Eight inches.  Seventy-five pounds.  That was the toll so far, six months in.  This was hardly atypical; all men had lost roughly this amount, give or take.  But while so many of them seemed content to ‘accept it’ and ‘make do’, Theo Atwater could not!  For him, every missing pound was a bitter affront, every inch an insult.  His pride would not permit him to sit back and do nothing!

And perhaps his investment had paid off after all.  Maybe his arms were a bit bulkier today as they swung at his side; perhaps a touch more liveliness in his legs as he crossed the basement floor with brisk purpose.  The bottle had stated he was “guaranteed to see results by the fifth day”; so the lack of gains the last few days meant nothing.  Today, Day 5, was the only one that mattered.

Damn… eight inches might not sound like all that much, until you’re staring up at your old height markings on the wall.  And today the old six foot six line still looked as high and unattainable as ever.  But wars were not won in a day.  Even if the pills only gained him a fraction of an inch each day, he’d get there eventually.

The pencil marking from yesterday stood just a hair’s breadth above the 5’10” line.  Turning, straightening, lining up the measurement with methodical care, he made the familiar *scritch scritch* of pencil against tape then quickly spun around to observe.

Not one mil higher.  No increase at all.

Confounded, incensed, he marched onto the scale.  Height wasn’t everything.  His weight might still be—

“A half-pound lighter?!”

The pencil sailed across the room.  The empty bottle followed it a moment later, clattering off the wall amidst a colorful flurry of curses.  ‘EZ-Max Special Grow, for Men!’­—sure, it was the sketchiest-sounding one yet, but still friggin’ worth a shot!  And yet again, he’d gotten his hopes up, too.

As he angrily looked for something else to throw, footsteps thudded on the top of the stairs above.  A pair of ankles and three-inch black heels came into view.  “Theo?” called the already-impatient Lola.

His hackles rose.  Another high heels day.  Third day this week.  She knew darned how he felt about that.

“Yeah?  What?”

“I need you to pick up my suit from the dry cleaners today.”

Pfft.  “Well, I’ve got a lot to do on the yard.  Plus a new client this afternoon.”

*Thump Thump*  The lower half of two sizeable calves now appeared.  “Yes, but I can’t make it there before it closes.  And I need the suit for tomorrow—you know I have that meeting.”

“A meeting?”

“What?  I’ve mentioned it how many times this week?  The meeting with the board of directors… The one where I’ll be presenting …”

In all honesty, her various meetings tended to all jumble together in his mind—if he was listening at all.  “Oh,” he fudged.  “Yeah, of course.”

“So you’ll get it?”  No doubt she had her arms crossed and that hard-set look on her face.

“If I have time.”

“Theo, if we’re going to keep living together—“

“Yes, of course I’ll get it!”

Her legs lingered momentarily then disappeared.  He could hear those confounded heels tapping on the floor above him as she headed to the garage.

‘If…’?  Sometimes it felt like she was only still living here so he could run her errands for her.  She claimed things were equitable, yet she never seemed to have time to take care of things herself.  Even at night, there was always another email to reply to or an important memo to compose.  Never time for him.  And certainly never for sex!

At least she hadn’t inspected the bottle that had settled at the foot of the stairs.  The first time he’d bought a male growth product off the internet, she’d called it a ‘huge waste of money’.  What would she say now, if she knew he’d tried four more brands since then?  ‘Desperate,’ no doubt.  ‘Preposterous.’

But, hey, there was real reason to think it could work.  Companies—legit ones—had already accomplished the opposite: making women grow even bigger, and men even smaller.  Something about ‘enhancing the EGAD-induced molecular destabilization’ and using ‘targeted reagents’ and … whatever the science-y mumbo jumbo, there were a number of such products already on the market.  From the generic EGAD Enhancer or EGAD-Plus, to the more colorfully-named and gender-specific She-Hulk Serum and Longer Taller Sally; or the harder-to-find Man-Miniaturizer and Compact Carl.

Apparently they were popular as jokes or gag gifts.  Watch a guy shrink several inches before your eyes?  Or a girl grow?  Sounded awful to Theo—and very expensive.  And yeah, they were all temporary, but you were still stuck like that for several days before it wore off.  Of course, then there were the nut-jobs who took those pills regularly, to stay that size all the time.  He’d never met anyone rich or wacko enough to do such a thing, but supposedly they did exist.

But countering the effects of EGAD turned out to be much harder.  Every week you’d hear reports that such-and-such random, sketchy-named company had figured it out, beating Big Pharma to the punch… ‘And buy now, before supplies run out!’  Elaine might think Theo was a sucker for buying into them, but she missed the point.  Theo would not, could not just sit back and let himself wither away.  He’d do darned near anything to get his size back, even just a little of it.  And if that meant sinking a good chunk of his savings into any pills he could find, and risk some extra grouchiness along the way, then so be it!

* * *

Jen Atwater pulled into a parking spot in front of her high school and clutched the steering wheel nervously.  People had already started teasing her for her changing appearance at the end of the school year a month ago; and now at the start of summer school, the situation was even worse.  It had seemed like such a good idea to sign up for a summer class and get one of her electives out of the way.  It’d make her senior year that much easier.  But she regretted it now!

And, of course, her dad was too stubborn to let her un-enroll: ‘I’m Theo Atwater, and no daughter of mine will run from a challenge!’  Ugh, he was so annoying!

Fortunately there were only a couple classes going during the summer, and the halls right now were almost empty, so--

*Bbbbriinnggg!!*

Dang.  Jen set her long, spindly legs in motion and found her classroom as quickly as possible. Unfortunately, her teacher was already talking.

"... this is a seniors-only summer school, for students 18 years old or older.”

A girl raised her hand.  “Why, Mr. Walker?”

“It’s for legal reasons.”

“But—“

“Just rest assured: everyone here is 18 or older.  Got that?  18 or older.”

The blue eyed girl blinked.  “Geez, OK.  I got it.”

