“Yaaaaaawnn…”

The elusive Yukari Yakumo let out a deep, deep yawn by instinct, having finally awoken from her season-long hibernation. The gap youkai quite enjoyed taking month-long naps on her heaven-like bed. Keeping a tab on all your plans, schemes, notes and observations in your head can be quite taxing, you know? Hence, she deemed it fit to take breaks in her distant meddling and catch some rest whenever plausible. Of course, it helped having a personal pocket dimension where every dimension of space-time is at your whims. Oh, and don’t forget her ever loyal shikigami Ran, who keeps maintenance while she catched some well deserved shut eye.

“Mmm…”

Yukari stirred herself awake, finally acquiescing enough energy to toy with the world again. Adorned by a simple silken dress of deep purple, she stretched her body as wide as plausible for a simple human, arms and feet nearly reaching the ends of her bed. Yukari felt all the snoozy energy spiral out of her, replaced with some needed vigor.

Although, it’s not the only energy exiting out her body.

*Ppppprrrrrfffft~!*

A sudden gust of wind blew out of her mature rump, causing a minor ripple on the soft blanket still draped over her lower physical half. Yukari’s eyes fluttered, her brain not quite fully in gear.

“Oh my~” bemused Yukari to herself in a beguiling tone before slapping her own rump with her palm. “Who told you you could wake up first”. As she was laying about, some extra pent-up gas started to knock at her backdoor, the gap youkai began her second exercise for today by hugging her right leg close to her chest and pushing her butt as far out as she could muster.

*FFfffwwwaaaaaarrrrrpppp*

*PssssssssssrrrrrrrRRMPT!*

*Bbbblllllrrrrffffffffffpttt*

“Hmm”, Yukari kept a cool face as she let out ass blasts of varying intensities. It wasn’t unusual for Yukari to acquire a lot of gas while she hibernated. Ran has repeatedly complained about the smell emitting from her room while she cleans at the hallway outside. Although these ones were a bit out of the norm.

“These are… milder than unusual”, deduced Yukari after realising that she hasn’t managed to blow away the blanket with her morning thunder. Investigative of her lackluster performance the gap youkai snagged the blanket and threw it off, resulting in a pandora’s box worth of month-old farts being unleashed upon the hidden world. 

The acrid air was too much, even to the creator of it who has become quite used to her own homebrewed poison. Yukari pinched her nose as she saw the faintly visible gas unleash itself upon the room.

Not quite in the mood of dealing with her past’s emission, Yukari conjured a line with two ribbons at the end of each side. With a single wave, the line expanded into a portal opening to the human world. Due to both laziness and morning grogginess, the portal exit was calibrated to wherever it was before she slept. Looking through the tear in her room, Yukari saw the skyline of a modern human city from a bird’s eye. As far as she could see, skyscrapers and office block roofs covered the whole view. “I must have been viewing the city lights before slumbering...” murmured the youkai.

With the last of her old farts dispersed into the skies above the city smog, Yukari returned her eyes to the original goal of the investigation: her own body. Her eyes trailed down her plump body, with its fine legs, bulby buxom and pudgy tummy-

*Grrrwwwllllrrrggg…*

“Oh… oh dear…”

The master schemer had completely forgotten about the feast that she ate before hibernating. Normally she would use the lavatory before a long rest, as having so much food inside and digesting it for weeks could lead to… disastrous results. Yukari realised that she must have fallen asleep while digesting her luxurious feast on the bed. Feeling quite swollen from all the gas, liquids and solids within, the gap master put her hands on her strained stomach and started to gently caress it.

*Fffsssshrrrrppt!*

Yukari gritted her teeth as she felt a rather alarming wet blast shoot out of her bare bottom. The gap youkai usually goes commando when napping with the forbidden knowledge that most of her underwear didn’t survive her seasonal slumber intact. Looking further down the bed, she saw something which would result in a lengthy scolding from her shikigami:

A skidmark of scat on the sheets.

