In the hills of Ireland, Colleen woke up and yawned widely at her bedside table mirror, looking into her own mouth with a certain fascination at what might be placed inside it at a later date. She ate her breakfast, put on a white dress with one inch eliptical blue patterns on it, and walked through a field and into a small meadow which looked out at the countryside below.

She got down on her hands and knees and began crawling through the meadow, looking around as she did so.

“Have you lost something?” asked a voice.

Colleen looked up into a handsome face with friendly sensitive eyes.

“Well I wouldn’t say that I’ve exactly lost something, but I am trying to find something,” she replied, “I’m Colleen, and pleased to meet you.”

“I’m Stanley. So what are you looking for?”

“A leprechaun,” said Colleen.

“I suppose that’s one way to find a pot of gold,” said Stanley, “Would you like me to help?”

“That’s very kind of you,” said Colleen, as he crouched down to join her, “It’s not that I’m after any gold. I only want to catch a leprechaun and swallow him.”

“Do you mean…well…that you want to eat one?” asked Stanley.

“That’s right. I’d be very gentle about it, and be sure to gulp him down intact and unharmed by my teeth. It wouldn’t have to be a leprechaun. It could be a pixie, a fairy, a goblin, or any kind of the little folk. If any of the legends are true, then a leprechaun would be the most likely one I could find and catch in this country.”

“Well what can I do to help?”

“If you stay here, and I’ll crawl around and search through this flower patch from the far side, then if either of us chases one, he can be herded towards the other for certain capture.”

“I’m not sure how the leprechaun would feel about it, but I’ll give you all the help I can,” said Stanley.

“I’m grateful. The trouble is that they may not exist at all, and if they do, they’ll never make it easy for me to spot them and snatch one up.”

They attempted this gambit in several parts of the meadow for the rest of the morning, and then Colleen said that it was time to go home and make the most of her usual lunch options.

“Would you like to go to a restaurant in the village down there this evening?” he asked.

“That would be nice,” said Colleen, “I live in the house up there. You could come for me with a lantern at six, if it’s suitable for you.”

“I’ll see you then,” he said.

Colleen went home, opened a tin of ham, and took something out of the utensils drawer in the kitchen. It was a metal frame which she used for making gingerbread men. In this case, she also applied it in another way. Pressing it down on the ham, she fashioned a tiny pork man, and then took it to the table, picked it up and put it into her mouth. She savoured the taste, imagining for as long as she could, that it was a leprechaun, and then devoured it, before moving on to some salad. When the meal was over, she spent the afternoon reading from a book of adult fairytales focussed on little folk, and found nothing that fully catered for her own quest.

Stanley arrived at around five minutes to six, looking immaculately dressed, and presented her with a bouquet of flowers with a foil wrapped candy man tied to one of the stems with a ribbon.

“It was the best I could do,” he said.

“It’s as thoughtful a gift as I’ve ever had,” she said, “Would you like to watch me eating it, before we set out?”

“Sure,” said Stanley.

She unwrapped the tiny sugary man and opened her mouth wide and put out her tongue, and licked some icing sugar from it.”

“It’s very sweetly coated,” she said, and then extended her tongue again, tilted her head back and popped the candy man into her mouth.

When she had finished eating it, she licked her lips from side to side a few times, to be sure that all of the icing was removed, and then stepped out the door with him and offered him her hand.

He held the lantern in his free hand and walked her down the hill and into the village, where they came to a restaurant and had dinner together. After dessert he took a sheet of paper from his pocket and handed it to her.

“I wrote this in the afternoon,” he said.

“You have been busy,” she said, and unfolded the page and looked at it.

Atop the green and pleasant hill,

There lived a maid, who sought to fill

Her mouth and tummy, one fine morn,

By capturing a leprechaun.

She crouched upon her hands and knees,

And crawled about the flowers and trees,

Until she spied a tiny mite,

So small she wouldn’t need to bite.

She introduced herself and told

Him of her plans, and said, “Be bold.

You’ll go down whole. Don’t be distraught;

But rest assured you will be caught.”

He tried to run, but she could crawl,

With greater speed, while towering tall.

