Date: December 15 2015 3:19 AM Title: The Beginning
I've never said you needed to be an A student, i ain't an A student, all i want is to see description, which is the basis for a story. I will admit however, that if you are doing this in spare time, then sure, it will impact the quality; in which case, maybe don't post as quickly and clean and expand chapters before posting; better to release a good chapter a week than a bad chapter a day.
Middle school is before highschool; it's primary level. In reflection, that's a little harsh, but i'm trying to get a point across.
I'll leave this alone from now on, i believe that i'll honestly just end up being a thorn in your side, and frankly it benefits neither of us; in which case, i would again hope you've taken all with a pinch of salt, and have a good day/night.
[Report This]Date: December 14 2015 1:44 PM Title: The Beginning
Blunt and honest, that's what I'll go for here:
Terrible? No. The concepts are interesting, the depth and detail are lacking. Chapter one bounced around, no rhyme or reason. Chapter two seems to not be so choppy, but it definitely needs expansion. Perhaps I'll jump in on this round robin.
[Report This]Date: December 12 2015 9:49 PM Title: The Beginning
I really like what you tried to do here! The big thing is it was just thrown together. You had these great ideas, but each of your paragraphs should of been a separate chapter with much more detail. How it is now it is too jumpy. I loved the first two paragraphs just wish there was more to it!
Date: December 12 2015 6:34 PM Title: The Beginning
Look, i'll be very frank, i dislike this story. It feels as if no effort has been put in, it isn't that creative, it doesn't really depict anything in detail, and is honestly quite dull in general. I'm sorry if this annoys you, but it really feels like you haven't tried at all.