Date: January 29 2014 3:10 PM Title: Imprisonment
Oh ok, that is fine. I was going to be pissed if Claire kept her that way foreve, Stephanie doesn't deserve that, not yet. Oh and did you get my email, might want to check the junk folder of your email. It is kind of important.
Author's Response:
I'll check my email soon, I actually rarely use that email. Thank you for bringing it to my attention, and I'll get back to you on it asap.
Related to the other comment, I did a slight edit to the line I quoted for anyone who reads it and is confused.
Date: January 29 2014 3:02 PM Title: Imprisonment
Well it seems Jenna has her own Beta who got horribly attacked and she seems more brutal when it comes to the punishments to be dished out, I am glad Claire is in charge as she seems to be more professional. I honestly would not want to see Jenna do things to them. She and Claire are so different, Jenna telling Claire to forbid Corey from ever going into certain parts of town is something Claire wouldn't do.
Claire and Naomi's brought her a little closer to learning about Stephanie's accident, she at least knows it has something to do with feet since Naomi confirmed it. And it seems Marion "helped" Stephanie get over the pain, still want to see what Claire does to her and is the shrinking permanent, is Stephanie going to stay small forever?
Author's Response:
Whoops, I probably should have made a particular line clearer. When Claire says "She's going to be like this for another hour or so," she's referring to Stephanie's size. So no, she's going to return to normal soonish.
[Report This]Date: January 21 2014 4:43 PM Title: Imprisonment
Ackbar, such a cool story you have going on here. As you yourself mentioned earlier, you clearly have a talent for world-building. The Omega/Alpha/Beta planet that these characters reside in seems very well fleshed out, thanks to the great details and hints that you drop here and there. The little details you include, such as the mention of Dr. Everett, have me thinking that you've got this story plotted out far in advance of where we are, and I'm excited to see where it all leads.
The only part of the story that seemed a little weak to me was Claire's age and relative maturity. Given the enormous size difference between her and her brother, I find that my suspension of disbelief is severely tested when I imagine the implications of their living together for so many years without any mishaps. It would be so mind-bogglingly easy for her to do some real damage in a fight or an argument or whatever, especially at a younger age, when she had to have been more impulsive. Not to mention that she's also apparently in charge of rehabilitating violent criminals (even if they are a fraction of her size) at such a young age. While the story doesn't specify exactly how old she is, if her brother is graduating medical school, and going by the national average age of a medical school graduate, she'd have to be ~24. I guess my point is, it's tough for me to believe that such a pretty young thing would also be so poised, mature, etc. and for such an extended period time, while also having such huge responsibilities heaped upon her. On the other hand, I think that this can be easily fixed by dropping more hints like you did earlier in the story: "Junior Grade Enforcer with Aegis," etc. If you could somehow emphasize how rigid self-control had been drilled into her from a young age (Jedi knight style or whatever), I think it would improve your story quite a bit.
As it is now, it's still a fantastic story, that I'm very much looking forward to following it.
Author's Response:
Thanks for the comments.
I do have more planned. Once I get through the upcoming interludes I'm probably going to start branching out into some other stuff in the universe, in particular an origin story of sorts and I have a pretty good idea of a story I want to do afterward that takes place after this one.
I understand your problems with Claire's age, and I honestly put a large amount of thought into the issue when I was going over the details. She's actually younger than you estimated, and is 20 (Corey is 24, going into his last year of medschool due to an accelerated curriculum in this universe for Betas). My ultimate decision stemmed from my own personal writing preferences: I enjoy writing about powerful, exceptional people who are capable of extraordinary amounts of self-control and empathy. It's a concept I find myself fascinated with, both in this and my own personal writing.
That said, expect a glimpse at what went into her raising next chapter. I'll just say that Omega schooling is not a place of sunshine and happiness when it comes to the curriculum taught.
Date: January 17 2014 5:19 AM Title: Imprisonment
I just feel so compelled to write another one even though you haven't updated, got some questions to ask.
Claire has mentioned she hates the size disparity but so far, she has largely benefitted from it. Take away the obvious con that is having her brother severely beaten by the Alpha girls, she has on more than one occasion succeeded due to her status as being the largest of the large.
She was able to straighten out her Beta brother, who is probably the size of a small ant to her after she caught him coming home despite him being underage and it really helped him, he was on his way to graduating top of his class and being a doctor before the attack and their relationship is no worse for wear after that.
Secondly, she was able to stop the attack when she caught them because she is an Omega and her size advantage paid off here.
Also, she has the three girls in her custody, they were of equal size would it have happened? She now has her chance to dish out as much payback as she wants or is permitted to?
Is there something else at work here? Did she or Corey have her heart broken by some Beta/Alpha guy or girl? You say she realised in her teenage years that her being so large and her brother being so small was unfair, is there a particular event that shaped her views on the size difference and will we get to know about it?
Also, I suspect that only a small percentage of the population are Omegas with the vast majority( say 95% being either an Alpha or Beta), something just tells me so.
