2013...

In an orbital studio, Space Ghost and his two former arch enemies Moltar and Zorak were listening to the opening credits of yet another episode of their live talk show Space Ghost Coast to Coast.

“Greetings, I’m Space Ghost,” said Space Ghost, “Welcome to another of our theme shows. For those of you who didn’t see the episodes Batmantis and Gilligan, a theme show is where we have a number of guests who all have something to do with a common theme. Tonight’s theme is Giantessworld, where high quality science fiction authors write stories about … well how about I ask our first guest to explain. Here’s my first guest Garycomic. He is a writer of fan fictions and stories about historical myths and legends. Hi, Gary.”

“Hi Space Ghost,” said Garycomic.

“So what is Giantessworld?” asked Space Ghost.

“It’s an internet community, where people write stories about shrunken men or giant women. Some of us write fan fictions, based on well known characters. Others create their own characters.”

“So is there one of your stories that you’d like our viewers to pay particular attention to?” asked Space Ghost.

“Well I guess one of the most popular ones in our own forum is ‘Vore Knight of the Obelisk’. It’s got time travel, a few characters from your own Hanna-Barbera background …. Or was that Gary’s Comic Drabbles… oh, and it’s also got Batman and Robin. At least one of them gets shrunken by Catwoman,” said Garycomic.

“Hey, he can’t talk about them. They’re not Hanna-Barbera characters!” yelled Zorak from off-screen.

“Not true,” said Moltar, “Batman and Robin teamed up with Scooby Doo and the gang twice in 1972 in the New Scooby Doo Movies, and they then went on to appear in every series of Superfriends and Super Powers Team.”

“Batman also helped me in my most recent bout with Creature King,” said Space Ghost. (“Batman the Brave and the Bold: Space Safari” in the episode “Bold Beginnings”).

“My bad,” said Zorak.

“So tell us Garycomic, which Hanna-Barbera characters have appeared in your stories?” asked Space Ghost.

“Well I created a father/son link between the Dastardly Diamond Dazzler (an enemy of the Impossibles) and Alexander Cabot the manager of Josie and the Pussycats…”

“So who actually reads this stuff?”

“Well there are three types of readers. There are quite a number of lurkers,” said Garycomic.

“A number of them! I had enough trouble with just one. He worked for One-Eye,” said Space Ghost.

“I’m thinking of teaming up with one and calling ourselves Pun-Guy and Lurker,” said Garycomic, “The second group of readers actually leave review feedback on the stories, which gives us the chance to respond. The last group is the rarest. It’s readers that are so keen on the material, that they read it, review it and then write spin-offs.”

“Well in fact our next guests met in just such a way,” said Space Ghost, “Thanks for being on the show, Garycomic, “Now here are my next guests, Girlfeast and Squish1. Now Squish1, with regard to what Garycomic and I were just saying, tell our viewers how you guys met.”

“I read a series of stories written by Girlfeast that particularly appealed to me called ‘The Feeding Dish’. I liked them so much that I started writing Feeding Dish spin-offs,” said Squish1.

“So Girlfeast, what’s the Feeding Dish series about?” asked Space Ghost.

“It’s set in a restaurant, where male patrons can go and be shrunken by waitresses,” said Girlfeast.

“And why would they do that?” asked Space Ghost, “Has the Evil Collector escaped from Dracto and gone into the cuisine industry?”

“No, well actually, the male patrons volunteer to be … well …. eaten by the full sized female patrons,” said Girlfeast.

“Oh gross!” said Zorak.

Space Ghost aimed one of his power band hands at Zorak and blasted him with enough force that would leave him smoking for the next few minutes of the show.

“So let me get this straight,” said Space Ghost, “Men and women go to this restaurant, and the women shrink and eat the men.”

“That’s about the size of it,” said Girlfeast.

“Sorry, but Space Ghost already used that pun in ‘Time of the Giants’,” said Moltar.

