“I have plenty of marketable skills: first, there’s thirty-two of me and counting,” Kant professed, trying to sell his services to a battle-armored bounty hunter. “so hiring me is like hiring an entire army. Second, my small stature lets me fit into all sorts of places most people could never reach.” Kant was a Shekelian, a race of two-inch tall humanoids with light purple skin. The bounty hunter he was talking to was six and a half feet tall.
“Are you an engineer? Like, could you fix a circuit board or a ship engine?” the bounty hunter asked.
“No. I wouldn’t know how to do that. But if you drop something and it rolls under a heavy piece of equipment, I’m your guy.” Kant shot off the finger guns, the cherry on top of his sales pitch sundae.
“So, you’re worthless.” The bounty hunter walked away, leaving the tiny man to search for a job elsewhere. He was on the space station SSX-TR, a shopping center and rest station hurtling through the cosmos, along with his thirty-one clones in search of a better life. The planet Shekel was facing societal collapse, its people dying by the billions every day.
A century ago, the planet faced a deadly plague responsible for wiping out sixty-percent of its population. There was no cure, and every vaccine they created was made obsolete by an insurmountable increase in variants. All hope seemed lost for the Shekelians until the world’s top scientists discovered they could splice their DNA with that of a single-cell organism unique to their planet, an irreversible procedure which allowed them to reproduce asexually via mitosis alongside their regular sexual reproduction. After a tireless, organized effort, most of the remaining population had their genomes rewritten, altering their way of life forever. Population rates began to even out as the species gave birth to identical clones at a faster rate than the virus could take their lives. And with each clone made, their bodies grew more and more resistant to the disease, leading to the eventual death of the plague.
But this led to a new set of problems. As population rates exploded, and there no longer being a virus to cull the numbers, resources evaporated as everyone had many more mouths to feed. Governing bodies tried various methods to keep population rates at bay, but with gang lords and insurgents having entire like-minded armies at their disposal, a true leader of the people was no longer elected, but determined by force based on the strength and number of their clones. Traditional governments lost much of the authority they held, now simply acting as figureheads in a world ruled by violence and paranoia.
Kant hoped to escape all that. Due to dwindling resources and the warring people’s penchant for sabotage, Shekel was no longer capable of interspace travel. Kant got lucky and hitched a ride on a cargo ship that stopped on the wrong planet, allowing the thirty-two bodied man to venture into space in search of a new, happier life. His travels took him to SSX-TR, a trading hub that would typically be ideal for those seeking exciting, life-threatening career paths.
Kant had split up his bodies across the station, asking anyone he could find if they were hiring. Unfortunately, no one seemed to be in the market for a two-inch tall alien that had no prospects, no formal education or training, and no real use to spacefarers of any kind.
…
“I’m so hungry,” Beck moaned, her head resting on its side on the cafeteria table, her hand clutching her gurgling stomach.
“Surrounded by all this food, and nothing to eat,” Xana grumbled. The two women were seated at the space station’s food court without a credit to their names. “Being broke’s a bitch.” Beck, a red-headed human from Mars, was best friends and business partners with Xana, a lamia from the planet Najaraga. Their business, Snake n’ Bake, was a cargo service dedicated to delivering anything to anywhere at the fastest warp speeds legally permitted. Unfortunately, massive corporations like Amazon had monopolized the intergalactic delivery industry, leaving no room for a small, two-person operation to get in on the profits. “We need to change careers.”
“That’s quitter talk!” Beck shouted, standing up defiantly. They were both wearing blue polo shirts with their logo emblazoned on the left breast and matching blue caps. Beck had dark, grey slacks on, while Xana’s snake half stayed naked, her brilliant red scales standing out against her blue uniform as it wrapped around the stool she sat on. Xana’s dark skin contrasted against Beck’s pale, freckled exterior, and her black hair, shaved on one half, looked much more stylish compared to Beck’s messy bob. “We just need a big break. Something to get our names out there.”
“Before that, we need something to eat. Should we actually look for some odd jobs, or should we just panhandle?” Beck sat back, holding her hands behind her head. Her eyes drifted around the food court, lost in thought as the smell of buffet pizza and teriyaki chicken wafted up her hunger-addled nose. Xana waved her hand in front of the daydreaming girl. “Hello? Space to Beck, we need food.”