She brought her dainty opening hand

Towards him, just as she had planned.

Her palm soon cut off his escape.

The leprechaun could only gape

In awe, as he was lifted high,

Towards her lovely staring eye.

While he could think of no good tricks,

She gave him several sparkling licks.

Her tongue was just as long and wide

As his whole self. He looked inside.

When many licks had been dispensed,

She smiled, and then the small one sensed,

That he was out of time and hope.

He’d simply have to somehow cope.

She opened wide, and let him see

Her inner mouth, where he would be,

And slowly slid him on her lip.

He had no choice, but make the trip.

She let him lie on sparkling path,

And contemplate the aftermath.

Her tongue was like a soft pink moat,

And then she drew him to her throat.

He struggled there, and tried to stick,

And wondered if he’d make her sick.

But then she gulped with so much strength,

He slid right down her neck’s full length.

He reached her tummy, now quite sure,

That he could not undo her vore.

The meadow had been lost to him,

To satisfy her fondest whim.

“This is the sweetest thing anyone has ever done for me,” said Colleen.

“I’d do anything for you. I love you,” he said.

“I feel the same way,” said Colleen.

Some soft folk music had started to play, and Stanley asked her to dance with him. They got up from the table and slow danced, arm in arm for nearly two hours.

“I suppose I had best get started on walking you home,” he said at last.

When they reached her house, she invited him in and sat down on the couch with him. They talked for a few minutes, and then she saw that he was moving his face towards her to kiss her. She put her own mouth up as well and slowly closed her eyes.

They kissed for some time, and then Colleen gave a wide yawn.

“If only a leprechaun had seen that, he’d have a preview of his interim destination,” she said.

Stanley yawned too.

“You’re as tired as me, and it’s really too late for you to be going out in the night again now. Why don’t you take this couch, and in the morning we can try again for a leprechaun in the meadow?”

“Do you think you’ll ever snare one?” asked Stanley.

“I do have a secondary game plan to draw one out,” said Colleen, “I’ll tell you about it tomorrow.”

She fetched him a blanket and pillow, and he found the couch as wide and comfortable as his own single bed. He pulled the blanket over his head and soon dropped off.

Colleen walked quietly across the carpet and into another room, and then wheeled something mechanical into the lounge room, where Stanley was out like a light. She pressed some switches on the mechanical object and watched it working.

“This might just help us in the meadow tomorrow,” she whispered to herself, and turned the device off.

Colleen went to her bedroom and slept. In the morning, she returned to the lounge room and sat by the couch, waiting for Stanley to awaken. Half an hour later, she saw him remove the blanket from his eyes and look up, to realise that both he and the couch had been reduced to tiny size by the device that she had used the night before.

“I created this reducing machine very recently, and you seemed the ideal person to test it on,” she said, “At that size you could enter the meadow, without frightening any leprechauns away. Once you’d drawn one out, it would be much easier for me to charge in and catch him. Would you be willing to give it a try?”

“Of course I would. If it works, and I lure one out for you, would you give me a kiss with your lovely full sized lips?”

“You can have one anyway, right now,” she said, and lifted him off the couch and pressed her lips to his face.

“Thank you so much. That was lovely,” he said.

She put him on the table while she ate her breakfast and gave him abundant portions of the best food in her fridge, at negligible cost to her supplies, and then took out a picnic basket, and put a rug and some other items inside it. She carried the basket in one hand and held him gently in the other.

“I guess leprechaun hunting season is now officially open,” he said.

Colleen gave a slight laugh.

“I think it’s been open for some time, but now the huntress has some suitable bait to work with,” she said.

After she had crossed her own lawn, she asked if he was comfortable.

“Well I’m having to adjust to your hand swinging by your side while you walk,” he said, “But there’s nothing you can really do about that.”

“Would you like to ride in the basket?” she asked.

“I guess it would be more comfortable, even if I couldn’t feel your soft fingers holding me anymore.”

“You’re so sweet,” she said, and kissed him again.

She lowered him onto the blanket. He could either look out between the strands of the basket, or look up at her beautiful high face as she walked all the way to the meadow, and decided to do a bit of both.

