[Report This]Date: August 10 2014 8:41 PM Title: Imprisonment
I was almost expecting Stephanie's facade to finally crack here. It's so close now...
[Report This]Date: August 10 2014 6:39 PM Title: Sisters - Part 5
Wow double the impact here. Really have to break my response into two.
Well first the Stephanie bits, which can be summed up in the phrase "And it wasn't fair" which drives to the heart of it. There's a definite jealousy on Stephanie's part and it's heartbreaking. Something along the lines of 'I was a closer size to him and loved him just as much, so why is my brother dead?. Aside from the Omega's just natural advantages it's just bad luck and it is unfair.
Now the other relation, phew that was a big one. It had been implied with Melody and Corey that they wouldn't have much time together but I assumed it was because of Beta life span. NOPE. Wow living forever sounds great on paper until you realize your going to get to watch every non Omega die. No wonder they have to keep their population in check.
It really amps up the tragic aspect, and makes the reason for the library clear. Compared to what will be almost an eternity for Claire's life Corey's life will be a blip. It's damn important that she never forget him and cherish him while he's around.
Date: August 10 2014 6:30 PM Title: Sisters - Part 5
Never dying huh? Sounds like both a blessing and a curse. But it's obvious which of the two Claire sees it as...
It's crazy though. As if Omega's in this universe couldn't be more overpowered than they already are, now they can live forever too? Jeez.
I think if I lived in the univese as a Beta or Alpha I'd be hella jealous of Omega's. But if I was an Omega I think I'd have trouble staying sane.
[Report This]Date: August 10 2014 6:14 PM Title: Sisters - Part 5
So essentially Omegas are gods then, no one to prey on them and that means they'll always be there to watch over Betas. They're here to stay but that means Claire might record all this so that when Corey is gone, she'll have some thing to watch. Something to remember him by.
How would they control the population? Surely there has to be a way to stop too many Omegas from being born so that resources aren't squandered on them.
Date: July 01 2014 7:36 PM Title: Sisters - Part 4
Nice to see you back from bullying Jacksmith into including your characters in his story :)
Anyway, Stephanie has always been the most interesting of the three girls due to her colorful backstory. In a way she is the most innocent as she really does have a problem.
But doesn't it seem like Claire is pushing too hard? i'm no psycologist but if mental problems could be confronted this easily I imagine the discipline wouldn't exist. I feel like Claires little questions shouldn't be able to get through Stephanies shield of denial so easily, and even if it did would'nt it leave the girl more of a mess than she already is? After all her denial of the love she holds for her brother is the only thing keeping her from drowning in guilt.
On the other hand I can see you not wanting to drag this out too long. I just caution you to avoid making her look like she's simply being stubborn instead of someone with a serious self delusion.
Your writings as strong as always, I look forward to the next update
Author's Response:
I think it's important to keep in mind that in their first session, Claire basically walloped the emotional dam Stephanie keeps up wih a wrecking ball. It's been a month since then, and Claire has been picking away at what's left to get through ever since, challenging Stephanie on it just about every day. This is ultimately that coming to a head of sorts.
Thank you for the review, though, and I'm hoping I can deliver on what's to come.
[Report This]Date: July 01 2014 4:27 PM Title: Sisters - Part 4
I think this whole sisters arc has been amazing so far. As I’ve said before Stephanie’s my favorite of the prisoners and her internal struggle is both painful and captivating. This new insight from Claire is intriguing since I’ve often felt it’s only an unfortunate twist that separated Claire and Stephanie, but that might not be the case.
Author's Response:
Thank you, I'm really glad you've enjoyed this whole thing, especially since Steph is my favorite as well. We'll have a look at Claire's thoughts on this next chapter.
[Report This]Date: July 01 2014 1:14 AM Title: Sisters - Part 4
Oddly, a hard chapter to read for me. It kind of hurts my gut to see Stephanie not only so blinded by fear of being hurt, that she can't even notice that she's still emotionally hurting herself anyway. Hopefully, a nice quiet trip to the library will get her to loosen up a little. Unless Claire is a fan of F. Scott Fitzgerald books. Then I'll pass.