Taking a closer peek at the evidence, Yukari saw that there were different shades of brown on the bed sheets, meaning that she must’ve sharted several times over the winter. Peeking over at the discarded blanket, she saw some strips of brown of different integrity on it too.

*Grrrmmmmllll…*

“Oh, shoot!” 

Yukari sensed that her stomach had finally woken up by emitting a spoiled roar,  demanding to be unloaded immediately. Yukari quickly stood up from the tainted bed, the need for a dump surmounting her other needs. However, the abrupt movement stirred her bloated abdomen greatly, causing some overdue gas to exit posthaste.

*Oouurrp*

*Bwwwrrrfft!*

*Bwwuurrrrp!*

Yukari’s bloated body blasted ass blasts and burps from both ends, hindering her rush to the toilet even before it had begun. She slowly took another step causing the need for relief to suddenly hit her abdomen like a freight train. Yukari yelped as she covered her stomach with her arms and hunched over.

*Fssssshhhrrrrrppppttt!*

A dangerously wet warning fart strained itself out of her, giving her some reprieve in this otherwise unladylike situation. Sneaking a peek over her shoulder, Yukari saw that she only spawned a temporal haze of brown over the sheets instead of a more permanent one. Still, she knew fully well from experience that if you let out some dark brown steam, it could only mean one thing.

*Ssshhhhlllkkkt-*

The dump is imminent.

Thinking quickly, Yukari clapped both her bulging buttcheeks and squeezed them together, creating a brief booty blockade from the flagship shit trying to exit out of her overloaded bowels. The gap master looked around while trying to assess her current predicament. No way would she be able to get to her toilet in time: Walking was too slow and floating required precious mental capacity, making it more likely that she would dump this dump on the hallway instead of at her bed. The best option seemed to be just unloading it all on the bed and throwing the bedroom into the edge of space. 

It was the option Yukari was about to pick, until her eyes glanced over to one of the observation portals that was manifested at her dressing table. A figurative lightbulb went off in her head; the mastermind closed her eyes and used the last of her concentration on an on-the-spot gambit.

Yukari let go of her cheeks, giving the vanguard log the signal to charge ahead. With her fingers free from grasping, she immediately summoned a pair of ribbons right behind her, then grabbed a ribbon each and dragged them apart, tearing a rift in time-space and creating one of her signature portal gaps. 

The charging poop flew straight in the hole, barely grazing the parting ribbons and creating a momentous bridge of brown clay between her rear exit and the portal entrance. 

The people in the city were in awe.

It was noon on a normal workday, where the morning rush had abided and people were going out for their daily lunch. 

Yet most of the lunchgoers have stopped their routine walk to their favorite cafe. Instead most of the citizens on the street were staring into the sky. After all, it was quite abnormal for the world to go dark in the middle of the day.

Even the drivers have stopped to stare at the natural phenomenon happening right before their very eyes. People in the office and skyscrapers started to notice the stop of usual city commotion and went to look outside their darkened windows. What they found was straight out from a sci-fi movie.

Up there, in the lightly clouded blue sky above the city, was something that simply shouldn’t be there. An anomaly. An impossible spectacle. An unrealistic paradox that was existing quite real in the world. It was as if a magician had just conjured it into existence in mere minutes.

Yet, they could see the phenomenon quite well.

An enormous rift in the sky. A canyon-sized tear in reality floating above them. The view into it was of distorted eyes and purple haze. A gap into an alien dimension.

The humans, masters of the world they live in, simply stared in awe as a pillar of heaven suddenly materialised from the gap. It plunged through the sky with a heated reaction against the friction of the air. In mere seconds, it crashed into an office square in the middle of the city and crushed it completely into the earth. Even after travelling several kilometers between the gap and the ground, the brown lance was still forcing itself into the world in one piece. The structure, which dwarfed anything mankind has ever made, started to crumble its integrity from its own weight, causing it to buckle and fall catastrophically into the train station and the mayor office which were several city blocks away from each other and everything in between.

And just like that, the city devolved into chaos as an alien attack was apparently upon mankind.