“Sorry,” she said, snapping from her haze. “I was thinking about this cute guy I kept seeing around the station. I wish I had said something to him.”
“Why didn’t you?” Xana was half paying attention, the other half of her focus trained on a tray full of steaming tentacles and cubed fruit gels being carried past their table.
“He was always talking to someone else. I didn’t want to be a nuisance.” Beck leaned forward, hand on her chin. “But it was weird. I swear he was in every store I walked into.”
“Must have the same taste as you.”
“No, I mean he was in every store. Like, all at once. I’d leave one store, walk into another, and he was there too, talking to someone else. I don’t know how he got around so fast, he was only the size of my pinky.” She shoved her pinky in Xana’s face, wiggling it around as if to imitate him.
“Was he purple? And blonde?” she asked, slapping Beck’s hand away.
“Yes! You saw him too!?”
“Yeah, right over there.” Xana pointed over to the ATM in the corner of the food court. A small, purple man was standing at the base, trying to figure out how he could press the buttons several feet above him. As soon as Beck laid eyes on him, she turned back towards Xana, combing her hair with her fingers in a failed attempt to straighten it out.
“Quick, what do I say?”
“Ask him out for lunch. If he doesn’t offer to pay for it, he’s a jerk and a waste of your time. And tell him you want to dine with your starving friend.”
“I don’t know, wouldn’t that be abusing his goodwill?”
“You can worry about ethics after your stomach’s full. Now get out there and woo us some lunch.” Beck got up from the table and trudged nervously to the ATM until she was standing just above the tiny alien. Kant turned to face the source of the shadow suddenly cast over him. The woman’s body stretched upward like a skyscraper, her head enveloped by the fluorescent light in the ceiling above her. In the few days he’d spent offworld, Kant had still not adjusted to the fact that he was significantly shorter than most sapient lifeforms.
“Hi, how’s it going?” Beck asked, her hands fidgeting in her pants’ pockets. It was the first time she got a good look at him. His clothes, a linen tunic and pants, were worn ragged, and his wavy blonde hair was a mess. But he had a strong physique, that of a born survivalist, and he had a handsome face behind all the grime.
“Good. Kinda hungry, though,” he replied. Beck’s eyes lit up, believing she found her in. “Can I ask you a favor?”
“Absolutely! What can I do for you?” As she spoke, she realized she sounded more eager than she wanted to let on.
“The vendors here only take credits, but I only have currency from my world. I was told I could exchange it at this ATM, but I can’t reach…”
“Leave it to me!” she shouted, crouching and extending her index finger in front of the small man. Kant hesitated as he pulled out his wallet; she seemed too friendly, too excited to help him, like she was probably going to scam him somehow, but the Shekelian didn’t have many options. He removed the contents of his wallet, twenty microscopic coins, and placed them on the woman’s finger. To Beck, the coins were mere specks of dust, and she had to be extra careful not to drop any as she lifted them up and brought them to the machine. A green light emanated from the ATM, scanning the coins on Beck’s finger and determining their value. “It says they’re worth 0.0000001 credit.”
“Is that a lot?” Kant asked.
“Well, if you had a million more of those, you could maybe buy a single cracker.” She crouched down and returned his useless money. “Sorry, I can relate: poor and starving in the middle of space.” The two’s stomachs growled in unison, a cruel reminder of where their lot in life was. “You want to come sit with me and my friend. At least we can all suffer together.” Kant agreed, longing to hang out with someone friendly for a change, and stepped onto her open palm. He was lighter than she expected, so she walked extra slow, terrified of dropping the little guy.
Xana was beaming when she saw the two return, assuming food was on the way. “Yo, you did it! Where’s lunch?”
“About that…” Beck chuckled, setting Kant down onto the table. “He’s broke too.”
“Hi, I’m Kant,” he said, holding his hand out to shake the lamia’s.
“So, he’s worthless,” Xana said, ignoring the man completely as she looked straight at Beck. Kant lowered his hand and sulked, tired of being called out for what he was. “Why’d you bring him over here?”
