Before finding her one and only, Maya had spent the week in preparation for their reunion. In only a single day she had gone through various emotions. Acceptance that she’d always be his monster, his devil. She was content with his misery so long as he was with her, close enough that she could hold him, coddle him…abuse him. But then she was deconstructed so soundly. In such a manner that even she was terrified of what sort of horrors she could have visited upon the poor beta had she gone through with her original intentions.

She would have killed Lynette if it meant getting a hold of her dear Six once more. She would have killed anyone who had gotten in her way. Hell, she may have killed Lyza if they proved too troublesome in preventing Maya from getting what she wanted. But then, where would she be? What else would she have in this life but mistakes she continues to repeat over and over again? Had she killed one of the few people she loved, and in turn one of the few who loved her, then what sort of life would she have to live with them gone?

Maya hated the fact that she could even consider this. But what was worse was how much she hated herself for still having such thoughts even now, after an entire day had gone by since her meeting with Roxanne. She wasn’t exactly sure how she felt about them.

On one hand, Maya was grateful now that she was being given this chance to see her one and only. It was a gift in her eyes. The type that could not be repaid easily, though she supposed letting Roxanne live was as good a start as any towards paying her back. But on the other side of that spectrum, however, Maya felt suitable reasons to hate her.

Roxanne knew what she wanted. She knew what to say to get her over to her side. They knew what their ultimate goal was and just how they’d go about getting it. As she had known before, Roxanne deconstructed not just her but Six as well. She knew Six’s life before everything that happened to him.

Roxanne knew just what sort of hardships Six had to face long before he was even given that name by the woman who ruined him. His life was awful before he had even met Maya, and yet somehow she found a way to make it worse. Roxanne knew to capitalize on this and make this the focus that would gain Maya’s cooperation. Only now had this become the obvious tactic, desperation to earn back the beta’s favor driving much of the killer’s actions at some point.

It was a clever tactic. One Maya had to commend even if it did come at the expense of somewhat forced cooperation. Because no matter how much she tried to plan around it, there was just no way she could reclaim her one and only without the need for violence. It wasn’t as if an alternative didn’t exist but rather Maya believed she wasn’t capable of anything else. To that end, she needed to help Roxanne. To get as close to Six as safely as possible. Without leaving a trail of bodies in her wake.

Maya wanted to show Six that she was capable of change. That she could be forgiven. Even after all she’s done, not just to him but to hundreds of others, strangers and families who did not deserve the carnage she brought. There was just one issue though.

“Am I even worth being forgiven?”

On the first night of the day after being given the chance towards redemption, Maya carried herself to the restroom in the dead of night and looked into her mirror. She had carried the same appearance for over half a decade now.  The same worn blue hair she had kept since her college years was the first thing her eyes fell on. It’s been so long since she started dying her hair that she actually couldn’t remember her original reason as to why she had begun to do so. Maybe it served as a reminder of ‘better times’ before she brought ruin to the life of the, at the time, one person who she gave a damn for.

Or perhaps she was running away from her past; from herself. She certainly had much to hide away from. More than some might realize. Hers was not a simple life. It was not happy, nor did it have its moments of respite where she was allowed some form of peace. In that, she could find herself relating to Six. That was, after all, the reason why she had found herself attracted to him in the first place. Like a moth towards the flame, the damaged would draw in the damaged.

The difference was he went about his life in a far healthier manner than Maya ever could. She one the other hand…

“Just how many people have I buried?” Images flashed before Maya’s eyes. Brief memories of all those she had killed in her comparatively short life. She’s buried hundreds. So crushed underfoot. Others devoured, swallowed whole. And that was only betas. There were still plenty more who were normal-sized. Heads caved in with a hammer. Limbs chopped off and hidden away. No one was safe from her…cravings. Her rampages. She killed people from every age group, regardless of their social standing or the reproductions that could come from the death of an important official. Hell, she killed Josephine Minerva, the Saint and Martyr of the new world who was often hailed as one of the most influential people in earth’s history. If only the world knew what their real intentions were.

