[Report This]Date: July 27 2020 10:18 PM Title: End of The Road
This story does not suck, and honestly you are one of the better writers on this site. You are brave enough to set your stories in a elaborate settings in the past and load them with rich detail and research, then you write a long and detailed narrative giving perspective and personality to your characters. You flesh out your male protagonists and avoid making your female characters into one dimensional horny sadists and make them mostly compassionate to the tiny male and make them more realistic and believable as characters.
Your updates are a highlight and your series of tales of shrunken men from the early 1990's to the present is one of the best on this site. Which is why I find the abrupt ending and announcement that this is your second last story so disheartening. There are so many possibilities in this universe of shrunken indestructible men, and with your talent and attention to detail you can make pretty much any scenario come to life and get a good story out of it. This universe where nearly indestructible shrunken men happen every now and then, and their stories has so much possibility. Heck, in addition to contemporary and near past settings, you could even do stories in the distant past and show a sort of history of men shrinking around women through the ages. Like a medieval or musket age scenario about a young noble man swallowed and passed through the servant girl who has a crush on him, and who he has to rely on more despite the size difference bringing a new power dynamic, or an old west setting, a man shrunken in an old west brothel, or being swallowed and passing through a tough cowgirl or frontierswoman he has to rely on, or any other setting and scenarioes with this concept.
Would it still be possible to salvage this story? It's not a bad story, and it doesn't suck. The idea of having an older protagonist having to navigate a world of younger women and women closer to his age, juxtaposing his shrinking and helplessness around women with his fears and insecurities about aging around women is an interesting concept.
I was really hoping for more interaction between him and Kim, I was really thinking there was going to be something going on there. The story does start in 1979 when he thinks he's in his "glory days" and later he gets literally swallowed whole by a girl born in 1979, the year he's living in the past in. There's a powerful metaphor there, which I didn't think was just a coincidence. Once again you're a cut above most writers. With all the time in Kim's belly and food raining down on him I was expecting it to end in full tour with him having to spend more time literally in the bowels of "little miss 1979" reflecting on his past, relationships with women, his insecurities about aging and younger women before being shat out of her either as a humilation or rebirth, and being forced to get her attention and confront her face to face. There was a chance for some "Jonah in the belly of the whale" like introspection and character building there, more than you'd usually get in a giantess vore story. The scene in your "Shrunken Abroad" story where the main character cries and confronts his fears and insecurities, realizing he's unready to enter adulthood, and that he's utterly lost in a strange land far from home, and in the intestines of a female stranger, is one of the better scenes in a story on this site. I was expecting a similar scenario here.
Then he gets abruptly thrown up, and Kimberly is abruptly out of the story. Then Francine re-enters and then suddenly she's out of the story too. Then the Southern accent girl enters and abruptly she's out of the story too, Ben washes down and there's no mention what happens to him and the story suddenly ends. Don't sell yourself short, the story didn't suck, and even if you have doubts about it, it still deserves a better ending than the abrupt and inconclusive one it got. The character is practically indestructible when shrunk, what happened to him?
Would it be possible to continue the story? Have the story continue with him still inside Kimberly and the events of him being thrown up, thrown away with disgust by Francine, washed away like debris, and reports of him missing being just a nightmare dream caused by his insecurities when he passes out from the heat and fullness of Kim's stomach, and just go from there. Or if it wasn't a bad dream could we see what happened to him, like did another woman discover him while swimming in the lake, peeing on the lakeshore, something like that, and decide to keep him for herself.
10,000 views for a story that's less than a month old is not at all bad. And I didn't write a review because I was trusting the story to see how it would go, with updates coming in fast. I'm sure others are the same way, not saying much because they like how it's all going. When I do leave reviews I tend to really go all out in texting it out so I don't leave many. Please keep writing, you have your big story coming up but don't let it be the last one, at least keep the window open for more stories in this style in this universe rather than declaring a definite end. It's an interesting universe with many stories and possiblities.
Author's Response: First thing first, thank you for your kind words. It really can get discouraging when you look around on the site and you'll see a story above you with three reviews already with stars and everything but yet you're still stuck with just one, even though this entire story above you just came out the same day and not oven a single star you have yet. I probably won't salvage it(I actually wasn't planning to write this story that long as compared to "Shrunk Abroad" hence why the chapters are a little bit on the shorter side, ten chapters is actually what I had originally planned), but I'm going to write a prologue tomorrow involving Ben's son, Brandon being set ten years later which will leave a opening for another possible story. The Ben and Kim interaction wasn't really planning on being around that long in the first place, since I really just wanted to use a younger character again, since it's somewhat easier to write for. And yeah, you're right about the symbolism her being born in the same year as the beginning of the story started off in. I actually didn't plan for Francine to be in the story that long, but I did have a idea of her going back to work to pick up something she realized she left and Ben seeing Tiffany and crawling back to her. The original ending I had was Tiffany finding Ben again after what I mentioned in the last sentence and playing nice with him while driving home, and then in the next chapter she wakes up all pissed and worried in the morning, grabbing him and slamming him against the wall, leading to his demise, which is also what I kinda implied happened to her former boyfriend and hence why she moved cities. Honestly after this one I'm probably done doing full stories set in the past, I really only did stuff like the 80s through early 2010s (If you checked my first story, it's a bit rough in my honest opinion but I still read it again from time to time to show how much I've improved) due to the fact I had a good amount of knowledge on what was going on. I might do a one off story set in the 60s and past that, depending on how much material I could get out if it. After the grand finale (Which will be set modern day, hence why I'm waiting for this whole virus stuff to die out for the story could happen) I'll probably do a story involving Jack Cooper getting recruited into the U.S military and doing James Bond type stuff for them, it'll be more of a action thriller mixed with giantess elements, and of course vore. It'll be my ongoing story, ending most likely at 50 or even almost 100 chapters. My last thing to say is this, there's going to be alot of lore on shrinking in this universe when it comes down to the grand finale, and I really don't wanna spoil anything else. Thank you for reviewing, I honestly was wondering if you were reading this earlier in the story, so this definitely is a pleasant surprise. I wish I could actually space out the wording in this paragraph I'm writing, for it doesn't seem like a huge jumble of words, but anyways, thank you for reviewing.