Catherine was impatient. She had traveled to a deserted island west
of her capital to try a new tactic her scientists had just developed.
“Let’s begin,” ordered the Russian empress. And before she
could say another word, she saw everything around her disappear. When
she regained her bearings, she looked around and smiled with great
satisfaction. She could recognize her beloved capital, not so distant
from her, looking so tiny in the middle of the tundra. Her feet were
firmly planted on either side of the island she used to be on, the
water mass of the ocean so flimsy that it barely managed to wet her
toes. She splashed some of it with her feet, sinking the mighty
English fleet who was about to launch a surprise attack on her lands,
and prepared for her first move. “I knew researching the
size-changing technology would be worth it!” she thought
triumphantly. “It’s freezing out here and my clothes didn’t
grow with me… let’s head to Egypt then, I know it’s supposed to
be warmer there.”
She
took a series of steps in the ocean until she reached the land. The
population of Egypt was surprised by a series of earthquakes. “I
thought natural disasters weren’t in this game!” people cried
everywhere. The mighty woman stepped on the farmland by the coast,
feeling the crunchy ground adhere to her wet bare soles.
“This is great.
Pillaging multiple hexagons a turn,” she
thought as she took her next step over a wheat plantation. The
capital was only several steps away. It was going to be a short trip
from there, but she was stopped in her tracks as she had finished her
movement points and had to wait for the other players to take their
actions. "No, Nobunaga, I do not care for an embassy
in your capital. It will end up under my foot anyway.”
Back
when she was allowed to move, she was asked to choose a promotion.
“Huh? I didn’t even fight,” she said. Her military advisor then
explained that she had crushed a barbarian camp without noticing, so
she had gained some experience. “Well then,” she said. “I’ll
take the medic promotion.”
“Now that I can
move again… let’s clean my feet over this desert… oops, did I
step on one of their cities?”
Half
of the city of Heliopolis was gone under her foot. The other half was
mostly destroyed by the following earthquake, and the survivors were
screaming in terror at the massive object that just came from the
sky, obliterating the lands below with ease.
“Should I
consider this city razed?” she
wondered as she looked at what was left of Heliopolis. “Well,
I guess it’d be best to make sure.” She
used her toes to clean up what was left of the unlucky Egyptian city.
“Nukes got nothing on me,” she whispered with satisfaction.
"Huh?
An offer from Ramses?" she said then as she was presented with a
peace treaty from the Egyptian leader. “Two horses and seven gold
per turn in exchange for peace? That’s
the best you can do, you flea?”
She
brushed off the desperate offer and with her next two steps she was
in front of Thebes, the capital and one of the largest cities in the
world. To her, however, it was merely a small mosaic on the ground,
that she could finish off in a few steps. Its size-32 population
trembled in front of the gigantic woman, whose imposing figure
obscured the sun on the whole city.
“It’d
be a waste to just stomp on it,”
she reasoned. “This city is choke full of wonders.” She
recognized a few of them on the ground and bent over the city to try
and pick some of them. “The Great Library,”
she thought. “I wanted this but I was too busy building
settlers then.” She could
recognize the building despite its minuscule size. It was no larger
than a grain of rice to her.
She
tried to pick it up between her fingernails but she failed. The
building was disintegrated by her thick nails, despite her best
efforts to preserve it.
“Dang,”
said the empress. She realized it would be a waste of time to try and
snatch Petra, so she went with the Eiffel Tower instead, which she
managed to pluck off the ground. She observed the little building in
her palm and disappointedly thought it didn’t look that wonderful
now.
“Hmpf,”
she said. “I’ve got no use for these useless trinkets – I’m
going to easily win the game anyway.” She threw the Tower on the
ground and focused on destruction again.
It
took no effort on her part to completely level Thebes. She elegantly
walked all over the city, obliterating it under her regal feet. She
felt satisfied with her acts until she noticed that a single
neighborhood on some corner was still standing. She walked to it,
ready to finish it off with her foot. She covered it under her right
foot and didn’t think much of that. But, as soon as she raised the
foot back from the ground, she realized the neighborhood was still
standing, and seemed perfectly intact. Confused, she stepped on it
again, certain that it would be gone this time. But once again, she
hadn’t even managed to destroy a single building in there. She
raised her foot some more. This time, she slammed it on the ground
with utmost force. Millions of people all over the continent felt
that impact. But the little neighborhood was still perfectly
standing, as if nothing happened.
This
made no sense to the empress. The rest of the city was a smoldering,
unrecognizable ruin, but that little neighborhood saw no sign of
destruction whatsoever.
Then
one of her advisors spoke. "Your Highness," he said. "May
I remind you that one can never completely destroy an enemy capital?”
“Oh,
that’s true,” said Catherine. “My bad. Let’s just puppet it
then.”