“I don’t remember that episode,” said Girlfeast.

“It was well documented in the Space Stars series with Teen Force and the Herculoids segments as well as Space Ghost adventures,” said Moltar.

“I don’t suppose you could take Moltar and Zorak and add them to the menu,” sighed Space Ghost.

“They only serve man, not mantis,” said Girlfeast, “Is there a man inside Moltar’s costume?”

“I don’t know. I’ve never looked,” said Space Ghost.

“Shrink me and serve me to women and I’ll have Harvey Birdman sue you for diminishment of character,” said Moltar.

“So… Girlfeast, why would anybody want to be eaten?” asked Space Ghost.

 “It’s just something you’re born with. You either want it or you don’t,” said Girlfeast, “With most guys who like giantess vore, it started when we were little kids.”

“I knew Bill and Joe should never have done that Flintstones episode called ‘Itty Bitty Fred’ nor that Partridge Family 2200AD episode called ‘Incredible Shrinking Keith’, not to mention the number of times people got shrunken in Superfriends,” said Space Ghost, “So Squish1, what would you say to men in our audience who’ve been harbouring a secret desire to be shrunken and eaten by women?”

“Well it’s wisest to marry a woman who doesn’t mind eating you, or better still, someone who’s quite keen on the idea. That way you can both stay together and save on divorce lawyers,” said Squish1.

“Well thank you, Girlfeast and Squish1. My last guest is Timescribe.”

“Hello Space Ghost,” said Timescribe.

“So what sort of stories do you write for Giantessworld?” asked Space Ghost.

“I’ve done some Hanna-Barbera fan fiction chapters in ‘Timescribe’s Double Drabbles’ and ‘Scooby Doo meets the Brady Bunch’ and ‘Challenge of the Superfriends: Fast Track to Earth Prime’ and ‘Alice in Giantland’. I’ve done other stories with my own characters, but I guess my most unique story was Ambloome, Princess of Giants,” said Timescribe.

“And what makes it unique?” asked Space Ghost.

“It’s 95 chapters of poetry. Each chapter is in fact a 500 word poem,” said Timescribe.

“What’s it about?”

“Amulets that transport Vikings and other earthlings into another dimension of giants. Some of them form romantic relationships. Some end up time travelling, having science fictional battles, saving earth from mind controlling maniacs, and so on. The story’s got everything,” said Timescribe.

“Everything except restaurants where men get eaten or plots about Batman getting shrunken by-“ said Zorak.

“Sorry about that. He must have recovered from my last blasting session,” said Space Ghost, proceeding to blast Zorak again, “So Timescribe, is it hard to tell a story when you’re bound to write in rhyme?”

“The dialogue can be challenging, and you have to limit it,” said Timescribe, “But it’s very satisfying. As far as I know, no single poem has ever gone that long in the 6000 years of earth’s history, not even Psalm 119 in the Bible.”

“Did anyone read it for that long?” asked Moltar.

“Giantessworld can monitor and report the read counts. At one point it was up to 7416 readers and Garycomic wrote me a review that said ‘7416 lurkers can’t be wrong. You’re really onto something good here.’. That was encouraging.”

“7416 lurkers!” said Space Ghost, “What if they make their way onto this show before we get to the-?”

The end theme for Space Ghost Coast to Coast cut in on Space Ghost’s question.

“Nobody miniaturizes the Mantis!” croaked Zorak, recovering enough from Space Ghost’s second blast to briefly interrupt the end theme, which then went on to finish.

Spoiler Warnings: Brief pre-textual references to Adventures of Gulliver and Laff-A-Lympics in the next two chapters.

The following week, another episode of Space Ghost Coast to Coast went to air live.

“Greetings. I am Space Ghost,” said Space Ghost, “My guests tonight have both agreed to come on the show in response to what the Giantessworld authors said in last week’s show. Tonight my guests are Inch High Private Eye and Bunco from the hidden island of Lilliput. I’ll be talking to both of them at once. Welcome guys.”