“Because I wanted to,” she pouted, not wanting to express her interest in him right in front of him. “Besides, three heads are better than two. Maybe he can help us come up with a plan to scrounge up some credits.”
“Technically, it’s thirty-four heads.” The two women shot him a blank stare. “They should get here soon. It’d be easier to explain if I just show you.” Xana was about to say something when she felt a tiny hand poking at her tail. Looking down, another Kant was on the floor getting her attention. And he wasn’t alone. From across the food court floor, thirty Kants gathered together at the base of the table. They each looked up at the women sitting above them and waved in a single, simultaneous motion. “I’m from Shekel,” the one on the table continued. “You’ve probably never heard of it, just some backwater planet embroiled in endless in-fighting. Short story is: every month my body splits into two identical copies. And then a month later both copies split again, making four. And this continues ad infinitum.”
“That’s freaky,” Xana commented.
“That’s so cool,” Beck swooned. Xana glared at her. “See? He’s not worthless.”
“All I see are thirty more mouths and still no food to feed all of us.” Xana ducked under the table. Her serpentine body was flexible enough for her to swoop under it and pop up on the other side next to Beck. “We need to talk.” The two turned their backs from the tiny on the table and spoke in hushed whispers. “What’s with you and this guy? Why are you being so nice to him?”
“Because he’s adorable. You know I have a thing for shorties.” Xana peeked over her shoulder and gave Kant a once over.
“Okay, he is cute, I’ll give you that.”
“Right? He’d make the perfect mascot. Think about it, him running around making deliveries. And with all his doubles, he could be carrying packages to every corner of the galaxy at once.”
“Um,” Kant interrupted, “I can’t carry anything over a few hundred grams.” Xana let out an irritated groan before lowering herself to the floor and slithering around the table to the group of Kants waiting below. She wrapped herself around them, her snake tail forming an insurmountable barrier for the puny aliens. She leaned her head down, blocking out their sky, and narrowed her reptilian eyes as she scanned their tender, muscular bodies.
“Then maybe we should just eat you,” she hissed, her forked tongue darting from between her lips. “Surely, you won’t miss a few bodies.” The Kants put their hands to their chins as they considered the prospect.
“Ok,” one of them shrugged. Xana was taken aback. Never had she met a mouse willing to crawl into her gullet.
“Seriously?” she asked. She looked over to Beck, unsure if she heard the tiny correctly.
“No way!” Beck asserted. “You can’t eat him. That’s all sorts of messed up.”
“I’m fine with it,” the Kant on the table said. The women stared at him with disbelief.
“That’s not something you should be fine with. You’ll die!” Beck argued.
“I’ve already died,” he did some quick math with his fingers, “at least ten thousand times. The shock of it goes away around the three hundred mark.” Beck grimaced at the thought of him dying so many times. “I’ve never been eaten alive before. Now I’m kind of curious.” Xana once again examined the tinies in her grip; she could just imagine the little morsels squirming around in her stomach, slowly digesting as she popped them in her mouth one by one.
“So, you’ll feel it if I eat one of your clones?” the lamia asked.
“Yeah, we all share a consciousness,” he explained. “We aren’t separate people, just extensions of the same self, like how your limbs and organs are just an extension of you. We all feel, see, and sense the same things, all at once. I’m not afraid of the pain, if that’s what you’re getting at. I became numb to that sort of thing forever ago.” Xana picked a Kant up off the floor and dangled him above her face, tearing off his ragged clothes like a candy wrapper. Her forked tongue, twice the length of a human one but just as wide, wormed its way out of her mouth and crawled along Kant’s naked body. The tip of her tongue was split down the middle, forming two distinct prongs that each wrapped around the tiny alien’s waist.