Slowly, Maya found herself chuckling as she thrust her nails into her arm. The more she thought about it the more she found her situation…just so damn funny. She was asking SO MUCH from a world that should give her nothing. She deserved no forgiveness, no peace of mind, and no love. Yet she asked for it all the same because that is what she craved more than anything. She knew who she was and understood the karma of all that she had done.

The funniest thing, however, was that the more she thought about it the more she was convinced that, if given another chance, she’d do it all over again. She was not a good person. She may as well not have even been human. But that didn’t bother her much. She couldn’t let it.

Maya forced her growing laughter to a stop, hunching over as she brought her breathing to a stop. She needed to control herself, through any means necessary. Her nails dug deeper into her skin, deep enough that blood flowed from the wounds and dripped to the floor. She bit her lower lip hard, needing any sort of stimulation she could create to tear away from her breaking mind.

Now Maya actually regretted not having any spare betas on standby. They would have been extremely useful at this point.  It was only when her vision was beginning to blur from a lack of oxygen did Maya begin to feel herself gaining some semblance of sanity. Still, just to be sure, she waited for several minutes. She stood there, in front of her bathroom mirror, waiting and watching as the world shattered and repaired itself again and again. It was always like this when she battled against her mind.

Maya was more a threat when in this state than in any other. Any little thing could set her off and send her into a blood-craved frenzy. She was certain she’d need to deal with these faltering faculties of hers before seeing Six again. Unfortunately, there was just no way she could do that in the short amount of time she had.

“Maybe…maybe Roxanne has something to help?” Really, at this point, Maya would take all the help she could get. She’d even take medication if need be, though she knew nothing existed that would be able to help her sorry state of mind. She knew Roxanne to be smart, a creator of miraculous technology and formulas. Maybe something in her ‘bag of tricks’ would be able to stop Maya from lashing out, if only for a time.

She didn’t give herself a chance to second guess. Maya reached for her phone and dialed Roxanne’s number. Not even a full minute had passed by before she had answered, in a daze from being woken up so late.

“I need a favor.”

“Of course, I have something you can use,” Roxanne confirmed with a yawn. She found no pleasure in being woken up so late, but it wasn’t like she could turn away Maya. Not after forcing her to help. As strange as it seemed she was still on her side; hers and Lyza’s. She just needed to force a few hands to act. “I’m not sure how much use it would be to you though. You want something fast acting. To help with your…” she tried to recall how Maya described her breaking mind. “Episodes? And yes, while I certainly do have something that can help it pretty much just equates to a sort of super relaxant. Or an extreme antidepressant”

That would have to do. “Anything. I’ll take anything if it helps.”

Roxanne was skeptical. Despite literally being as described, the medical formula on offer was ‘experimental’ for lack of a better word. Faster acting than normal medication, where some antidepressants needed weeks or a month to reach full effectiveness the one she had made needed only a few hours. “It’s not made for consumption. At least not by someone like you.” It was made to offer aid to betas. Or rather, to be a tad bit more specific, to offer aid to certain beta.

“You know, I made them for Six.” Roxanne revealed. “Early on into his procedures when he actually had a mouth to swallow things again. As you can guess, I had to grind up a small portion of the pill before giving it to him in a cap of water. He certainly needed it…”

Maya didn’t have to guess as to why. She was the root of all he had endured. “I really did leave him in such a sorrowful state didn’t I?”

Roxanne chuckled coldly. “You think? …Look” the scientist weighed her words carefully. Maya was in a vulnerable state and even when half asleep Roxanne still knew better than to push her buttons now.

“I know we came to an understanding yesterday. You wanna see Six again, I get that. And while I have plenty of morally questionable things before, I mean just look at the world, I don’t think popping pills is the right path to take to fix yourself.”