“Glad to be here, Space Ghost,” said Inch High.

“Me too,” said Bunco.

“So you two have quite a story to tell,” said Space Ghost.

Inch High Private Eye and Bunco co-narrated a fascinating account for the Space Ghost Coast to Coast viewers. It all began in fact in 1969…

Gary Gulliver, his father Tom Gulliver and Captain John Leech headed out on a sailing voyage, and soon passed another boat, which was headed back towards America. In the second boat were Professor Hayden, his daughter Leslie and young assistant Link Simmons, who had all just escaped from Danger Island.

Gulliver’s boat later met with a storm at sea. Tom Gulliver was missing and eventually presumed dead. Gary Gulliver had many encounters with Captain Leech, and was aided by the tiny people of the island city of Lilliput.

In late 1973, Inch High Private Eye and his niece Lori took their dog Braveheart on an ocean voyage and came across the island of Lilliput. Lori and Gary Gulliver fell in love, and were married. Braveheart and Gulliver’s dog Tagg became good friends and explored the island together for a while.

Inch High Private Eye, being used to using his acrobatic skills to outmanoeuvre full sized criminals, managed to swing a vine around Captain Leech and tie him up, saving the Lilliputian girl Flirtacia in the process. She was grateful, and Leech was sentenced to be reduced in size by force feeding him water from the Forbidden Pool, the next time it appeared. After that he was kept in a Lilliputian jail, now permanently the size of a Lilliputian.

After that, Inch High remained in Lilliput as its first detective. Gary and Lori Gulliver took their dogs back to the mainland and set up house and home. Eventually, news of Lilliput’s existence became known to Snagglepuss and Mildew Wolf, who decided to top their latest episode of Laff-a-Lympics, which had been set on the moon.

So, in late 1978 or early 1979, (Bunco and Inch High were not exactly sure), Hanna-Barbera’s sports commentator Don Messick announced the start of Scooby’s All-Star Laff-A-Lympics episode 25:

“Welcome sports fans to another All-Star Laff-A-Lympics. Today, our athletes will go to the island of Lilliput and then make a return visit to the most popular venue: the amazon jungle.”

“That may have to wait, silly savages,” said Mildew Wolf, “Several of Captain Caveman’s compressed prehistoric animals have somehow escaped from their usual confines of his extensive chest hair, and are running riot in the Everglades.”

“Grape Ape! Grape Ape!” said the only modern day giant animal who could possibly stand a chance of recapturing the escaped animals.

The forty foot purple gorilla Grape Ape soon corralled all of Captain Caveman’s escaped animals and returned them to Cavey, who put them back in his chest hairs, using his power club to compress their size as usual.

“Excellent! Well done even!” said Snagglepuss, “And now our contestants can all board the express ark to Lilliput. Welcome our three teams: the Yogi Yahooeys, the Scooby Doobies and the Really Rottens.”

“Why is Mumbly a rotten, if he was an inspector who had a cameo guest appearances in one of my adventures?” asked Dynomutt.

“Knock off the ridiculous questions, and just get into the Express Ark, Dog Wonder. This is a different show,” said Blue Falcon.

In time, the ark came to drop its anchor in the ocean just near the shores of Lilliput.

“Well folks, now our silly savages are getting ready to remove even more credibility from the sports world in our latest event: the ladies’ Lilliputian hunt,” said Mildew, “Before I outline the nature of the event, Snag will introduce our volunteer Lilliputian men who have agreed to participate in this event.”

“Thanks Mildew,” said Snagglepuss, “Meet three of Lilliput’s most prominent citizens, who are all looking for relatively giant sized wives: Eggar, Bunco and Glump.”

“I’m going to enjoy this more than the days I competed with Gary for Flirtacia,” said Eggar.

“This is my BIG chance,” said Bunco.

“I hope it’s not a shrink gun wedding,” said Glump.