This brings up another universe question. Are there any books or movies that exist within both the Omega universe and real life?
Author's Response:
Hm, well, we'll see what she means by "library."
And yes, there are. In fact, back in Realize Part 2, the movie they watch is the newer True Grit.
Thanks for reviewing.
[Report This]Date: June 30 2014 11:55 PM Title: Sisters - Part 4
You are insanely good at writing chapters that almost make me possibly consider almost tearing up a little.
Great stuff.
Author's Response:
Only possibly getting you to consider almost tearing up a little, huh?
Apparently I need to try harder!
Thank you, though, for the comments.
Date: June 30 2014 10:00 PM Title: Sisters - Part 4
Good chapter. Your descriptions are always excellent. Despite there not actually being tiny people in the glass, Claire's narration made the scenario and the sense of power and responsibility come alive. I wonder if Stephanie will actually break down or just crack altogether.
Author's Response:
Thank you for the comments, especially re: the narration in regards to the glass of water. That was something I was a bit worried about from an execution standpoint because it really is just Claire talking while she plays with some water, but I'm glad it worked out.
Date: June 30 2014 9:52 PM Title: Sisters - Part 4
Man you just keep getting better and better. I'm pretty much waiting with baited breath at what happens next, the tension is that palable. This chapter is just under Place - Part 2 as far as my favorites are concerned.
Author's Response:
Hahah, oh geez, thank you for that. I really hope I can deliver on this next bit.
Thank you for the comments, as usual.
[Report This]Date: June 30 2014 9:40 PM Title: Imprisonment
Story aside you really are raising the bar as far as writing.Every time I read a new chapter it inspires me to try that much harder on my stories. Thank you.
Chapter wise you pretty much nailed it this was the most engrossing chapter for me by far and it's because Stephanie's such a well crafted character. You really feel the weight behind her comments and emotions and you almost hate Claire for forcing them out. It's a bittersweet situation where you want Stephanie to own her pain and accept it yet at the same time let her repress it to spare her from it.
Author's Response:
Heheh, thank you very much for the kind words. I'm very proud of this chapter from a technical standpoint, but it's still humbling to have my writing act as some form of inspiration. Again, thank you.
And yes, it's a hell of a thing, isn't it? We want Steph to heal, but it's such a painful process for her that we almost want her to just be left alone to save her from that pain.
[Report This]Date: June 30 2014 9:14 PM Title: Sisters - Part 4
Claire really going all out to save Stephanie from the dark abyss but her words ring so true. Stephanie will regret all of this when she can't remember her little brother at all.
Stephanie so far has been the most interesting, everytime she lashes out at Claire she only hurts herself, leaving more and more scars.
Author's Response:
Very true.
And yes, Stephanie is certainly the most interesting to me. I'm enjoying handling her. Thanks for the comments :)
[Report This]Date: June 30 2014 8:40 PM Title: Sisters - Part 4
Loved the chapter! I'm eagerly awaiting the next one; hopefully a breakthrough is on the horizon!
Author's Response:
Guess we'll see :3
Thanks for reviewing.
Date: June 26 2014 6:48 AM Title: Sisters - Part 3
I still have quite a few questions about this universe that I hope you can answer. At least until the next chapter appears and I ask more.
How many Omegas exist in this universe? What's the ratio between male Omegas and female Omegas, because I think I read about only one male so far? How many Alphas and Betas exist? Since Claire was mentioned to play soccer and Omegas operate outside of the normal judicial system, how did they obtain enough land to not only run their various facilities, but to put up enough public works for the Omegas to live in? Where is Headquarters located in Earth?
Yeah, sorry for the question dump, but I'm very interested in this universe and I got nothing better to do with my time...
Author's Response:
I'll preface this by saying I'm not going to give numbers. I'm not good at them, and I don't want to commit to a solid, specific answer while keeping that in mind. That said:
Omegas are a single digit percentile of the population. There are not particularly many of them, though there are more than there used to be due to them having families in the last few decades.
There ARE more females than males, though I hesitate to give a specific ratio. Nothing really strange is behind this; it's just how things shook out when they had families.