Roxanne gestured for Maya to sit beside her, and the killer quietly complied. She was desperate and was more than willing to grasp at straws if it meant a quick solution to her episodic breaks. It meant she could easily be manipulated, which was something Roxanne most certainly could do. If she had a death wish that is. But it also meant Maya might end up doing something she’ll likely end up regretting…again.

“Maya, I don’t think I can give them to you in good con-”

“I don’t need your conscience to play some sort of role. I don’t need your goodwill or approval. I just need a WAY to control myself, so I don’t HURT HIM.” Maya said, her voice growing more stern with each passing moment. Her eye twitched as, for a brief moment, she thought about how close she was to Roxanne. How simple it would be to strangle them, squeeze the life out of them by crushing their throat. She recovered from that brief thought as fast as she could force herself but already it was clear that Roxanne had noticed her intentions.

It was in their eyes. For a brief second, she saw Maya’s eyes gloss over and her pupils shrink. A minor break that was easily managed. If only they were capable of controlling the messier ones, then Maya wouldn’t need aid that even Roxanne doesn’t recommend. They were insistent though and eventually the scientist was forced to concede.

Still, she was reluctant. Even as she got up to search for the container of pills Roxanne held out onto some faint hope that Maya would try and find some alternate method of healing. That hope was dashed when, without being given a chance to explain, the bottle was snatched from her hand.

Maya eyed it. the container didn’t look too impressive. No brand name or prescription number. The only thing there was a label for was the medication’s strength, and even then it was made to best fit a beta.

“So you gave these to Six? What, did you shave a lil off the top of one?” Maya chuckled at her own joke, the thought of Roxanne doing so for her beloved being somewhat adorable.

Roxanne wouldn’t even grace her with a response, taking away the fact of that being exactly what she did. “Just don’t go overboard. I know what they can do to a beta, but they’re meant to take these things in abysmally small quantities. I’m not sure what a regular pill will do even to a normal-sized adult like yourself.”

“Do you have an idea of what can happen?”

Roxanne wracked her skull thinking about the sheer number of things that could go wrong. “Not taking into account the fact that this is still relatively new medicine based on older designs but it’s still for the most part untested, again, on people of regular size. I can’t even be sure if one tablet is too much or too little. At most, I can surmise that you’ll feel the same effects Six did but on a far larger scale?”

“Larger in what sense?”

“Numbness around the body,” Roxanne explained. “Loss of sensation altogether, probably. Dangerous if you’re unaware of any preexisting wounds on your body that you could reopen. Speaking of which…” the scientist gestured towards the poorly hidden bandages on Maya’s arm. “You might want to get that checked.”

“On top of the sensation loss, it’s also possible you’ll begin to feel more…apathetic. As I said, this is basically a super depressant so you should expect similar effects. Of course, this can help to affect your ‘episodes’ but the inverse is also true. Agitation, and anxiety, are common side effects you should watch out for. As well as a blunting of emotions if what I can what Six had to go through.”

That last one struck Maya’s interest. “Blunting?”

“Yeah, blunting. Your emotions would be dulled in a sense.” Roxanne explained. She remembered how early on when Six had taken some of the antidepressants to better cope with his procedures that he grew distant. He was fully capable of carrying on conversations, perhaps more clearly than before, but often any conclusions to questions asked of him weren’t clouded by emotion. Personal questions which, when off the medication, one would be more reluctant to ask. “It’s an interesting side effect though I can’t imagine it’d be something you’re looking forward to.”

Maya thought about it. The more she looked at things the more they seemed to point toward her emotions being the direct cause of her episodes. Her desires toward more sadistic cravings. Her need to see Six despite his wishes. So many things she felt she could tie in because of her out-of-control emotions. It seemed to make perfect sense.

Or perhaps it only did because that’s exactly what Maya wished for. Either way, there was no turning back. She had convinced herself.

