Angie Hannigan was doing the last few touch-ups around the house.  The lawn was well kept, her garden was weedless, her house freshly painted in the approved color, and her maple tree freshly trimmed.  It was a lot for one person, but everything was looking great.  She only hoped it would stay that way for the Grandscape Homeowners Association had their visit tomorrow.

The average height of the residents of Grandscape Community was 25 feet tall, so when Angie at only 5’4” moved into one of only 7 homes built to accommodate regulars, her family and friends thought she was crazy.  But the home was beautiful, and the lease had come at a bargain during a downturned market.  

Her new home had not come without its thorns.  Her neighbors had made it no secret that they wanted the land her property resided on to be used to expand the swimming pool and were always trying to find ways to get her kicked out so her house could be bulldozed down.  The only reason the HOA were even coming was because her next-door neighbor had reported that the maple tree in her yard had grown a branch that extended off of her lawn over the fence to the swimming pool area.  The neighbor could have easily snapped the branch off himself at his height, but he had instead demanded the HOA force Angie to deal with the issue.  She had almost injured herself trying to trim it herself while balanced on a ladder.

To make matters worse, Gerald Burrmeister was the representative the HOA had selected to conduct the inspection.  Angie sat down in her lawn chair pretending to be minding her own business with a glass of lemonade, but discreetly peeked past the fence to where Gerald was getting out of the pool.  His curly black locks were matted down from his swim and his muscular chest glistened in the sun.  He stood at an impressive 45 feet tall, and his tight, nylon, hydrodynamic swim trunks certainly left little to the imagination about his “size”.  Angie made a habit of spending time in her backyard when Gerald was swimming.  She had even considered on multiple occasions asking him out, but never managed to work up the courage.  

He was a stickler for the rules to boot, and would surely notice if even a blade of grass was out of place.  Angie would have to work especially hard if she didn’t want to get chewed out and fined.

The next day, Angie waited by the front porch for Gerald to arrive.  She felt the ground shake as he approached.  Sporting a purple polo shirt and khaki shorts, and a pair of dock shoes that went up to Angie’s chest, he was a sight to behold.  He also had a carrying case full of tools he would need for the inspection.  Angie greeted him.

“Good morning, Mr. Burrmeister!  I hope you’re doing well.”

“I’m doing fine, thanks.  And please, call me Gerald!  I like your dress; is that new?”

It was indeed.  Angie had taken the time in her preparation for the visit to head to the store and pick up a nice yellow sundress to wear.  She had heard from some people gossiping around the neighborhood that Gerald had an affinity for them, and she figured she wanted to put her best foot forward.  Besides, giving him a little eye-candy certainly couldn’t hurt her chances of passing the inspection.

“It is, thanks!  I picked it up just recently.  I saw it in the store and just had to have it.”

“It really suits you,” he said with a wink.  “Now, I understand there’s been a complaint about the tree in your backyard growing over the fence line?”

Pulling a drop ruler from his carrying case, he held it to the tree.  The now trimmed branch was now comfortably within the boundaries of her lawn.  While Gerald was checking the tree Angie pumped her fist in the air.  She knew she had this inspection in the bag.

“That seems to be in order.  I am going to need to do a full inspection, though.”

“No problem, check whatever you need to!”

As Gerald got on his knees to do a full inspection, Angie did a little inspection of her own.  The front of his shirt dangled down as he crouched on his knees inspecting the cut of the lawn, giving her an impressive view of his washboard abs, dripping with sweat under the hot summer sun.  As he adjusted himself to check if the windows were clean, he leaned into his elbows, making his toned ass press against the fabric of his shorts.  Angie had to catch herself so Gerald wouldn’t catch her drooling over his muscular body.

Then something happened that caught Angie off guard.  Gerald placed one hand on either side of the roof and started pulling.

“Gerald, what are you doing?” she asked, a bead of sweat rolling down her forehead.

“I just need to complete an inside inspection and we should be finished here.”

Angie was starting to get worried.  It wasn’t like she hadn’t made sure the house was spotless before Gerald came, but certainly not to the degree she made sure the outside of her house was ready.  Given that her home only came up to a little above his ankle, she didn’t think that he would, or even could, check inside.

As the roof pulled away from the rest of the house, Angie could only hope for the best. 

Gerald sat the roof down on the road with a clatter.  It hit the ground so hard some of the shingles slid out of place.  Not calling to have that taken care of would be a violation, but Angie figured Gerald would have that taken care of later, as it was his fault for removing the roof.  Either way, she decided that it would be best for her chances of success to not bring that up just yet. 

“Let’s see, what do we have inside?  What do we have here?”

Without warning, Gerald picked Angie up and lifted her up to the second floor so quickly Angie almost got sick.  Putting her down in the guest bedroom, he pointed at the wall.

“You’ve used Sapphire Blue to paint the walls in here.  That’s not allowed under the terms of your lease.  Your wall is either supposed to be Sky Blue or Teal if you wanted to paint it blue.”

“Wait, this has to be a mistake!  I’m certain I didn’t color the guestroom the wrong color!  You must have gotten the colors mixed up!”

