Theseus was named after the Greek King who, in a much later hero myth, was said to have slain the Minotaur so that no one else ever again would be eaten by said Minotaur. The name was ironic, as this Theseus actually wanted to be eaten! Not by any mythic monster like the Minotaur, of course, but by a beautiful woman.

He was unable to decide specifically which pretty girl he wanted to be eaten by, however, and in the mean time, he was a brilliant and hard-working man with a most enviable career. In his early career, he had earned a PhD in Tropical Marine Biology, with a dissertation topic on coral reef ecology. He had worked for 3 years as a consultant scientist for aquariums and coastal marine parks, and was applying for Professorships.

At that point, Theseus lost his mother to pancreatic cancer, and his environmental career died with her. Although he was already a Doctor of Tropical Marine Biology, he was inspired to earn a second Doctorate, this time in Medicine. Shortly after finishing his residency in Gastroenterology—an ironic, or perhaps a very appropriate medical specialty, for a man who eventually wants to be eaten by a woman at the Forbidden Dish—he took his next vacation in Antigua, and on the beach he ran into his former coworker Jason, from the marine environmental consulting firm where he used to work.

“Hey Theo,” said Jason, Theo being Theseus’ long-time nickname. “How is Dr. Theo twice over, Tropical Marine PhD and then Medical?”

“It feels weird to acknowledge, but this Double-Doc is doing all right, actually.”

“You’re like a latter-day Leonardo! Most people couldn’t ever be accepted to either of those programs!” Or any Doctoral program, for that matter. Jason worked for the firm as an Accounts Receivable clerk, not as one of the scientists.

Eventually, a younger-teenage girl came and sat down next to them.

“Who’s this?” Said Theseus.

“This is my daughter, Laura.”

Shaking the red-haired little girl’s hand as her father introduced her, Theseus couldn’t help but imagine her years from now as a grown woman. The site of her belly, in a modest but still midriff-bearing 2-piece, led to the thought of eventually being eaten by her, at the Forbidden Dish, years from now when she would be old enough.

“Have you ever heard of the Forbidden Dish, by any chance?”

“Sure! My wife just ate her male childhood friend at the Forbidden Dish last night. She’ll be flying down this evening to join Laura and me a day late. What of it?”

Vignette: When Emma Ate David

David and Emma had been friends since Pre-K. Even when he first heard about the Forbidden Dish at that age—in an adult conversation that he overheard—he immediately began to develop a desire to be eaten by his friend Emma. Even as a child, it quickly clicked in his mind that the Forbidden Dish was where boys went to be eaten by girls. Knowing that was enough to make him want to be eaten by Emma, she being such a nice friend to him.

“How are your husband Jason and daughter Laura?” David asked, immediately after being shrunk down for his childhood friend to eat him.

“They’re good. They’re on vacation in Antigua, and I’ll join them on another flight tomorrow, since I let them know you wanted me to eat you today.”

Earlier that day, the old friends had talked about work and other things in life. Emma had met her husband at work, the two of them being in the same new hire class when they started at that firm. David was a hedge fund manager, albeit a relatively unsuccessful one.

“I’m going to miss you, friend.”

“Why miss me when I’m literally always with you, as part of you?”

With that thought and a gentle smile, she placed him in her mouth, and swallowed him down with a swig of water. She let out a sexy, yet still somehow lady-like belch, and excused herself. A male childhood friend was digested, in the same female belly that had carried a daughter to term nearly a decade and a half earlier.

End of Vignette.

“Sure! My wife just ate her male childhood friend at the Forbidden Dish last night. She’ll be flying down this evening to join Laura and me a day late. What of it?”

“Uum…We’ll get back to that later.”

The two men, and the girl, discussed other topics for about 45 minutes, while watching the waves, and watching other beachgoers go in and come out of the water. Former reef biologist that he was, Theseus had noticed at least 21 different species of fish, and 15 species of coral polyps. Unlike the original in the myth, this Theseus had not defeated only one Minotaur in only one Labyrinth. This Theseus had been through the two Labyrinths of a PhD program as well as medical school; in those two Labyrinths he had defeated the three Minotaurs of Boards, a PhD Comps exam, and a Dissertation Defense. What better person to give a child good advice about school?

