Reviewer: Avid Reader Signed [Report This]
Date: March 06 2021 10:49 AM Title: Shopping trip

First up: I am really glad this story is back, I will give you a perfect rating for that alone, but there is also some immediate critisism before I started reading. The text is very small. Especially as it wasn't the case in the previous chapters that isn't great. Sure, I just zoomed it bigger, but given how this site reacts to zooming that wasn't ideal either.

 

"That, and how hot he looked like this." Don't praise yourself, Carl. Also I don't think at "he" was meant in the first place here. ;)

[...]"but like everyone now, she was impossibly huge to him."

That comment reminded Carl of his earlier thought[...]

[...],she teased as Rachel placed each finger beside him, which showed that he was taller shorter than all but her ring finger.

 

I am sorry in case you don't like me pointing out mistakes - it's a reviewing quirk of me - and not meant in an insultive matter. (A few dasys ago someone got angry hence I am pointing it out here.

 

How you are developing the characters seems natural but a bit too smooth at this point, the three act like they knew each other for years which obviously isn't the case.