[Report This]Date: July 07 2014 4:56 PM Title: Cold Realization
Kilowatt, you're a fine writer with a quirky sort of style. I'm not quite sure how to describe it, but your diction and sentence structure and just everything else makes for an odd mix of humorous, formal, and maybe even a bit sarcastic. This certainly helps your first person narrative, because in first person stories every word that is written must build the protagonist's character, and of course it doesn't hurt to have a unique voice for your protagonist. Overall, I think that is the strongest part of this story.
My main bit of criticism would be that perhaps the baseball portion of the story is a bit too long. While I do appreciate the flashes of character we see in the protagonist (generally well-respected, seemingly honorable for the most part), I worry that perhaps too much time is spent with in depth descriptions of the game that might not be crucial, and instead slow the pacing of the story. That being said, I think that it's very nicely done how you've developed this odd dichotomy for Clark, where, as far as I can tell, he's a somewhat honorable guy that you'd expect to uphold his side of the bet. However, he keeps making boneheaded decisions, and these decisions wouldn't necessarily appear as boneheaded if we hadn't seen how Clark interacted with his teammates throughout the two baseball chapters. So it's a bit of give and take, obviously, but my humble opinion is that you may have hit the "too much baseball" end of the spectrum -- especially in light of the initial chapter, where we see Clark is shrunk (a mysteriously shrunken man -- one is grievously injured, no less -- is far more interesting than baseball, even for non-macrophiliacs).
Ultimately though, you've managed to make Clark interesting and likable enough (although he should've just worn the damn hat) such that I'm sure many people will continue to read just to see what becomes of him. I definitely look forward to future installments.
[Report This]Date: May 26 2014 2:40 PM Title: Cold Realization
A very imaginative plot! I've been following this, despite knowing that this would turn badly for the guy. I wonder if he knows that he doesn't have a prayer of winning this one. The girls all seem to be athletic, if their performance in the baseball game was any indication. I hope that the friendship between he and Angi won't allow things to get out of control when he's shrunk. Each of the girls will probably have a turn with him. I'll continue following this for now.
Date: April 10 2014 4:17 PM Title: Cold Realization
Your time has come. that paragraph sent shivers down my spine.
Nice start I'm looking forward to the conclusion of this
[Report This]Date: April 07 2014 9:40 PM Title: Cold Realization
Nicely written.