I've really enjoyed this story so far. It's very well written, the characters are likeable (Marion notwithstanding) and it does a good job of building up the setting as the story progresses. That said the 'rehabilitation' system annoys me. I know it's there because the whole premise of the story exists to facilitate gts interaction and I don't intend for this to be a criticism of your work but the system suffers from two major flaws. The first being the lack of any apparent sentencing process and the second being inadequate measures to prevent offending in the first place.

More information may be revealed on this latter in the story but at the moment it seems like sentencing consists of Alphas being brought in on charges, Kayla (or other Omegas) reading their minds to find out why they did it (and any previous crimes they may have committed), and then sentencing them to a disciplinary and rehabiliation period with no apparent reference to the reason for their offence. This can be best seen in how our three Alpha characters receive the same sentence for the attack on Corey despite having very different circumstances.

Naomi's reasons for offending seem to primarily relate to her emotional and, to a lesser extent, psychological state at the time of the attack due to relentless bullying from Marion and seemingly willful neglect by her parents and other guardian figures in her life (teachers, extended family etc). She genuingly sees Betas as people and is experiencing immense remorse over her actions (which Kayla should be aware of), sufficient to cause vivid nightmares and at least mild hysteria. At this point her chances of reoffending are already very low and physical abuse is not going to reduce them further. It's one thing to say that sorry isn't enough and that she needs to be punished but quite another to suggest that the sessions will have any rehabilitative effect.

Stephanie is a more severe case whose offending is a result of a serious psychological issues. Her psychological condition means that the sessions are more likely to cause additional psychosis than an acceptance that what she did was wrong. Again I am aware that she is being punished for her actions but surely a system that takes no account of psychological issues when delivery punishments has serious issues with accountability. If the intenion is to eventually release Stephanie into the public they need to deal with her psychosis first. I'm sure Claire will help her throughout this story but the point remains that any progress on this front is likely to be counteracted by the disciplinary actions carried out.

Finally, Marion offends because she's a sadistic bitch with no respect for Beta-life but she seems to have received the same sentence for the attack on Corey as Naomi and Stephanie did. Kayla has made it fairly clear that she will never be released but this seems to be the result of additional sentences to be served after the current sentence is complete, rather than an extension of the sentence itself. If the system is to claim any sort of legitimacy Marion should have received a more serious sentence than Naomi or Stephanie.

Regarding the prevention of offences both Stephanie and Marion had records prior to this offence. Stephanie's record was minor but given her family situation and what happened to her brother, any offending on her part should have raised red flags. At worst it should have raised questions over whether the incident with her brother was an accident. At best it should have indicated the development of psychological issues. A cursory glance into her brain by Kayla at this point (which we know can be done at range), or any other Omega with that particular ability, should have resulted in her getting help, not just for her own mental health but to curb the chance of future offending.

It's even worse with Marion who, despite a history of minor offences managed to hide a total of twelve murders until finally being caught attempting a thirteenth. Although I know this isn't what you intend at times it almost seems like the Omegas don't care if the Alphas offend, so long as they get to punish them afterwards. From Ashley's story it also seems like there is a severe lack of training given to the average Alpha on how to handle Betas and what will and will not hurt them. It's one thing to train perspective parents on raising a Beta child but even the average Alpha should get at least basic lessons on Beta handling if there are going to be 'shared zones'. The Omegas seem to automatically know what will and will not hurt a Beta but they need to remember that Alphas have no such advantage.

None of the above is helped by the fact that Kayla seems content to allow the Alphas to be guinea pigs in her experiments to determine what to do about the sadism of the latest generation of Omegas and that she gave violent offenders to the sibling of the individual they committed violence against.

Anyway, that's my two (or twenty cents) on this story. Again, I've really enjoyed it so far, the above issues are just nagging at me is all.

This feels like reading a novel...in the good way. You know the fetishy stuff is there given the site but at times you really don't miss/notice it when it's gone.

I did get the -big bad with a heart- vibe from Jenna and glad that hopefully at-least Naomi-Stephanie have a decent shot.

I'm not sure how i feel about this "Cosmic force" and the "fire" you keep mentioning. I mean Omegas are already powerful due to their size, was it really neccisary to give them super powers too? And making a random farm girl suddenly gain god-like powers? I knew Omegas were artificially created, but i thought Kayla was a scientist who did it through technology. The first thing I thought when i saw the words "cosmic force" was "What is she a jedi"?

Anyway, do all Omegas hate alphas? It seems like they do what they do as much out of hatred for alphas as love for beta's. I feel like this story is presenting a really skewed view of this world your creating. We don't get a chance to see positive Omega- Alpha or Alpha-beta relationships so everyone comes off as being a racist/sizeist prick...except for betas who come off as angelic victims who just want to be loved. I feel like there needs to be some balance in the world view your presenting.

So many answers and yet so many questions still.

If anything this story effortlessly keeps someone like me interested.

Kayla is difficult to pin down… she’s a very complex character. She’s kind but very controlling. I do like despite all her power she has very clear flaws, like her relationship with her son, whom she must have had with another Omega possibly. When Abigail is reminiscing about the past it appears Kayla had a relationship with Graham that went beyond just friends, though.

I didn’t say it last chapter but I do pity Abigail, she has a lot of emotional baggage and has to deal with splitting herself between work and family. Working under a god-like being can’t be anything but stressful.

Not surprised to hear Corey’s mother abandoned him and left his father. From what was said in Chapter 13, it seems alpha’s that are happy to have beta children are far from the norm. At least he ended up with a loving family.

Now moving away from the character stuff, the “Fire” continues to be a head scratcher. I can only assume when Kayla says the fire is a piece of her, she means whatever energy she wields. The fire also seems to have a mind or at least follows Kayla’s desire to find people who shares a similar mindset to her concerning beta’s, but it’s clear she can make anyone an Omega if go by Abigail.

I’m not sure how the fire is guiding in the natural born Omega’s though. When Claire mentioned that Omega’s feels intense satisfaction helping Beta’s or punishing Alpha’s, is that the fire causing that? And the reason Jenna doesn’t need the fire helping her with that is because she naturally feels that way. I wonder why Melody is different then. It’s a bit confusing.

Ah well, at least we now know why the three girls was transferred out of Jenna’s hands. She wouldn’t have cared if Naomi and Stephanie had the potential to be reformed. Marion being a “treat” for Claire is messed up, but understandable considering what she’s done.