This time she stopped at the edge of the meadow and crouched down straight away, and put the basket beside her. She took Stanley out and set him down gently on the ground.

“If you head in first, I’ll slowly crawl around, keeping an eye on you without giving my presence away. If you meet a leprechaun, do your best to keep him distracted, until I can lunge in and snatch him up from behind. If there is one there, I might well have him in my tummy by mid afternoon.”

“I’ll do my best,” said Stanley.

“I know you will,” she said, smiling kindly at him.

She watched him pass between flowers which were now taller than him, and kept as low and out of sight as she could, using bushes on the outer edge of the flower patch to conceal her.  Stanley’s thoughts oscillated between consideration for the plight he would be helping to inflict on any leprechaun he found and his desire to make Colleen happy. Most likely they would never find one, and the matter would remain academic. He could still look forward to more huge kisses each day that he helped her with her hunting expeditions.

Colleen kept her eye on Stanley, and briefly lost sight of him at one point, when the foliage was so thick, that his progress was completely concealed. She could still hear him stepping on dry leaves and rustling them with his feet. This enabled her to approximate his position and direction and continue to follow from a distance.

Eventually she saw him again. He looked up at her, and waved. Her blue eye winked at him encouragingly and smiled her appreciation of his enthusiasm.

Later, they came to a point where the flower bed was very open and bushes were sparse. She crawled out away a little, and took a wider loop, but was able to travel faster because of her full size, and came out at the opening at the end of that flower bed, and crouched between that patch and the next, waiting to see if Stanley would be likely to bring a leprechaun in that direction, where she would already be in a position to surprise him.

It took the entire morning, but they managed to make their way through the entire meadow in this tandem approach, but Stanley didn’t come across any leprechauns.

Colleen picked him up at the far side, and rose to her full height and walked back to the picnic basket, and placed him down beside it on the ground.

“I’m sorry we didn’t find any,” he said.

“You did all that anyone could, your very best; and I was fairly sure we wouldn’t find one. I’ve always known that it’s highly unlikely that leprechauns and their overseas counterparts are anything more than legends. It was worth using you at that size to confirm that theory, and now that you’re here this way, the machine will still have served the more likely purpose for which I built it.”

“How do you mean?”

“Well it’s reduced you to that size. I did say ANY kind of little folk would do,” she said, taking the rug from the basket.

“Do….you mean…. me?” he asked, as she stood up and unfolded the rug and spread it on the grass.

“That’s why I built the machine. The only solution to my quest was to make a representative of the little folk. You’re already a representative of folk in general. All I needed to do was make you little.”

She sat down on the rug and pulled the basket onto it. Then she clasped him in her hand and placed him on the rug in front of her.

“Well the only problem is … How can I put this politely? … How would you go about retrieving me from your tummy after you’ve swallowed me?”

“I thought you asked the question very eloquently, and to answer it in the same way, I don’t think that being eaten involves any kind of retrieval process afterwards. Once I’ve eaten you, I will have at last fulfilled my quest, and that will be the end of the matter, except that I’ll always have the happy memories of doing it.”

She placed him in the lap of her dress.

“But what about last night? I gave you the flowers, the candy man, a nice dinner, and we had a very special time together. We said we love eachother.”

“I’ll always remember that too. When I first looked up and saw you here yesterday, I knew that you were the one I’d been waiting for when I built the machine. I was hoping all afternoon yesterday, that you’d be watching me while I was eating the dinner you bought me at the restaurant. Then when you gave me the candy man, it was even better opportunity to show you what being eaten would look like.”

“It looked amazing, Colleen. Every movement of your tongue was thrilling, like the way you licked your lips afterwards too.”

“Thank you,” she said, and picked him up and licked her lips from side to side in front of him, and swished the side of her tongue against his face as she did so.

He felt her soft moist tongue sliding against his cheeks and his forehead and his neck in slow sweeping movements, while his eyes couldn’t help be excited by the point blank visual appeal of it as well. He thought about the fact that he now realised that she had been planning to eat him from the moment she first saw him. The hunting expedition had been merely a last attempt to explore the possibility of using him to catch a leprechaun as an alternative that would have presented a reason to presumably restore his size and continue being his girlfriend.