“Thank you, with gratitude even,” said Snagglepuss, “Now it’s back to Mildew, to outline this event.”

“That’s right folks,” said Mildew Wolf, “Our three Lilliputians are off to hide themselves in the Mysterious Forest on the island, while I tell you what’s going to happen next. Three ladies, one from each team, will each chase and catch a Lilliputian and bring them back to the outskirts of Lilliput, where King Pomp, and two other Lilliputian marriage celebrants Raldersol and Flibnab will perform the ceremonies. The first contestant to get her man to the altar will be awarded 25 points for her team. 15 points for second, and 10 points for third.”

“Yes Mildew,” said Don, “And now to meet our contestants. It’s Teen Angel Brenda for the Scooby Doobies, who will be hunting for Eggar, Daisy Mayhem from the Really Rottens, who will be hunting for Glump, and … I’ve just realised that there are no human ladies on the Yogi Yahooeys. This could be a Laff-A-Lympics first, folks. We may have to cancel an event for lack of qualifying contestants.”

“Not at all,” said Teen Angel Taffy, “Bunco and I are very keen on each other, and Grape Ape was a big help to Cavey in recovering the escaped prehistoric animals. In gratitude, I’m willing to enter for the Yogis and do my very best to win for them.”

“Well, if there’s no objection from either the Yogis or the Scoobys, I guess we’re ready to go,” said Don.

“Are our Lilliputians all well hidden?” asked Snagglepuss.

“They sure are,” said Mildew.

“Then let the hunt begin,” said Don, “And they’re off and running on foot, with tall Taffy in the lead, followed by Daisy Mayhem in second place, and Brenda bringing up the rear. Here’s a reminder to our viewers, that regardless of who wins the event, all three girls will still end up marrying their Lilliputian sweethearts.”

“Maybe we should rename this silliness the Small-Star Wife-Of-Lilliputian show,” said Mildew.

“Hilarious. Funny even,” said Snagglepuss.

“Brenda’s crawling through the forest bushes on foot in search of Eggar, but she’s found Glump by mistake. She’s saying nothing, so that Daisy won’t find out,” said Don Messick, “But where’s daisy? She’s still running, getting ahead of Taffy in distance in the forest, although neither one of them has found their man yet. Now Taffy has veered into the bushes on foot and is walking around slowly like a giantess in pursuit of Bunco.”

The hunt continued for several minutes longer.

“And now it’s Daisy Mayhem in the lead!” said Don, “This could be a real break for the Rottens. Daisy has caught Glump and is running back to Lilliput with him. King Pomp is starting the ceremony … and they’re exchanging their vows and Glump is presenting Daisy with a ring made of an old Lilliputian cart wheel, and yes! They’re married! Daisy has just kissed her tiny groom! Now it’s Brenda in second place for the Scoobies …. Brenda and Eggar have just said their ‘I do’ vows, and now finally here comes Taffy and Bunco for the Yogis… and they’re all married.”

“I challenge the Rottens’ win,” said Dee Dee, “Why is Bunco dripping slobber?”

“We’ll just watch an action replay on our x-ray cheat detection camera,” said Mildew, “And here’s the Really Rotten cheat for this event. We can see now, that Daisy Mayhem was the first to find Bunco. Unlike Brenda, who found Glump and ignored him, Daisy captured Bunco, swallowed him to delay any chance of his being found by Taffy, and didn’t cough him up and release him until she’d found and caught Glump.”

“Well Daisy and Glump are still legally married, but the Rottens forfeit their win for cheating. As it remains impossible to know who would have won out of the Scoobies and Yogis if the Rottens hadn’t cheated, we’ll award and equal first place to both teams, and leave the Rottens with a fifteen point penalty for cheating, to be deducted from their 25 point dishonest victory. This leaves the half time scores being 10 points for the Rottens in last place, and the Scoobies and Yogis tied at 25 points. Don’t go away folks. We’ll be back later in the amazon jungle for the second half of the All-Star Laff-A-Lympics.”

