Date: November 10 2019 7:30 PM Title: Chapter 11: Served
Your note at the end states you are not happy with the dialogue of this chapter; I found the dialogue quite appropriate. He doesn't know what to say to change his situation and she has already decided upon the outcome she wants. Pretty much how such an uncomfortable conversation would probably go.
I especially like her statement “You know I was looking forward to introducing you around my house the other day”. Does she have a house full of "servants"? Are any as small as he is, normal size, or perhaps even smaller than him? Do they all serve as servants, or are some human furniture such as her seat cushions, foot rests, pets, or possibly wall decorations?
I can only hope she is done playing with him, packs him up, tosses him into her car trunk, takes him back to her house, and gives him the tour of her home while explaining how she is going to transform him into her "personal servant".
Can't wait to see what happens next. Will she break him, or will he change his mind and see her as the controlling Dominatrix he adores yet has refused to admit / submit to?
Author's Response:
I thought i perhaps had gone over the top with the dialogue. I often actually cut her back as i end up writting her saying so much she sounds like a villian going on a monologue. Don't get me wrong i want her to be a mean villian type rather than an antagonist, but i'm trying not to have her get ranty or over dramatic. Sometimes simple and straight to the point is more her style, and can demonstrate how few words can be so menacingly and direct compared to a speech.
As for what's going on next, you'll just have to wait and see