“This is so screwed up,” Beck muttered. She covered her eyes with both hands; she couldn’t bear witness to such savagery, though her curiosity led her to peek through the gaps between her fingers. Xana let go of Kant, holding him entirely between the split of her tongue. As she pulled her tongue back in, Kant was pressed against the lamia’s lips, his face enveloped in its soft flesh before it scraped off into her mouth with the rest of him. It was warm and muggy inside the lamia’s maw. Her canines were long and slender, the fangs of a venomous snake. Xana rolled the tiny around on her tongue, coating him in thick layers of saliva. As the viscous fluid coated his body, Kant lost control of his limbs, his muscles growing rigid in response to the toxins in her spit. Even the Kants outside her mouth felt themselves stiffen a bit, their bodies responding to the signals sent out by the consumed Kant. Though he couldn’t move, Kant could still feel the bumpy texture of Xana’s tongue, the stifling air inside her mouth, and the ridges of her hard palate as she pressed him up against the roof of her mouth.
The delight that spread across Xana’s face was as readable as a stop sign. Kant’s initial flavor was extremely sweet, but there was a savory presence lingering beneath. He tasted like a well-marinated steak, having the finely-honed flavor of a cooked meal while retaining the raw intensity of live game. Perhaps her hunger made him seem tastier than he was, but whether or not that was the case, she found this morsel heavenly. After a minute of sucking, Xana swallowed the paralyzed tiny whole, sending him down the esophagus and into her serpentine stomach where he was surrounded on all sides by flesh and gastric acid.
The Kant on the table broke out in goosebumps, overtaken by the warmth enveloping his other self. He was actually surprised; it wasn’t painful at all, more like a wet, full-body hug. Xana looked down at the table and grinned, deducing where his thoughts were.
“You expected it to hurt more, didn’t you? It takes me about a week to digest my food, so you won’t start breaking down for at least a day or two.” Xana reached under her shirt and held her hand against Kant’s position in her gut, feeling him slowly sink deeper into her body. “You’re going to be feeling warm and fuzzy for a while. What’s that like, anyway? Feeling yourself inside and outside of me?”
“It’s hard to explain to explain in terms you’d understand.” The first Shekelians to receive the DNA splicing had a rough time adjusting to the sensory overload of living through multiple bodies, but later generations that grew up with the process were naturals at making sense of the disparate noise, to the point that it felt off having only one body in cases where the rest of their clones died off. “Think of it like watching one thing while listening to something different, but on a much grander scale.”
“Neat. So, you’d enjoy it a lot if you were in two women at once, wouldn’t you?” Kant blushed as he and Xana looked toward Beck. She tore her hands off her eyes and waved them around frantically.
“No way! Nuh uh! I’m not eating him.”
“C’mon, he’s delicious.” Xana picked up another Kant off the floor and pushed him towards Beck’s face. Beck turned her head away, trying to keep the tiny man away from her mouth. “This just might be your last meal. Wouldn’t that be romantic, letting your crush sustain you for just a bit longer?”
“Shut up!” Beck shouted, her face growing bright red.
“I’d like it if you ate me,” the Kant dangling from Xana’s fingers said, pressing his fingers together as he turned his gaze away from the massive face in front of him. “I’m sick of being worthless. Even if it’s just to fill your stomach for a few hours, I’d like to be useful to you.” Beck’s stomach gurgled again as if on cue. Overcome with pity, and hunger, she grabbed him from Xana and held him in her cupped palms. Gazing down at him, she let out a sigh as she thought about how silly this all was.
“Fine. If it makes you happy, I’ll try one of you.” After carefully peeling off his linen wrapper, she parted her lips and laid her tongue outstretched at the base of her wrist. Kant climbed up it like a moist ramp. The inside of her mouth felt just as dank as Xana’s, though the notable lack of toxins meant he could move freely inside it. As her lips sealed behind him and he fell to the mercy of her tongue, a novel sensation overcame the human woman. Kant’s flavor permeated throughout her mouth as the miniature man struggled to keep his balance, hands and knees shoddily gripped onto her hyperactive muscle. A primordial feeling, locked deep in her genome behind countless generations of civilized living, sprung forth as she sucked on her quarry. An overwhelming sense of dominance, one felt only by a predator consuming its prey, rippled throughout her body as the sweet and savory taste filled her mouth.