After the three teams of contestants had somehow managed to get from Lilliput to the Amazon Jungle in the time space of a commercial break (bringing with them the three Lilliputian grooms who had married Brenda, Daisy and Taffy), Don Messick announced the event for the second half of the Laff-A-Lympics.

“We’re back, sports fans. In a previous episode, we were holding an event at the Killawhoever Falls, when one of the Daltons was caught by a giant Amazon woman, who picked up the Daltons’ boat. So now we’re back with today’s event, which is a contest to see who can capture the giantess first. For the Yogi Yahooeys, we have team captain Yogi Bear. For the Rottens, Dread Baron, and for the Scooby Doobies, Tinker, and now they’re off. The contestants are splitting up and heading off in different directions …. And it looks like Yogi Bear is the first to find the giant woman, who is treating him like a teddy bear. Tinker and Dread Baron have heard Yogi’s protests and zeroed in on the noise. Dread Baron has tried to trip the giantess by shoving his hat onto one of her big toes. This has been unsuccessful, but now Tinker has taken out some special handcuffs he designed himself. He’s climbing a tall tree and jumping onto the giantess’s shoulder. It’s amazing folks. He’s sliding down the giantess’s arm and waiting for her hands to be close together, while she strokes Yogi Bear with one hand and holds him with the other. Now he’s snapping the cuffs on, and now he’s jumped off and slid down her dress to her ankles. He’s pulling out a second pair of expanding handcuffs and cuffing the giantess’s ankles together. She’s down, and Yogi and Dread Baron are running for cover. It’s a clear 25 point win for the Scoobys, and … wait, what are you doing now, Tinker?”

“I’m taking my cues from the Lilliputian boys and proposing to the giantess.”

“You’re really rather cute,” said the giantess, “But I’m not going to leave my jungle. Would you be prepared to live here with me?”

“Well I joined the Scooby Doobies after Mark went off with Debbie, and there aren’t going to be any more episodes of Laff-A-Lympics planned until 2012,” said Tinker, “So I’d love to stay here and live with you.”

“Then I accept your proposal,” said the giantess.

So Tinker and the giantess got married too. He used Speed Buggy to keep up with her, whenever she was moving fast with her giant size. Taffy and Bunco returned to Lilliput, where Taffy became the Lilliputians new giant guardian, replacing Gary Gulliver who’d left with Lori years earlier.

Daisy Mayhem and Glump moved in together, as did Brenda and Eggar.

As Bunco and Inch High Private Eye finished their account of all these events from 1969 to 1979, Space Ghost listened with fascination.

“Well what a story,” said Space Ghost, “We’ll see you both later, and now it’s time for a shameless plug for next week’s episode, when our guest will be…”

“Hold it there, interloper!” came a voice.

“Who was that?” asked Moltar.

“Sounded strangely familiar,” said Zorak.

“And so I should,” came the voice from off-stage.

From the same direction came a blast that hit Space Ghost and somehow changed the colour of his costume. It was now a mixture of blue and grey. Then onto the stage stepped a man who could be a dead ringer for Space Ghost, wearing a costume identical to the one Space Ghost had worn just before it was hit by the strange blast.

“Now that my splatter ray has washed that dye off your costume, you can stand and face the real Space Ghost,” said the newcomer, “And as for Moltar and Zorak, did you two really think that I’d retire from saving the universe and start a lame talk show, that largely wasted its guest stars on trivial rarely funny dialogue, and hire two of my worst enemies from the Council of Doom as my production staff? How many of your viewers actually believed it?”

“Then who is that guy we’ve been working for since 1994?” asked Zorak.