“That is exactly what I need.” Without anything to force her into a frenzy, she could focus solely on what was important. Proving her worth to Six. Showing him, and in many ways herself, that she was worthy of his love. She could be better, do better; she could make everything better.

Roxanne saw the crazed look in Maya’s eyes once she opened the bottle. There would be no convincing her out of this it would seem. “Go figure. The one time I don’t wanna test something out, but it still happens anyway.” Mentally, she reprimanded herself for allowing things to escalate as they did. Getting Maya involved in her plans was a risk she had been willing to take. But Maya unbound by her emotions? That was an unpredictable force she did not wish to contend with. Cold, calculating, and more dangerous than some might realize.

“Just don’t overdo it…” Roxanne warned. “One should be more than enough.”

“But then again, even a small amount of shavings was enough to keep Six under its effects for 36 hours. Who knows how long a whole one will last for Maya?”

Roxanne would need to steer clear of them for the remainder of the week. At least until Six was back somewhere safe, though now she wasn’t even sure if such a place would exist during that time.

“It breaks apart so easily…” already, Maya had taken the pill. Her saliva broke it apart quickly enough. It was made for betas and thus was easily manageable for them. For someone of regular size, however, there wouldn’t be many issues in it dissolving in their mouths. “It…tickles…tingles kind of…”

It reminded her of struggling prey. How they would kick and flail as though it would help them escape only for them to find themselves under a wave of saliva. They’d gasp for air but would be unable to find any as their whole environment, their whole world, belonged to Maya. She was their all in those instances and held complete control over their lives. Most times she’d bite down upon their fragile forms, their soft bodies breaking and flooding her mouth with the taste of iron.

Other times, Maya would grind them between her teeth. Never hard enough to immediately pulverize them. Instead, she’d tear their flesh away as her molars would effectively flay them. It was more fun than it was decedent, the taste of iron giving nothing to Maya but a poor taste in her mouth.

Both activities though weren’t even possible right now as the tablet dissolved much too quickly. It didn’t even take an entire minute before it was gone completely, at which point she was almost saddened to feel its departure. Maya held a smile, all the same, her cheeks turning a rosen shade. The tingling sensation didn’t just stop at her mouth. It extended to her entire body. It was…enjoyable.

Pleasurable. It made her want to take another. This was unfortunately not some candy she could indulge herself in. Maya would just have to wait for the next one.

Maya didn’t expect the effects to take immediate hold. Still, the sensation persisted. “Am I…supposed to be tingling all over?”

“You know, there’s a reason why I said it was experimental.” Roxanne chided. “I can’t think of many people who would take something they barely know DESPITE being warned not to. Most would be junkies on the street and even then they’d probably give this a wide pass.”

Though she was being reprimanded Maya chuckled. She didn’t feel as though she were in any sort of danger. Rather, she felt good. Very good. Maybe it was just her mind playing tricks, but she felt…clearer? Like she hasn’t been walking upright her entire life and only now just realized it. She stood up and stretched her arms. For reasons she couldn’t explain it felt better than any normal stretch she’s done before.

“Maybe you should take a rest…” Roxanne recommended a tad bit worried. She noticed the rapidly changing demeanor on Maya’s face and noted that, even with a full tablet, any effects should not have acted so immediately. Or that’s what she thought. It is possible her math was off by…a lot. “At least until you feel as though you’ve settled down some? Doctors…orders?”

“What?” The last thing Maya wanted to do right now was rest. She wanted to go out and get herself ready. She still had a whole week ahead of her and had so much to do. “No, no, no I got far too much to do to rest.”

She could think clearly now. So much more than before. How long had it been since she ingested the medicine? One minute? Two? Five? This couldn’t be the effect of that, could it? Was this her? Was Maya just tricking herself into believing this homebrewed drug had done something miraculous?

It didn’t feel like a trick. Far from it.

