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Reviewer: EricAFreak Signed [Report This]
Date: April 08 2014 4:24 PM Title: Escape From the Burning Sky Palace

It's good your continuing to properly pace the story.

It's also good to know you fear is still intact, also I kind of knew you were joking, I was only playing along.

I'm just as bad if not worse then you when it comes to chapter breaks, so don't stress on that too much, we all have lives to live.

When I say closure, I mean an action or subplot needs to feel like it's done, finished, or continuing onwards; not just stopping or fading out. In the last chapter they were just barely getting done finishing talking with the natives, and it just ends. Then in the next chapter it skips directly to him entering the cargo bay. For a moment I thought I missed another chapter on the survival training. There was never a single hint that they were returning from training in the previous chapter.

So if you took a long break from the story, as your readers did, waiting for the next chapter, they might get confused. I guess the word I'm really looking for is transitioning, as each chapter can be read alone, the chapters should ideally flow one into another instead with a story like this.

Athena is who she is, but that's the problem, we don't know enough about who she is, so she ends up feeling like a very minor character who should be more important. Her character feels like a center point for the plot to continue but at the same time feels empty. Having a few more scenes, maybe private ones that can show Athena's hidden character, then this chapters portrayal of her wouldn't have felt so wrong.

Chapters can be purposely fast paced, and maybe I was wrong to say you rushed it. I think my justifications for it seeming to be rushed, is the fact the characters and settings of the story up to this point have not been explored enough. Nephila is going to be a star attraction later in the story as they go planet side. But the audience is only ever going to be able to see the Atlantian point of view right now to my knowledge. Mind you all this is opinioned based, and the audience you could be searching for does not just comprise me.

Seeing other points of views, even from unimportant sources, can give the reader other viewpoints of the same scene in different renewed eyes.

Well a re-write is probably not necessary, but bolstering up the story I think would work.


Honestly I think you're doing really well, so take my advice with a grain of salt.

Author's Response:

I see what you mean now. And I must acknowledge that your arguement as legitimate. Though I probably won't end up re-writing. I will however be much more careful with future chapters.

To put it simply, i'll make sure not to upload without dotting my I's and crossing my T's. 

Thanks for the advice Eric, I look foward to hearing from you in future chapters.


Reviewer: EricAFreak Signed [Report This]
Date: April 07 2014 12:21 AM Title: Escape From the Burning Sky Palace

So from now on chapters will be episodic in nature. Not sure if that's your best strategy. Yes break up a story, but keep it relevant. There is such a thing as serialized episodes, in which the episode or chapter has a mini plot but is still part of a main story which continues to progress. That might be better, and almost sounds more like what you want to do.

You only have one fear... You sir, are crazy! When I write I have tons of fears, and those fears lead me to re-checking rewriting and making changes in my own writing to improve it. If you only fear me, you will only cause me to furiously come after you for not fearing your other readers!

Of course I'm going to leave a review, especially when you call me out in front of everyone else....

Now about this chapter. I brought this up last time, but it seems others are also in agreement with me. You take long breaks in between  chapter releases, a common issue amongst writers even myself. Yet you never have any kind of hint or reminders to the previous chapters events. There was no closure to the last chapter, and this chapter just jumps into a new scene without any explanation at all! I thought I skipped a chapter by accident. You do not properly setup your setting. I feel like I'm just randomly walking  in and out of an ongoing play, catching most of it but also feeling like I missed something important.

That all said, every writer including myself is guilty of not always setting things up properly or letting things play out. So this is acceptable, just please don't let it continually happen. And perhaps it would not have felt so awkward if the chapter releases came out closer to one another. But I'm also guilty of that, and many other writers.

Athena in this chapter was a bit all over the place. She plays the scientist, the exposition explainer, as well as the heartfelt mother.

Mike yet again was just be dragged along for the ride while demanding answers, the same which the readers would ask...

Nephilla was there, but it felt like she fell back to square one.

What about those neat insect like race in the cargo bay, or the Atlantians, I wonder what they were doing, what they thought of Nephila's presence etc. Nope lets rush to the exposition. And that's what this chapter felt like, Rushed.