“I was attacked by an evil alternate version of myself from a parallel universe named Space Spectre, who teamed up with five of the parallel earth’s super villains from 1980 (Superman, Batman, Wonder Woman, Robin and Aquaman calling themselves the Super Enemies) in order to subdue me,” said Space Ghost, “After he stole the time machine that Jace built once, he took it back to his own universe, enlisted the Super Enemies with it, came to capture me and imprison me in his universe and then dyed his costume like mine, time travelled to 1994 and started an infantile talk show. I was finally freed by the Superfriends from this universe and then helped them capture the Super Enemies and hand them over to the authorities in their time and universe. Now I’m back to put an end to this late night comedic farce, using the counterparts of the same allies you used to capture me before.”

(Space Spectre was introduced in the Space Stars episode “Space Spectre” in 1981. The Super Enemies were introduced in the World’s Greatest Superfriends episode “Universe of Evil” in 1980).

Suddenly, the real Space Ghost was joined by Firestorm, Green Lantern, Superman and Flash. Firestorm knocked out Space Spectre’s Inviso-belt. The Flash confiscated his power bands at super speed. Superman subdued him and Green Lantern imprisoned him in an energy bubble from his power ring.

“Well, you have your time machine back too, Space Ghost,” said Green Lantern, “We can take Space Spectre back to his own universe and then return to our rightful time and place.”

“And can I apologise to the Superfriends, on behalf of my impersonator, for the way Batman was satirized in Space Spectre’s first season Batmantis episode,” said Space Ghost, “that evil impersonator kept bringing back tapes of Space Ghost Coast to Coast to a VCR and TV in the room where he held me, and forcing me to watch what he’d done to my good name. He even tried to get Harvey Birdman to give up his super hero role and start a show of his own too in 1997. Harvey couldn’t get his old job back at Internation Security, but he managed to continue fighting injustice as a lawyer.”

“Batman won’t hold it against you,” said Superman, “We’ll be off then.”

“I declare this show cancelled,” said Space Ghost, “But since Moltar and Zorak have been refraining from trying to take over the universe during the years of this show’s run, I’ll give them an amnesty for now.”

“There is one thing I’ve been wondering about the Laff-A-Lympics that Bunco and Inch High just told us about,” said Moltar, “How did Jabberjaw get from 2062 back to the late 1970s to guest star in a few episodes of the Laff-A-Lympics?”

“That’s a mystery worth solving,” said Space Ghost, “I think I’ll use Jace’s time machine (that the Superfriends recovered from Space Spectre) and go to 2062 and find out.”

Space Ghost soon reached Atlantis in the year 2062. Aquaman was long dead, and a visiting band called the Neptunes were playing a rock concert. Space Ghost waited for the show to finish and then introduced himself to the band: Biff, Shelly, Bubbles and Clamhead. It turned out that they had once clashed with one of Zorak’s descendants.

“So what I really came to find out was how did Jabberjaw get from 2062 to the 1970s Laff-A-Lympics?” asked Space Ghost.

“That’s easy,” said Jabberjaw, “Woowoowoowoo! Professor Thorstein managed to perfect his time machine, after we recovered it from the Sculpin. He let me use it a number of times, I’m going back to 2020 to visit Sealab next.”  (See Jabberjaw episode “No Helpin’ the Sculpin.”)

“I’d like to take a trip with you,” said Space Ghost, “I’ve got my own time machine, but I’m not sure how well it would function underwater. I left it on land.”

So they started off, but the time machine froze and would not leave 2062. Consulting Professor Thorstein, Jabberjaw learned that Space Ghost’s power bands were somehow upsetting the power source of the time machine. The Professor worked out that it would not be a problem if the power bands were much smaller.

Using the reverse setting of the growth ray that the Neptunes confiscated from the Phantom (in the episode “Help, Help, it’s the Phantom Kelp”), they shrank Space Ghost and took him in the time machine back to 2021, where Sealab had been operating for a year. They met Captain Mike Murphy, Dr Paul Williams, Hal, Ed Thomas, his mother Mrs Thomas, Gail, Bobby Murphy, Sparks , Sally, and Wilbur Campbell.

