Date: May 26 2020 10:17 PM Title: Chapter 5: Poolside Playtime Part 2
Wow I'm so glad your back! It's been a while damn I've missed these characters. It's been too long since I read the escape stories. I hope you continue this as well as Uptown girl. Thank you so much for this update. Hope all is well for you.
Date: March 27 2020 9:22 PM Title: Chapter 4: Poolside Playtime Part 1
Well now that there's 5 chapters i'd like to give my thoughts "Jade"
Firstly Jade is a character who i'm intrested in.
-Who has she befirended other than Jason and what are they like
-her height(I wouldn't be suprised if I missed this)
-What's here lifw like,hobbies her relation to other people, how she deals with anger, past experiences with people uskng her, what she's going to college for pet-peeves and dislikes.What the hell she see's in Todd(I'll expand on this later)
-It'a nice to see Jessica is still Murder-bitch while Jack has mellowed oyt which the seed was planted for that sonce uptown girk I guess but I di miss him being a prick.
-Chapter had some nice teading moments that I really enjoyed like Jade enjoy dominating Todd. I love that shit.
Firstly right of the bat the story right now while it's in it'e infamcy i'm still not enjoying it THAT much, at least not as Escape at this point.
Firstly there is a lack if tension.
What do Imean by this? In Escape Jack's on an Island and wakes up trapped . Jessica teases hom mercilessly and they both firse shot constantly at each other than gets mad and that was amazing to see.
Downtrodden had Alvin become really depressed and feel worthless. Casey was even worried he would off himself.Casey toturing anf managing to instill fear in Wendy was also aweskme to see.
With Jade iyr protags are right now a kinda just fuckong about with bo goal ir purpowe behind the story like stopping terrorists or putting a corrupt stepmom in her place this makes me at least yearn for more.
While I think Jade is on track to be a snarky, mouthy fomineering slay queen
Her counter-part quite I din't like him. Todd is boring where his predeceseors were intriguing. Jack was a witty,selfish,arrogant dick who had to be humbled while Alvin had his sad feelings and shitty situatikn that made him compelling. Todd has nothing; jade could go on to be amazing bit Todd needs a comeplete overhaul to become anywhere near likeable imo.
Next character dynamic.
First Jde says she loves this fool after meeting him like yesterday and having a dinner. Being a lil attracted to his appearance is fine and realistic but dating?! Tonput this in perspective Casey abd Alvin had roughly half the series b4 the got it on and Jess and Jack' relationship(Wow alot of J's in dis family) was still devlopig in uptown girl because shit like a relationship NEED time and devlopmnet for the characters to even become aquainted.
But the methid you chose here was very rushed,underbaked since these two have no chemistry.
A good fix this would be to have consequences be a result of the two rushing into a relationship. For example they could class and argue alot since they would have bery different backgrounds. Maybe for example Jade could take sometihing for granted since she's prvileged and piss off Todd or have her just intimidate him and use a physicality to win arguements. They should have to work for their relationship.
Thanks for reading this megafuck can't wait ti see more from this man!
P.s sorry about the typos and format ut i'm writing this on my phone and this commentt system is shit so I just want to pust this without accidently losing it all THX.
What a review. I will address every point to the best of my abilities without spoiling any future chapters.
You are right there is a lack of tension, for now. This is an intended part of it, the lack of obstacles for now. There will be obstacles to the relationship and I like your suggestions, that is all I will say. I willl neither confirm nor deny whether what you have brought up will surface. Jade and Todd have started from a position of strength but it is a position that will be tested.
Todd does seem vanilla and rather plain and he will receive more fleshing out into his life. Right now the focus has been more Jade than Todd so it's only natural he feels undeveloped. He and Jade didn't really rush that fast, it might be 3 chapters in but it's supposed to represent a few months into them meeting. Yes there's a lot of J's in the family, probably a running theme in their family.