“OK then.  Now that that’s established: class is 10 AM to noon, Monday through Friday.  Attendance is—“

Jen didn’t catch the door.  It swung shut loudly behind her, drawing the whole class’s gaze.

"What timing," Mr. Walker deadpanned.  "I was just about to say that attendance is 30 percent of the grade, and points are deducted for tardiness.  What is your name, young lady?"  He opened up his attendance book on the podium. 

“Ooooh,” a few voices called, as Jen squirmed. 

"Young lady?" Mr. Walker repeated. 

Her face was the color of roses now. "Jen," she muttered quickly. 

"Jen who?"

"Jen Atwater."

*Scritch! Scritch!*  Mr. Walker’s pen scratched loudly on the roll sheet in the shape of an ‘X’.  "Alright, sit there.”

Front and center?  The worst seat of all!  She heard more snickers as she slunk into her seat.  "Can't see!" the boy behind her complained, as a finger poked her back.  "Freaking spider girl!"

Chuckles abounded. "Spider girl," someone else repeated.

Just a minute in, and already a new nickname.  Jen cringed dismally.  She was 5’7” now—not super tall at all.  The problem was, she had been skinny even two months ago at 5’0”, and she’d hardly gained a single pound since!  Like some sort of Stretch Armstrong doll.  The doctors said not to worry; she’d fill out eventually.  But when?  Gawd, she was skinny!

She could almost feel her classmates’ eyes on the back of her head, silently laughing at her skinny neck and bony shoulders and twig-like arms.  She focused as best she could on Mr. Walker as he discussed the class outline.  ‘Life Management Skills’… how to balance a checkbook, how to stay healthy, all sorts of random stuff like that.  It was a required elective class, but was sure to be booooring.

Stealing glances left and right, she recognized many of the classmates around her.  Geez… they say guys’ and girls’ heights were almost completely flip-flopped now, with the average girl being five, maybe six inches taller than the average guy.  But it was even weirder when it was people she knew.  To her left was Gerald, a guy on the football team who was once a whole foot taller than her; but now, was he taller than her at all?  And Adam, another jock behind him, was even shorter still.  Skinnier, too.

But not all were skinny.  The boy behind her was short but squat, with brown curly hair and mean eyes.  Probably a little over five feet tall.  No wonder he couldn’t see.  She quickly turned away under his harsh scowl...

But wow, look how lanky Stephanie is.  And Naomi—geez, her arms!  Does she work out?  And—

“Whoa.”  Jen’s eyes went wide as she saw the three bombshells in the far left row.  Their looks, their makeup, their clothes—they were in an entirely different stratosphere!  Jen had never seen anyone like them at this school.  Except…

Wait.  “Is that Maggie?” Jen whispered.  “And Ella?!”  She hadn’t even recognized them at first.  Last year they were already two of the prettiest, most popular girls in school—but look at them now! 

At least the third girl was new here.  She had to be.  Because she was even taller, even more stunning than the first two.  And—

“Perhaps keeping one’s ears cleaned is another topic we need to discuss.”

Jen turned to find Mr. Walker staring right at her.  Aghh!  “I-I—“

“We’re going over the class outline, young lady.  Section 1: Health and Wellbeing – if you’re not too bored to follow along!”

Before she could cringe… “Look, Spider Girl, there’s a section on eating and nutrition!”  The mean boy poked her in the back.  “That one’s all for you!”

Ack!  “I eat plenty!”

But they were already laughing again…

“Bradley, that’s enough,” the teacher gruffed.  “That goes for you too, Jen.”

It was official—this summer couldn’t be starting any worse.

* * *

Jen stayed in her seat after class, waiting for the main wave of students to file out before she cautiously got up.  Keeping her head down and avoiding all eye contact, she crammed her stuff into her backpack, turned, and—

The three bombshells whooshed by, the new girl’s strong-looking shoulder gliding right past Jen’s nose!  The three of them were huge—even taller than she’d expected!  They—whoa, they were each wearing heels.  High, spiky heels … in class?!  The strut and swagger in their steps; their tight, short-hemmed dresses… They looked like they belonged on a modeling runway, not at a school!

Jen trailed out after them, still amazed.  The trio glided so smoothly down the halls, not even seeming to notice the lesser beings around them.  Geez… they—

*Bzzz*

Jen checked her phone.  “Crap!”  She’d totally forgot about Amir—her best friend, whom she hadn’t seen in over a month, whom she really should have been more excited to see again…

Doubling back, she reached the courtyard a few minutes late and—

“Well, I feel like a midget.”

Jen’s surprise turned quickly into a bubbling laugh.  Her friend was even shorter now but had the same goofy grin as always.

“Um, that's cuz you ARE," she joked.

"Hey!" he protested, retaliating with a swift punch to the side of her bony ribcage. 

"Yow!"  She winced, clutching her side. 

"Eee!  Sorry!  I meant to hit your arm!" he said, distraught. "I just have terrible aim!"

The spot was still tender – with no natural padding to protect her, it had hurt quite a bit. "That's OK ... there's really not much arm to hit," she said, looking ruefully at her twig arms.

“But at least they’re long!”  Amir, ever cheerful, grinned and stretched his arm out.  Jen took his cue and stooped to bring hers alongside.  "Holy moley!" he exclaimed, pressing his fingernails against her forearm, an inch or two short of her wrist.  "Hey, if I ever need to reach anything, I know who to ask!"

She almost smiled, but… “Whatever it would be, I’d be too weak to lift it.”

Her friend seamlessly shrugged.  "You’ll grow into it.  And who cares!  I think it's cool you're tall."

OK, this time his grin won her over.  “Thanks, Amir.  Thanks for not judging me and stuff.”

They started walking to the parking lot.  "Judging you?" Amir asked, struggling to keep up. 

Jen winced and shortened her strides for him.   "Nothing. Just some guys in my class.  Stupid jocks."

"Stupid jocks," Amir intoned. After a moment, they looked at each other and laughed.

"Yeah, I guess we're kinda jocks too," Jen acknowledged. 

"But not like them!"

"Yeah.  Agreed."