After the bed-long turd finally stopped spewing out like it was an ouroboros itself, it was immediately followed by what could only be described as a hurricane worth of rotten egg gas exiting out through a ball-sized hole. The deadly stink would definitely knock out a human village or two, but only caused Yukari’s eyes to tear from all the heat and rank smell it brought with it. Gaining some composure back, Yukari brought her makeshift toilet hole closer and put her disaster-emitting rump through it.

Once Yukari’s ass felt the cold air on the other side of the gap, she released the next step of her superdump: A visible fissure of trapped gas blasted out like an active volcano. Of course, following up the foreboding release of choking clouds was the volcanic eruption itself. Sloppy, long boulders were launched with so much velocity that Yukari got worried about breaking the toilet with their force alone. It didn’t pop into the mysterious mischief-maker’s mind to actually check the destination of the portal gap she’s currently using as an emergency toilet.

Instead, Yukari was busy emitting sea-deep moans of relief into the emptiness of her soiled bedroom. The season-long build up of a feast that could feed several families was bursting out of her plum-shaped rump like a broken dam...

The business centre of the city had been completely buried by the enormous brown obelisk. Even after its impact, close-by buildings were still crumbling from its landing shockwave. The few skyscrapers that merely grazed the landing instead fell into its surface. Nearby survivors saw that the giant pillar wasn’t completely rigid. It’s integrity was like molten clay; any constructions that fell on it didn’t implode, but got stuck into its surface. It’s brown ooze slowly seeped onto the street and drowned vehicles and humans alike.

Further out from the epicenter, citizens were still in full panic mode. People tried to evacuate as chaotically as plausible, but the introduction of a snakey meteorite heavier than a mountain in the middle of downtown had brought the traffic into a halt. The humans were in the middle of abandoning their vehicles when the next stage of the so-called alien attack started to take shape.

The eye-shaped shadow casting over the doomed city started to grow. Out of the rift in the sky, what could only be described as two enormous pale moons emerged from its entrance. Before the onlookers could point and scream, the twin moons suddenly parted and revealed an enormous mound between them. In the middle of the pale hill, an ominous hole suddenly opened up to attack.

Out from the smaller hole in the sky, a gigantic green cloud of gas in the shape of an upside-down mushroom blared out. It’s sound was so immense, people’s eardrums were blown out and windows across the city shattered.

It’s width and reach was greater than the pillar from before, vaporising clouds and aircrafts in its path and corroding the top and sides of the tallest skyscrapers. As the vicious chemical attack approached the ground, it slowed down and spreaded out. Instead of being blown away or vapourized, the otherworldly haze simply settled on the ground like a visible fog. Unlike normal fog, this opaque fog of green proved to be quite more hazardous. The haze brought with it the heavy smell of rotten onions and indescribable blight, causing most citizens directly beneath the gap to fall unconscious or straight up perish. The people in the outer circle of the city didn’t fare better. Along with the hazardous smell, they had to endure its more tropical features: the unbearable heat and the choking humidity. 

In some mere minutes after the twin moons attack, the city and its citizens were brought down to its knees. Unfortunately for the survivors left on the ground, the lunars in the sky started to launch its next attack: Another brown pillar of heaven started to emerge from the hole. It landed and crushed a block of the city, this time the post office.
After impact, the clay monument was briefly the tallest structure in the city before its lack of balance caused it to fall into another section of the city.

Even more unfortunately for humanity, the twin moons launched another column of destruction. 

Then another.

And another...

“O-oh dear…”

The Gap Youkai simply kept pumping out logs of epic proportions out of her pale moons. Yukari slowly felt her dimensional bowels acquire more space as each turd left her inner systems. Having recovered from the shrill lapse of control from before by letting out some non-dietary liquid on the floor, Yukari was now waiting out her voiding ritual. 

The only evidence of an inhuman bowel extraction taking place in Yukari’s bedroom was the sound of an upset stomach followed up with minor moans of strain as the youkai shook her perfect cherry bottom inside a gap. All noise and solid evidence one would expect from such a process was instead being deposited in an entirely different space. 