As for purpose, it is less direct for now. I know I keep saying for now but that's all I can say. There is a plan for this story and it will slowly unfurl itself across many chapters. There are consequences to them hooking up, both internal and external.
Hope you stick around for the rest of the story!
Date: January 01 2020 1:18 AM Title: Chapter 3: Girl & Boy Partner Up
This chapter makes the new year even better. I can't see the previous versions of this chapter, but I can say this one turned out really good.
Now Todd has simultaneously the sweetest and most powerful girlfriend in the world. She seems so gentle and luckily shares nothing with Jack's ex-gf (Caitlin right?).
Jade knows how to convince a guy, that kiss was a power move!
Those giantess really practiced their sneaking up skills, I'd expect them to be quite a bit more noticable and Earth shaking at that party. And I can quite imagine why those people that kidnapped Jack pissed themselves when Jessica showed up, but they could have predicted that of course. They shouldn't have pissed her off in the first place.
Do we get some moments where Jade subtly displays her strength like that too? I'd like that for one.
Thank you for writing and I'm looking forward to the next one!
The other versions never had the right vibe to it, that's all I can say.
Yeah Jade is no Caitlin, which is good news for everyone because a giant brat would be the end of the world for most people.
There's a reason why the Earth doesn't shake when they walk or move about in general, which will be revealed later on in the story. The kidnappers probably thought Jessica would cave, but she's one tough babe who doesn't take to threats kindly.
There will be moments where Jade and Jessica do display subtly their strengths or abilities. When and where, that I won't say.
Thanks for the review!
Date: November 18 2019 2:59 PM Title: Chapter 2: Boy Dines With Girl
Still nice to hear that we will hear a bit more about Jessica and Jack in the future.
Sounds like Jade's friend is a bit overly concerned. Maybe they should to a tug of war to demonstrate a point sometime, because maybe he forgot Jade's pure strength after being friends and treating her like a normal person for so long.
Also nice to see Todd and Jade having a nice dinner. Thank you for adding details like the ultra huge spoons, it really gives some sense of scale to the story and sets it apart from a "shrunken" story. I like that.
And finally, thank you for writing and adding another chapter.
Do a tug of war? That would be really one sided. I think the whole campus could pull on her finger and it wouldn't even budge it. Jade could easily end Todd if she wanted to but she's thankfully not that type of girl.
I like adding little details like that,shows some world building and shows how Jade is different from the rest of the world.
Date: November 12 2019 5:41 PM Title: Chapter 1: Boy Meets Girl
Haven't read anything other than Downtrodden yet, but I liked. Good set up chapter. Definitely want to see where this is going :))
Thanks! I hope you'll enjoy what comes next!
Date: November 12 2019 3:13 PM Title: An Explanation
Aww, and I was waiting for that chapter where Jack finally chose Jessica. My life feels so incomplete without it ;)
But at least I can say thank you for writing this story and I can say that this setup looks promising. And it's nice Jack and Jessica will be back in this story.
I hope to see more chapters of this in the future. Again, thank you!
Well Jack did choose her, since they're Jade's parents. I might do a story of how they came together in this one, but obviously it won't be so soon.
Date: November 12 2019 10:37 AM Title: An Explanation
Always refreshing to see work from you, Nostory. Haven't got any time lately for reading but I'll keep my eye on this one in the coming weeks :)
Thank you so much! I also haven't had much time to read these days, or even write. Now that inspiration has hit me, I thought I'd make the most of it.
Date: November 11 2019 3:04 PM Title: Chapter 1: Boy Meets Girl
Oh my god you're alive! Can't wait to see this story turns out.
Are ever going to continue Downtrodden,uptown girl, Prejudice
Yes I am, thank you for the review.
I'm most likely not going to continue Uptown Girl since this is in effect a reboot of sorts. You'll see Jessica and Jack later on, I promise. Downtrodden and Prejudice, I could see myself writing sequels but really there's no current idea for me to carry it forward yet.