Turning away from
the newly conquered city, she set her eyes on the next victim. But
before she could walk to it, she was notified that the capital had
finished building an airport and that it was ready to begin a new
construction project. Catherine looked at the bottom of her feet,
littered with the remains of the Egyptian civilization. They looked
so dirty and messy, not appropriate for an empress such as herself.
"I want the capital to build me a new pair of shoes," she
ordered. "I guess you could call that a wonder.”
“It'll take
thirty-two turns, Your Highness," the advisor said.
Catherine sighed.
“Can’t we use a great engineer to rush it?”
"No, Your
Highness. We used the last one to speed up the size-changing lab
construction".
Realizing she would
have probably won the game before she could get her new shoes,
Catherine set foot in America. She instantly crushed Philadelphia
with her first step there.
“This is for
voting against my proposition on the world congress,” she
announced.
With her next few
steps, she had reached New York. “This is for building the Hanging
Gardens two turns before I completed mine,” she proudly said as she
watched the city disappear underfoot.
Boston was next on
her path. “This is for building a city on the tile that I had set
my eyes on, just as I was sending my settler there.”
Right next was the
capital, Washington. She squatted in front of the city, not as large
as beautiful as Thebes, but still larger than most other cities in
the world.
“And this... is
for refusing to trade your marble. Oh, but I’m not as stingy as you
are. I’ll give you all my stock of an exclusive luxury resource,
free of charge. And you’re free to trade it with anyone you want.”
Soon enough, a
stream of urine started flowing from the empress’s pussy, landing
on the streets of Washington and washing (no pun intended) its
buildings away. Catherine looked down with satisfaction as she saw
the city collapse and drown in her piss. Whatever defenses the
Americans were counting on were helpless to withstand the mighty
force of the yellow liquid. Most of the city was turned into a muddy
flatland by the time the woman was done urinating; some of it was
completely flooded under the warm liquid, and some peripheral parts
remained somehow undamaged. It was more than enough to consider the
city won.
"Puppet it,"
she said as she rose back to her feet. She looked around to look for
her next victim when she spotted a nearby city-state. It took her
only a couple steps to stand before it, dwarfing it with her titanic
feet. She had planted them on either side of the city-state,
shadowing it completely with her beautiful figure. One drop of piss
parted from her pubic hair and landed in the middle of the
city-state, destroying a few buildings within it.
"Hello, people
of Florence," she said, "I guess… You would consider my
force threatening enough to accept my request for a little
tribute, right?”
The city-state
couldn't ever think of fighting back. They had seen what had happened
to America, and they certainly didn’t want to meet the same fate.
They submitted to the gigantic woman and paid all that they could
afford to stay on her good side.
"You may live,"
said Catherine, removing her feet from the city's sides and heading
to an unconquered flatland in the middle of the continent. Despite
her declaration, her movements still caused a great deal of
destruction to the poor city-state, as debris from the American and
Egyptian lands that were stuck to her foot, parted from it and
started raining all over the city when she stepped over it.
Now that she had
dealt with the city-state, she stood idly for a few seconds,
wondering who she should make her next target. In the meantime, she
checked her gold balance: thanks to the cities she had captured, the
tribute she had requested from Florence, and the money she was saving
by not having to maintain a large-scale army, she had amassed a
considerable amount of gold. Her satisfaction was interrupted by a
sting that she felt on her big toe.
"Huh?”
One moment later,
another sting. "What's this?" she said as she bent down,
scratching her toe with her fingernails. That's when she heard from
the military advisors. "It looks like Gandhi has launched a
series of nuclear bombs on you, Your Highness,” they said.
Catherine burned
with rage at the audacity the Indian leader had displayed. She set
foot over an Indian farmland next to the border and gazed at the
capital in the distance. She had chosen her next target.
Her steps raged
through the Indian lands. “You thought building the Great Wall
would save you? Well, you need to think again,” she mocked them.
Mumbai and Lahsa quickly turned into dust under the mighty woman’s
feet. “You were the first to found a religion,” she taunted them.
“Where is your god now? You must get on your knees and worship ME
instead!”
Catherine had a
point. The great Indian empire had turned into a series of footprints
in a matter of a few turns. Only the capital, Delhi, was still
standing. Gandhi, the leader, was hiding in a bunker, and gloomily
asked the military advisors how many nukes they had left. “Just
three, sir,” they said. “Launch them all”.
The gigantic woman
once again felt a familiar series of stings on her toes. “Is this
how you receive a lady?” she said, smiling with confidence. “You
know I have to fight back now, right?”
Her foot slammed on
the outskirts of the city. Catherine felt the buildings crumble
against her skin and delighted in the power trip once again. She got
her next foot right in the middle of the city, crushing it, as well
as wonders such as the Leaning Tower and Stonehenge, to paste. It
only took her a few more steps to be satisfied with her destruction.