Both of them were on the track and field team – and despite being the team’s shortest members, at five feet tall apiece, they were some of the best and most well-rounded competitors out there.  “Natural athletes,” their coach always complimented.  Jen loved watching Amir at competitions, seeing his short legs motoring on and beating boys half a foot taller than him or more.  Jen herself wasn’t the best at any one thing; but over time she’d picked up pole vaulting, triple jumping, long-distance running … she had a knack for pretty much anything she tried.

"Hmm," she said, as they turned down the next sidewalk.

"What?"

"We haven't raced in a while."

After a moment, Amir's eyes lit up. "You're on!"

"To the deli?"

"Yeah!"

They dropped off their backpacks in their cars and walked to the edge of school property. A couple other students were within eyesight, but Jen didn't really care so much now that she was with her friend. 

"Ready?" she asked.

"Set?" Amir chimed. 

"Go!" they declared in unison, sprinting down the sidewalk with glee. 

To Jen's amazement, she actually stayed with him at first! But after a few seconds, her legs started to get tired and Amir steadily pulled ahead at a faster and faster rate. "Hey! Come back!" she called out, laughing, as he pulled into a ten foot lead, eventually more like fifteen foot, by the time they reached the deli at the end of the block. 

She propped a hand against the wall of the store as she came to a stop.

"Tired?" he asked, still grinning.

The cardio was fine for her; no big deal.  The problem was her limbs; her lack of muscles.  “My legs feel like jelly,” she lamented.  Even her arms felt wobbly now from the exertion.  Too lanky for their own good.  “Gawd, I’m so weak!”

“Huh.  Yeah, but you had me sweatin’ there for a sec.  Those long legs!”

She felt the tug of a smile, even as she swayed.  “Yeah, I guess it’s not all bad.  Um… how ‘bout you?  How’re you doing with the… changes?”

“Me?  I'm actually fine with it.  For one thing, being lighter helps a little with running, so I've really only lost a step or two.” He grinned. "And hey, all guys are in the same boat, right? Or gonna be soon."

"Hmm."  Jen nodded. It was still so weird to think about, though. "Umm..." she began cautiously, "how long you think it's gonna last?  In general, I mean.  This whole shrinking and growing thing."

Amir put his hands up.  "Beats me!  I guess we'll just get used to it, whatever happens."

Dang.  If only Jen had his positivity…

Urghh… The door to the deli was stuck, as usual.  Trying again with two hands, her arms shaking…

“Eek!”  It came unstuck and nearly knocked her on her butt—except Amir was there to catch her.

“Stupid door!” they laughed in unison, as they always did.  Jen regained her balance and smiled down at her weirdly short friend.   “Thanks bud,” she said, holding the door for him.

“You betcha,” he said up at her with a cheerful glint in his eye.

***

Jen’s dad was on her already the moment she stepped out of her car.  “It's 1:30," he griped, wiping sweat from his brow with his even sweatier forearm. "You were supposed to get here at 1:00, missy."

"Sorry, I was having lunch with Amir."

"I don’t care if it was with the Pope.  In this family, when you make a promise to someone, you keep it!"

Great.  The hot sun and hard work apparently made him even more of a jerk.  And lately he’d been even grumpier and harder on her than ever.

Minutes later, with gloves on and a new change of clothes, she grasped the handles of the mulch-filled wheelbarrow, and heaved upward, and…

“Going slow isn’t going to get you any pity!” her dad called from across the yard.

“I’m trying!”

"Try harder!"

"It’s too heavy!”

But if he noticed the wheelbarrow shaking, he didn’t show it.  Just watched her sternly.

She got it rolling in a straight line okay.  But the moment she tried to turn it, the wheelbarrow capsized and spilled the mulch—and her—onto the lawn.

“Dag gummit!” Dad called, striding toward her with two hands on his hips.  “What a mess.”

“I’m fine, by the way,” Jen grumbled, picking herself up and dusting her jeans.  “I tried to tell you—it’s too heavy for me!”

Dad grunted, frowned.  “Evidently, yes.  I suppose I’ll have to give you something more within your capabilities.”  He handed her the rake.  “I’ll move the mulch.  You just spread it around.  Shouldn’t be too hard, right?”

Jen grumbled and started this more manageable task under Dad’s annoyingly watchful eye.  It brought to mind the talk show she’d heard the other day, joking about the ‘pandemic of Napoleon complexes’ that had broken out among men.  The more they’ve shrunk, the more loudly they need to assert their masculinity.  That seemed true for Dad too.  Jen was shorter and way weaker than him, but plenty of other women were probably—

“Hey, pick up the pace, young lady!”

Jen groaned.  “Oui, monsieur.”

“What?”

“Nothing!”

* * *

Theo rolled his eyes on his way in.  Jen’s lackadaisical attitude this past hour was yet another disappointment.  But now he had to get to this appointment.  It’d been a bit since he’d found a new client, and he sure as heck didn’t want to be late.

‘We’re moving in a different direction.’  That’s what the new regional manager at the gym had said to him, once she’d finally had the guts to fire him—and Chad at the same time.  ‘You’re not the right fit for us anymore’.  Why?  Because they had Y chromosomes?

Two months ago, and it still rankled him.  After that, his part-time personal training became his full-time job, and business was good for a while.  Great, even.  Plenty of guys wanted to stay fit but would rather hire a trainer than go to the gyms.  But, oddly, business had really petered out lately.  Maybe there were simply more trainers now, catching up with demand.  Or … well, more and more guys seemed to ask him about cardio these days.  Calisthenics, even!  Was strength training going out of style among men?  Preposterous!

This new client, Ned: they’d met in line at a coffee shop last week, and he’d seemed like a normal enough guy.  Though, the dude did order a low-sugar almond milk peppermint Frappuccino, so … who knows.  But heck, a job was a job.

