu nodded. “I guess we have a deal,” she said. “Let’s get to England then. Let’s show that bitch Elizabeth what we’re made of.”
“Stay close to me,” said Catherine as the two walked to the English border. “I have the medic promotion.”
Wu nodded. “Then I’ll get cover as soon as I get enough experience.”
"Do you want to sign a declaration of friendship?" asked Catherine.
“With pleasure,” said Wu. She took a step further and momentarily stopped. “I can’t see where I’m going,” she said. “She always kept her borders closed, and I never managed to send my scouts here.”
“Same here,” said Catherine. “But since we shared an embassy, I know London’s to the south.”
“I think I just stepped on York,” said Wu.
“Good,” said the Russian giantess. “Let’s go forward,” she added, looking southwards.
And so the two set foot in England. All remaining world leaders were noticed that the two giant ladies had signed a declaration of friendship. Seeing them in front of each other on the battlefield, they had prayed that they would've ended up destroying each other. Now that they saw them walking together, having declared war on the rest of the world at once, they knew they were doomed. There was nothing left to do for them, except for waiting to end up under either lady’s feet.
Elizabeth was no different. She had thought, a few turns before, that she was going to capture Moscow. She had sent her powerful fleet there, and in one motion, Catherine had turned all of her ships into relics. And now there she was, and she even brought a friend.
Catherine had easily destroyed three capitals by herself. Now that she had Wu by her side, killing off London was an effortless task.
Their feet quickly turned the glorious city into rubble. “Let me have this one,” said Wu, realizing that one more step from them would be enough to claim the city for themselves. “You caught three capitals already.”
“Fine,” said Catherine. “But I get to keep the next one.”
Wu shattered another portion of London and sent the order of puppeting the city to her advisors.
“Good,” said Catherine. “I guess we’re ready for our next campaign, but I need to rest for a bit first.”
She sat on the English countryside, soon joined by Wu. “Your feet look tired,” said the Chinese empress. “Do you mind a little massage?”
"Why, thank you," said Catherine. She relaxed and enjoyed a foot rub from her ally. "Yours is the first empire I managed to get friendly with," she said. "It feels nice not having to worry about being backstabbed for once."
Wu giggled. "I'm glad to have found a friend myself. When we're done with this war, let’s meet at my palace to drink some tea.”
“I will look forward to that,” said Catherine. “But you’ll have to visit Moscow too, then. I want you to try the finest vodka in our reserves.”
“Are you trying to get me to drink so you can run off with your victory while I’m hungover?” joked Wu.
“Not at all,” laughed the Russian. The two beautiful women smiled at each other. The rush of victory against the enemy lifted their spirits, and the beauty of newfound friendship warmed their hearts.
That’s when they both received a notification: Sidney's Opera House had been built in S. Petersburg.
“Yes!” triumphed Catherine. “Now which policy am I going to pick?”
Wu was staring at her with a gaze full of jealousy. She was close to finishing that wonder in Shanghai, and Catherine had just snatched it from her. The Russian noticed Wu acting colder on the way to Japan. “Is something wrong?” she asked.
“We’ll see,” cryptically answered Wu.
They crushed Japan in the same fashion they had crushed England. Right as Wu had set foot on Osaka, though, she saw something that upset her very much.
Catherine had crushed Milan with the back of her foot. That was one of the city-states she had formed an alliance with.
“What have you done!” said a maddened Wu as she rushed to her ally.
"Huh?" asked the black-haired Russian empress. "Oh, are you talking about that city-state? Sorry, I didn't do it on purpose, I mistook them for another Japanese city. Here, I'll liberate them if you want them back".
Wu looked at what remained of the city of Milan and then angrily looked at Catherine again. “Why would I even want it? It’s nothing but a flattened desert now!”
“Gee, I told you I didn’t do it on purpose,” said Catherine. “There’s no need to blame me. Here. Have one of my sources of iron for thirty turns as payback.”
Wu decided to keep quiet for now and focus on her destruction of Japan. But just as they had reached Kyoto, another notification popped up. “Russian spies have stolen the satellite technology from Beijing.”
This had to be the final nail in the coffin. Wu walked right in front of Catherine with a stern expression on her face. The Russian looked at her with embarrassment. "What, did you mind? Where else should I have sent my spies, yours is going to be the only other civilization left in a matter of a few turns."
“This is war, then!” cried Wu; and she attacked Catherine, jumping right onto her.
The Russian's ass landed right in Kyoto, shattering half of the Japan empire capital under her buttcheeks and thighs. Still bewildered by the surprise attack, she remained silent as Wu got onto her and bit her neck.
“You monster!” cried the Russian woman. “I’ll destroy you and your pathetic civilization!” She rose up and went for Wu’s face, pulling her hair and bringing her down to the ground; then scratched her back with her long fingernails, leaving marks on her skin.
The Chinese hissed at Catherine and threw a punch at her, which the Russian blocked; her subsequent attempt at fighting back was blocked as well.
For a while the two rolled on the ground, bruising each other and completely steamrolling whatever was left of Japan's lands. Catherine's advisor tried to ask her what she wanted to do with Kyoto since the city had mostly been crushed under the Empress's body and thus technically had been captured.
“WHATEVER!” shouted the woman, busy pulling Wu’s hair as best as she could. “DO I LOOK LIKE I CARE?”
After some more fighting, it looked like Wu was having the best of her former ally. She was sitting over her back, holding Catherine’s face down on the ground, having subjugated and immobilized the woman completely.
“Wait!”, cried the Russian. “I yield. You can have 200 gold per turn and all of my extra resources,” she said.
“Fine,” said Wu. “But I want one of your cities too.”
"Never!” yelled Catherine, struggling to get free from Wu’s grasp.
That's when they heard footsteps behind them. Someone else had apparently researched the size-changing technology.
Wu, still keeping hold of Catherine, turned and saw a giant Budicca, a smug smile on her face, walking towards them. “My, my, looks like you gals made quite a mess over here,” she chirped playfully.
She had a certificate in her hand: it read “CULTURAL VICTORY ACHIEVED.”
“Looks like someone neglected their tourism,” she taunted the other two women.
Wu let go of Catherine and rose back on her feet. Catherine did the same, holding her shoulder in pain. Both women looked at the redhead with hate-filled expressions.
One second later, they jumped at the Celtic empress and started beating the shit out of her.
“You can’t do this!” cried Budicca. “I won already! I even got to see the stats screen!”
And so the game had ended. It seemed like Catherine's strategy had failed her just short of victory. But she could always give it another try… load a new map and start from the beginning all over again. The next time, she would place her best spies in her cities, stopping all attempts to steal her size changing technology as she trampled undisturbed all over the other civilizations.
At least that was the plan