“That felt even better than the kisses, and I imagine that being in your mouth would feel even better, but you’re talking about doing something I never imagined, when I asked you out to dinner.”

“Well you imagined that I would do it with a leprechaun, and you did say that you’d do anything for me.”

“I meant that I’d do anything to help you to catch a leprechaun, and I was uneasy about that too. I went along with the hunting today, because I’m so completely in love with you.”

“Is my plan for you going to reduce those feelings?”

“No, I’m sure it wouldn’t,” he said, “It’s only my size that you’ve reduced.”

“Then why not make the most of it, as a way of expressing it? I’m going to do it anyway, although I don’t mind anything you say in the meantime. Your poem has given me a marvelous blueprint for how to proceed with enjoying this meal too. You really have an incredible talent with words and imagery.”

“I…I guess it’s worth saying that you have quite a talent for inventing too. Did you ever discuss your machine with anyone else?”

“No. In fact I never discussed my leprechaun eating quest with anyone either. Nobody else knows that you and I are here, with you reduced to your current size. You’ll be sliding down my throat with only the two of us to know about it.”

“I don’t suppose you can see any leprechauns now from up here,” he asked, “Your eyes are so much bigger than mine now. They’d have more range.”

“No, and I don’t think the non-existent results of years of searching are going to change now. If I’m going to eat one of the little folk, and I most certainly am, then it’s going to be you. Let’s have another look at this poem.”

She took his poem out of the basket and read it through again aloud.

“Do you think you might try to struggle and stick in my throat for a while?” she asked.

“I guess there’s always a chance, if I try.”

“Yes, but it will only be a chance to delay the inevitable. Whatever you do in my mouth or in my throat, I will gulp you down to my tummy. I’ve been working towards this for all the years it took me to design and build the reducing machine. So I don’t want to leave you with any false hopes that I might change my mind, because of our love affair, when I’ve got you halfway down my throat. When we started the hunt, I said that I might have a leprechaun in my tummy by mid afternoon. It was an almost 100% unlikely outcome, but I did feel certain that I would have someone else in my tummy by mid afternoon. I’m going to gobble you all up.”

“I know, and I am doing my best to come to terms with it,” he said, “Do you want to know a secret?”

“I’d love to,” she said.

“When I first woke up this morning, and saw my new size, I had a few moments of thinking that this was what you had in mind.”

“I wondered if you would.”

“Then you told me of your hunting tactics, and I spent the whole morning thinking I wasn’t in any personal risk. I did wonder about my contribution to the plight of a leprechaun though.”

“Did you ever change your mind about helping me?”

“No, but if I’d known what was coming, I guess I would have used those flower patches to run for a good hiding spot.”

“You wouldn’t have gotten away.”

“You don’t know that for sure.”

“We were there alone, with all of the size advantages in my favour.”

“But the concealment advantages were all in mine,” he said, with the glimmering of an idea.

“I’d still have caught you in the end.”

“Not if I’d stayed hidden until sundown.”

“You didn’t have a chance.”

“I think I did. Why don’t we put it to the test?”

“You’re not going to goad me into giving you a chance to escape.”

“You just said twice, that I didn’t have any chance of getting away.”

“And you didn’t.”

“Well if you’re so sure of that, why not recreate the situation, but this time with me aware of my fate if I don’t elude you?”

She looked up, deep in thought, for several moments. He looked at her elegant eyes and waited.

“Alright, but you’ll see I’m right. Your chances of escaping me at that size are almost as negligible as your chances of getting out of my mouth, once I’ve closed it.”

She took him to another part of the meadow, away from their starting point that morning, and set him down on the ground, just next to the flower bed.

 “There are narrow pathways in that flower bed. I’ll be able to walk along them easily, and look down on you from above. Try to avoid being within my reach for as long as you can, by running away from whichever path I’m on. I won’t need to run at my size. So I’ll relax and stick to walking. You’ll have time to turn your head and keep an eye on me, when I’m near you. I’ll walk over to the far side of the garden and wait, while you get a good head start. Do you have any questions, before we start?”