As he drove up to Ned’s address, Theo whistled softly.  This friggin’ mansion was probably three times the size of his home, with huge windows and fancy awnings and the like.  Had to be worth well into seven figures, easily.  As he drove up, a woman was out front trimming the pristine row of hedges and weeding the elaborate garden.  “Hello,” he greeted, walking up to her.  “Are—“

Whoa.  Those biceps were serious.  And as she rose, and turned… It wasn’t often that he found himself eye level with a woman’s chin.

“Can I help you?” her surprisingly gruff voice asked.  “Or are you just going to stare?”

The blatant assertiveness caught him off-guard.  He blinked.  Women didn’t often speak like that, in days past.  And they never had such well-muscled legs, either, glistening from a hard day’s labor.

“Sorry,” he recovered, extending his hand.  “I’m Theo – the personal trainer.  Are you Lola?”

The woman looked wryly at his hand.  “You serious?  Can’t you see the logo?”  She pointed to the emblem of her lawn care company on the breast pocket of her shirt.

“Oh.  Sorry.  Most lawn guys are guys, so I—“

“Riiight.  Let’s see a man try to lug this equipment around all day.”  Indeed, the power tools piled in her truck bed did look rather heavy—for some men.

“I could do it.”  He crossed his arms.

“You?  Hphh.  For now, maybe.”

The rudeness!  Who the hell--!?

“Good day, Miss,” he growled and moved on.  She wasn’t worth it.  God… some people were so friggin’ arrogant.

He knocked on the large front door and it opened to a friendly face—on a rather diminutive frame.  “Theo!  Thanks for coming, man!” Ned greeted, shaking his hand enthusiastically.

“Hey, Ned.  How ya doin’.”

“Good, good!  ... You OK?”

Was Theo’s scowl that obvious?  “Rude gardener.”  He shrugged.

“Rude?  Oh, sorry man.  I guess she takes some getting used to.”  Ned’s slim arm waved across the yard.  “Looking good, Carmen!”  He gestured Theo inside.  “She’s a friend of ours.  And a great workout buddy.”

Theo’s brow rose.  “You work out—with her?”  That woman was easily a foot taller than Ned; darned near twice his weight…

Ned shook with laughter.  “Little ol’ me, with these spindly arms?  Noooo way, man.  She and my wife, Lola.”

“Oh.”  His wife—No, don’t ask.  “Well, they won’t be spindly for long, with me around.  Shall we?”

Ned happily led him across the foyer with its high-vaulted ceilings, into the expansive kitchen with pots and pans hanging everywhere and counter space galore.  “Want anything?” he asked, opening the large French doors of the stainless steel fridge.  “Juice?  Water?”  He nodded to the counter.  “There’s also fruit – and a galette I baked this morning.”  He chuckled.  “Maybe save that one till after the workout, eh?”

The hell is a ‘galette’?  “You bake, huh?”

“Oh yeah.  I love it.”

Odd.  “I’m good, thanks.”

“Cool.  So, our gym’s just ahead.”

‘Just ahead’?  Ned led him through two big living areas, past a study, down another hallway, and…

“Holy smokes,” Theo exhaled.

“Ha!  I know, right?”

Geez… ten—no, twelve different weight machines stood before them: a beautiful, brand-new lat machine, an elaborate cable tower, a full-sized smith machine; on and on.  Then there was the impressive array of free weights, more than even he knew what to do with.  He didn’t care much for treadmills, stationary bikes, and ellipticals, but the gym even had those too.  Everything was professional-caliber; the real deal.  All shiny and new.  And plenty of floor space to spare.

“I thought my home gym was big,” Theo muttered, awestruck.

“Just had it built a couple weeks ago.”  Ned beamed.  “It’s my wife’s pride and joy.”

“And yours too, naturally.”

“Me?  Well, nah, I’ve never been into gyms much.  Lola got it for herself.  But she said I should get in better shape, so I figured I’d give it a shot – and here we are!”

“Wait.”  Theo’s eyes swept the room.  “This was all for your wife?”

“Uh huh.”

“You don’t even lift?”

“Not yet!”

Yikes.  All Theo could think to say was, “How much do you guys make?”

Ned laughed.  “My wife’s a vice president at a pretty big company … so yeah, she makes a ton.”

“And you?” Theo inquired.

Ned flashed a grin.  “My wife makes the money.  I make the galettes.  And the rib roasts, and the cheese soufflés; and I keep the house clean … I’m a stay-at-home husband!”

Well, that threw Theo for a loop. “…You mean, by choice?”

“Yeah!  Lola was making so much more than me that my old job just wasn’t worth it.  Now, from here, I can support her in all kinds of ways that I just couldn’t before.”

Theo blinked as his view of Ned rapidly changed…

Ned laughed.  “I know, I know.  It sounded bananas to me too, at first.  But if you saw Lola, you’d get it.  She’s incredible.  … Hey, actually, you might see her.  She gets home in about an hour.”

No offense, but Theo had no particular desire to stick around for that.  He looked at the clock—already five past.  “Well, let’s get started.”

* * *

If you’re looking for an easygoing, namby-pamby trainer, Theo is not your guy.  His philosophy: make every second count.  Listen well, go hard, and give one hundred and thirteen percent.  The going will get tough, but man up and get it done.  All-in.

As it turned out, this galette-baking homemaker was tougher than he seemed.  He didn’t know a bench press from a barbell curl, but the quickly-fatigued novice fought through it the entire hour with surprising enthusiasm.

“… Five more reps … C’mon, man, push it … Push it! … Three … Two … Last one! …”  Theo clapped vigorously.  “YES!  That’s what I’m friggin’ talking about!  Good shit, man!”  He took the ten-pound dumbbells from Ned’s weary hands and bumped his fist.  “Alright.  That’s it for today.  Nice start.”

“Nice start?!”  With a tired wheeze, Ned took two wobbling steps and collapsed on the bench.  He lifted his water bottle halfway to his mouth before his arm gave out and dropped the bottle in his lap.

Theo chuckled.  “First day’s always the worst.  Don’t worry—your body’ll get used to it.”

“Then it’ll get easier?”

He grinned.  “Oh, no.  Then I can push you harder.”

“Geez, man, you are tough!”

