Reviewer: Mr in A suit Signed [Report This]
Date: August 28 2019 3:28 PM Title: Releasing the main attraction

I just finished the first chapter and had to comment.

You have made a very good start stablishing the two main characters and the conflict of the story. It's also good that you choose to make both protagonists relatively young as it leaves a lot of space to work and grow. 

About the characters, I just loved Cashell, from his name to his innocent remarks and reactions. I think this innocence is most important, specially if we think he will interact with not so friendly Devex and with Zara instincts (oh yeah, she is sweet but surely salivated at the sight of human flesh. It is a promising interesting dynamic). Also, what a remarkable attention to details, specially when describing Zara's design.

I will not say much more as I have yet to read the second chapter. I will try to read and review as soon as possible.

Thank you for the hard work of putting up such a good and long first chapter. Also, sorry for any misspelling. Althogh fluent, english is not my primary language.

Author's Response:

I am glad you enjoy the characters and how I set the conflict of this story. Cashel was a name that I really liked as well and due to being raised by parents that brithed him instead of the government he is of a more innocent mindset than most others. As for Zara's design I started with an outline for that before I wrote the first chapter so it's something I really cared about. I put up a long first chapter for this story because I regreted how I went about this with my other story on this site. So I am glad that effort seems to have paid off.

And for someone who's primary language isn't english I have to say you seem to know it better than most that have english as their primary language. If I didn't have spell check then I would be misspelling a word like every sentance I wrote. So don't worry about it and thank you for the review.