Eventually, Theseus pulled Jason aside.

“Not now, but years from now when Laura turns 21. Well, I need time to pay off debts, and she isn’t getting any younger. So, years from now when she becomes old enough, I think I’d like to be eaten by Laura at the Forbidden Dish!”

“Well, you’ll have to talk to her about that.”

Minutes later, “Hey Laura, you know how your mom just ate someone at a place called the Forbidden Dish?”

“Yes, I know,” said Laura.

“Years from now when you’re old enough, I think I’d like to be eaten by you!”

“Awe! I’m flattered!”

So Theseus kept in touch with Jason and Laura from then on. Taking his advice about studying for exams and writing papers for all these years, Laura graduated Valedictorian of her high school class.

Laura ran a blog the entire time where she talked about Theseus, a blog entitled “He Gives Me Great Advice, But I’m Going to Eat Him.” It attracted a modest but respectable readership.

At the age of 19, and excelling in college, Laura ate a man for the first time at Forbidden Dish Tijuana (the legal age in Mexico being 18). She was very excited to tell Theseus about that experience!

On her 21st Birthday, Laura sent Theseus a message that read, “I’m 21 now, but I still can’t eat you just yet. I’m finishing up a shadowing, and I can still use your advice about studying for the MCAT.”

When Laura received her medical school acceptance letter 2 years later, however, she finally took Theseus to the Forbidden Dish to celebrate. After they both anticipated it for years, and grew to know each other, she ate him!

“Earlier tonight was the best-ever experience in swallowing someone!” Read the final blog post on He Gives Me Great Advice, But I’m Going to Eat Him.

“His advice about studying techniques helped me to score a 521, and he tasted really amazing, too! Before I ate him, we talked about his previous career, and my future. My high school friend Cyril—whom, by the way, I’m going to eat later this summer before I matriculate—once showed me how to tell the sexes of shrimp before eating them. Eating a male shrimp and having Cyril watch was fun, but not nearly comparable to having a live shrunken man fall down my throat! Again, I’m going to eat Cyril later this summer. Cyril, if you’re reading this, thank you for volunteering to be my food, and I’m sure you’re going to be delicious! Anyway, some of you are about to ask if I’ll ‘miss’ this man. No! I will have other mentors give me good advice at school once I matriculate, and they didn’t mildly weird me out when I was a little girl. It has been real, but all good things must come to an end. This blog has served its purpose well, and by the way, I can still feel my long-time mentor squirming and digesting in my belly as I type this!”

Shortly after finishing and posting this, Laura burped and began to digest in earnest.

Sitting down at her medical school orientation, and still waiting for the speeches and presentations to begin, Laura turned to the other girl next to her. “My name is Laura. Yours?”

“Jenna.”

“The name ‘Jenna’ reminds me of that girl who famously ate her high school boyfriend at Forbidden Dish Tijuana all those years ago. It was a bit of a media sensation at the time. I don’t know if you remember.”

“Oh, I remember, because I’m the same Jenna! I am that girl!”

“Huh. Is there anyone else as brilliant as we who frequents the Forbidden Dish of all places?”

“Sure. My friend Andrew likes to watch me eat all those other men, and he was just accepted to a PhD program in Virology.”

Jenna would eventually introduce Laura to Andrew. The three of them poured blood, sweat, and tears beyond measure into earning their respective Doctorates, the girls Medical and the boy to be a Philosophical Doctor of Viruses.

Yet at the end of each semester, with just enough time off to celebrate all that hard work along the way, men (and the occasional lesbian) whose best place was as food for someone far more brilliant, would be led precisely to that end. Even Andrew used his good looks to seduce gay men (though he himself was straight) into being shrunk and eaten by his female friends Jenna and Laura.

They would not, however, have time to write elaborate stories on the Internet, nor did they have that amount of free head space before being accepted to their respective programs, such being the demands of prerequisite coursework and then entrance exams. If indeed an author held out hope to pursue a Terminal Degree and to become a Most Learned, such an author would have to post a farewell story: A farewell not necessarily forever, but for a long time.