“You’re damned right.”  He cast a nod at those shining towers of metal across the room.  “Maybe next time I can introduce you to some of those, huh?”

“Those big machines?  Oh… OK.  But maybe the bikes and treadmills too?”

Theo arched his brow.  To him, cardio always felt like a waste of time, when there were weights to be lifted instead.  But… “Sure—whatever’ll make my client happy.”  He rephrased: “Of course.  We could squeeze in a bit of that, too.”

Once Ned had finagled the water bottle to his mouth, he quickly emptied it.

“Refill?”  Theo offered his hand.

“Nah, the faucet here’s not hooked up yet.  I’ll go to the kitchen.”  But he stopped halfway up to catch his breath.

“I don’t mind.”

“OK, thanks.”

On the way, something inside the lavishly-appointed study caught Theo’s eye.  Atop the strangely oversized desk, on the back of the two jumbo-sized monitors, was a big, red letter ‘A’ with a rightward swoosh over a field of silver.  A notepad on the desk had the same logo on it, as did the clock on the wall. 

It took him all of a half-second for recognition to hit him.  Apogee Biotechnology Corporation.  One of the biggest biotech companies to have emerged in the last six months.  Their Apo-Amplifier products were supposedly some of the best—and most expensive—‘EGAD enhancers’ out there.

Wait… Is that where Ned’s wife worked?  Companies like Apogee—their entire revenue was based on making men shrink and women grow.  What kind of looney-brained wackadoo would work at a place like that?  And… and would such a person take her company’s products herself?

He moved with perhaps a bit more urgency now, striding into the kitchen, refilling Ned’s water in the unusually high sink … and as he shut the faucet off, a muffled thud was heard—that of a car door swinging shut.

Having seen the images on the news, of women’s bodies so scandalously ‘enhanced’, a lesser man would have been nervous now.  As a nearby door opened and heavy footsteps echoed, such a man might gutlessly try to hide around that corner over there, or slink away unseen.

But Theo Atwater stood his ground, obviously.  Why would he worry?  Even as the footsteps grew nearer, and louder…

Louder.

Heavier.

“Holy…!”  Air rushed from his lungs as an absolute hulk of a woman filled the doorway.  Arms enormous and shoulders broad.  Full, round bosom and thick, shapely legs.  The largest, strongest woman he’d ever seen in real life—by a country mile.

“Well, what do we have here?” her surprisingly deep voice hummed.  “An intruder, in my own house?”

Theo fell uncharacteristically speechless as the woman started toward him.  He felt an unexpected sense of vertigo as he craned his neck farther upward than ever before.  She wore high heels; but still, his face was practically in her bosom.  Cripes, she stood close!  Aggressively, nerve-rattlingly close.

“Uh…”

“Shall I count to five?”  Her jaw set firmly; her brow arched sharply.

What??  He took two long steps back.  “Look, lady, I-I’m not a…”

Oh hell—she rolled up her sleeves to reveal forearms as thick as his thighs.

*Gulp*

Her fingers interlocked, cracking her knuckles as she determinedly strode toward him, re-closing the distance.

He was one breath from bolting for the door, when: “Lola, be nice—he’s my guest!”

Ned had come up behind him—and now Lola’s bellowing laugh flooded the room.  She stood with folded arms and a cocky smirk.  “I know, dear.  Just having a bit of fun.”

Ned ambled forward, chuckling, “Sorry, Theo, my wife has a odd sense of humor.”

“Hmph!” Lola’s eyes appraised the newcomer.  “So this is Theo, then?”  She came at him again, her heels thudding, her surreally large arm reaching … and his hands shot up on the defensive.

“I’m not gonna hurt ya,” she throatily laughed.  “I just like to shake anyone’s hand who comes into my house.”

A rare sight: proud Theo blushed.  “Oh.”  He eased his hunched shoulders and shook her very big hand…

Yo!  Her fingers squeezed down like a goddamned vise!

“Mmm.  Nice, firm handshake,” she praised.  “I like that.”

Was she mocking, or serious?  ‘Cuz the vise kept tightening...

She released him and cocked her head.  “You needn’t be so shy.”

Shy?  He—Oof, his hand stung.  “I’m not shy,” he insisted, as he fought off a wince.

“He wasn’t that way with me!” Ned chimed oh-so-helpfully.  As he stepped up to his wife, their size difference was appalling.  Surreal.  His head fit under her breasts.  These two are married??

“Honey, no one is shy around you.”  She chuckled, slipping her hands under Ned’s armpits and—what the…?—she levitated him two feet off the ground!  Brought his lips straight to hers for a kiss.  “Mmm…”  Now a longer kiss.  “Hi, honey.” And even some brief tongue … which she only seemed to stop because she noticed Theo staring.  Her husband, now back on the ground, clung to her side with a great big grin—all the more as his wife tousled his hair.

Yikes.  The sheer ease with which she lifted him; the way her arms swelled like melons; the unexpected, awkward PDA…

“How was your workout, sugarplum?” her deep voice hummed.

“Fantastic!  Theo really kicked my butt.”

“Did he?  Splendid.”  The hulking businesswoman started feeling up her husband’s arms.  “Hmm… I don’t feel any muscles,” she drolly teased, squeezing and prodding along.

“Well, not yet,” the man protested with lively squirms.  Even when he tried to flex, his wife’s fingers still sank into his flesh like it was soft butter.

Ahem.  “I’ll, uh, see myself out,” Theo called, turning quickly, before this behemoth broad could get even more handsy.

“Oh?  So soon?” she called.

“Yeah, I—“

“Without payment?”

Damn.  He did want that.  At least when he turned again, the two of them were standing respectfully apart, hands to themselves.

“Ermm, yeah, if you don’t mind.”

“’Course not.  Honey, fetch my purse?”

Ned had apparently recovered from his workout enough to flit across the room, shamelessly fetching the purse for his wife.  What self-respecting man would ever--

“Oh,” Theo corrected, as the wrong president emerged from her wallet.  Not even a president, in fact.  “Just fifty per session.”