The Neptunes performed a guest concert of futuristic rock music, and the Sealab people enjoyed meeting the shrunken Space Ghost. Eventually Space Ghost and the Neptunes returned to 2062. Then they restored Space Ghost’s size, and he made his way back to land, and used his own time machine to return to his own time.

There was one thing he still wanted to know. In a parallel universe, where there were counterparts of a number of super heroes, what would be in place of Sealab? He loaded Jace’s time machine aboard the Phantom Cruiser and headed into the parallel universe. Then he time travelled back to 2021 and went down to the location of Sealab. There was an identical looking underwater city there, and he soon met an identical looking Captain Howling Mad Murphy, who was hosting a radio free show. There were counterparts of the Sealab crew from his own universe; in this case named Stormy, Quinn, Debbie and others.

He stood all that he could of their company before he left.

“They seem as whacky as that talk show my counterpart made,” thought Space Ghost, “Debbie and Quinn fornicate frequently. Murphy swears all the time, and their adventures seem to be the most outrageous of experiences. I suppose they wouldn’t be out of place with everything else that goes on in this universe. It’s time to get back to my own universe.”

Space Ghost returned to his own time and home, to find that he had been sent notification of a lawsuit, for breach of contract, by Cartoon Network. Apparently, when he had put an end to Space Spectre’s television show, he had prevented Space Spectre from finishing the twenty year run of programs he had contracted to do.

“Well Birdman’s no longer a super hero in this time, but he could help me more as a lawyer,” thought Space Ghost and immediately went to the offices of Harvey Birdman, Attorney at Law.

“Why should I take your case?” asked Birdman, “You wouldn’t lend me money, when I asked you for help during the production of one of your 1996 episodes.”

“That’s just the point of my case,” said Space Ghost, “I was never called Tad Ghostal, and it was an evil parallel universe counterpart of me named Space Spectre who started that ridiculous show in my name and wouldn’t lend you money.”

“I had to borrow from Falcon Seven, go into partnership with him, change his name to Phil by deed poll, and set up this law practice myself,” said Birdman, “Alright I’ll take your case.”

“Great! How do we proceed?”

“Well it seems that we have to show that the contract was initiated and signed by an impersonator from a parallel universe. When you put an end to his show and seemed to disappear from Cartoon Network for years, you were only setting things right. We should take matters further and counter sue. In fact, in working for him, they misrepresented what Space Ghost stands for, and presented you as a lame comedy talk show host instead of a super hero. Since they didn’t know it was Space Spectre, we ultimately won’t get any money out of them, but we can certainly do our best to win the case of their attempt to sue you,” said Harvey Birdman, “I’ll get Peanut onto research of your double’s old show and then we’ll be ready to go to a hearing.”

Peanut was Birdboy’s nickname. The boy had never found his father and stayed with Birdman (even though he was nowhere to be found, when Birdman was battling the Ant Ape, Skon of Space, the Speed Demon, Murko the Marauder and other villains that Birdman had fought after he first met Birdboy).

Soon the court hearing began with Mentok the Mind Taker presiding as judge.

“One of YOUR old enemies is now a court judge?” whispered Space Ghost, “That’s even crazier than Moltar and Zorak joining the production staff of that show done in my name.”

“They thought he could best pay his debt to society by serving in the court room,” muttered Birdman, “For goodness sake, don’t bring it up when you’re in the witness box.”

Opposing counsel Vulturo proceeded in representation of Cartoon Network.

“Your honour, Space Ghost not only fired his production staff, but he cancelled his own show, even though it had several years left to run,” said Vulturo.

“Objection!” said Harvey Birdman, “This tape, which I will enter into evidence (after it was found by my research assistant Peanut) is a recording of the last episode of the show to air. It clearly discloses that the show was not initiated by Space Ghost, but by an impostor from a parallel universe named Space Spectre. This means that every episode that was produced was in fact a fraudulent misrepresentation of everything that Space Ghost stands for. I will now present further tapes, which will show examples of this. I will then move for court costs, and petition your honour to award compensatory damages to at least the value of those sought from my client by Cartoon Network.”