She ordered to puppet the city and started thinking about her next
destination when she felt an eerie sensation. She had heard something
she couldn't believe was possible. She had heard footsteps that were
not hers.
“Behind you!”
said the military advisor.
"This can’t
be,” she murmured. She turned to see another giant leader. She was
standing in the middle of the ruins of India, a defiant smile on her
face. It was Wu Zetian, empress of China, standing about as tall as
she was.
"I knew I was
right to place a spy in Moscow,” bragged the Chinese woman.
“You thief!”
cried Catherine. “You have no right to steal my hard-earned
technology!”
“I only did what
was necessary to defend my empire,” said Wu. “I won’t let you
destroy China!”
The two giantesses
looked at each other for a while. What was going to happen now? Were
they going to fight each other right there, in the middle of (what
used to be) India, in the definitive fight for world supremacy?
“I’ll let you
know that I can count on a great general bonus,” said Wu. “He is
here in the middle of my hand… or so I suppose.”
Catherine looked at
her with nervousness. Although she had just destroyed three countries
by herself, she had used the advantage of her size to do so. She had
no actual fighting knowledge to take on the woman she was facing.
Although Wu looked like a petite and slender woman, Catherine
possessed no robust complexion herself. She was never trained on
hand-to-hand fighting either, or anything else of the sort. What
would have happened had she lost the fight to Wu? Imagining the giant
Asian empress trampling on her beloved motherland made her sick to
her stomach.
“Wu Zetian,” she
finally said with a little bow, “There is no need to fight each
other.”
The Chinese empress
looked at her with skepticism. Was this a bluff? “I thought you
were going for a domination victory,” she said. “Are you not
interested in taking my capital then?”
Catherine looked
around. “Perhaps, we should fall back on another strategy. Maybe we
can see who gets to a science victory first, or even go for
diplomacy.”
Wu, who was prepared
to fight, felt a little disappointed. However, her rational side
suggested that diplomacy might have been the best way to prevent any
damage to her and her nation from the destruction-starved woman
standing in front of her. “Fine for now,” she conceded. “But
that doesn’t mean I trust you. Try and set foot near my empire
again, and you’ll have to face me.”
“There’s no need
to be so hostile,” said Catherine. “How about we start a little
war together to get to know each other a little better? There are
still a few other empires left on the map, and we'd be better off
without them around, don't you think? No place on this planet could
withstand our combined forces."
Wu nodded. “I
guess we have a deal,” she said. “Let’s get to England then.
Let’s show that bitch Elizabeth what we’re made of.”
“Stay close to
me,” said Catherine as the two walked to the English border. “I
have the medic promotion.”
Wu nodded. “Then
I’ll get cover as soon as I get enough experience.”
"Do you want to
sign a declaration of friendship?" asked Catherine.
“With pleasure,”
said Wu. She took a step further and momentarily stopped. “I can’t
see where I’m going,” she said. “She always kept her borders
closed, and I never managed to send my scouts here.”
“Same here,”
said Catherine. “But since we shared an embassy, I know London’s
to the south.”
“I think I just
stepped on York,” said Wu.
“Good,” said the
Russian giantess. “Let’s go forward,” she added, looking
southwards.
And so the two set
foot in England. All remaining world leaders were noticed that the
two giant ladies had signed a declaration of friendship. Seeing them
in front of each other on the battlefield, they had prayed that they
would've ended up destroying each other. Now that they saw them
walking together, having declared war on the rest of the world at
once, they knew they were doomed. There was nothing left to do for
them, except for waiting to end up under either lady’s feet.
Elizabeth was no
different. She had thought, a few turns before, that she was going to
capture Moscow. She had sent her powerful fleet there, and in one
motion, Catherine had turned all of her ships into relics. And now
there she was, and she even brought a friend.
Catherine had easily
destroyed three capitals by herself. Now that she had Wu by her side,
killing off London was an effortless task.
Their feet quickly
turned the glorious city into rubble. “Let me have this one,”
said Wu, realizing that one more step from them would be enough to
claim the city for themselves. “You caught three capitals already.”
“Fine,” said
Catherine. “But I get to keep the next one.”
Wu shattered another
portion of London and sent the order of puppeting the city to her
advisors.
“Good,” said
Catherine. “I guess we’re ready for our next campaign, but I need
to rest for a bit first.”
She sat on the
English countryside, soon joined by Wu. “Your feet look tired,”
said the Chinese empress. “Do you mind a little massage?”
"Why, thank
you," said Catherine. She relaxed and enjoyed a foot rub from
her ally. "Yours is the first empire I managed to get friendly
with," she said. "It feels nice not having to worry about
being backstabbed for once."