But Lola strode forth with the $100 bill anyway and pressed it firmly into his palm.  “First-day bonus,” she declared.

“Oh,” he repeated, like a broken record.  The vertigo again, as she loomed above him…

“Would you prefer an advance for the rest of the week?”

“The rest of the…?  I’m not sure if I’m coming back, or—”

“Of course we’ll have you back.  Ned?”

“Yeah, for sure!”

“There you have it.  Now: can you fit in three days per week?”

Her body, her breasts – way too close.  Theo stepped back awkwardly.  “Most clients do just one a week.” 

She stared down at him, unblinking.

“… But three could work.”

“Excellent.”  A Benjamin, another Benjamin… and after a moment of thought, out came a Ulysses as well.  “For the next three sessions.”  A total of three hundred and fifty dollars now rested in his palm.

Dang.  “That’s really not necessary, ma’am.  You can pay as we go.”

Lola chuckled.  “Word of advice from a businesswoman: when someone offers you money, take it.”

He hesitated.  Lola was … well … damn, she did pay a lot.  And he doubted he’d have to deal with her much after today anyway.  “Alright.”  He pocketed the money.  “Uh, thanks.”

Just then, the oven timer went off.  “The galette’s ready!  Who wants some?”

“No, I’d better be going,” said Theo, respectfully backing away …

… until his new biggest client cocked her head and ‘tsk’ed.  “And when that same someone offers you a free dessert...”

* * *

“This is really freaking good!”  Theo had only meant to stay a minute, but now he greedily dug into his second slice.

“You already said that,” Ned said with a laugh.

“Yeah, but you could open a pastry shop with this—seriously!”

“Ohhh, no.”  Lola’s left arm hooked around her husband’s slender waist as her right hand delivered another big forkful to her mouth.  “Nothing’s takin’ my man away.  I’ve got him all to myself.”

Ned, his arm across Lola’s broad shoulders, leaned in to smooch her cheek.  She responded with – oh lord – a full-on squeeze of his rump.

“Lola, there’s company here,” Ned half-heartedly protested, smacking her forearm.  She just laughed and snaked her arm around the small of his back as she ate, what, her third slice?  The woman was voracious.  And, god, Theo couldn’t get over how swollen her forearm was.  She—

“Go ahead, Theo,” she graveled.  “Ask.”

Huh?  “Ask what?”

“You want to ask if my size is all natural, or enhanced.”

He nearly coughed up his dessert.  “Excuse me?  I don’t know what you mean.”

“Hon, you’ve been staring at my arms for the last five minutes.  It’s alright to inquire.”  As his cheeks uncharacteristically warmed, Lola at least saved him the trouble of responding.  “The answer’s yes—I’ve been on Apo-Amplifiers for, oh, almost a month now.”  She smirked.  “How much have I gained, did you say?”

“Hrr?  No, I didn’t say—“

“About a half a foot and seventy pounds, give or take.”  She pressed her palms together and flexed.  “As you can see, that’s mostly muscle.”

Yeah, no crap!  Her pecs danced wildly beneath her tight pinstripe shirt.  Her husband, still caught within her arm, was rocked along for the ride.  Theo tried not to stare, but … good lord…

“Why would—“  He shifted distressedly in his seat.  “Why would you do that to yourself?” he couldn’t help but blurt.

“Ha!”  Her full-throated laugh nearly shook the table.  “Apogee gives an employee discount, and you expect me to not take full advantage?”

Discount or no, maintaining that much gains must cost a small fortune!  And you’d have to constantly keep buying more, since each dose only lasts a couple weeks.

“We’re blessed that I can afford it,” Lola hummed.  “Well worth the investment.”

Ned leaned and kissed Lola’s cheek then, bewilderingly, traced his hands along her shoulder and intently squeezed her arm.  It would appear he agreed with her—quite avidly.  As bizarre as that was.

“Why would women want to get bigger?” Theo insisted, shaking his head.  “I don’t understand it.”

“Oh?”  The hulking female cast Ned carefully aside so she could address her guest fully, mano a mano.  “You of all people should know what it’s like to crave size; strength.”

“Me?”  She was again leaning quite close…

“Yes.”  Her thick fingers strummed the table, not far from him.  “You, Theo: very tall for a man, and very well-built.  I suspect you work out every day—always pushing yourself, always getting in those few extra reps, always fighting for that little bit more.  If it’s paid off for you now, imagine what it must have done for you in the past.  How formidable you must have been.  Perhaps even as much as me now.”

The damned cockiness in her voice… But she was right.  The size of her torso; the way her forearm muscles undulated and twitched each time she strummed her fingers.  He was once real big – but that big?  He wasn’t sure.

“Ah,” she recognized, reading him like a book.  “So I’m right.”

The room was starting to feel very warm.  “Oh, I was bigger than you, Miss,” he retorted.

She shrugged.  “Point is, hon, it’s not only men who can feel the thrill of being bigger, better than everyone around them.  You think only men are allowed to do what it takes to make that happen?  Pfft.  You and I are the same, hon.”

“The same?”  How arrogant!  “No we’re not.”

“Oh?  So once our Apo-Reverso For Men comes available, you won’t do everything possible to get your hands on it?”

“No, I—“  He blinked.  “The heck is Apo-Reverso?”

Lola threw back her head and laughed.  Ned joined in and, at a beckon from his wife, came and sat on her lap.  “Want to tell him, sugar?” the woman hummed, ensconcing his between bicep and breast.  He seemed entirely comfortable there.  Smothered.  Trapped.  How can he stand it??

“This is the big one, buddy,” Ned declared excitedly.  “Lola and everyone—they did it!  They found a way to make guys bigger, and women smaller!”

Theo’s eyes went wide.

“You make it sound like I invented it, hon.  I’m just in marketing.”

“Still … we’re gonna be so rich!”

“Ha.  Yes, we are … And clearly there’s one interested customer right here.”

He couldn’t help it.  Hell, his damned lip was quivering.  The product he’d been waiting for, been trying so hard to find… “You’re serious?” He scanned their faces.  “This is for real?”