She stood towering in front of him, while she spoke all these instructions. He looked up at her beautiful clothes and her high face above. It was nice to see her with a friendly demeanour again, even though it was a far more relaxing and pleasant experience for her than for him.

 “I guess I’d better think on that for a moment,” he said, “It’s important for me to be sure of my options and the rules of the chase, since there won’t be any chance to do it over again, once you’ve caught me.”

 “Take your time,” she said, “We’ve got all afternoon.”

 “Sure, and thank you for your consideration,” he said.

 “You can have half an hour for either thinking or asking me questions,” she said.

 “I did just think of a question. Once we start up again, how long a head start will you be giving me, before you come over and start chasing me?”

“Well obviously it can’t be too long. I don’t want you to be out of the meadow and into the forest, before I’ve even begun to pursue you,” said Colleen, “But I won’t get much enjoyment out of chasing you, if I give you so little time to prepare, that I just walk over and snatch you up in the first minute of the chase. I was going to suggest a time limit of about 10 minutes. Does that sound reasonable to you?”

 “Within the parameters of YOUR objectives, I suppose it’s fairly reasonable.”

 “You were very diplomatic with your answer,” she said, smiling in a friendly but dignified manner.

 “Could we make it 15 minutes?” he asked.

 “I’ll agree to that,” said Colleen.

He took the rest of the half an hour reprieve to try to think of ways to escape. By the end of it, he was resigned to the fact that he would have to try to find some concealment, as well as just running from her approaching giant legs. If he kept that up all afternoon, he would become exhausted, but Colleen wouldn’t.

 “Are you ready to start the head start?” she asked.

 “As ready as I can be,” he said.

She took him over, set him down.

 “Can you really appreciate the kind of inevitability I was talking about now?” asked Colleen.

 “I guess that’s one way of looking at it,” he said.

 “I’d like to tell you a little bit more, to help you understand, before I let you run off,” she said, “Have a real think about this. I know I’m safely full-sized, no matter what happens. I’m sure that I’m going to catch you today. You have some small hope in your mind that you’ll get away. It’s obviously very slender. The only small chance you have of changing that outcome depends on how well you perform in this exercise. Doesn’t that knowledge make this very exciting for you?”

 “It does, Colleen. I think you’re the most exciting girl I’ve ever met.”

 “That’s one of the best compliments I’ve ever had Stanley. I’m very proud of you for taking what I’ve said into your considerations. I think we should start now, don’t you?”

 “Yes Colleen.”

Colleen walked away, with her back to him, and then turned around.

 “Run for your life,” she called, “I’m in a good position to keep my eyes on you.”

He darted into the flower patch, ran as far away from the side he’d entered as possible, and came to one of the paths she’d mentioned. He estimated he’d used about 8 of his 15 minutes. It would be worth heading into the next flower patch. He wouldn’t outdistance her. Yet it would make it harder for her to guess which direction he was heading in. He looked back at her.

 “I can still see you,” she called, “You’ve got 6 minutes left.”

He ran in and turned to the right and kept running.

 “I’m coming over to start chasing you now,” she called.

He turned to see Colleen begin walking across the grassy part of the meadow. To her it was a pleasant walk, with an enjoyable exercise ahead of her, and nothing at all at stake.

She made her way around the first section of the meadow and onto the natural pathway. He saw her walking along it, and he turned and ran deeper into the second flower patch, and kept her at a safe distance. His only advantage was that Colleen had to walk around the flower patches on the makeshift paths, and could only reach for him when he was near one of the paths. He would have to try to head for the middle of any garden section, equidistant from both paths, whenever she was getting close.

He applied this tactic for nearly an hour, stopping to get his breath now and then. He had moved further and further away from the original position, and the day was moving on. He began to see that he just might get out of that garden altogether. He looked back to see that she still had him in her eyesight. He would have to find somewhere that would either conceal or protect him, once he reached the edge of the garden. Failing that, he could double back and hope to keep the process up until the sun went down.

He ran through the last flower patch, as Colleen paced after him. Then he heard her getting close. He headed for the other side, but realised that this end of this flower patch was narrower!