Wu giggled. "I'm
glad to have found a friend myself. When we're done with this war,
let’s meet at my palace to drink some tea.”
“I will look
forward to that,” said Catherine. “But you’ll have to visit
Moscow too, then. I want you to try the finest vodka in our
reserves.”
“Are you trying to
get me to drink so you can run off with your victory while I’m
hungover?” joked Wu.
“Not at all,”
laughed the Russian. The two beautiful women smiled at each other.
The rush of victory against the enemy lifted their spirits, and the
beauty of newfound friendship warmed their hearts.
That’s when they
both received a notification: Sidney's Opera House had been built in
S. Petersburg.
“Yes!” triumphed
Catherine. “Now which policy am I going to pick?”
Wu was staring at
her with a gaze full of jealousy. She was close to finishing that
wonder in Shanghai, and Catherine had just snatched it from her. The
Russian noticed Wu acting colder on the way to Japan. “Is something
wrong?” she asked.
“We’ll see,”
cryptically answered Wu.
They crushed Japan
in the same fashion they had crushed England. Right as Wu had set
foot on Osaka, though, she saw something that upset her very much.
Catherine had
crushed Milan with the back of her foot. That was one of the
city-states she had formed an alliance with.
“What have you
done!” said a maddened Wu as she rushed to her ally.
"Huh?"
asked the black-haired Russian empress. "Oh, are you talking
about that city-state? Sorry, I didn't do it on purpose, I mistook
them for another Japanese city. Here, I'll liberate them if you want
them back".
Wu looked at what
remained of the city of Milan and then angrily looked at Catherine
again. “Why would I even want it? It’s nothing but a flattened
desert now!”
“Gee, I told you I
didn’t do it on purpose,” said Catherine. “There’s no need to
blame me. Here. Have one of my sources of iron for thirty turns as
payback.”
Wu decided to keep
quiet for now and focus on her destruction of Japan. But just as they
had reached Kyoto, another notification popped up. “Russian spies
have stolen the satellite technology from Beijing.”
This had to be the
final nail in the coffin. Wu walked right in front of Catherine with
a stern expression on her face. The Russian looked at her with
embarrassment. "What, did you mind? Where else should I have
sent my spies, yours is going to be the only other civilization left
in a matter of a few turns."
“This is war,
then!” cried Wu; and she attacked Catherine, jumping right onto
her.
The Russian's ass
landed right in Kyoto, shattering half of the Japan empire capital
under her buttcheeks and thighs. Still bewildered by the surprise
attack, she remained silent as Wu got onto her and bit her neck.
“You monster!”
cried the Russian woman. “I’ll destroy you and your pathetic
civilization!” She rose up and went for Wu’s face, pulling her
hair and bringing her down to the ground; then scratched her back
with her long fingernails, leaving marks on her skin.
The Chinese hissed
at Catherine and threw a punch at her, which the Russian blocked; her
subsequent attempt at fighting back was blocked as well.
For a while the two
rolled on the ground, bruising each other and completely steamrolling
whatever was left of Japan's lands. Catherine's advisor tried to ask
her what she wanted to do with Kyoto since the city had mostly been
crushed under the Empress's body and thus technically had been
captured.
“WHATEVER!”
shouted the woman, busy pulling Wu’s hair as best as she could. “DO
I LOOK LIKE I CARE?”
After some more
fighting, it looked like Wu was having the best of her former ally.
She was sitting over her back, holding Catherine’s face down on the
ground, having subjugated and immobilized the woman completely.
“Wait!”, cried
the Russian. “I yield. You can have 200 gold per turn and all of my
extra resources,” she said.
“Fine,” said Wu.
“But I want one of your cities too.”
"Never!”
yelled Catherine, struggling to get free from Wu’s grasp.
That's when they
heard footsteps behind them. Someone else had apparently researched
the size-changing technology.
Wu, still keeping
hold of Catherine, turned and saw a giant Budicca, a smug smile on
her face, walking towards them. “My, my, looks like you gals made
quite a mess over here,” she chirped playfully.
She had a
certificate in her hand: it read “CULTURAL VICTORY ACHIEVED.”
“Looks like
someone neglected their tourism,” she taunted the other two women.
Wu let go of
Catherine and rose back on her feet. Catherine did the same, holding
her shoulder in pain. Both women looked at the redhead with
hate-filled expressions.
One second later,
they jumped at the Celtic empress and started beating the shit out of
her.
“You can’t do
this!” cried Budicca. “I won already! I even got to see the stats
screen!”
And so the game had
ended. It seemed like Catherine's strategy had failed her just short
of victory. But she could always give it another try… load a new
map and start from the beginning all over again. The next time, she
would place her best spies in her cities, stopping all attempts to
steal her size changing technology as she trampled undisturbed all
over the other civilizations.
At least that was
the plan