Although most of the action was taking place somewhere else, Yukari was still not immune to the dump’s effect on her heavenly body. Despite the paradoxical youkai was impossibly releasing several times her body weight out of her rump, the action only required minimal strain to continue. Instead, Yukari was busy fighting the indecent urges that crops up when one performs a dump that defies all physics.

Well, human physics at least.

Still, some urges were quite hard to fight against. Even Yukari, one of the strongest beings in Gensokyo, couldn’t resist the simple action of lifting one’s leg when a particularly sloppy hypershart of prior soups starts to manifest. Amidst said shitstorm, chunks of turds periodically launched out of her ass akin to a torpedo barrage onto whatever was on the unfortunate end of the yokai.

“Mmmfff…”

Yukari’s legs started to shake like jello against the fight of her primordial urges, forcing her to lean onto the spoiled bed with her slowly shrinking abdomen. The impossible dump transformed from its sporadic liquid state to a more systematic solid system, with the gaseous state erupting between any space in the convoy of dung.
The speed of which the shitty ships spat out of her lower dock rivaled even the most efficient kappa production machines. The youkai’s lower twin mounds in the other space were pinching off the excrement at such speed that Yukari’s hips were constantly jiggling till the end of the dump. 

Speaking of the end, Yukari’s inner bowels finally sent the signal that the excavation was at its end with an ominous grumble. Knowing that the end was near, Yukari grabbed each ribbon end of the toilet gap and yanked it forward as if she was stretching a bath towel over her entire ass. With her little stretching maneuver and a major push, Yukari forced the last remains of her season-long rotten food preserves in an inconceivable large obelisk of dung. It’s width gently grazed her moonbuns as it took its lengthy departure from her systems. Yukari wasn’t counting how many seconds it took for this eldritch turd to fully exit her pucker, she was more occupied simulating her heated front-end with some delicate gloved finger maneuvered. As the widest part of the gargantuan log passed her exit gate, the rest of the turd still inside started to slide out with extreme acceleration. The Gap Youkai didn’t resist as she furiously slid two fingers in and out down-there. As the turd finally stopped connecting with her lower gap, Yukari let out a high-pitched yelp as the side of the bed was coated with new liquid.

 “Fwaah… That felt good...”

Tired from the unplanned ordeal she just endured, Yukari leaned fully forward and landed mostly on the bed. Her bottom was finally in one piece again as her ass slipped out of the emergency gap. Although she had woken up from a tri-monthly nap some moments ago, Yukari felt quite ready to immediately enter an out-of-season hibernation right after.

*FLLLLLOOOOOOOOUURRRRPPT!*

Her ass had the last word, unleashing a drafty post-dump fart into the air. The smell was so incomprehensibly bad that it jolted Yukari awake. With some extra energy in her system, Yukari finally gained the awareness of the sorry state of her bedroom: Streaks of brown were on the bedsheets and the floor and the air was more sulphuric than hell itself. The youkai sighed, realising that there was no way her faithful Shikigami would be willing to turn this room into normal human-habitable standards… again. 

Speaking of cleaning up… Yukari realised that the toilet at the other end of her just used emergency gap must be totally buried in her bowel movement. 

Sighing, Yukari fetched said gap to look at the damage. If she was lucky, Reimu wasn’t on the throne in the morning.

Expanding and peering into the gap, the first thing Yukari saw was… clouds?

Her deep eyes simply blinked twice at what she just saw. Prying for more information, she put her upper body through the gap and saw something that she didn’t expect.

What Yukari saw was an enormous mountain of brown logs heaped ontop of eachother in the middle of a shattered city. The pile was easily twice or thrice the height of any remaining buildings in the vicinity. Brown coat of paint was painted in random directions from the heap. Otherwise, an eerily mist of deadly green coveted the suburban areas. 

Yukari gasped when she realised the machinication behind this incident: she must’ve accidently used an observation gap of a city while she was digesting the food before hibernating. Looking at the amount of damage done to humanity, Yukari could only exclaim a single statement that would echo to the nearby cities.

“Oh, not again!”