Reviewer: vgiv Signed [Report This]
Date: September 16 2014 5:11 PM Title: Early Morning

@tinyguy. It's Katharine, with an 'a'. When I wrote her character, she gets pissed when you say it wrong.

I really do like how the description of high school is so realistic. Most stories I read on the site, involving the school setting are highly unrealistic. You knocked it out of the park here.  

Author's Response:

I still remember what you said when I misspelled her name but I don't get it wrong now.

Reviewer: vgiv Signed [Report This]
Date: September 16 2014 12:55 PM Title: Early Morning

Looking at it, I can see the clear differences in our writing style. Some things I read, I was thinking, "that doesn't seem like something Nostory would, oh yeah, I wrote that..."

Weird comparing the two.

Author's Response:

 Haha, it certainly does. Not really see it but I can feel a change, a significant shift in the style of writing. 

Reviewer: Darien Fawkes Signed [Report This]
Date: September 12 2014 9:16 PM Title: Early Morning

I can tell from the first chapter alone this is going to be a roller coster of a story. One of those stories that makes you feel all sorts of emotions. Already I feel bad for Alvin for his situation but at the same time respect for being able to endure through it all.

Patricia is interesting in the fact that she's not a Cinderalla step mother. When I first read that Alvin had to do chores for his step mother and sister I thought "Ok thats interesting. I haven't read a good Cinderalla giantess story before. Let's see where this goes." But rather than act all cruel she's more detached and doesn't pay much mind to him. This makes her stand out more since she's not something I expected.

And finally Wendy. I hope she's not the main antagonist. I love it when sibblings come together more than when they are at odds against each other. I am not going to tell you how to write this. You are the author and the story is yours to command. But for now I'm hoping she's one day open her eyes up and see what it is she's been doing to Alvin. This is just me but I see it where it's this big emotional moment where Alvin is broken down and crying and she's just standing there like "What have I done?"

I don't know, I just think if you have to live with an 8ft tall Amazon who knows how to wrestle then you're better off befriending her than being at odds with her.

All in all I really want to read more of this story. I don't really have any constructive critisism to offer (since I saw nothing wrong at all) but I'll try to think of something helpful as the story progresses. All I can think of now is: this is your story. No matter what I say, write it the way you want it to be.

Author's Response:

Thanks, vgiv apparently believed he kind of a wimp in earlier drafts and its good to see that he can earn your respect after rewriting it. 

You're the first person to pick up on the Cinderella-like part of it all and this story in its earliest incarnation was based off it although I'm not sure if it'll stay that way. Give yourself a cookie for catching it.

You're always welcome to suggest ideas but I may not use them although I'll listen. 

Sometimes the choice to be friends doesn't always lie with you, it's two ways. 

 

Thanks for reviewing, I hope you enjoy the ride! 

Reviewer: tinyguy Signed [Report This]
Date: September 12 2014 2:04 PM Title: Early Morning

Seems like a great opener!.. Always loved the multi sized universe stories :)

Author's Response:

Thanks!

Reviewer: MrSirk Signed [Report This]
Date: September 12 2014 6:40 AM Title: Early Morning

Critism construtivo go! 

I like the family dynamic. It very much feels like none of them planned for it to be this way. Their very much just going through the motions during breakfast.

I hope you give Wendy a good reason for bullying Alvin beyond her just being bigger than him. Maybe misplaced jealousy, or at least it seems that way from this first chapter but for the life of me I don't understand why? I don't think she's mean spirited, just immature. I imagine being seven foot and built at such a young age makes it pretty easy to get what you want.  I feel it's something she'll grow out of and regret later on when she realizes their are literally bigger people in the world. Or maybe she'll get whatever she wants forever. 

Patricia's harder to place. I don't know how much she loved Alvin's dad. I'm sure she didn't plan on raising him by herself. Then again nine years is more than enough time to try to form a bond with someone so maybe she's just a bitch. 

Alvin's very put upon isn't he? At least he seems to know his place and not rock the boat. I don't see his "family" missing him if he manages to leave. He also doesn't seem the type to fight back much. Frankly I wouldn't want him to, at least not in the confrontational sense. Not unless he's pushed to some limit beyond bruises.

Otherwise not much to critique on a first chapter where we've just met these characters. Here's hoping Alvin manages to find his own place in life. 

I don't normally write reviews this long but you said constructive and I hope this is enough. 

Five stars for now. 

Author's Response:

It isn't a happy family, that's for sure. Oh Wendy has reasons for picking on Alvin , I thought that one through.  

Well they would certainly would miss his cooking and cleaning, I would say he's pretty darn good at it too. He needs to find his place  for sure, he can't live this life for long, it won't be good on him. 

 

  Thanks for writing this one, hope you stick around for the rest of the story.