“Objection sustained,” said Mentok, “I will view the tapes before ruling on your counter suit.”

The tapes were viewed by everyone in the court room.

“So you can see, your honour, that in the episode clips we have shown you, Space Spectre, with the help of Cartoon Network, have discredited the very name of Space Ghost. He has been portrayed as someone who burps on live television, asks inane questions of guests, encourages rank stupidity, blasts his production staff in the middle of episodes, and replaces galactic patrol footage of Space Ghost’s old adventures with ridiculous voiceovers, thus misrepresenting even the real Space Ghost’s early achievements.”

“Objection. It’s a comedy show!” said Vulturo.

“Made without my client’s permission,” said Birdman.

“I submit that my clients could not have been expected to distinguish between the real Space Ghost and an impersonator with exactly the same costume and powers,” said Vulturo.

“They have different voices,” said Birdman.

“I made an objection,” said Vulturo, “Is your honour still going to rule on that?”

“Objection sustained,” said Mentok, “Counsel will establish grounds for holding Cartoon Network staff accountable for the actions of Space Spectre.”

“The staff of Cartoon Network will still responsible for writing ridiculous material into the show, left, right and centre,” said Harvey Birdman.

“But there was no objection from the man my clients thought to be Space Ghost,” said Vulturo.

“It was still their responsibility as his producers to present a known super hero in a positive light,” said Birdman, “I enter into evidence a petition by several small children who have imitated Space Ghost’s on screen belching and been slapped by their parents and also wish to hold the producers of the show responsible.”

“If counsel wishes to represent them in a separate action, it would have to be between those kids and the staff of Cartoon Network,” said Judge Mentok, “For now, I find that counsels for both sides have failed to provide sufficient grounds for me to award compensatory damages to either side. This case is dismissed, with court costs to be paid by Cartoon Network.”

“Thanks Harvey,” said Space Ghost.

“You’re welcome,” said Birdman, “Just so long as you can afford my fee.”

“I can,” said Space Ghost, “But don’t you ever miss being a super hero.”

“Well a number of my old enemies are now working as court staff, judges or lawyers, but I do miss those days, flying in a sky that always seemed to be yellow, blasting villains, throwing up a sun shield, and so on.”

“How would you like me to help hunt down the rest of the Council of Doom for old time’s sake? Spider Woman, Creature King and Metallus are still at large. I heard that Brak’s just playing himself in a demented spin-off of my counterpart’s talk show. With me out of action for so long, those three villains have been unchecked.”

“I’ll be glad to help,” said Birdman.

“Do you realise what this means?” asked Space Ghost.

“Not sure,” said Birdman.

“It means we can both shout out our names in tandem!” said Space Ghost.

“So true,” said Birdman, as he took to the air, “Birrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrdman!”

“Spaaaaaaaaaaaace Ghooooooooooost!” called Space Ghost, as they flew off.

“Say, couldn’t Jan and Jace have helped?” asked Birdman, “You three beat the whole six members of the Council of Doom last time.”

“Jan married Kid Comet. Jace married Electra. They’ve all settled down, and the Teen Force is no longer active, except that Moleculad still takes cases solo sometimes. They defeated Uglor a long time ago. That was when they were willing to disband and get married.

The surprise of fighting Birdman as well found Creature King, Metallus and Spider Woman unprepared, and the two super heroes soon caught the villains and handed them over to the Galactic Patrol.

*          *          *          *

Elsewhere, in Sealab 2021, in the parallel universe, Space Ghost’s visit to their time and universe had not been completely forgotten.

“Quinn! Get in there and fix it!” called Howling Mad Murphy, “Just look what that shrunken super hero’s power bands have done to my toilet!”