Beck swallowed him whole, letting out a soft moan as Kant squirmed against the confines of her esophagus. He flailed wildly inside her, his instincts telling him to resist the excruciating fate waiting for him, but his brains on the outside interpreted the fear as awe and the pain as pleasure as he gave himself over to her. After a slow crawl through the esophagus, Kant landed in the stomach, falling in a puddle of gastric acid. It was hot, searing to the touch as it ate away at his flesh, and it was wonderful. To Kant, death was all too familiar, the pain dulling with every gunshot, every stabbing, every barehanded assault. He had starved, suffocated, drowned, and hanged, but never had he been digested. He leaned up against the inner wall of Beck’s stomach, feeling her pulse reverberate through the organ. As his skin bubbled and his body began to break down into energy, an all-encompassing warmth flowed through every atom as it burned away into calories.
Without saying a word, Beck grabbed Kant off the table, tore off his clothes, and pressed him against her partially open lips. She lapped him thoroughly with her tongue, slobbering over him as she made out with the tiny’s entire body. Xana blushed as she watched the two get intimate, the human’s tongue brushing against the Shekelian’s erection as he kissed her upper lip. She had never seen her friend get this feral before, believing her to be the goody, pure of heart type through and through. The spacefarers populating the food court either didn’t notice or care about the human getting weirdly passionate eating her purple candy. In a brief moment of clarity, Beck pulled Kant away from her lips, a trail of drool lingering between the two.
“Can I chew on you?” she asked, seeking his consent before she gave in to her primal urges. Kant nodded before being tossed into her waiting maw. He landed on her tongue and was rolled onto her molars. There was a sharp, piercing pain before a sudden, heavy crush, resulting in that Kant going dark. The Kants on the cafeteria floor shuddered in delight, experiencing the overwhelming pressure of Beck’s teeth vicariously. He had never enjoyed the pain of living back on his homeworld, but submitting himself to the initially kind-hearted woman’s supremacy awakened a longing within him to be destroyed at her whim.
Beck gnawed on the alien, shooting spurts of neon green blood across her mouth. The gushing liquid was sickly sweet with a tinge of sour bite. She swallowed the pulverized remains of his body; the Kant in her stomach watched as pieces of his other self fell into the pool before him. Beck sat still for a moment, savoring the lingering aftertaste before training her eyes on the remaining Kants confined within Xana’s wall of tail. She reached down and clutched onto nine bodies, stuffing them down her polo collar and into her bra.
“I’m going to show him around our ship. Try not to scarf the rest of him down too fast.” Beck tugged at her collar and peered down at the Kants piled up around her breasts. “Comfortable in there?” She giggled at the eighteen thumbs up sticking out from her cleavage and bra. Letting go of her collar, Beck walked off toward the ship docks. Kant could feel every jiggle of her breasts from every angle as she walked through the space station.
The Kants on the floor pushed up against one another as the lamia tightened her constriction. Her reptilian eyes narrowed and her tongue hissed furiously as she went in for another kill.
…
Beck went straight for her and Xana’s shared quarters. It was a dinky cargo ship, just barely meeting the regulated standards for commercial space travel. The place was dimly lit with cheap LEDs, the brightest part of the ship being Xana’s bed situated under a large heating lamp. Beck sat down on her bed just across from it, a simple, cushioned cot with a pillow and blanket, and pulled off her polo shirt, exposing the Kants wedged within her cleavage to the stale, electrolysisized air. Removing her bra and shaking her tits in her hands, Beck dropped the tiny aliens into her lap and then brushed them off onto the floor.
“I had an idea, if you’re interested,” she said blushing, all while sliding her pants off her waist. She was never this bold around anyone, but the sheer difference in scale between the two, er, ten of them, empowered her enough to act outside of her typically diffident demeanor. “You seem to like being inside me, so why don’t we try putting you in two ways at once,” she said, pointing at her mouth and her crotch.
“Yes, please!” the Kants chanted together. The euphoria of his attraction towards her mixed with the satisfaction of finding a purpose in his life, catapulting his meager existence to Nirvana. When he escaped from Shekel to create a new life for himself, he never expected snack and sex toy to be his calling, but it was a niche he was more than happy to fill.