No counts on Alphas or Betas, though things work on the assumption that Betas do outnumber Alphas by quite a tidy sum.
Most land, they obtained through a combination of barter and simply taking it to establish their foothold. For the most part, though, it'd be safer to just take the fact that they have these things at face value. My interests don't lie on the infrastructure side of things, they lie with the relationship dynamics between sizes, so logistics, for the most part, are not something I dedicate a lot of thought to.
[Report This]Date: June 25 2014 8:57 AM Title: Sisters - Part 3
This has been bothering me about the story: the size differences between each of the types of humans. How much bigger is an Alpha than a Beta, and how much bigger is an Omega to an Alpha or Beta?
Give it to me in real-world dimensions (meters, feet, inches, etc.) or in multiples. Like "an Alpha is x times bigger than a Beta" or "an Omega is y times bigger than an Alpha".
Author's Response:
A Beta averages in at just under 3 inches tall at adulthood. There's light variance, but not much.
An Alpha is basically a typical human. with the size range that comes with it.
An Omega is over a hundred feet tall, typically anywhere from 120 to 166 feet, ultimately giving them human-like variance in their heights. Jenna is 128 feet, Claire is 140, and Melody is 162 (and is actually the 3rd tallest recorded Omega), for example. Ultimately, they're as big to an Alpha as an Alpha is to a Beta.
Date: June 23 2014 2:57 PM Title: Sisters - Part 3
Excellent play by Claire to get Stephanie to open up about her brother and we already see in this chapter that her barriers are slowly coming down due to that doll.
Also I liked the bit of world building you snuck into this chapter. I wonder what other technology the Omega’s are holding back or even deliberately holding back to give themselves more leverage over the Alphas.
Also, grapes :p
[Report This]Date: June 23 2014 7:07 AM Title: Sisters - Part 3
Stephanie's a dam ready to burst. She maintains her sanity through the defense mechanisms her psyche has erected over the years. Claire realizes that she must shatter those defenses for Stephanie to heal properly. However, those mental walls are a testament to how much Stephanie loved her brother. Dredging those emotions will flood Stephanie's mind with unmitigated guilt, unrestrained self-loathing. Either she'll kill herself, or she'll emerge as a completely different person. That's just my prediction at any rate. I look forward to reading your portrayal since Stephanie is my favorite character.
Date: June 22 2014 9:48 PM Title: Imprisonment
Operating under the assumption that the use of force in deterring crime is the accepted norm, I'd think it would be both more humane and effective for the Omegas to intimidate Alphas into compliance before they victimized Betas, rather than after. Granted this would kinda be punishing people for pre-crime, which is generally a negative, but in the event that waiting for a criminal to act has potentially/likely irreversible consequences it makes sense to use a little bit of force to deter an action (saving both parties' lives) instead of a lot of force to punish someone's actions (possibly ruining one to two).
You would think that Stephanie's parents would have acted after she initially started exhibiting cruel tendencies towards her father, especially since it seems obvious (in hindsight at least...) that they were triggered by her brother's death. For all I'm against the Omegas' dictatorship, I'd rather it be a relatively benign one than the current Ministry of Love deal they have going on. Why not talk to or if need be scare the kid straight early, instead of waiting for the time bomb to explode?
It just seems more efficient, especially since the Omegas aren't likely to worry too much about silly little things like parental rights or the ridiculousness of punishing thought crimes... If you're going to run a tyranny you should at least be economical about it!
[Report This]Date: June 22 2014 5:07 PM Title: Sisters - Part 3
The scene in the fridge was a nice bit of worldbuilding. The rest of the chapter is clearly building to something big. Can't wait for Part 4.
Date: June 22 2014 10:51 AM Title: Imprisonment
Oh my, this is going to be emotional. =< I kind of feel bad for Steph. However, I still don't feel that Marion was the major cause of what happened to Stephanie. Closing up like she did is a defense mechanism, as I said before. And it is one I am familiar with. ^_^;;;;
I desperately want to see a dream sequence with Clair accidentally crushing her brother...just to give her a way to fully appreciate what Stephanie is going through. This is an amazing story, keep it up.