Move the story, along get Mike and Nephila planet side, explain a little about giants, make Mike feel bad, make Nephila feel bad, make the readers sympathize.

In the grand scheme of things, I understand why and for what reasons you released this chapter under, or at least I think I do. You wanted to release it and you rushed to complete it, you felt your audience wanted the story to move along because there was so much pause between chapter updates. You mixed exposition and storytelling in a half hazard way which could have been corrected. You overlooked it as you wanted to release quickly. This was because you felt guilty you hadn't released anything for quite some time. All writers are often guilty of this, even myself.

I just feel if you had waited, re-read your chapter and touched it up it could have been better. Rushing things is how you can ruin a story.

Your focused on fixing your grammatical errors more than your simple storytelling ones. The chapter passes, but I suggest a future re-write or additions to bolster this chapter at the very least.

Now that may have all sounded harsh, but rest assured, the story is still good, and I will continue reading it.

Author's Response:

Your right. The episodic chapters are basically mini-adventures set along the way of the overarching plot. I think people are a little spooked about the word "episodic" but I can assure you that all this means is that there will be sub-plots to push the story foward.

I was only kidding about fearing only you. I'm actually a little afraid of being grilled by everyone.

Can't help the chapter upload breaks. I'll do the best I can, but I have little agency in my own scheduling nowadays. Between work, school, and lifes many other challenges I only have so much time to write. Also I don't really see what you mean when you say there was no closure. Upon re-reading the entire story, I felt the problem is that there might be too much closure. You may have to explain this issue in further detail.

Athena is who she is. She is the only one who knows this information and can explain it, but at the same time, she is also a mother figure to Nephila.

Rushed is a bit harsh. This chapter was purposely fast paced to get the characters to where they needed to be. The incect race was just a little detail I added in to remind people that there are other races in this universe. I didn't consider their feelings important enough to the main plot to be included.

This chapter isn't that terribly broken that a re-write is in order. However, I would not be against adding onto this chapter.


Reviewer: Ancient Relic Signed starstarstarstarhalf-star [Report This]
Date: April 05 2014 9:32 AM Title: Escape From the Burning Sky Palace

Welcome back. It's good to see this story move forward. I like your idea of mini adventures. They can deepen the plot and characters, and develop a rich mythology.

Author's Response:

Thank you for the warm return and the rate.

And your spot on with the mini adventures. I intend to develop a rich detailed universe.

Nephilia and Michael's story is just part of what is to come.

Reviewer: Nostory Signed [Report This]
Date: April 05 2014 1:53 AM Title: Escape From the Burning Sky Palace

Well now that they've flown the coop, things will get interesting. I wonder what are the other main senses of a giant?

Author's Response:

I've done quite a bit of research into human psychology and physiology in the time since the day I conceived of the giants. There are a number of interesting differences they have that will be explored in later chapters. Until then, all I can tell you is that they have more differences than just their emotions.

Reviewer: KazumaR1 Signed [Report This]
Date: April 04 2014 7:36 PM Title: Escape From the Burning Sky Palace

Well shit now that you’ve called me out I have to read this now, don’t I?

Lol I kid

Anyway, things have certainly hit the fan, almost too quickly I think. I don’t think Athena got to be all that fleshed out. It’s interesting to hear the Alantians have become so arrogant and grandiose that they have homes as big as cities and that the giants can become extremely possessive. I don’t know if that’s a good thing or bad thing for Michael lol

Interesting to see where this story goes now that Michael and Nephila are planet side and Michael is powerless.

I’m not so sure about the episodic chapters, I guess I’ll have to see how that pans out.   


Author's Response:

I do believe you called me out first if I remember correctly. 

Athena never got the chance to explain how obsessive they can get but I can assure you that it is a two edged sword.

On the subject of episodes. Think of the episodic chapters as mini-adventures as the two (and eventually four) of them travel in search of the axiom. The main plot will never be far removed from these storys, and with the exception of a few multi-chapter specials they will all end with the main characters continuing their quest.

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