“Oh yes,” assured Lola.  “The official announcement’s next week.  Clinical trials begin in a month.”

“Each dose lasts a week or two, like Apo-Amplifier,” added Ned.  “You gotta keep taking more.”

“But our scientists are optimistic they can develop a more permanent form, before long.”

Permanent or no, Theo’s heart was racing.  This was real, not just a pie-in-the-sky dream!    “H…How can I get it?” he flat-out blurted.

“Ha!”  Lola bounced her husband on her lap.  “See?  I knew he’d be interested.”

“You were right, babe!”

Theo fidgeted restlessly, his palms growing sweaty.  “Is it a matter of money?  I don’t have a ton, but—“

“Oh, far too expensive for that.  High production costs; overwhelming demand expected … It’ll likely debut at triple the cost of Apo-Amplifier, or more.  Even for the clinical trials—if you could even get in.”

Triple!?!  His head spun.  Here, today, with Lola’s connections… this might be his only chance.  “I’ll do whatever it takes!” he pressed.  “There must be a way.”

The married couple exchanged a knowing glance.  “Whatever it takes?” Lola repeated.

His breath caught.  “Yes,” he affirmed, going all in.  “Anything.”

The way Lola grinned, this seemed exactly what she was hoping to hear.  She whispered in her husband’s ear and, with a quick pat on his rump, sent him scurrying eagerly across the house.  Leaning back and smirking slyly, she seemed far more at ease than Theo who could hardly hang on to his wits.

Ned returned with a large tablet in hand.  Lola rose from her chair and Theo followed suit, the three of them crowding around the screen.

“This one?” he asked, pointing to a file on the home screen: MM_Ep3_Promo.mp4.

“Perfect,” Lola affirmed.

“What’s this?” Theo had to ask.

Lola chuckled.  “If you’ve not seen this before, you’re in for a treat.”

Low, suspenseful music drew Theo’s attention to a colorful, brightly-lit arena.  Now a close-up: long, purple leather gloves being pulled over slender arms, in dramatic slow-motion.  Similar purple stockings being rolled up two shapely calves and thighs.  Zoom out to a very attractive woman in a pink and purple onesie, the fabric clinging to her curvy hips and shapely bust.  A simple mask framed striking blue eyes.  High cheekbones.  Lustrous golden hair.  She was supposed to be a superhero, it seemed; but too soft, slender, and fragile-looking to fit the part.  Wouldn’t be beating up villains anytime soon… but damn was she easy on the eyes.  How cute it was when she scrunched her face in such determination and wrapped her dainty hands around the bars in front of her, as if to spring from the starting gate like an elite sprinter.  Adorable how the overblown music, the camerawork, tried to make her look like such a badass…

The music grew even more dramatic as two more hands appeared on the bar.  Slightly skinnier arms, slenderer legs, clad in some sort of gray spandex. … And then a masked head appeared.  Definitely a man’s, but with a silver, pointy nose.  Silver whiskers.  The round, cartoonish ears of a mouse.  As the mouse-man gave the taller woman a thumbs-up and braced too, one could even see a gray foam tail, bobbing behind.

“What the--??”

Before Theo could ask, a horn blared and the baffling pair tore pell-mell out of the starting gate.  To a fast-paced beat, the video blitzed from one action shot to the next: charging down ramps, climbing over walls, tiptoeing over balance beams, dodging padded wrecking balls …

“What is this?” quipped Theo.

“A game show!” chirped Ned.  “Teams of two compete for the fastest time through all sorts of obstacles.”

“OK, but why is he dressed like a mouse?”

“’Cuz of the show’s name: Mighty and Mouse!”

Theo eyed him askance.  “Wait, so …”

“Yep—he’s the ‘Mouse’ and she’s the ‘Mighty’.”

“She doesn’t look very mighty.”

Ned laughed.  “Keep watching...”

Indeed, as he looked at the screen again, the blonde babe was popping the cork off of a large, round flask.  The music changed to the cheeky melody of Popeye, as she guzzled the blue liquid down… and grew before his eyes in a matter of seconds.

Theo lurched back at the surreal sight, as the now taller, stronger woman grabbed her little man and heaved him right over the wall then made the leap herself!

“This is fake, right?” he asked, feeling his hackles rising.  “CGI?”

Lola winked.  “The wonders of Apo-Amplifier.”

For real?  But—

“The doses aren’t nearly so drastic in the actual show,” Lola assured.  “They’ve exaggerated it for this promo.”

That didn’t make this any less distressing.  He glimpsed the woman guzzling a second bottle, and a third.  The mouse-man, too, drank a bottle or two—and shrank!  By now the woman’s body was like a walking slab of muscle as she deflected boulders and ripped through walls, shielding the now puny mouse-man as he scurried in her wake.  The two now burst into a final clearing, dashing toward the ‘MIGHTY & MOUSE’ in giant, glittering gold block letters.  Hoisting the mouse-man onto an ‘S’, the blonde behemoth stepped onto an ‘M’ and heaved, tilting the entire top word upward to make room as she stood stalwart and proud, the mouse-man crouching alongside.

The letters exploded, blanketing the screen with light.  “SEASON ONE,” it said next.  “COMING SOON.”  And then: “BROUGH TO YOU BY MIGHTY MEGA PRODUCTIONS // IN PARTNERSHIP WITH APOGEE BIOTECHNOLOGY CORPORATION.”

Theo actually felt dizzy.  That woman was so curvy, voluptuous; yet so shockingly powerful and ripped.  The strange, confusing sight of it still messed with his head, well after the screen had gone dark and … and—

Lola and Ned were staring at him.  As he jumped in surprise, the two of them laughed.

“Pretty wild, huh?” Ned beamed.  “Blew my mind too, the first time I saw it.”

“What?  Uh…”  Man, he was out of sorts.  “That had to be CGI,” he insisted.

