A man with a wanderlust went for a walk,

Through forest, and came to a giant beanstalk.

He climbed it and came to a garden immense

In size, which to Jack would have made perfect sense.

He came to a castle, and in time he saw

A giantess open the gigantic door;

And somehow the giant was known: Whitney Cummings.

She greeted him gladly with fee fie foe fummings.

Recalling her post, where she “ate” a small pet,

He knew that he might not get out of this yet.

She’d once said her giant mouth did come in handy,

And saw her small fan as a tasty eye candy.

On google, her height had been five foot eleven.

Now she was a giant, proportions all even.

His height was her ankle’s, while she was a tower,

And held him in her unequivocal power.

She went to the kitchen, and left him to wait

On bench top, while she went to fetch a good plate.

He jumped out the window, and broke his fast fall,

On plant growth, relieved to be so light and small.

He’d always thought Whitney was ever so stunning,

But now that he’d met her, he had to start running.

He made for the stalk, and had just crossed the lawn,

When he heard her calling behind him with scorn:

“You won’t get away from my plate or my bowl.

I’ll catch you and eat you and gobble you whole.”

He hid in the flowerbed, and watched her huge strides,

And saw her long neck to awaiting insides.

He watched as she knelt down, and made his retreat,

Stepped backwards, and wondered if she would yet eat

Him up, as her hand moved and slowly reached in.

He dodged it, but knew she would most likely win.

The beanstalk was too far away, while she posed

A threat, with the distance between them now closed.

He saw the approach of her fast opening palm.

Her hand then enclosed him, without causing harm.

She stood up and took him inside, to the dish,

Where he then requested to have a last wish.

He said, “If you do this, I really can’t miss

The chance to entreat you to give me a kiss.”

She smiled, placing finger and thumb by his hips,

And lifted him up to gargantuan lips;

And as he drew near to the final adventures,

Her smile gave a close up of marvelous dentures.

She touched his whole face with her mouth in a pout.

“And now for the place where you’ll never get out,”

She said. Then she stuck out her six foot long tongue,

And popped him inside, with a laugh from her lung.

He sailed through her mouth, like a miniature boat,

And soon was drawn into her elegant throat.

Like no-one in sci-fi or fictional pulp,

She swallowed him down, with a powerful gulp.

He lay in her tummy and thought of the battery

Her tongue once had taunted with radiant flattery.

He’d never imagined that such a pink sparkle

Would lead to celebrity dining debacle.

Her tongue was no doubt quite contented above,

And he was unwavering, still so in love,

So pleased with the kiss which had brought him delight,

Not even confused by her newly gained height.

His courtship endeavors had gone quickly south,

Which left him undoubtedly down in the mouth.

To catch him was leg work. His fate was then oral.

Just fantasy satire, no message, no moral.