After each Kant stripped off their clothes, Beck scooped them off the floor. She tossed four into her mouth, holding the remaining five in her other palm. Then, she tugged open her panties by the elastic, and tilted her hand over the opening, sending four more Kants tumbling off into her underwear. She pinned one Kant to her palm with her thumb, holding him back so that he could enjoy the show from outside. The four Kants piled up onto her vagina as she spread her legs apart. She rested her left hand on her lap, holding the outer Kant on her palm; her other hand dove into her panties and shoved the other four into her waiting pussy. The final four we’re being sucked on, her tongue battering them across her mouth. The outer Kant stroked his member as he watched Beck’s tongue press his other bodies against her cheeks. Inside her maw, two bodies were held against her left cheek, one was stuck between her gumline and right cheek, and the last was underneath her tongue, laying next to the frenulum. All of them were coated in warm saliva and hard. After having her fun with the two against the cheek, Beck returned her tongue to neutral and rubbed it along her inner gumline, grinding the Kant beneath into the floor of her mouth. The other three climbed over her molars and fell on top of her tongue, leading her to alternate between rubbing the one on the floor and massaging the others against her roof.
Meanwhile, Beck shoved her index and middle fingers deeper into her pussy, sending the Kants down there further inside along her wet vaginal walls. Covered in mucus, three of them kissed and humped the pulsing walls of flesh while the fourth crawled his way even further until he reached the cervix. Feeling the tiny man hit the back, Beck started convulsing, smashing the Kants together between her vagina’s tightening grip. She mashed the three on her tongue against her hard and soft palate, moaning as they all reached climax. The four in her mouth shot their seed, adding a rich, umami flavor to their sweet and savory taste. The lower four’s cum dispersed amongst the heavy amounts of ejaculate enveloping them. And the final Kant simply jizzed onto her palm.
Beck swallowed, taking down all four in one gulp. She brought up the tiny in her hand and pressed him against the bulge descending her throat. It was surreal feeling both sides of her throat at once as the swallowed group inched down her esophagus. Once the four fell into her belly, Beck laid back, letting Kant rest against her neck as his lower counterparts clambered their way out of the woman’s relaxed vagina and sprawled out on her bush. She licked up the dollop of cum off her palm, relishing the injection of flavor it brought to the aftertaste saturating her mouth.
“Fuck me, you taste good,” she moaned.
“Thanks. I try.” After catching her breath, Beck sat up and plucked Kant off her neck, letting the others fall onto the mattress between her thighs.
“So, I have to wait a month before we can do this again?” she asked, holding the puny guy up to her face. “I’m guessing Xana’s already eaten her share.”
“Yeah, the five here are all that’s left. Trust me, if I could split up faster, I would.” Beck kissed him, embracing his upper body with her lips before scooping up the other Kants in her left hand.
“I’ll have to save these. One a week until you split again.” She dropped the one Kant into her palm with the others. “Shit, but then I’m down to one a month. There’s gotta be a way to make more of you.”
“I mean, there is a whole planet of us.” The five of him looked down and scratched the back of their necks. “Though, I’d get jealous if you started eating other guys.” Beck’s brows furrowed as an idea formulated in her head.
“That’s it!” she shouted, startling the Kants enough to knock them off their feet. “That’s our big break!” She tossed the Kants onto her bed and rushed to get her clothes back on. “I have to tell Xana.”
…
“So, we’re going to Kant’s homeworld, knabbing a bunch of Shekelians, and selling them across the universe as snacks,” Xana summarized back to Beck as she worked through the redhead’s plan in her own mind. They were in the cockpit of their ship, preparing to depart for Shekel. Beck was sitting in the pilot’s seat fiddling with the dashboard; Kant was perched on her shoulder, his clones were scavenging the ship for anything that may have fell in an unreachable nook, and Xana sat in the co-pilot’s seat, her tail wrapped around the leg of the revolving chair.
“Exactly! But we aren’t ‘knabbing’ them, we’ll make an arrangement with the government to have Shekelians sell their extra doubles to us. They’ll each get residuals when we sell a copy of them, and I’m sure the government will want a cut of the profits, but the rest will go to us. It’s a win-win for everyone.”