“You’re cute, hon,” Lola chuckled, to his chagrin.  “The exploding letters at the end?  Sure.  But the rest was real-life.”  At his evident distress, she reminded, “The doses were greatly increased in this promo.  Watch the first few episodes when you get home—the actual sizes on the show are far more modest.”

His mind was still a muddle … but it seemed easiest to scowl.  “This junk is already on the air?” he familiarly scoffed.  “And people watch it?”

“It’s quite a hit, in fact.”

“Well, that’s nice.  Why’d you bother showing me?”

The couple shared a grin.  “Because,” hummed Lola, “a spot on the show has just opened up—and I think it should be you.”

He stared at them for all of five seconds before he shot to his feet and made a beeline for the door.

“Theo…”

“Nooooope!”

“Hear me out, hon,” Lola asked.

“Just give us a sec!” Ned beseeched.

He thought these two were merely eccentric.  Turns out they were completely out of their minds!  “Gotta go!” he barked, hustling into the foyer.

“Hmph.”  Lola’s low grunt and heavy footfalls were right behind him.  “I wouldn’t have thought a man like you would run from a challenge.”

He slowed a half step.  Rrghh… “I’m not running.”  Just walking very, very fast…

“I figured you’d ‘do anything’ … for a one-year supply of Apo-Reverso.”

He stopped dead in his tracks.  Fortunately Lola did too, or he’d be eating tile.  He turned to stare up hesitantly at the hulking woman.  “Th… That’s the prize?”

“That, or any Apogee products of your choice—even early releases.  You win the Qualifying round, you’re looking at, say, an extra few inches and a nice boost to your physique for a year.  Winning the Champions round—you’d be set for a very long time.  There’d hardly be a man anywhere who could measure up to you then.”

His eyes widened.  She was playing right to his ego—and it was working.  If what she said was true, then…

Wait.  Slow down.  “You want me to parade around like a mouse on live TV…”

“No one will even see your face beneath that mask, hon.”

“… and shrink!”

“It’ll wear off in a matter of days.  Brief inconveniences, for such a long-term gain.”

Ughh… That he was even considering this for an instant!!  “Nope,” Theo reaffirmed, with vigor.  “Never gonna happen.”  He stormed out through the front door without another look back.

Ned watched through the window with a disappointed frown.  For once, his wife’s strong arms provided him little comfort as they draped around him.  “Drat!” he yipped.  “He’d be so fun to watch on the show!”

“Mmmhmm,” Lola agreed, her fingertips idly circling his chest.

Ned sighed, amidst the goosebumps.  “I was really hoping he’d say yes.”

“Oh, he still might.”

Ned whirled and stared up in surprise.  “Really?”  Theo’s answer had seemed so definitive!  “Why do you say that?”

“Hmph!  You don’t get to be V.P. of Marketing without knowing how to read people.  You’ll just have to trust me, sweetie—I have a feeling about him.”

Ned felt a twinge of excitement.  His wife was so perceptive, and almost never wrong.  Yet another thing he loved about her.  “Good,” he murmured, leaning back and letting her warmth fold in around him as he kissed her hand.

* * *

Great.  Now Theo’s whole afternoon was in a funk.  More yardwork; fixing the sink; making dinner… nothing he did could shake it loose.  Why’d that big boor of a woman have to get his hopes up, only to taunt him with an offer she darned well knew he’d never take!  No self-respecting man would say yes to that show.  No matter how determined, or desperate, or…

“Theo.”

Gah!  The chef’s knife slipped from his hand, nearly cutting his finger.  “Jeeeesus, Elaine!”  He turned—and a lump formed immediately in his throat.  Heels.  Another way-too-tall woman wearing way-too-high heels.  At least Elaine was shorter than Lola—his eyes weren’t right in her breasts!

“You didn’t hear me come in?” her edgy voice asked as she peered rudely down.

“I …”  He must’ve been too lost in thought when she came in.  “I’ve had a long day,” he grunted.

Her expression softened a bit.  “I did too.”  She sighed; massaged her temples.  “You wouldn’t believe how stressful work was.”

“Hmph.”  He rarely asked this anymore, but… “Want to talk about it?”

Her eyes flitted in surprise.  She actually considered for a moment, before closing herself off again like usual.  “No, no.”

As she went to set her purse down… good lord.  He could do without the added height, but those heels accentuated her legs spectacularly.  Not to mention her tight, round ass; her pleasingly arched back …

*cough*  “Hey, so we could …”

Her lustrous hair whipped around and her brow arched inquisitively.  Wow … she really became more of a knockout every day.  To where he was more than willing to overlook the inconvenient height difference, and …

“Could what?” she asked with a note of impatience.

Damn.  Why did he get so tongue-tied lately?  The old Theo would have smoothly complimented her looks, made her blush, and persuaded her into the bedroom already, all in the time he stood here dawdling!  Maybe that they hadn’t had sex in several weeks made him more flustered; out of practice.  But—

“What?”  Her sharp tone sliced through his thoughts, as her wide-eyed stare fixated past the top of his head.  “Is that the slip for the dry cleaner’s??”

“Huh?”

“Tell me you didn’t forget!”

Oh crap.  With all that had happened this afternoon…

“Theo!”  She threw her hands up.  “For god’s sake!”  She started past him, muttering expletives.

“Wait,” he called, reaching out to try to smooth things over…

But his fingers couldn’t wrap around her arm like they once could, plus she carried too much momentum.  She slipped past him undeterred.  “Guess I’ll have to do it myself,” she hissed, snatching the slip from the counter.

Theo followed after her and huffed.  “Calm down.  I’ll head out now and—Ooof!”

Elaine had spun around fast, her palm smacking into the soft spot beneath his ribs.  Clearly an accident—but it knocked the wind right out of him. 

“What the—?!” Elaine blurted, as he doubled over and wheezed.  “Pfff … Quit being melodramatic.”  She strode irritably out of the house before he could even try to stop her.

Catching his breath, he heard Elaine’s car peel out of the driveway.  In a moment of sudden surety, he picked up his phone and made a call.

“Hello?”

“Ned.  It’s Theo.  Tell me more about this game show.”