She didn’t feel worried, nor did she feel scared. There wasn’t any sort of doubt she felt in earning back her one and only’s favor again. She fully believed she could now do it. Maybe not easily, but through great effort, she had a chance.

“A chance…” Maya reflected on that single word. Once, she had a chance at happiness before wasting it. She threw it away because always when she grew to love another, she would hurt them. It happened with her family. It happened with her sister. And it happened to her one and only.

“I just keep hurting people I love, don’t I Roxy?” Maya looked to the scientist with a newfound sense of conviction. They had shown vast knowledge in recalling Six’s life, even before he was a beta. But they had yet to establish any sort of information in regard to Maya. Who SHE was before any of this.

Maya didn’t expect an answer, and really it wasn’t like Roxanne could give any. She was dumbfounded, maybe even a little scared at the effects this medication was having on the now fully controlled killer. This went far beyond what she had actually prepared for. She wasn’t sure now who was in control of this situation.

Maya grinned, not sadistically but knowingly. She knew Roxanne was afraid.

“You think I’m going to kill you, right?” Again, no response was needed. Only the silence was required for an answer to be given. “Well, don’t worry cause I’m not. I don’t ‘love’ you. Not in the way I do Lyza and…Six…” that name felt so wrong now. Why did she start calling him that again? She didn’t really ever bring it into question up until now. Maybe…maybe it was time for a change.

Maya made her way towards Roxanne, the scientist backing up slowly, searching behind her for anything she could defend herself with. She never let her eyes pull away from the approaching psychopath. Fear fueled her movements and before she knew it she had made an error. Her hand came to rest on her kitchen counter, knocking over a glass bottle that shattered on the floor.

She turned her eyes away for just a second. All the time Maya needed to appear before her vision when next she turned back to look.

They had nothing to use which could kill Roxanne quickly. She fully believed that Maya would simply force her to the ground, crush her neck and leave her body to be found later. Or perhaps she’d just grab her hair and bash the scientist’s face into the counter over and over again until there was only a gory mess.

Instead, and much to Roxanne’s astonishment, Maya gently held their head in between her hands. Before she knew what was coming, Maya pulled Roxanne into a kind kiss. Nothing passionate, not like with Lyza, but certainly more than enough to turn the scientist into a beet-red mess. All faculties were lost as Roxanne effectively lost any will to fight back.

Her sensations were in overdrive. She could have planned any sort of outcome BESIDE this.

Surprise turned to subtle enjoyment as she began to enjoy the sensation of Maya’s lips on her own. Much to her disappointment, the psychopath pulled away. For them, there was nothing lustful in her actions. This was merely her way of showing gratitude for being given this chance.

“Don’t try and take any sort of hidden message from this.” Maya said in a whisper while still holding Roxanne’s face. “I don’t love you. Really. But I am incredibly grateful for what you’ve done for me. So…”

Maya let Roxanne fall from her grip, the scientist falling onto her rear in a daze. “I’m taking back my threats. So long as you stay in my good graces I won’t kill you. Maybe I’ll even give you a warning here and there if I find you get a bit too…lax in our relationship. That sound fair?”

Roxanne nodded, still confused and somewhat unsure of what she was even agreeing to.

That was still enough for Maya. “Super!”

Maya gathered her things. She hadn’t expected her visit to be so…salubrious. She hadn’t felt this good in…well…ever. This was the ultimate in sensations and she had so much she wished to do with it. Pulling again at strands of her hair, Maya noted that perhaps it was time she paid one of the many beauty parlors in Los Demonios a visit.

She’s gone blue long enough.

She waved Roxanne goodbye, who in turn meekly waved back. They still weren’t sure what had become of the situation. Sleep must have been the furthest thing from their mind at the moment. Before leaving her apartment, however, Maya left her with just a little bit of sound advice.

“Oh, and if you REALLY want to get on my good side then I advise you stop calling Six…that. You know his name so it shouldn’t be difficult for you.”

It was high time Maya started referring to her one and only as he really was.