“And what if no one wants to get eaten?” Xana asked.
“They will,” Kant assured her. “Everyday, they’re dying by the billions with nothing to show for it. You offer them money to die, and they’ll take it whether they care to be eaten or not.” Finished with the preparations, Beck punched in the desired coordinates and set their ship to warp speed.
“At this nebula’s warp limit, we should reach Shekel’s orbit in an hour.” She sat back as the autopilot took over and turned her head towards Kant. “Find anything good?”
“Mmhm, I’m bringing it over now.” Four Kants came carrying a long chocolate bar wrapped in plastic foil. “It looks like some sort of ration.”
“That’s chocolate,” Beck explained. “It probably fell out of an old shipment, and we just never found it. It’s really sweet, you should have some.” She lowered Kant to the floor and watched the group of them unwrap the candy.
“Save some for her,” Xana added, pointing to Beck. “Even with an empty stomach, there’s no way your tiny asses are eating all that, and I’m not sure how filling the six of you she did eat were.”
“Maybe I wouldn’t still be hungry if someone didn’t hog twenty to herself,” Beck retorted.
“You said I could have the rest of him. If you wanted more, you shouldn’t have left so many with me.” Thanks to Xana’s slow digestive system, she could go for a week without having to eat anything else, though she could certainly fit more inside her. Unfortunately, Beck’s human digestive system meant she’d be back to starving in a couple hours.
As the Kants munched on chocolate, a weird jolt shot through their bodies. Their eyes dilated and their hands shook. They hastily disrobed, knowing what the sensation rushing through them meant, even if it was far too early. From each of their backs, a new identical body split out, falling naked onto the floor behind them. Beck and Xana looked on from above, their eyes beaming as new snacks were birthed in front of them.
“What happened?” Beck asked excitedly. “You said it’d take a month.”
“It should,” Kant replied. “Maybe…” He took another bite of chocolate, and a few seconds later another Kant split off of him. “Something in this chocolate is speeding up the process.”
“That’s wonderful!” Beck cried.
“Never mind what I said earlier. You’re eating that whole bar,” Xana commanded.
…
“…That’s about the gist of our proposal,” Xana said into the video feed. The group had made it to Shekel’s orbit and were speaking to Prime Minister Grobel via a conference feed directed through their ship’s dashboard. While official governing bodies held little authority over the lawless planet, they at least had connections to other influential powers, so Kant decided it’d be their best bet at achieving the sweeping business model they were proposing. Beck was still sitting in the pilot’s chair, munching on mouthfuls of Kants out of a large bowl like they were popcorn.
“I must admit, it’s an intriguing idea,” Grobel replied. He grew less disturbed by Beck’s appetite the further the two women explained their plan. “Solving both our population and economic crises in one fell swoop, all while making a pretty penny for yourselves. You two are quite the businesswomen. I’ll call up my associates and we can meet aboard your ship to hash out a deal.”
“Thank you, sir!” Xana exclaimed. “We’re looking forward to a long and prosperous partnership.”
“Of course. What was your practice’s name again?”
“Snake n’ Bake!” Beck shouted, causing a few Kants to tumble out of her mouth.
“Right. We’ll hire a marketing consultant to fix that. Give me some time to make a few calls and then I’ll send you the coordinates to pick us up.”
“One second, sir,” Beck said, “if I could ask you something. You guys make fresh copies once a month, correct? Do you know if there’s a way to speed that up? Kant here started splitting like mad after he ate some chocolate.”
“Chocolate?” Grobel typed away at the computer on his desk, searching for the unfamiliar term. “Oh, a human treat. That checks out.” He turned back to face the camera feed. “Our mitosis draws on energy stocked up from when we eat. The food on this planet isn’t very nutrient rich, so it typically takes a month for us to reproduce. But your chocolate is overflowing with sugar and other sources of glucose, so it hastens the process by quite a lot it seems.”
“Guess that means we won’t have to worry about supply issues,” Xana mused.
“If you have no more questions, I’ll be going on ahead in getting our new venture off the ground.” Once the call closed, the two women high-fived.
“Things are finally looking up!” Xana shouted.