He turned and looked back as she approached. He panicked, wondering what to do. She could reach in and grab him, no matter where he went now. He couldn’t run to the wider part that he’d just come from, or he would be heading towards her. He backed away in shock, as he saw Colleen walk over and stop.

 “I think you can see that it’s been every bit as exciting for you as I promised,” said Colleen.

She reached into the flowerbed. He saw her pinkish white hand opening. It looked soft and pleasant. Yet it was inescapable now.

Colleen’s fingers closed around him and lifted him up.

 “Thank you, Stanley. That was a very interesting chase. You did very well.”

 “It’s ironic, Colleen. I’m far more tired from the chase than you are. But you’re the one about to have your energy replenished with food.”

She laughed.

 “Let’s go back to the picnic rug,” she said, “I’d like to be comfortable, while I’m doing this.”

She was thinking of her own comfort at a time like this.

She sat down and held him, with her hands resting in her lap. He looked up at her beautiful towering form and saw her satisfaction. She had enjoyed the chase, and even expressed her gratitude to him for it. Now she would enjoy the final part of their shared adventure: the part which would be the final part of everything for him.

Colleen lifted him up.

 “Well Stanley, I’ve won the chase and caught you. In a short while, you’ll be trapped inside my stomach, with no way out of me, forever. Would you mind sharing a little with me, about how you’re feeling?”

 “Still in love with you, and grateful at least that you gave me the chance to try.”

“Well I told you I’d catch you.”

“It was worth a try,” he said.

“Now let’s look at your poetic outline of what’s next,” said Colleen, and read the latter verses again, “… Very well put. I think I can do all that.”

She put out her tongue right in front of him. It extended right to his feet. She licked his shoulders and face slowly, and drew her tongue into her mouth slowly, so that he could look at it.

Then she repeated the licking process this way for a few minutes.

Then she swished the sides of her tongue against his face in turn.

“How’s that so far?” she asked.

“This part of it’s fantastic!” he admitted.

“See, it’s worth making the most of it, like I said.”

Again and again her incredible taste buds slid over him. It was surreal to think that he was in the process of actually being eaten, and yet that the early steps were all beautiful and thrilling beyond his wildest dreams. The final certainty of his fate seemed to have the strange side effect of removing all his anxieties. As there was nothing to be done, there was no need to stress. He wondered if, given the chance, he would have traded the previous night’s romantic experiences for an absence of his current situation, and was still trying to decide this academic consideration, when she spoke again.

“Alright, I’m going to put you into my mouth now. I’ll give you plenty of time on my tongue, before I draw you into my throat, and then you can make your attempt to stay there, before I overpower you with a final deep gulp, just like it says in your brilliant poem. I’m going to keep that and treasure it forever.”

“I always wanted to win a girl over with a poem,” he said, “Now I have.”

“You won me over, when you offered to help me yesterday. The poem is just icing on the candy man. Do you have anything you’d like to say before I pop you in?”

“I was thinking, while you were licking me, trying to work out if not having met you in the first place would have been better. I still couldn’t decide until now. But I actually prefer the way it turned out, except that I wish I’d had all these licks before we did our flower bed chase, and then managed to get away after that?”

“What would you have done if you had? Nobody else could restore your size.”

“So the machine does reverse the process.”

“Yes, but that’s just hypothetical, since you know I never will.”

“I guess I’m ready to go in then.”

She kissed him goodbye, and slid him across her lower lip and into her mouth, left it open for a while, and laughed from down in her throat, as she felt him sliding around to face the front of her mouth. He lay on her tongue, saw her mouth close, and lay there in comfort in the darkness, until he felt her draw him into her throat.

He pushed himself into a sideways position that gave him less room, and stayed in her throat and wondered if it was good enough to resist the gulping pressure that would soon come.

Then she suddenly gulped so powerfully that all of his efforts were as nothing at all, and drew him down, down, down, into her tummy.

Colleen stood up folded the rug, packed it away in the basket, carried everything home, had a shower, climbed into bed with no food, and read his poem again, before lying down to start enjoying pleasant dreams about the day’s events.