Gerald opened up his briefcase and pulled a color sample sheet from inside.  Holding the sheet to the wall, it became clear that the color was slightly off.  Defeated, Angie realized she wasn’t going to get out of this mess without a fine.  She was about to promise to get the color fixed and ask for leniency, when the word “appalling” escaped Gerald’s mouth.  His hand gripped one of the walls tightly enough that cracks started to appear along the top.  Startled, Angie dashed out of the room as the house shook.  She turned around to see Gerald had ripped a huge section of the wall out of the guest bedroom.

Angie was crestfallen.  Not only was she failing the inspection, but Gerald was now ripping her home apart.  It took everything in her not to burst into tears on the spot.

“Wait, stop!  I can just repaint the walls!  Just give me a little time!  You can’t destroy my home!  Where will I go!?!”

Gerald stopped for a second and reached into his carrying case and pulled out a set of keys.  Even in normal sized hands, the keys would have looked a bit on the small side.  In Gerald’s humongous grip it almost looked comical.  He handed the keys to Angie.

“I’ve already planned some accommodations for you.  After all, a lady as lovely and beautiful as you shouldn’t have to live in a house this squalid.  It’s going to be that large house on the other side of the swimming area.  It may be a little large, but I’ve personally seen to it that it’s up to code for tiny residents.  The second floor even has a wonderful view of the swimming pool.  I know you always love watching me swim in the afternoon.  You don’t need to hide it!  You’ve never been terribly good at hiding it anyway.  Who knows?  Maybe if you’re a good guest during your stay at my abode, you’ll get to see something a little more than you get to see at the pool.”

Angie just stared at the keys dumbfounded.  She had played out how this inspection would turn out in her head countless times, but never had she considered that she might be invited to live with Gerald.  She looked up at Gerald, watching his powerful muscles rip up wall after wall as though it was just putty.

“How long will I be staying with you?”

“It could be a while.  After all, look at that stain in the carpet!  What if that water damage compromised the structural integrity of the floor?”

There was indeed a water damage stain in the middle of the 2nd floor foyer from a leak in the ceiling from a huge storm.  Angie had no luck in removing it no matter what she tried, but given that it wasn’t near any windows, she figured Gerald wouldn’t notice, not realizing he would remove the roof.

Gerald pressed down on the stain with his index finger.  The floor creaked under the strain.  He put a little of his weight into it and poked right through.  He started plowing his finger through the second floor, tearing at it to reveal the first floor.  Angie’s mind could barely process what was going on.  She wanted to say something to Gerald, but the only words that came out of her mouth were “the roof”.  Gerald turned around.

“The roof.  Some of the shingles are missing.  That should have been reported to the HOA, but it wasn’t”

Gerald smiled.  He turned so his body faced the roof sitting beside him.  His foot winded behind him.  His foot hung in the air, dramatically enough that Angie couldn’t look away.  When Gerald knew his spectator was watching, his foot swung forward with all his might.  The wood splintered, the shingles shattered into dust, and the entire roof went soaring into the air, landing in a heap five houses down.

Angie couldn’t believe what she had just said.  She couldn’t believe what Gerald had just done.  And she couldn’t believe the goofy grin spreading across her face.  “My new sound system as well.  I haven’t been playing it at full volume, but if I did, I’m sure I’d get a noise complaint!”

Gerald’s fingers prowled the first floor, knocking down everything in their path until they found their target.  The sound system was incredibly large, weighing almost as much as Angie herself, but Gerald lifted it out of the house between his thumb and index finger and brought it to eye level with Angie.  Then, with a tiny squeeze compressed it into a tiny metallic disc.  Angie’s breathing sped up as a warm feeling built up in her stomach

“The window in the entranceway isn’t fitted right either.  It lets in a huge draft into the house.”

This was untrue, but Gerald didn’t bother to confirm.  With a playful flick, he shattered the window, took a large chunk out of the wall, and knocked the front door off its hinges.  By the end, Angie’s home looked like a demolition site, which in many ways it was.

“Well, Mr. Burr-, I mean Gerald.  I guess I’m going to have to stay with you for a while. It seems my house is going to take a long time to repair.”

Gerald gave a devious grin.  “A long time?  Look at this place.  The entire structure is unstable!”  Gerald slipped his right shoe off and rested his socked foot on top of the crumbling building.  The husk of a home buckled beneath him.

“Why even the slightest breeze could make …”

*creeeeaaaaak*

“... it …”

*grooooaaaan*

“... COLLAPSE!”

*BWOOOOOOOSSSHHHHH*

With that, what was left of Angie’s abode disappeared beneath his sole.  Nothing remained of her home except debris stuck to the bottom of Geralds sock.  He lifted his foot and playfully scrunched his toes, sending the dusty refuge careening down into the now vacant lot.  In the course of less than an hour, Angie had lost everything she had ever owned.

And she couldn’t be happier.

Gerald bent over and brought his hand down until the back of his palm rested on the ground.  Angie, getting the hint, climbed onto his fingers.  He lifted her up onto his shoulder.  She had not quite gotten accustomed to being lifted up and down by Gerald so quickly, but knew she would have plenty of opportunity to get used to it.

“I don’t know about you, but I’m absolutely exhausted from all the work I had to do!  Let’s head home so I can show you around your new living quarters!”

Angie smiled with a radiant joy she hadn’t felt in a long time.  She cuddled against Gerald’s curly locks as she basked in the warmth of his body.  For the first time since she got the letter that her house was getting inspected, her heart and mind felt at ease.

“Lets!”