And lastly, Naomi.
I don't think she is pathetic but she needs help, Marion has warped her too much and as a guy who got bullied quite a bit in his younger days, I understand how she feels. Perhaps if all three parties, the three being Claire, Corey and Naomi are ready, Naomi could have a chat with Corey, face to face. She is also a victim but of course, she needs to pay for her actions but I feel for her, hopefully she gets through this with minimal fuss.
And once more to the cute sibling pair, I think Corey is lucky to have such a loving sister like Claire, she did not become some domineering sibling who forces her views on him, she definitely followed her mother's advice to support him instead of just making him an extension of herself, did she ever have a crush on her step brother?
It has worked, he gets to be independent while her lecture to him has put him on the right track without her having to constantly interfere and even if he does screw up, I doubt she will leap in immediately to remedy the situation or baby him.
I look forward to more interaction between the two, hope I am not repeating myself too much!
You defintely have a fan here! Hope you can answer all of my queries, if not most of what you can or want to answer!
Author's Response:
Feel free to comment whenever, I enjoy reading and responding.
Claire definitely benefits from her stature, and she does enjoy those benefits. Her resentment comes from the fact that she essentially has to double and then triple check everything she does when it comes to interacting with Corey (or any Beta, really). Just look at chapter 4 again: An innocent joke on her part ended up scaring the shit out of Corey, because she got too caught up in their sniping and didn't take into account his added vulnerability. The height disparity between the two essentially presents a constant reinforcement that she is better and that he is nothing. Corey even innocently notes this in chap. 4 as well when he compares her to a goddess that allows him to exist. The only reason he's able to deal with that is because Claire herself puts in the work to reinforce the idea that he is not her inferior just because he's so much smaller.
I'll eventually cover a little of what goes into the development of every Omega's worldview. Expect a pretty big part of it in the Interlude afte I finish up with Stephanie and Marion.
Naomi is on the right path. So far she's made the two best decisions she could have made after getting herself into this situation: She sincerely apologized for what she did, and she took up Claire's offer to answer some questions.
I wouldn't say Claire had a crush. There was definitely a bit of hero worship from her growing up though. She respects a lot of the things about him, and growing up she generally considered him a model of how she should conduct herself as a person. It's why she got so mad when he tarnished that image through his underage drinking.
[Report This]Date: January 13 2014 11:32 AM Title: Imprisonment
Thanks for answering some of our questions via storytelling. I DO have more. Are all the different sized beings a result of science, natural evolution, or alien? At first from your first chapter I assumed that Omegas were alien, but with your latest chapter with mention of that respected doctor being the ORIGINAL Omega, it makes me lean towards science experimentation. If not in this story, maybe some future one, you could present this information. I look forward to future chapters and I am curious what this secret project is.
Author's Response:
Covered a liiiittle bit below in my response to angeloflife, but yes, some things will have to wait for a future project. Again, expect Dr. Everett to be an important character beyond this story.
Date: January 12 2014 6:10 PM Title: Imprisonment
awesome so far. I like how you set up the story so we can get the history of the world through the girls community service time, assuming you plan to write them out. Its better than exposition. You also made it so we will learn the specifics of what the girls did over time, instead of just telling us. Its making me really want the next chapter, the mark of a good writer.
However, I hope you have a really good explination how the omega girl can have a beta brother. He's like a speak of dust to her right? how does that even work? Also why would any criminal justice system allow the sister of the victim to punish the offenders?
[Report This]Date: January 11 2014 10:59 PM Title: Imprisonment
Good story so far. Are you going to give us more info about the world this is set in? Why there are 3 sizes of humans? And how an approx. 400 ft tall Omega can be related to an approx 1 inch tall Beta? A little background and how the sizes relate to each other might help clear up some of the confusion I have. I am looking forward to reading more.
[Report This]Date: January 11 2014 5:56 AM Title: Imprisonment
Been waiting for a story like this for a while. Hope you make this"universe"continual. The idea that there are Omegas that are an authority over how Betas are treated really opens up a lot of possibilities. Please keep going.
[Report This]Date: January 10 2014 7:14 PM Title: Imprisonment
I'm curious to see more.
[Report This]Date: January 10 2014 3:43 PM Title: Imprisonment
This is quality. I expect some detailed interaction in the coming chapters, based on the opening intro., I'm sure this is going to be a real trip! ;`)
I like the way they referred to the Beta's, as an 'it'... shows how they treated them without even knowing what they actually did...to the poor little speck.
Lookin' forward to more of this!
Fantastic start, Ackbar!
Date: January 10 2014 3:37 PM Title: Imprisonment
Though this is only a premise, I like a lot of the inherent conflict of the world you've established with this brief conversation regarding the treatment of the races and what it means to be a person. It'll be interesting to see how you explore those themes further when your tinies start interacting with an actual giantess.
Author's Response:
Glad to see it piqued your interest, I have quite a lot I want to do with this, theme-wise, and I hope I don't disappoint.