“And it’s all thanks to you.” Beck plucked a Kant out of the bowl and kissed him, her breath reeking of his sickly-sweet blood.
“It was your idea. I was just the inspiration,” he grinned. “But thanks for letting me be a part of this.”
“Of course,” Beck responded. “You’re an integral member of the team. That old guy was right, we need a new name.” She thought long and hard, agonizing over the perfect name, until it struck her like a bolt from the blue. “From this day forth, we’ll be known as: Snake, Bake, n’ Snack!”
…
In a year’s time, Shekel transformed from a derelict ruin trapped in a constant cycle of violence to one of the most prosperous planets in the galaxy. Thanks to the newly minted Cobra Confections, which recently entered the Space & Planet’s 500 index, Shekelian clones were shipped off world by the billions on a daily basis to be sold in convenience stores and gas stations throughout the universe. The living treats became an instant hit due to their unique flavor profiles, one-of-a-kind mouthfeel, and supposed health benefits. Though it was never addressed by any official parties, the tiny treats were also popular for less family-friendly applications.
Along with the general quality of life, the hierarchal structure on Shekel saw a complete overhaul. Influence was amassed by how well a person’s clones sold, the social elite made up of the most popular treats on the market. Shekelian celebrities appeared in advertisements across the universe, and it wasn’t uncommon to find a brand deal appearing on their wrappers. Along with Shekel and Cobra Confections, big sugar also saw spikes across the board as Shekelian demand for high-quality sources of glucose shot up.
Among the peoples of Shekel, analyzing the ever-changing popularity rankings became the norm for every economically mindful Shekelian. While rankings usually correlated to taste, appearance, and the “it” factor, the simplest coincidences and missteps could lead to a meteoric rise or fall on the board, skyrocketing or plummeting profit margins for investors. Product fans had their own unofficial rankings as well, posting tier lists and top tens on social media feeds defending their choice of Shekelian snack. But rumor had it that the best tasting Shekelian wasn’t available in the market, being the exclusive snack of Cobra Confection’s co-CEOs.
Beck was in a bikini, sunbathing by the pool in her private resort. Kant, clad in board shorts, was nestled in her cleavage, soaking up rays with his lover. The multi-billionaire and her boyfriend had grown a bit pudgier since they first met, the latter having taken on a steady diet of sugary sweets while the former took on a steady diet of the latter. Xana was doing laps in the Olympic sized pool. Five Kants hung onto the scales of her serpentine body as she slithered through the water.
“Tomorrow, we’re going to the Daedalus Nebula to broker a deal for an increase in cargo ship production, and then we’re scheduled to appear at that fundraiser for cleaning up the waters of Crezin IV,” Kant reminded Beck. He was the company’s COO, making his open relationship with the CEO a massive headache for HR. “But we’ll have an open block after that. There’s an arts and music festival happening on the fifth moon of Engle only a few lightyears away, if you’d like to go.”
“Sounds great. We could definitely use the break,” she said in earnest, lounging in a chair made of sandalwood and upholstered with mulberry silk. Beck pulled her man off her chest and brought him to her lips, licking him from toe to head. “You know, no matter how many times I eat you, I never get tired of your taste.”
“And I never get tired of you saying that, even though you do every day,” he joked.
“Not every day!” she laughed. “Maybe every other day. I can’t help it.” She wrapped her lips around him, giving his upper body a quick suck. “Promise me you’ll never let another person eat you.”
“What about me?” Xana asked, leaning against the edge of the pool. She had just swallowed one of the Kants hanging onto her.
“You’re the exception!” Beck called out. “She doesn’t count since she’s my best friend, but no one else, okay?”
“I promise.” He kissed the tip of her nose which was just within reach. Beck took one more lick before returning him to her chest. Every once in a while, Kant thought back to his old life. Back on the old Shekel, no matter how many clones he had, he was always alone, unable to turn any of his backs on the ruthless cutthroats waiting to strike. Now, he was the COO of one of the universe’s most successful startups, getting eaten on the daily by his girlfriend and her best friend. He figured one day he’d write a memoir, but for now, he’d just enjoy his newfound purpose in life.